Estimated reading time: 9 minutes
In light of the holidays, I wanted to discuss the best gift you can ever give yourself: having enough self-respect to cut people off who make you question your worth, lower your standards, and feel terrible.
Whether it’s with friends, an ex, or even family… Cutting people off is one of the most difficult things to do. Especially if we love the person and realize that we miss them while still being in a relationship with them. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever missed someone while you were still in a relationship or some kind of one-sided communication with them? This usually happens when the other person has revealed who they really are and because of that, all of the toothpaste has left the tube. There’s no way to put it back in and your gut knows the truth. Being selectively deaf and blind to your instinct is no longer an option because it’s the only thing that you have left to trust.
When it comes to cutting people out of your life, I’m never going to insult your intelligence and tell you the types of people that you need to cut off. Your gut can sense a toxic person and a toxic relationship. If you feel emotionally drained, abused, manipulated, devalued, deceived, like you are hard to love and respect or, like you need to lower your standards to be in a relationship with someone…
You should consider cutting them off. Their patterns have handed you the scissors.
When it comes to cutting people off, patterns are the best compass as far as how to proceed. Words mean nothing without action backing them up. And just like actions supersede words, patterns supersede action.
Everything you ever wanted to know about cutting people off can be found by examining their patterns. Actions are great and all but remember… ANYONE can do something chivalrous. Anyone can book a flight, buy a ring, send flowers, write a card, apologize or physically show up. Anyone can be sorry, but do their patterns show and translate genuine remorse (or are you getting more selfish regret and mistaking it for genuine remorse)?
Take a mental step back and look at the bigger picture – at their patterns. It will allow you to separate the emotional nostalgia tied to isolated romantic actions from the TRUTH of their patterns.
When it comes to cutting people off, for me personally…
The moment someone’s patterns show that they don’t want the best for me, I cut them off.
When their patterns dictate that their ego matters more to them than I do (or ever will), I cut them off.
Sometimes, you can’t physically cut someone off. You have to work with them, go to school with them, or even worse… you are related to them. By implementing healthy boundaries, you can emotionally cut them off. They will no longer get to reap the benefits of an emotional connection with you. And by having your own back, you’ve disabled them from ever again permeating to the point of depletion.
Sometimes it’s clear and more black and white but other times, it’s not so clear.
If you are thinking of cutting people off in your life, here’s how to do it with your dignity intact…
- Keep in mind that if you have to debate whether or not to cut someone out of your life, that in and of itself is a pink flag at best and a red one at worst. And flags are not there for you to put your rose-colored glasses on so that you can be blind to their color. They are there as signals to ACT in light of the sheer self-respect and love that you have for yourself.
- Explaining your side of things is pointless with toxic people. They are incapable of communicating outside the selfish filter of “convenient victim,” that they view life through. Explaining why you are hurt, upset, and announcing that you are going to cut them off, etc., is nothing but caviar for their ego. Starve them of the abundance that is YOU by acting on what you’ve been exposed to.
- Realize that you are not dealing with someone who is ever going to logically level with you. You are dealing with a creature of triggers, and enough insecurity, self-hate, and narcissism to get you to the point of using the scissors that their patterns have handed you.
- Remember that being in any kind of emotional and physical contact with a toxic person will obliterate whatever respect and love that you have for yourself. YOUR pattern of putting up with them and giving out chances like Halloween candy will translate to them that you value you as little as they value you (and themselves). You have to feel extremely small and insecure to behave in a way that a good person decides to cut you off. Remember that.
- By being the training wheels for anyone who is toxic, you become just as toxic. Toxicity is as contagious as the flu. This is why you have boundaries. They are there to protect and strengthen your emotional immune system.
For most of my life, I’ve peacock’d my exits. I thought I was so strong and badass. Now, I look back and wish that I would have done what I’m telling you to do. I wish I would have had the courage to give myself the gift I am asking you to give yourself this holiday season.
The gift of cutting people OFF.
Instead of writing a list of everything you want to buy or resolve in the new year, first, write down who needs to be cut off.
It’s great to want new furniture that matches the beauty of your home. The thing is, until you take out the trash, the trash will continue to detract from and ruin the furniture in your home – no matter how new or top-of-the-line it is.
If you feel guilty for cutting people off, that’s just a sign that you need to keep your boundaries intact, keep having your own back, and keep loving yourself the way you loved these people. The guilt will be replaced with peace (and eventual indifference) the moment that you truly believe you deserve that new furniture and value your home enough to take the trash out.
The years it took to rebuild my dignity weren’t worth it. They weren’t worth the delusional high of momentarily having the stage in an amateur hour play that I was always a disposable character in.
I thought I was so strong and assertive when in reality… I was weak, hellbent on not being abandoned (again), scared, reactive, and totally non-responsive.
Reactivity is rooted in un-dealt with trauma. Responding is rooted in action.
Whenever anyone disrespected or hurt me, I would lash out and try to checkmate them through emotional mafia theatrics. Then, I swore I was done. I’d cut them off.
I soon found out the price that investing in the emotional mafia came at. My reactivity caused something I could no longer afford.
Drama.
Drama that mind f*cked, broke, and damaged me MORE than the relationship I had not-so-gracefully exited. Drama that had a dangerous ripple effect of occupying prime real estate in my head, heart, and life for months (sometimes years) following.
As I got older, I realized that there was a better way to cut someone off that not only kept my dignity intact but built unconditional confidence. Whether it was a toxic friendship, romantic relationship or a toxic family member, I realized that the best thing to do was to just walk away. If I couldn’t walk away physically, I could walk away emotionally by accepting who this person had revealed themselves to be.
And the more I walked away, the less I cared about what others thought. They didn’t know the whole story nor were they entitled to know. I KNEW the truth and that was enough. It’s a lot harder to gossip about someone’s dignified action than it is about them getting off their white horse.
When it comes to cutting people off, there is only ONE way to do it: walk away – physically and emotionally. Completely ignore them.
- Every time you miss and think about them, replace that thought with redirecting your focus BACK to their PATTERNS – what they did and how their selfish actions made you feel. Allow yourself to feel anger if it comes up and use the fire that the anger ignites to propel you out of your pain contraction (instead of burning you to the ground).
- Don’t diagnose these people. If they were capable of actually hearing you and empathizing, they wouldn’t do the things they do to EVERYONE (not just you, no matter how much it may seem so), on varying levels. They don’t care about the articles you send them or knowing that you think they’re narcissistic, emotionally unavailable and empathetically bankrupt. They care about themselves and their agenda. If they didn’t prioritize that, you would not be reading this post still. You can’t take people more seriously than they take themselves.
- Never gossip about them. Ever.
