We’ve all done it. We go on social media and what we convince ourselves is going to be just a “quick check,” turns into a jealousy and inadequacy session. We see everyone doing what we wish we could – living their dreams, creating, traveling, making money, going out, dating our exes, getting engaged, looking flawless, procreating, evolving, progressing, doing SOMETHING… while we’re paralyzed in the cement of our Groundhog Day life. We’re too scared to make a move because our existence has become that of distrust, regret, “what if’s,” shame, and zero confidence. The anger arises because we’re stagnant and unable to kick the fear. This provides the perfect storm for a complete lack of self-love, which then leads us on a lifetime search for friends and lovers to “complete” us; to see in us what we are unable to see in ourselves. We no longer wonder how to be fearless because fearlessness is about as attainable as getting a suntan in the middle of the night.
I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret…
my ENTIRE LIFE I have lived in fear.
I didn’t accomplish an echo of what I could have. I was scared sh*tless and wasted so much time convincing myself that a, b & c needed to happen before I could fully take action.
I was scared of rejection, scared of abandonment, scared of failure, and even scared of success and happiness. I was scared of being “found out” (because I lied about everything to compensate for not feeling like I was enough). I was scared of being heard, scared of being judged, scared of speaking up, scared of getting into trouble, scared of getting dumped, scared of creating anything, and scared to bank on a self that I had no love or respect for.
And because I was so scared, I could never make a move in my life. Everything was plagued with indecision. The pen was then willingly handed over for others to write my life story (and of course, they’d write whatever fulfilled their selfish agenda).
I was the girl who relied on the opinions of others to make the moves for her.
If I ever had any little inclination of interest, passion, or inspiration, the cynical audience in my head would immediately shut it down.
I didn’t know how to be fearless because I had developed a codependent relationship with fear.
I was scared of the world doing to me what I had been doing to myself my entire life. I had abandoned, failed, judged, silenced, and dumped MYSELF.
I can’t tell you how hard I tried. I tried so embarrassingly hard to appear fearless and confident.
I was exhausted from emotionally running and obsessed with telling everyone how far I had gone.
Yeah, I may have run a very far distance, but I was on an emotional treadmill. While I had definitely ran a distance, I hadn’t actually gone anywhere. I was too scared to run on the emotional ROAD because the road was scary – I could fall, the weather conditions were unpredictable, the road could be uneven, I may get lost, I may be wearing the wrong clothing, etc. So, I became an emotional treadmill runner – someone that was way too proud to show everyone the distance she had gone and then, lamented about how tired she was (even though she hadn’t reached any real destination).
This gave me a license to remain in a state of fear-based paralysis. I had no idea how to be fearless.
Bottom Line: No matter how hard you try, if fear, anger, and a lack of confidence reside within you, you’ll never have a chance at truly realizing and living your dreams.
You’ll just continue to run on that self-imposed treadmill until one day, when you’re too old to do so anymore, you’ll be so riddled with regret, that dis-ease will manifest within your body from thinking about the life that you robbed yourself of.
The moment I figured out how to be fearless was the moment that I started building upon my dreams, realizing them, and living them in the most gratifying and unapologetic way.
Here’s how to be fearless, confident and start living your dreams.
(Not for the New Year; not for the holidays, not when you lose the weight or get that job… NOW)
All people who have achieved greatness are fearless. I used to think that certain people were just born fearless or had mastered how to be fearless early on. Or maybe they were just born with a talent that was so good, they never had to be fearful because they were that good or that beautiful or that rich.
I was wrong.
EVERYONE experiences fear. I am honored to coach some of the most well-known people in the world and I can assure you, they have as many fears as the next person.
One of my favorite quotes: “The richest place on earth is not Dubai, it’s not Beverly Hills or the Hamptons, it’s the graveyard. The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.” – Les Brown.
If you want to know how to be fearless, here’s the propellant you’re after…
- Realize that we are ALL dying of a terminal condition. It’s called LIFE and to my knowledge, none of us are going to make it out alive. Think about it – within a matter of decades (which will fly by faster than you can blink), everyone you know is going to either be ashes or 6 feet under. What’s not going to matter: that you got knocked down. What’s going to matter: that you got back UP and RAN with what you learned on the way down.
- I promise you, you’ll never be at the end of your life one day, wishing that you would have taken LESS action. I’ve dealt with a lot of loss in my life and take it from me, don’t let something as devastating as a diagnosis or an accident propel you into action. We are ALL terminal. YOU are terminal, right now. Make the decision now to RUN on the ROAD of life, not the treadmill of your insecurities and fears.
- Whatever you get and achieve in this life will always be in DIRECT proportion to what you are willing to tolerate. Guess what? YOU are the C.E.O of Y.O.U. Treat yourself like you’re running the most important business because YOU ARE. Start minding your own business and let others mind theirs. Tighten up your terms and conditions. Decide what needs to go and what needs to stay. Construct a code of ethics for your business. Remember – EVERYTHING that you’re scared of the world doing to you is everything that you’re ALREADY doing to yourself. Make the decision to delete the self-sabotage from YOUR business mantra. You are the only one who has access to that eraser.
