Emotionally unavailable people are incapable of introspection. They have a lack of self-awareness, an abundance of relational needs (that they can’t reciprocate), and because they are unable to tap into their emotions, they cannot empathize nor do their words match their actions, which contrasts sharply with emotional availability. They are also, the hardest people to get over. The highs are very high and the lows are extremely low. If your ex is emotionally unavailable and you are now wondering what emotionally unavailable men do after a breakup, here’s what you need to know when a relationship ends…

While it definitely helps to identify the patterns of emotionally unavailable men, the traits of emotionally unavailable men, and what about your past keeps you attracted to emotionally unavailable men, what you really want to know is something that is rarely discussed:

What exactly do emotionally unavailable men do after a breakup?

How do emotionally unavailable men feel after a breakup?

How do emotionally unavailable men deal after a breakup?

We’ve established that emotionally unavailable men are empathetically bankrupt. And because they cannot put themselves in anyone’s shoes other than their own or tap into their emotions, they are not capable of mutual and connected relationships.

Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men

Understanding emotionally unavailable men can be a bit like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. Emotional unavailability refers to a person’s inability to engage in emotionally intimate and fulfilling connections. These individuals often exhibit certain characteristics that make forming a deep emotional connection with them challenging.

Definition of an Emotionally Unavailable Person

An emotionally unavailable person is someone who struggles to form and maintain healthy, intimate relationships due to their inability to connect with their own emotions and the emotions of others. This emotional disconnection can stem from various factors, including past trauma, low self-esteem, or a lack of emotional intelligence. Emotionally unavailable individuals often find it challenging to engage in emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and empathy, which can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection in their relationships. They may appear distant, aloof, or indifferent, making it difficult for their partners to feel truly connected and understood.

Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Person

Emotionally unavailable individuals often have a hard time with intimacy, both physical and emotional. This makes it difficult for their partners to feel truly close to them. Emotionally unavailable people tend to be uncompromising and self-centered in relationships, often disregarding the needs of others. They might avoid making long-term commitments or shy away from discussions about the future of the relationship, leaving you feeling uncertain and insecure.

Another hallmark of an emotionally unavailable person is their emotional unresponsiveness. They may struggle to empathize with your feelings or respond to your emotional needs, making you feel unheard and unimportant. Self-centeredness is also common; they often prioritize their own needs and desires over yours, leading to an unbalanced relationship. Inconsistency in their words and actions can make it hard for you to trust them, as they might say one thing and do another, leaving you constantly guessing.

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Recognizing the signs of an emotionally unavailable partner can help you understand the dynamics of your relationship better. Here are some common indicators:

• Difficulty opening up and sharing their emotions: They often keep their feelings to themselves, making it hard for you to know what they’re truly thinking or feeling.
• Avoiding intimate conversations or emotional topics: They steer clear of deep discussions, preferring to keep things light and superficial.
• Prioritizing physical intimacy over emotional connection: They may focus more on the physical aspects of the relationship, neglecting the emotional bond.
• Being inconsistent or unreliable in their words and actions: Their behavior can be unpredictable, leaving you feeling uncertain and insecure.
• Having a history of short-term or superficial relationships: They may have a pattern of brief, non-committal relationships.
• Struggling with empathy and understanding their partner’s feelings: They find it hard to put themselves in your shoes and genuinely understand your emotions.
• Being defensive or dismissive when confronted with emotional issues: They may react defensively or dismiss your concerns, avoiding accountability.
• Having a tendency to blame or criticize their partner: Instead of taking responsibility for their own emotions and actions, they often shift the blame onto you.

Origins of Emotional Unavailability

So, where does this emotional unavailability come from? Often, it can be traced back to childhood trauma or other traumatic events. People who experienced emotional neglect or trauma in their early years may struggle with emotional intimacy and availability in their adult relationships. Past relationships also play a significant role. Traumatic or unhealthy past relationships can shape a person’s attachment style, making them more emotionally unavailable.

Fear of vulnerability is another common factor. Some individuals are terrified of being open and honest about their emotions, leading them to build walls around themselves. Low self-esteem can also contribute to emotional unavailability. People who feel inadequate or insecure may find it difficult to engage in emotional intimacy, fearing that they are not enough.