- This requires discipline, but you are strong enough to do it. Completely disregard these people. If you don’t disregard them, how are you any better than what they did to you? You’re just the one torturing yourself now. The most powerful people in the world are the ones who do not care to be right, to “win,” or have the last word. They simply fold when it comes to emotional bed sh*tters. Nothing is louder, more powerful, or classy than silence. It’s the ultimate white horse move.
- You never need to give these people advice. Giving them advice not only shows that you still care, but it translates that you actually think they are capable of listening and having an empathetic transplant on the spot. Not going to happen. They will never get it or understand on the level that you deserve.
- When it comes to cutting people off, stop looking for them to give you closure. True closure comes when you make the committed decision to actually use the scissors they handed you – instead of keeping them in your pocket to cause further injury and pain.
Your goal each day should not be to perpetuate the mental loop of “how could he/she?” Your goal is to run with the knowingness of “he/she DID. And so, I rightfully folded. I refuse to feel guilty for taking out the trash.” Repeat this until you feel peace infiltrate because it WILL. In time, you will become more protective of your peace than you are interested in reacting to the bs.
This isn’t easy, but you can do it.
Your mind will try to bring them back to life by remembering who they were in the beginning. Extinguish it on the spot by reminding yourself of who they are NOW and who the f*ck you are today: someone they can no longer mess with because they no longer have access to.
– Natasha Adamo
Are you done with toxic relationships and ready to attract (and be attracted to) healthy relationships? Do you want to connect with others on a deeper level than the comments below? Click here to become an Emotional Mastery Member and learn more. If you’re looking for more personalized, one-on-one help, you can work directly with Natasha Adamo here.
Recently i decided to cut off my ex friend with benefits. Ok, I know friends with benefits relationships are basically doomed from the start but this was not the reason. We came to a point where we were really open about our expectation in a plausible relationship and found ourselves incompatible. Fine. It was good for both. Because we were even. On the same level, and honest. But then one day out of the blue, while texting, he came out with a really really bad thing about me, probably because of anger (an anger that I still do not know where it came from). It is something that in Italian we call “cattiveria gratuita” which literally translates into “ free bad saying”, you know, just for the only purpose of hurting. As you said, there is no point in explaining to these people so self absorbed why that hurt me. I tried and end up with him thinking I was so into him I could not stand his refusal, which was actually mutual and was okay with it totally. So I decide to end this drama and leave him in 2018, he does not deserve my 2019 or any other year.
Thank you for everything Natasha. I think you’ve been one of the most precious thing in this year where my life totally changed. I started it completely wrecked by a break up with an emotionally unavailable guy and I am ending it now in a very happy place with my confidence and my dignity intact. Part of it is because of you. I wish you and your loved ones all the best.
Xoxo from Italy
Ps. Might consider an Italian cooperation next year? 😉
Ciao Elena!
Yes, I know what that means/translates to. I am so sorry that you’ve had to go through this but proud of you for taking your power back, flushing the crap, and doing what is best for YOU. I have family in Italy and would LOVE to come back to Italy one day soon. I would love to do a speaking engagement/workshop there and of course, get to meet you in person 🙂
Thank you so much for taking the time to share, for being a part of this tribe, and for being a sister on a soul level. I am so honored to even have played a small part in your healing and realizations. You are never, ever alone. All my love to you Elena. I hope that you had a Merry Christmas and I am so happy you are staring this New Year off right – On YOUR terms. XX
Natasha, you have NO idea how much I needed to read this in this exact moment! I fell off my White Horse and agreed to meet my toxic assclown ex tonight, whilst I’m in town. He broke up with me in a heartbreaking way, and I think he wanted to meet up to say “goodbye” in person. He also said there are things he’d like to tell me face to face. I can only imagine what things there are…. it certainly wouldn’t be an apology or remorse. I decided last night I couldn’t go through with it, and texted him saying I was unable to meet.
It’s now 6:30 am in the morning, I’ve been awake 36 hours (I’m a flight attendant and just flew from Australia to the States…..long shift) I’ve been stressing about my decision all night, tossing and turning. I wanted to meet up with him if he was the wonderful man I fell in love with. I dreaded sharing a meal with him if he was the emotionally unavailable toxic asshole he unfolded to be…… I was very conflicted and I knew if I cancelled dinner, we would never meet up again. Part of me wasn’t ready to accept this fact.
I turned my hotel light back on to check my emails and there was yours, a message sent to me by my spirit guides for sure!
Thank you soooooo much for the reality check….. I need to get him out of my head once and for all, and your post will help me enormously.
Bring on 2019 and a fresh start. Best wishes to you Natasha, and everyone in our community.
Mai x
Hi Mai,
I can relate so much with wat u r saying. I am in the same boat. I have been riding my white horse and suddenly he called in the morning and I just got upset n replied bitterly, that is, i reacted when he acted so cool.
I was desperate and wanted to text and apologize and I know from there on, it was only my hope to get things on better tracks. He too is emotionally unavailable and has never been there for me n wud always let me down while I have been there all the time… he wud b all happy n easy going with his gang n routine n wud think of me only when he is stressed out n need help…I accepted his BS in the name of love…
I was to succumb n thank god this mail reached me on time.
We r blesssed to have this tribe!
I am the lucky one to have you 🙂 I love seeing this love and support!!
Thank you Natasha …your advice & understanding is a blessing….very helpful
I live to give everything that I wish I would have had.
Thank you for your kindness, connection, and support Deme <3
Mai,
YES! YOU GO GIRL. I am happy that the post helped!
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing. I know the feeling because I have been in this same position before. You did the right thing. When we are not fully healed and indifferent, sometimes we get a bit of an emotional hangover from acting in accordance with a level of confidence and assurity that our heart and triggers have not yet fully caught up to. You did the right thing – He already unfolded and showed you who he is. And even if you met and he was the guy that he was in the beginning… That would just confuse you more and be even more of a mind f*ck because you’ve already seen just how bad it can be. Get some sleep and just know you are loved. Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and a New Year as beautiful and incredible as you are. Love you sister. xx
Thanks Natasha for this post.
It really hit home. I have been currently, I admit it finally, in a toxic relationship…it’s been 2 long years…
I never felt special, valued or important with him. I always gave excuses to justify his actions but fact is, I had no real place in his agenda. He is emotionally unavailable and the only person he cares for is HIMSELF.
I can just go back n see the patterns…his n mine. I feel pathetic and so not proud of myself. I feel like beating myself up…what did or do I lack that I bore so much crap from a man who has nothing, not even good looks! Lol…
Since a week, I have reached my patience n my limit threshold. For the first time I have not succumbed and accepted his shallow excuses and get in his bed. Today we were just some few km away, I didn’t contact him. Something that not so me! I felt empowered…but when I came home, depression took over me…like u say I still have feelings for him..,I can’t just switch it off…n the temptation to just text him to hear from him was really very strong. But just in time ur mail popped in. YOU SAVED ME NATASHA.