- Realize that the “right time” to take action will NEVER come. Get off your emotional ass and CREATE the right time by acknowledging that the present moment is the ONLY time that we are ever guaranteed. USE IT. I promise you, I have epically failed at SO many things, but you know what? I didn’t let it get me down. I took action.
- How to be fearless: OWN and HONOR your hunger; get rid of the entitlement. It wasn’t until I honored the feeling that I could never have a boss, that I got hungry enough to create something and become my own. “Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t.” – Unknown. I can’t tell you how much I’ve given up, passed on, and bowed out of because I’ve been too busy building my brand. The reason why I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this is because I truly don’t feel like I’ve passed on anything. Why? I finally stopped passing on MYSELF.
- Understand that by making the decision to face your fears and ACT upon the discomfort of stagnation, you will achieve that unapologetic confidence by default. Confidence will no longer be this unattainable “project” that you have to keep working toward (and failing at). You’ll just HAVE it.
How to become fearless = becoming more dissatisfied with staying on the treadmill, than you are of getting OFF of it and on the road of ACTION.
When you look back on your life, you’re not going to remember that one day long ago when you were reading this blog post.
You’re going to remember this moment, this monumental moment, where you put your mind to something and took massive action.
You’re going to remember THAT.
I don’t want you to remember me and what I write. I want you to remember the one person who has been forgotten for far too long: YOU.
The only thing that can disempower fear is using the emotion of fear against itself.
USE that feeling to motivate you into a hunger for BETTER.
You have the opportunity of a lifetime: it’s called LIFE.
You CAN do this. It’s only one decision away.
Let’s support one another and do this together. If I can do it, so can YOU.
+ If you need further and more personalized help, please look into working with me here.
There are no words to express the appreciation I feel for your insightful ability to reach inside the fearful tissue of ones being (my being) and describe the sublingual nature of emotional stuck-ness, in what feels like a tar pit much like an unfortunate Woolly Mammoth might have happened upon and succumbed to.
Where self perception is that of a 74′ Pinto but in reality there’s a Porsche GT 3 RS sitting in your chair.
Your words are beautiful – You are beautiful!
It takes one to know one – you are a beautiful soul and an extraordinary writer! All my love and thanks to you Wyatt.
I am Convinced– as a writer, you are Divinely Inspired.
XOXO thank you Jeanette.
What more can I say! You and your blog changed my life!
I can’t wait for your book to be released and every person in this world will hear about Natasha Adamo. I have no doubt that 2017 going to be your year. ?
Every word in this post touched my heart. Thank you for being you! ?
I’m honored to have helped. Thank YOU sister! xx
Spot on again Natasha. Fears have been in my drivers seat for so long. In EVERY aspect of my life. From, my ex is having the BEST life without me by going out and dating, traveling, living life with no fear (Sadly that is in fact true and I’m “stuck” at home every night living a boring life). Our ending took a lot out of me. I was so outgoing and fun to be around. Busy busy busy. Now I have so little confidence. Now I fear I’m becoming a Cat lady. Although I have dogs. No cats. Lol
I am taking baby steps. Well, they’re actually crawls at this point but with this blog?, I hope to be able to stand and walk with long strides. I don’t like to read about others being in pain but selfishly I feel comfort knowing I’m not alone.
Thanks Natasha ?
Thanks Lori! 🙂 I’m happy it served you. You are understood, loved, believed in, supported & far from alone. XOXO
This actually just made me cry. Thank you.
You are loved and supported Taylor xo
Thank you for this blog. It’s EXACTLY what I needed to read right now.
Thank you. ?
That makes me so happy to hear! 🙂 Thanks sister!! xo
? you Natasha super sister . And to all of you out here
Thank you so much for this and everything else you’ve ever said here’s to 2017. We are all in this together .
Now let’s go out there and make some dreams happen .
Couldn’t agree more! 🙂 Love to you sister; thank you for being a part of this tribe. XOXO
Great article Natasha. As always, you speak to my heart and mind. xxxx
🙂 thanks sister! xxxx
One word….Amazing! I just started reading your blogs last ight, after a heart-breaking breakup, of course. You’re my hero!!! ?
Thanks sister 🙂 so happy it helped! You’re not alone. XO
“EVERYTHING that you’re scared of the world doing to you is everything that you’re ALREADY doing to yourself.” UGH, yes. Think I’m going to be internally repeating that to myself for a while. I’ve read this post before but that reminder really caught my eye this time around. Surrendering to the fact that I only control myself, surrendering to acceptance of everything I don’t control, so that I can start to actually LIVE instead of living in fear 24/7, has been a repeating continual process for me. Having to contend with myself is exciting, nerve-wracking, disappointing, healing, confidence-boosting, but the constant feature in all this has been pain. I feel like I process it more than dwell in it most days but it just plain sucks (stating the obvious, I know). I am thankful though for being able to feel, think, and speak to myself in a very different way now when a twinge or tsunami of pain comes my way. And grateful as always to have your words to turn to, Natasha ??
Thank you thank you <3 I am just as grateful for you Amy 🙂 Love you xx