So how do emotionally unavailable men react after a breakup? Are they any different now that you’re gone?

It’s tough because you’re trying to mourn the death of the soulmate he was in the beginning, while still hoping that the toxic person he has proven himself to be, will somehow “miss you” enough to revert back to the decent guy, who, only acted like he was capable of empathy and emotional connection to get what he wanted, which is a common pattern with emotionally unavailable partners. That probably involved promising you a future that was never backed up by action, lying to you, disallowing you from ever feeling secure in the relationship, cheating on you, and making you feel like you were never enough.

As far as how emotionally unavailable men feel after a breakup, we obviously want them to regret what they did, miss us, fight for the relationship, blame themselves, apologize, and be plagued with remorse. You have to realize though – if he’s unavailable emotionally, he will never do any of the above with any level of authenticity because he’s disconnected. This makes it difficult to make sense of your emotional experiences and the internal conflict you face. It’s crucial to recognize your own emotional needs and leave these unfulfilling connections in your own way.

After a breakup, emotionally unavailable men will do one of many things:

• After a breakup, emotionally unavailable men will do one of many things to cope with the end of their romantic relationships. They may victimize themselves by blaming you and telling their sad story to anyone with a set of ears (& preferably a set of boobs).
• Try to be “friends” so that they can hopefully reap all the benefits of being in a relationship with you, without having to commit to anything other than leaving the door unlocked for your answered booty call.
• Immediately move on to someone new (rebound), because if they get a quick ego boost, they won’t have to deal with the wreckage of what they put you through. Or, they’ll go back to an old, familiar, and tolerant flame.
• They’ll try to push your buttons and make you jealous in any way that they can.
• They’ll ignore you when you break no contact and reach out. They’ll make you feel crazy after you react and then, all too quickly and calmly, remind you that the relationship is over.
• They’ll go off the radar and then announce a new, “multi-million dollar” business venture on social media, go on a trip and Instagram the sh*t out of it (completely out of the blue) or do anything to “look-at-me-now-give-me-attention-likes-and-comments” to prove that NOW they’re back on the market and back to the “real,” successful and go-getting them. The “them” that they couldn’t be with you because you weren’t good enough (I’m laughing rn because I’ve actually done this so many times myself after a breakup. It’s so dumb). They’ll act this way to make you feel inadequate, but they never felt the same way about the relationship as you did.

Moving On Quickly

Emotionally unavailable individuals often have a knack for moving on quickly from one relationship to another, without taking the time to reflect on their emotions and experiences. This behavior can be driven by a fear of being alone. They might use relationships as a way to avoid feelings of loneliness and isolation, jumping from one partner to the next to keep those uncomfortable feelings at bay.

Lack of emotional introspection is another reason they move on so swiftly. They rarely take the time to reflect on their emotions and experiences, making it difficult for them to learn and grow from their relationships. Instead, they seek validation and self-worth through new relationships, using them as a quick fix to boost their ego and avoid dealing with their emotional issues.

Do Emotionally Unavailable Men ever feel like they “lost” you after the breakup? Is this even possible?

The only way that they will ever feel like they lost you is if you do something you’ve never done – stay on the white horse and actually get lost; disappear from their lives. Many people find themselves asking the same question: why did they attract an emotionally unavailable partner in the first place? They don’t know what to do with silence, non-reactivity, no opposing force, and someone who has limits and dignity.

Ignoring an Emotionally Unavailable Man. Does silence make a man miss you?

Yes. Ignoring an Emotionally man, but not in the way that you want and deserve. Instead of seeking validation from him, it’s crucial to address your own issues and understand why you were drawn to such dynamics. The missing that they feel is rooted in selfish regrets – not genuine remorse.

Do Emotionally Unavailable Men feel ANY remorse after a breakup? Do they become better guys?

To have remorse would require empathy and they have none, which makes it difficult for them to maintain a loving relationship.

As far as becoming better and changing… profound change takes a lot more than switching up Instagram filters and updating your story. It takes three things:

1. A desire to change that is NOT rooted in narcissistic panic because they’re at risk for losing their “supply.”
2. The ability to take responsibility, be vulnerable, and introspect.
3. The ability to view yourself and your actions in a not so positive light.

Profound and lasting change takes time.