But I have a very trying day tomoro. I am seeing him in a meeting. I so want to go confidently and cool, without showing him my emotions …he is shrewd and he knows wat I feel for him…I want to go to the meeting and come home with dignity. And I am trying to prepare me mentally for that. Please pray for me that I dont succumb, that I do not get affected in case he plays the dirty trick of ignoring me to get me upset…
I will come back here tomoro..,hopefully to tell you that I am so proud of myself that I left him high n dry after the meeting and he clearly didn’t know wat hit him…lol…if not I guess it will b time that I reflect on my self esteem, self love and boundaries…
See u.
Happy holidays to u and to the tribe.
Hi Hemlan!
I am so happy that the post helped 🙂 How did it go?? Happy Holidays to you too. You are so loved and supported. xo
Thank you Natasha for a much needed reality check during this holiday season! Your articles have been life changing for me over these past few months, especially as I wrap up 2018 leaving behind one-sided toxic friendsh*ts that I thought I needed in my life. This past year has been challenging but I know sweeping away the “crumbs” will create space for new blessings next year!
Happy holidays to you from the PNW!
YES.IT.WILL! Thank YOU Katie 🙂 for your support, love, and connection to my pain and experiences with this all.
I am so happy to help and hope that we can meet in person one day soon! This is going to be your year – You flushed and the sh*t is gone 🙂 XX
“They weren’t worth the misdirected and delusional high of momentarily having the stage in a f*cktard-directed play that I was always a disposable character in.” wow – nailed my relationship with a former friend. While she claimed I was only around when it was convenient for me (far from the truth), I ALWAYS felt like I was disposable to her, because I was.
Michelle, I have so been there too. Happy that the post helped. When I was writing that line, I LOL’d 🙂
This was much-needed and thought-provoking reinforcement Natasha. I agree with everything you said.
Another parameter I would include when considering whether to cut someone off: what is your own role in facilitating the undesirable dynamic with the other person? Identifying what role we play is difficult. I’m reminded of a quote from John Entwistle about Keith Moon: “A lot of times when Keith was blowing up toilets I was standing behind him with the matches.” Hindsight has allowed me to recognize that I’ve handed the matches to a lot of people who have then blown things up (behaved toxic-ly). What does it mean, then, to “hand someone the matches?”
We hand someone the matches when we repeatedly choose intensity over intimacy in our relationships.
If your toxic partner annoys you (as he/she invariably will because toxic people can’t help but trespass over your boundaries) and you calmly tell he/she “I don’t like it when you [do this toxic behavior]. It makes me feel [devalued, etc.]” – that is intimacy. You’ve shared something about yourself and your feelings, which (should) improve the listener’s understanding of who you are and your boundaries. And importantly, you’ve avoided judging the other person and attempting to control them.
Contrast that with what I have often done, which is to choose intensity over intimacy. I lead with a judgment of the annoying behavior (“Your behavior is atrocious and narcissistic”) and then an overt bid for control (“if you don’t stop this, I don’t think we’ll be able to continue the relationship.”). I’m trying to get my partner to stop their toxic behavior – but I’m fighting toxic behavior with more toxicity.
Fighting toxicity with reciprocal toxicity will inherently lead to escalation. To borrow a paradigm from the nuclear arms control literature, using shame, judgment and threats of abandonment in interpersonal arguments is a (misbegotten) attempt at “escalation dominance.” We’re attempting to signal our partner that regardless of how heated the argument becomes, we will be able to “win” so they should “give up” (and behave in a way that makes us comfortable). The problem is that when cutting the other person off is part of your consideration set, that weapon is emotionally nuclear, and managing conflict escalation when nuclear weapons are involved is perilous. We usually end up climbing every rung of Herman Kahn’s ladder (in an emotional sense).
Cutting people off, in the responsible way you outline here, is still nuclear – but instead of “escalation dominance” it reflects the principle of “flexible response” – which is to deny confidence in the adversary’s ability to win. We don’t have to threaten, judge, shame or control if we’re being emotionally abused – we can always choose to walk away. But before we reach that threshold, I think it’s useful to wonder whether our own behavior is inherently escalatory to the intolerability of the relationship dynamic.
This was interesting Brandon.
I love Natasha’s post but I do wonder whether I pushed my ex away and caused his frustration and withdrawal. Maybe I should have accepted him for who he was (non-affectionate, selfish, impulsive) and not get so irritated by it. Maybe my irritability was the match?
He had a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder but I’m very careful not to blame him entirely.
I do cry daily though knowing his new girl is with him now he’s in a better and more settled place in his life ??
Hi Lily,
The tricky thing about what I wrote in my comment is that it can tempt us to take on more responsibility than we should for what others say and do. I am sorry that you are hurting. When I’m hurting, I’m usually trying to do anything I can to not feel that way so I’m often willing to take on more responsibility for what others say and do because that gives me the illusion of control. Natasha and Lorelle have written many times before – what others do and say is their stuff. We may invite them to do and say those things with our own behavior, but ultimately they are responsible. So, please don’t take what I wrote to mean that we should be quick to shoulder blame for unacceptable behavior from others.
You mentioned acceptance…it’s an extremely powerful tool. It’s a magical serenity-inducing potion for any intolerable situation. But I think acceptance should be deployed in a manner consistent with our values. We do not have the power to change others, BUT we do get to choose what kind of relationship we want to have. Our needs matter. So if you needed a social partner and he wasn’t, it’s okay to be dissatisfied with that. You don’t have to accept it, because if you did you’d be ignoring your own needs while, signing up for a situation where you felt compelled to behave “perfectly” to coexist with that person. It’s not sustainable, and the most logical response is to do as Natasha suggests and cut that person off.
You have inherent worth. If your ex has found happiness in a new relationship (and there’s no guarantee he has…we never know what’s really going on between two other people), then it’s because he is with someone who likes being with an antisocial person. But if you don’t like being with antisocial people, there’s no reason to mourn the loss of that relationship. It would never meet your needs or be fulfilling. Be nice to yourself.
Hi Brandon,
Thank you so much for taking time to reply. It was a great comment about acceptance but not ignoring our values.
In terms of my ex’s “antisocial personality disorder” it’s an actual diagnosis, not just a personality trait. It affects a persons behaviour but it can be hidden at the start of a relationship. I guess I stupidly am hoping that he will unfold to reveal his true self rather than have learnt from mistakes and improved himself for the new relationship. I deserved his accountability and effort ?
