Emotionally unavailable people are incapable of introspection. They have a lack of self-awareness, an abundance of relational needs (that they can’t reciprocate), and because they are unable to tap into their emotions, they cannot empathize nor do their words match their actions. They are also, the hardest people to get over. The highs are very high and the lows are extremely low. If your ex is emotionally unavailable and you are now wondering what emotionally unavailable men do after a breakup, here’s what you need to know…
While it definitely helps to identify the patterns of emotionally unavailable men, the traits of emotionally unavailable men, and what about your past keeps you attracted to emotionally unavailable men, what you really want to know is something that is rarely discussed:
What exactly do emotionally unavailable men do after a breakup?
How do emotionally unavailable men feel after a breakup?
How do emotionally unavailable men deal after a breakup?
We’ve established that emotionally unavailable men are empathetically bankrupt. And because they cannot put themselves in anyone’s shoes other than their own or tap into their emotions, they are not capable of mutual and connected relationships.
So how do emotionally unavailable men react after a breakup? Are they any different now that you’re gone?
It’s tough because you’re trying to mourn the death of the soulmate he was in the beginning, while still hoping that the toxic person he has proven himself to be, will somehow “miss you” enough to revert back to the decent guy, who, only acted like he was capable of empathy and emotional connection to get what he wanted. That probably involved promising you a future that was never backed up by action, lying to you, disallowing you from ever feeling secure in the relationship, cheating on you, and making you feel like you were never enough.
As far as how emotionally unavailable men feel after a breakup, we obviously want them to regret what they did, miss us, fight for the relationship, blame themselves, apologize, and be plagued with remorse. You have to realize though – if he’s unavailable emotionally, he will never do any of the above with any level of authenticity because he’s disconnected.
After a breakup, emotionally unavailable men will do one of many things:
- Victimize themselves by blaming you and telling their sad story to anyone with a set of ears (& preferably a set of boobs).
- Try to be “friends” so that they can hopefully reap all the benefits of being in a relationship with you, without having to commit to anything other than leaving the door unlocked for your answered booty call.
- Immediately move on to someone new (rebound), because if they get a quick ego boost, they won’t have to deal with the wreckage of what they put you through. Or, they’ll go back to an old, familiar, and tolerant flame.
- They’ll try to push your buttons and make you jealous in any way that they can.
- They’ll ignore you when you break no contact and reach out. They’ll make you feel crazy after you react and then, all to quickly and calmly, remind you that the relationship is over.
- They’ll go off the radar and then announce a new, “multi-million dollar” business venture on social media, go on a trip and Instagram the sh*t out of it (completely out of the blue) or do anything to “look-at-me-now-give-me-attention-likes-and-comments” to prove that NOW they’re back on the market and back to the “real,” successful and go-getting them. The “them” that they couldn’t be with you because you weren’t good enough (I’m laughing rn because I’ve actually done this so many times myself after a breakup. It’s so dumb).
Do Emotionally Unavailable Men ever feel like they “lost” you after the breakup? Is this even possible?
The only way that they will ever feel like they lost you is if you do something you’ve never done – stay on the white horse and actually get lost; disappear from their lives. They don’t know what to do with silence, non-reactivity, no opposing force, and someone who has limits and dignity.
Ignoring an Emotionally Unavailable Man. Does silence make a man miss you?
Yes. But not in the way that you want and deserve. The missing that they feel is rooted in selfish regrets – not genuine remorse.
Do Emotionally Unavailable Men feel ANY remorse after a breakup? Do they become better guys?
To have remorse would require empathy and they have none.
As far as becoming better and changing… profound change takes a lot more than switching up Instagram filters and updating your story. It takes three things:
1) A desire to change that is NOT rooted in narcissistic panic because they’re at risk for losing their “supply.”
2) The ability to take responsibility, be vulnerable, and introspect.
3) The ability to view yourself and your actions in a not so positive light.
Profound and lasting change takes time.
Is he happy? How can he be happy?! I’m miserable.
Happy people don’t f*ck over other people. Plain and simple.
You can’t be a happy person and miss someone who consistently hurt and devalued you. Conversely, you can’t be a happy person and lie, cheat, devalue and hurt the person you’re supposedly committed to. Like always attracts like. Let people make their own bed. There’s no point in ever making someone else’s bed, especially when yours is a mess. Once yours is properly made, you won’t care so much about finding a bed to make. What once was an uncontrollable urge will now seem pointless to you because it IS.
Bottom line: If you’re emotionally unavailable, you’re never really, truly experiencing the kind of authentic joy and happiness that we were put on this earth to feel. You are unable to partake in the joy of being.
Not having an emotional life of your own and looking to others to validate you is no way to live. You will continually attract the wrong types of guys and become unattractive to the good guys out there (yes, they are out there).
The best thing you can do is realize that you are your own validator, champion, and relational savior.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your breakup, please look into working with me here.
All Emotionally Unavailable Articles
This is a complete list of articles I have written on Emotionally Unavailable.