Hi Lily,
My understanding of antisocial personality disorder is that it’s difficult to treat and unlikely to go away. Ergo I’m sure your ex’s problems remain, and if they do, being free of your relationship with him is addition by subtraction. Whether he finds happiness with someone else is irrelevant – the important thing is that you’re free of being in a relationship with a personality-disordered person. Cutting off all contact with your ex and his life (as Natasha writes about here) is the self-loving thing to do.
<3 <3 <3 Agreed.
Just when I think that it’s not humanly possible to love, respect, admire and agree with you any more than I already do… Thank you.
Brandon,
YES YES YES! What an incredible addition to my post 🙂 Thank you! I could not agree more and the way you express yourself… I am just speechless. Your comments, additions, and input mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I love you so much, my dear friend. xox
Hi Brandon wow everything you said just aligned with so much about how I feel about toxic relationships. I often used to get angry and badmouth the other person and talk about all the ways they had wronged me, and the other party always do the same. So then there’s this period of trying to figure who had really wronged who and I was starting to realize that both parties play a part and realizing my own role in toxic relationships and how I had to take responsibility. Do you have a blog or website I’d love to read more of your insights. That was just the most helpful thing I’ve read all year. And so is this site! It is really informative and beautiful. I’m trying to pull myself out of my own toxic relationships and it is really really hard. So trying to learn new strategies and new ways of dealing is hard. So I love that this site offers no bullish*t perspectives and advice. Thank you so much!
Wow. Thanks Natasha. Another fantastic post ? Your strength is infectious, I bloody love it ! I’ve done the cut off it instinctively felt right. The guilt started slightly when I got texts that she missed me ( friend) I said I was busy. I’m godmother for her child and I am dreading the prospect of going to deliver the gift ! I want to retain my distance. I absorbed everything you said in this post and what stuck was putting ourselves first, when I look back I stuck around too long ! Thanks for your wisdom and inspiration ? I wish you and your a family a lovely holiday ???XXX
So happy it helped! Thanks Jules 🙂 That’s a tough situation but I know you’ll stay on your white horse and maintain healthy boundaries. I believe in you. Wishing you and yours a Happy Holidays too and a beautiful, peaceful & healthy New Year. All my love to you sister. xxxx
Hi Natasha, With the Holidays upon us, this is exactly what I needed to read. Explaining to Toxic people who can’t communicate and play the victim of how I feel was completely pointless because they just didn’t care. I still struggle with how I handled things at the end, but I accept that today and have taken responsibility for that. Obviously I have to create my own closure because I can’t get it from that person , but it still boggles my mind eight month’s later how I was discarded like trash and given the silent treatment. I know it’s not me and that person self sabotaged and ran, but it still hurts. I pray for indifference because this has been the biggest mind fuck I have ever been through. I definitely need to remind myself of her actions the last few month’s of the relationship and the fact that I couldn’t even get five minutes of conversation with a woman I gave a hundred percent too along with her child that I cared about. I need to be empathetic, compassionate and caring to myself, but still wish the best for her because I really don’t want to carry resentment. Here’s to indifference in 2019. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Brandon – I see a lot of what I went thru with my ex in your post. I can feel your pain my friend. I wish I had the answer for you and some words of wisdom. All I can say is that there is no easy way thru this. You have to give yourself time and understand that everything she did had NOTHING to do with you or who you are. Yes she did self sabotage and run. Its easier for them to do this when they can’t face the mess they created and the people they have hurt. We are their mirrors as Natasha says and they can’t stand their reflection. We are the truth they can’t face or deal with or take responsibility for. Understand that she will never be at peace with herself or find true happiness inside until she accepts herself for who she truly is. And no matter who she is with she will keep repeating the same patterns. You deserve better…. we all do!!
Big hugs Brandon . You are never alone here.
Hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
xxxxx
#whitehorsewarriors
I love this <3 Thank you for existing Vicki. My Mom sends her love and deepest condolences to you for your loss. We love you. #whitehorsewarriors
oh Brady… I’m sorry. I meant to type Brady not Brandon in my reply to your post. ?
Brady,
I was thinking of you when I wrote this and I hope you know just how much your comment has/will help and inspire so many to forgive themselves and stay strong. You are not alone in this and by sticking to No Contact, indifference WILL begin to set in. She discarded you because she has already discarded herself long before you came into the picture.
I am so grateful for you and feel so blessed to know you Brady. Merry Christmas to you and your family too, my friend. You are so loved.
Natasha I can’t begin to tell you what a godsend finding your blog has been! You just get it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your experiences & for creating this amazing supportive tribe ?? Merry Christmas!
Thank YOU Alisha for affirming that I am not/was never alone. I am so happy to help! Merry Christmas to you and yours. Love you sister. XOX
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Natasha!
This is an amazing post. I am post 2 months of leaving the job and him behind. It had been over for a year, but knowing I will never hear or see him again brings me peace. I left with my dignity intact. I said bye to everyone including him, and we wished each other good luck. And that was it.
Best of luck to him, his new wife, and the women he decides to use. I’m no longer one of them.
I am focused on other things now, although I do wake up from nightmares about him. Nightmares where I texted him or asked about him or tried to find him, when I awaken it is such a relief to realize I did not actually do this. Almost like PTSD? This might be an interesting topic you could help shed light on.
Anyway, thank you for being amazing and sharing your gift. I wish you and this tribe peace and health and happiness in the New Year!
xox Christine
Merry Christmas Christine! I am happy for you that you have left him and that job behind. Wishing you nothing but good things and peace as you move forward.
xxx
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Thank you Vicki!
I wish you strength, happiness and healing in this New Year!
Hi Christine!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too sis 🙂
I’m so glad that the post served you and yes, I have been there with the dreams. Hopefully this helps:
https://postmalesyndrome.com/dreaming-about-an-ex/
Thank you for being a part of this tribe and for your continued love, friendship and support. It means everything to me and I hope that we can meet in person soon! xoxo
Natasha – I have read this post many times and it brings me to tears. I don’t know why this is so hard for me to cut off the things and people in my life who have hurt me or who have been toxic in one way or another. I guess I keep telling myself that there is still some good in them… or that they don’t mean to be the way they are? As you have said in another post that we can’t hold onto what people’s intentions may or may not be. We have to look at their actions and who they have proven to be time and time again. Maybe its fear that makes it hard to let go of them completely. Like somehow they will change and become better if I stop caring and walk away? How silly is that! I know we don’t have that kind of power over people… but still this is where my mind still goes… the “what if”.
So much has happened over this past year plus. My life has had many heartbreaks and disappointments and I don’t know how I’m getting thru it but I guess everyday brings new hope. Maybe its my faith that things will not always be the way they are forever…
I have had a lot of time to think about changes I need and want to make that I have been putting off for too long or made excuses why I can’t. I am working on that. There are goals I have set for myself that are attainable if I just get out of my own way.
You already know how much I love you and this blog. This place has saved me many many times from falling of my horse. I carry your words with me inside. They are reminders when I need them and comfort when I am feeling lost.
I wish you and the tribe love and peace this Christmas.
We all have got each other here. No one is ever alone.
xxxxxxxx
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#whitehorsewarriors
Vicki, I am in tears. Thank you, just THANK YOU. I love you too and am looking so forward to that lunch with you, my Mom, Lorelle, and Linda.
I will write more on how to take the edge off of the pain of having to cut people off. It’s something that I used to really struggle with.
Thank you for being such a light for us ALL. I think of you every day and am sending you so much love. Believe in my belief in you and keep going toward your goals. Love you and hope to meet in person in 2019 🙂 xo
Sometimes I just really need your wise words to keep staying on my white horse. You NAILED IT with this post. Thank you, Natasha! I could copy / paste it all but this….
THIS! It proceeds it ALL:
Keep in mind that if you have to debate whether or not to cut someone out of your life, that in and of itself is a pink flag at best and a red one at worst. And flags are not there for you to put your rose-colored glasses on so that you can be blind to their color. They are there as signals to ACT in light of the sheer self-respect and love that you have for yourself.
All of the confusion is suddenly CLEAR! You don’t have to “wonder”….
And I’m reminded of a quote from another one of your posts that I saved – “You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened….. or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” – Tupac Shakur
I have moved on…. but in rare weak moments, when I find myself looking back, I have posts like these to remind me to keep looking forward and KNOW that I’m choosing a better future for myself and the people in my life by cutting the toxic people out of my life for good. Even if they “cut me out” first, I can cut them out EMOTIONALLY. And that DOES make a huge difference in how I live my life and respect myself even if they never know. I loved your peacock example lol…. that was totally me BEFORE. The white horse exit is so classy – I’m sticking TO IT, thanks to YOU… and our tribe! ?
LOVE YOU KP! 🙂 So happy that the post helped and endlessly grateful for you. Thank you for being here and for being you.
YES! This is going to be YOUR year. So proud of and happy for you. xox
Hi Lily!
Thank you so much for taking the time to share and for your love, connection, and support – It means everything to me <3 Thank you for being a part of this tribe.
I am so happy for, inspired by, and in awe of you. Truly. You HAVE boundaries and you had the willpower to do what most could not and close your own door when you are in the most emotionally triggered and heartbroken state (especially around the holidays). You are never alone.
Thank you for existing and for being the light that you are. I have an incredible PDF/Audio course on No Contact if you ever need one, but it sounds like you got this 🙂 All my love to you soul sister! xx
I read this post when it first was published and I’ve come back to it again and again. You just hit the nail on the head with every.single.word. I’m so close to the ‘holy grail of indifference’ that I can taste it and it feels incredible! Of course there are some days I still feel invested in this person, but the majority of the days I can look at him and the situation with clear eyes and not through the romantic filter I had for so long. It has taken a llooonnngg time to get to this point….if I looked at myself 1, 2, 3 years ago I would have never thought it possible. Your blog is honestly the driving force behind it. When I was feeling low or doubting myself, doubting his manipulations and I had no where and no one to turn to, I would come back here and read. And reread. And feel so empowered and confident by your words. I can’t thank you enough Natasha! You have such a gift and I hope for continued success for you in the future, it is so deserved! Xxoo
Dear Natasha,
My relationsh*t ended in an apparently nice and “friendly” way, ie no fights, no tears, no blaming each other, nothing. If and when he texts or even calls (because I think he will, more sooner than later) is it okay if I reply them in a superficial way? Does this still comply with cutting them off if I keep it all just polite but never personal? Will they get the vibe? It’s super important for me that they understand I don’t want to get involved with them ever again and that I’m okay with being civil with each other but nothing more than that. I wouldn’t like them to read into my cold replies that I just fell off my white horse.
Thank you!
xx
This is something that I have known for years. It’s so difficult to take the steps to cut someone off. I wish I could just wake up and not feel anything for them anymore. My whole situation explained here, all my exact feelings and experiences. It saddens me to know that we have been doomed from the start. That I have given so much to this person for eight years of my life. I’ve invested. Sometimes you just got to count your losses and move on because in the end they drain you completely. They kill your light.
You are not alone ??
??
XOXO
Hi Natasha,
Only when I feel my friends have heard enough do I start to google questions like “how to get over my ex”. I’ve been in a long term relationship for 4.5 years and we’ve been separated now for 10 months. We were going through it months before he moved out, I would feel anxious in our silence, I felt I couldn’t come to him to talk because of his lack of empathy, I felt emotionally drained, he wouldn’t look for me to be intimate I felt completely closed out of his life. We tried therapy and that was a big step for a military man with a closed mind. He warned me that nothing that would be said there would make him change. He would watch me cry or turn on his side and go to bed like a baby. I got so used to it I would keep all my feelings to myself and make sure to walk on eggshells. Besides him being emotional he’s a great guy, we trust each other and had our own lives aside from each other.Prior to this ive only experienced toxic relationships which meant lies and infidelity. This one was different, we had our own friends, our own hobbies and he stepped up to help with my 11 yr old daughter who loves him as her father since her biological father is not in the picture at all. The last straw was when he told me he wanted to transfer to a new state and my daughter and I were invited, but either way he was indeed leaving.That didn’t sit well with me on top of everything else. How was it that after years of being together, moving without us is even an option. I couldn’t continue emotionally investing in someone like that, especially when I was already feeling alone. I told myself I would try everything possible before leaving and I did. We remain friends and it didn’t take long before those lines got blurred. I tried dating someone for 2 months it didn’t work out and I went back to him for comfort. I expressed that I still loved him and maybe we can try again, he said to give it time. It’s been 6 months since then and time has done nothing but made me hold on to hope. More than ever I am exhausted, confused and emotionally drained. Reading your blogs validates my feelings more than what I have ever read. Today I am giving myself time to grieve and cry but also read, learn and empower myself. I am ready to take care of myself and put myself first. I am so grateful to have found you. Thank you,
Kathy
Hi Kathy!
Thank you for taking the time to share. Thank you for your love, connection, and support. You are doing the right thing and I’m so happy that the post helped 🙂
It’s time to put yourself first. You will never go wrong with having your own back and making the committed decision to not settle for crumbs.
You are loved, supported, backed, believed in, understood, and never, ever alone.
All my love to you Kathy. I hope that this finds you and your loved ones safe and healthy <3 xo
I just found your website and have devoured so many of your posts. You are brilliant, spot on, and provide active, real advice about the challenging emotions we feel when someone we deeply love disappoints us beyond words. Yet you find the words to help heal, to help us feel like we are not alone, and to remind empaths that we will survive some devastating blows to our hearts and souls. Thank you for your truth. It has helped so very much, from the bottom of my heart.
From the bottom of *my* heart, thank YOU, Michele.
There is nothing I could write back that would even begin to express how much your message (and the love I feel behind every word) means to me. It’s what I live for.
Thank you for being a part of this tribe and THANK YOU for being YOU. xoxx
Your article has been really good for my brain and soul, I have to read it often to remember I did a good job cutting off some people from my life. Two persons I really loved and considered good friends failed me some time ago and They didn’t show real regret , despite of I explained them how they made me felt ( I did it more than once). Not empathy… just excuses… I acepted their “apologies”.. But I couldn’t see a real regret. ..One was worst than other….but anyway both toxic. The worst one doesn’t live where I am living so avoiding him is easier ( Just to make it clear: he doesn’t live in my country, but he had a terrible behaivor while been here… and He was welcomed at my home as part of my family and I helped him in eerything I could… too much to explain…it makes sad to think about it)…I just stopped to answer his messages when I noticed he was not really aware about how awful he behaved with me …. And the other “friend”, I can’t avoid her because mutual friends ….but I Just keep a distance…and I called her when her father get sick and passed away this year. mostly because I know her family and her mom is a really lovely person…but it’s no the same…now there is a wall between us….It’s like She were just an acquaintance now. Knowing she was using me to tell lies to her family just killed all the little trust I still had on her…. ( She had already showed that she was not intresting in our friendship anymore) I hate lies.
I was having doubts…if I was right cutting them off, It has been in my mind for so long, because I know them since years ago , but after reading your article I understand a lot of things.
I am in a fase of my life where I am trying to find myself again, battling with anxiety and making a lot of changes…and toxic people shouldn’t have a space on my mind. Thank you so much for writting this …I hope you and your beloved ones be safe in these crazy times.
Maria,
I am so happy that this post helped! I have been where you are and I still find myself in a place of anxiety when I’ve made changes (or know that I need to). You are not alone.
Thank you for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe. Love you, soul sister.
And thank you for your well-wishes. We are all healthy and safe. I hope that this finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. What a year. XOX
Hi Natasha, I’m really thankful that I found your blog. This is really what I needed to read. I do want to cut this person out of my life, but I want to change my phone number because I know that I will be tempted in so many ways if I know he has access to me (even though he doesn’t call very often). Would this still be considered as cutting someone off with dignity or would it be seen as a very abrupt move and create unwanted drama? I can imagine that they would be angry with me and hate me… but then it doesn’t matter anymore does it… The last time I talked to them I was friendly and seemed happy, and made plans (although I’m sure they wouldn’t have happened due to them flaking) and to suddenly cut someone out like that after we had a nice conversation, I’m not sure what that would do. I’m sure they probably wouldn’t care.. it might even be a relief…who knows.
Hi Melanie!
I’m so happy that the posts have been helpful! Only you know what’s best for you but I can’t imagine how changing your number and protecting your mental health would be a bad thing. I would consider this as dignifiedly enforcing your boundaries. As long as you aren’t doing this to play games (which you’re not) and to preserve your mental health, there is nothing wrong with it! And who cares what anyone thinks 🙂
Hello Natasha,
I have recently cut off an ex. We worked together, it was two years of mild, friendly flirting before we dated. We had created a friendship first and had a created a nice bond (or so I thought) in our short relationship. However I soon realized he was just love bombing me the first 2-3 months. Then suddenly became very mean, nasty and distant. Almost like I was a sudden annoyance to him. Then it felt like we were strangers. I soon realized the timing all lined up with a cute very young (1/2 his age, he’s 54) new employee that had started and he worked incredibly close to her. Then the serious in my face flirting began. Soon after all that he trying to string me along I completely broke it off with. I was devastated and also soooo mad at myself for not seeing all the red flags in the beginning and opening up to someone who didn’t deserve my affections. I know deep down he is not sorry for how things went down and ended on such a shitty note for me. Working together has really made this a struggle, I don’t get privilege of having the out of sight out of mind. He is here and a constant reminder and she too. I have blocked him and unblocked to just block him again but for good this time. I also don’t say a word to him while at work and think of him as an acquaintance because I know if we spoke it would be filled with bullshit. That angers me and I’m okay with that because it helps me keep my distance. I have been considering moving out of the state for some time then he came along but now I will be following through with my plans. Your article is an inspiration to keep my head up and keep that man blocked!! Thank you and I look forward to reading all your others too.
Nicole,
YOU are the inspiration, my friend! Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I’m happy that the post was helpful.
You are doing the right thing. Stay on your white horse, keep having your own back, and just know that you are never alone. Head high and blocked! AMEN!
ALL my love to you, soul sister. xox
Sometimes, you have to CUT OFF an entire toxic family, when they have become emotionally abusive!
I am detailing my painful experience here, so that others who face similar situations will know that sometimes, you MUST cut family ties when family members transgress all protocols of decency and respect, or when their behavior becomes particularly cruel and wicked toward you and/or your family. WHEN YOU NO LONGER SHOW UP TO
BE ABUSED, THE ABUSE STOPS.
1.This year, I learned that my late mother’s siblings and my first cousins cut off our family in March, when the eldest sibling of nine children died. On March 2, one of the siblings–Aunt “Rose”– called to inform me that her eldest sibling–my aunt “Veronica”–was dying and had been placed in hospice. She spoke with me for about two hours, relating what happened with her late husband’s dysfunctional and evil family, how they had mistreated him in life and death, etc.
She then gave me my cousin’s cell phone number and told me to call her. When I asked her if she wanted me to call her later (after she had flown to the home town where Veronica still lived), she told me no, she would keep me informed. I called my cousin “Tina” and spoke with her. She essentially repeated what my aunt had said, and indicated that she had spoken with her mother, who told her she was “ready to go.”
As I had always had a good rapport with my aunt Rose, I did not suspect anything was amiss. I did not hear from
this aunt or any of the remaining four siblings the entire week, so I naively assumed that my Aunt Veronica was still alive. It never occurred to me that something was wrong. I never heard from my cousin Tina ever again.
2. Imagine my shock that Saturday–March 7–when I received a FACEBOOK link on my cell phone. When I clicked on this link, it led to a glowing tribute to my now DECEASED Aunt Veronica! The link and tribute to Veronica had been placed by one of her brothers, my uncle Jerry. It stated that Veronica had passed on March 4. I then placed Veronica’s name in the Google search engine, which immediately produced a detailed obituary. Veronica had passed away on March 3,mthe day AFTER my aunt Rose had called to inform me that Veronica had been placed in hospice. No aunt, uncle or first cousin EVER called, texted or emailed us that Veronica died.
3. The obituary stated that the funeral would be Saturday, March 7. By the time I read the obituary that Saturday evening, Veronica’s service had already been held at her church that afternoon, and she had already been interred. I tried calling my aunt Rose, another aunt, and Uncle Jerry that Saturday evening. No one picked up their telephones to answer. I was forced to conclude that our family had been deliberately cut off, and NOT ONE of the five remaining siblings of my mother’s family EVER called after this to inform us that Veronica died! No one texted or emailed us
that Veronica had died, NOR did were we informed about the funeral service.
4. After I worked through the emotions of shock, hurt, betrayal–and great ANGER that my brothers and I had been treated as if we did not exist– I concluded that my mother’s family had collectively decided NOT to inform us of Veronica’s death or her funeral rites. I decided that I would return to my mother’s family what they had given us–COLD, GLACIAL SILENCE. I reasoned that, since their egregious, cruel behavior was extremely bizarre
and “off the chain”, I would immediately cut all communication with them. This gave me a sense of
peace, since I already had closure that my aunt Veronica had passed away.
5. Five days AFTER my aunt Veronica’s funeral and burial, aunt Rose decided to call my phone. I did not answer.
Two days after that, my uncle Nestor decided to call, leaving a message about “what do you think about this coronavirus?” I did not answer. Nestor has since called several times, but I have never answered, nor do I intend to.
On Easter Sunday night, aunt Theresa called, leaving a message on the house phone that she was “reaching out.”
(This was over a month and a half since Veronica’s death.) On April 26th, another cousin wrote on my FACEBOOK page that “you are loved and appreciated.” REALLY? My next surprise came when my cousin Tina (daughter of Veronica) mailed a copy of the funeral service bulletin to me. I received this on April 30th, almost two months
AFTER my aunt’s service. The bulletin was professionally printed, with beautiful color photography and photo collages of my deceased aunt with her family. When I read the obituary inside the bulletin, I received another
shock, when I saw that the three pre-deceased siblings–including my mother–WERE NOT MENTIONED ANYWHERE IN THE OBITUARY, although the our deceased grandparents WERE LISTED in the obituary. (This was a family of nine siblings, and my mother and two of her brothers had already passed away.) A small note had been placed inside the bulletin. It began with this sentence:
“I apologize that I did not inform you of my mother’s passing.” There was no explanation given as to WHY she
did not inform me of her mother’s decease. Again, I was forced to conclude that our family was NOT CONSIDERED WORTH INFORMING OF MY AUNT’S DECEASED, and all had transpired to KEEP US AWAY FROM THE FUNERAL.
6. After venting with friends, I concluded that, although I could forgive the transgression of my mother’s family,
I COULD NOT FORGIVE REALITY! The reality was: my mother’s family collectively decided to cut us off from
the knowledge that my aunt Veronica had passed, AND WE WERE NOT WANTED AT THE FUNERAL. I concluded
that this famous meme is true–“They burn the bridge, and wonder why you don’t come to visit!” I have no desire
to communicate with them, as they no longer deserve to hear my voice; nor did they ever care about our feelings.
All “family feeling” or sense of “family connection” left me in March, and I concluded that they all died to me the
week they decided to cut me and my brothers off. I have no interest in hearing any excuses, explanations or lies
about WHY we were simply ghosted. I shall NEVER communicated with these people again in this life.
Diedre,
I am in tears typing back to you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for shedding light on this and helping *me* feel less alone. Thank you for taking the time to share. Your comment hit me very hard as I have experienced something very similar; almost identical. I love you Diedre. Thank you for being here, for being YOU, and for being a part of this tribe.
I do not have a big family at all. Thank you for being my family.
Lastly, I have a post on toxic family members. Hope that helps. All my love to you. Here is the link. xox
https://natashaadamo.com/toxic-family-members/
Im not sure if a Man can reply here…but YES we go through the same thing too, especially when we are really trying to invest in a Woman with oir TIME, energy, and feelings!
Im so glad I found your article, it was right on time as I am dealing with a situation with a Woman I care about, but im seriously thinking about cutting her off before I get myself hurt.
We just recently had a situation on our “date night” in which she totally disrespected me, and didnt understand my point of view of why here actions were disrespectful in the time it happened.
And in the week or so since the situation, things have gotten a little awkward between us, now our communication is breaking down rapidly.
I also think we have waited to long to really sit down and discuss face to face about what Im feeling and why im so disappointed in her.
But it all goes back to what you wrote about when you mentioned “The Patterns!”
Are there are some patterns here…some pink and some red, but Im concerned.
I cant tell if some things with her are a lack of current understanding, or just the results of all the toxic relationships shes been in and im so different in every way to what shes used too as far as my personality…yes, including my skin color!
We have already had situations with her “ghosting” that we have never addressed, and shes never had a man with a strong personality and doesnt need here to “fix me.”
She has mentioned that I am intimidating because I am so different…but in my mind in about her, im about building with her, im about investing in her.
I had another female friend im close to who actually his a Behavioral therapist in a Corrections department tell me that if she runs…just remember that the situation really had nothing to do with you!
There is alot more to tell, and it would take so much typing its not feasable…but the BIGGEST thing that originally got me on board to have a mindset of building something with her is that she said she was tired of picking the wrong guys and was ready to finally make a chance and do something different!
She talks about and knows her problems stem from going after the dudes she has to “fix up” the dudes still living at home, dudes who dont have shit and need her..etc, etc…basically she chooses LOSERS, and even one dude had a serious drug problem.
So when I say in the EXACT OPPOSITE of every man she has dated…i mean opposite!
Now i know humans can do some wierd stuff when we let our minds take us places…but its almost like she cant handle the situation between us and I think she may just sabtoge or ghost me AGIAIN…but the answers are right i her face.
But it took my friend and Your article for me to realized like damn…maybe I should cut this now and save myself from future heartaches!
Its hard when you see the potential in someone and I dont even think she sees it in herself with some of her past relationship mistakes.
But niw its making me feel like im not high value, like im not doing enough….im just feeling bad!
Thank you for this powerful article, im going to read it like 20 more times for clarity!
Hi Greg!
OF COURSE, MEN CAN COMMENT! What I write about and put out into the world does not discriminate against age, gender, orientation, or stage in life. I’m so happy that this post was helpful; it’s what I love for – to give everything I wish I had.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share. By doing so, you are helping countless others (who may be too shy to comment) feel less alone.
Thank you for being a part of this community.
Thank you for YOU! Keep listening to your intuition, your incredible friend, and also, this blog is always here for you! All my love to you, friend!
I love this I subscribe in order to get emails on this. I had to literally cut ties from my own family members going no contact to low contact with them. Always trying to manipulate this by involving other people to be in my business. I did myself a better job I left a marriage where they was always disrespectful and meddling causing problems by telling other people private and personal things going on. Trying to use as many people possible to try to belittle or make me appear small and my ex husband as of he could do no wrong and everything was my fault. After years of being attack and kept up all through the night behind these people calling me out of my name as I was making plans to work and save money to leave my relationship and to get away from they’re toxic influence and need to gaslight me mess with my mental health is when things began to go downhill for me. Depression hit and the abuse and disrespect continued. People acted as if it was normal because it was family no in fact very dysfunctional and bad not only for my ex husband but for me. A half sibling that I hadn’t seen since the age 7 manage to sabotage any future possibly of us ever being around each other by being very verbally abusive and nosy along with a half brother. Not only my gut but others along with God was telling me that I needed not to be around these people and to cut them off. You see I owe them nothing but myself everything a job, good health and mental health along with a peace of mind and people who will respect that family gets no free pass by using you as a doormat as they disrespect you. You will never regret walking away from such people and like in my situation maintaining this distance and standing your ground knowing you have always had the right and freedom to choose not to be around them nor to tolerate their disrespect and bad behavior in which they know is wrong is how you take you power back and will even be able to meet brothers and sisters from another mother who are healthy and not toxic and dysfunctional. Love yourself enough to cut them off and walk away you can always find a healthy and positive support system away from blood trust me. Try it and see what the world will bring you nothing but the good. Never allow toxic manipulative family members cause you to develop a trauma bond or an attachment by manipulating you into keeping in contact with them or keeping in touch. You are loved by a God that will replace what they chose to take advantage of by causing all kinds of disrespect if you never stand up for yourself you will always get ran over by your family. Mine was so toxic they would find other people to act out their toxic behaviors on their behalf because they are so toxic they like to believe that they must have the upper hand even if you walk away from their drama they are never the victim if you choose to walk away truth me. Not guilt or shame is ever needed behind leaving those type of family members behind in fact you will find yourself when you. Becoming a happier, Peaceful and more functional you.
April,
Thank you so much for having the courage to share in regard to a topic that many are ashamed to open up about. There is an incredible guest post on this blog about Toxic Family Members. I also recently wrote on one Toxic Parents.
You can search for them in the search bar. I hope they are valuable continued reading.
Thank you for being you and for being a part of this tribe.
All my love to you, soul sister. xox
Whew, girl! That was great.
Most of the time when one decides to cut people from their life it’s looked at as mental health issue. Nah – I’m trying my best to prevent a mental health issue from arising.
The older I get the smaller my circle has become (it’s a dot these days). I immediately recognize red flags majorly because I have been able to address and mitigate my own issues. Although I have compassion – “I ain’t Jesus”. That is one mantra that brings me peace when I feel obligated to put up with someone else’s piss poor behavior. And people seem to be very aware of the pain they cause! So I’m not writing a long 3 page text explaining why your not invited to experience this glory any longer.
I now have cut almost everyone from my life – not that I had any great relationships to begin with. I also have distanced myself from my parents (just cause I love them doesn’t mean I have time for their sh*t, mKay?)
In the past I’d find myself pouring into others and not getting much in return. Energy is like profit and many would use me like a stimulus check when their emotional bank account had negative funds. So I decided to take inventory and much of what I had in my closet was outdated and out of style. *off to the goodwill*
My decision to cut others off is not accompanied by dark lonely nights in the house. Oh baby, it is accompanied by increased self knowledge and adoration, a physically fit body, sobriety (everyone I knew was on some hard ass drug to cope – and my life isn’t at all bad to where I need to be hi all day) moving to a new city, excellent clear skin, a sensitive spirit that is more open to divine intervention and not human validation, empathy for MYSELF, oh – and I just bought me some roller bladesssss!
Although it can get lonely sometimes (I’m human yawl) it’s not gut wrenching to the point where it becomes paralyzing. I have fun with myself! Truthfully I get annoyed being around people and their drama pretty quickly. I love being able to say “ok, byeeee”.
So I second your advice – cut they assess offff!!
A-M-E-N! Your energy is infectious! Thank you for being you, for taking the time to comment, and for being a part of this tribe. I am cheers-ing you with my cocktail from here 🙂 xo
Oh boy, I needed to read this ❤️❤️❤️
So happy it helped ❤️
This is divinely inspired. The fact you’ve been able to put into words exactly how I feel and exactly how to respond is really miraculous. Thank you, Natasha <3
Thanks from the bottom of my heart, Nikolas <3
How long does it take before someone leaves you alone after no contact? i haven’t responded to my neighbor’s emails, texts or anything for 3 staright weeks plus another week andwhile he has slowed down siginficantly. he even msgd me yesterday asking “why are you ignoring me?”
well, i did not respond. the guy did cancel on me last minute and made up lies as to why he culdn’t go to a game i spent over 200 dollars on that i would not have gotten and clearly stated to him 5 weeks in advance that i need a commitment.
he also manipulated me into paying for fixing a bike that broke while i was on it, but actaully he guilt tripped me into even going on the ride. the breaks didn’t work, he knew and didn’t care. it was night and put my life at risk if you think about it.
and then on top fo that. he constnatly texts me about going for a stroll with him even ondays i tell him i am not availitle, including when I told him i was at a funeral.
is there a ceratin amount of time before they just give up?
Hi John!
I wish that I had the answer and that it was that formulaic but it’s not. So sorry you are experiencing this. You’re not alone.
Thank you for the post. It really came at the right time. You have such wise words and wisdom. My situation isn’t so much of a serious relationship or friendship but it is affecting me emotionally. I am dealing with a bizarre but tough scenario. I have an intense physical attraction/crush on a person who I found out was already in a relationship. So, I was hoping for a friendship. We always have a friendly banter but the red flags are there. He showers me with compliments but he is also good at BS and false promises. He says he will text me to hang as friends (on multiple occasions) but never does. Obviously, he is not interested in any sort of friendship with me. When words and actions don’t match, it demonstrates lack of integrity. The pattern is demonstrating lies and dishonesty. So, thanks for asking us to take a step back and look at the pattern. When the physical attraction/emotional connection is so strong coupled with the constant compliments, it can cloud our judgment. I have to cut this person off cold turkey. It is going to be hard but I need to do this for my own peace and self respect. I believe it will save me heart ache in the long run.