Is he happy? How can he be happy?! I’m miserable.

Happy people don’t f*ck over other people. Plain and simple.

You can’t be a happy person and miss someone who consistently hurt and devalued you. Conversely, you can’t be a happy person and lie, cheat, devalue and hurt the person you’re supposedly committed to. Like always attracts like. Let people make their own bed. There’s no point in ever making someone else’s bed, especially when yours is a mess. Once yours is properly made, you won’t care so much about finding a bed to make. What once was an uncontrollable urge will now seem pointless to you because it IS.

Bottom line: If you’re emotionally unavailable, you’re never really, truly experiencing the kind of authentic joy and happiness that we were put on this earth to feel. You are unable to partake in the joy of being.

Not having an emotional life of your own and looking to others to validate you is no way to live. You will continually attract the wrong types of guys and become unattractive to the good guys out there (yes, they are out there).

The best thing you can do is realize that you are your own validator, champion, and relational savior. Spend time focusing on your own emotional health and well-being to build healthy relationships in the future.

Impact on Relationships

Emotional unavailability can wreak havoc on relationships, leading to a myriad of emotional challenges. When one partner is emotionally unavailable, it creates an imbalance that can leave the other partner feeling frustrated, hurt, and isolated. This lack of emotional connection can make it difficult to build a strong, healthy relationship, as the emotionally available partner may feel unheard, unseen, and unvalidated. Over time, this can erode the foundation of the relationship, leading to increased conflict and emotional pain.

Effects of Emotional Unavailability on Relationships

Here are some common effects of emotional unavailability on relationships:

• Emotional disconnection and isolation: The lack of emotional intimacy can make you feel alone, even when you’re together.
• Lack of intimacy and emotional connection: Without a deep emotional bond, the relationship may feel shallow and unfulfilling.
• Increased conflict and arguments: Misunderstandings and unmet emotional needs can lead to frequent disagreements.
• Feelings of resentment and frustration: Over time, the emotionally available partner may grow resentful of the imbalance in the relationship.
• Difficulty resolving conflicts and issues: Without emotional openness, it’s hard to address and resolve problems effectively.
• Lack of trust and commitment: Emotional unavailability can undermine trust and make it difficult to build a committed relationship.
• Increased stress and anxiety: The uncertainty and emotional distance can cause significant stress and anxiety for both partners.

Dealing with an Emotionally Unavailable Ex

Navigating life after a breakup with an emotionally unavailable ex can be particularly challenging, especially if the relationship was intense or long-term. It’s crucial to prioritize your own emotional well-being and take proactive steps to heal and move forward. Remember, you deserve a relationship where your emotional needs are met and valued.

How to Cope with an Emotionally Unavailable Ex

Here are some tips to help you cope with an emotionally unavailable ex:

• Practicing self-care and self-compassion: Take time to nurture yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
• Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist: Surround yourself with a supportive network that can offer guidance and understanding.
• Setting boundaries and limiting contact: Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional health and avoid falling back into old patterns.
• Focusing on personal growth and development: Use this time to invest in your own growth, whether it’s through hobbies, education, or self-improvement.
• Avoiding negative patterns and behaviors: Be mindful of any tendencies to engage in unhealthy behaviors and strive to break those patterns.
• Cultivating emotional intelligence and self-awareness: Work on understanding your own emotions and developing healthier ways to express and manage them.
• Creating a new routine and finding new hobbies and interests: Keep yourself busy with new activities that can help you move forward and find fulfillment.
• Allowing yourself to grieve and process your emotions: Give yourself permission to feel and process the emotions that come with the breakup.

Healing from an emotionally unavailable relationship takes time, patience, and effort. Be gentle with yourself, and prioritize your own emotional well-being as you navigate this challenging time.

Reconciliation and Change

Can an Emotionally Unavailable Man Change?

The million-dollar question: Can an emotionally unavailable man change? The short answer is yes, but it’s often a challenging and lengthy process. For an emotionally unavailable man to change, he must first recognize his emotional unavailability and take responsibility for his actions. This self-awareness is the first crucial step toward transformation.

Seeking help from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. Professional guidance can help him work through his emotional issues and develop healthier relationship patterns. However, he must also be willing to be vulnerable and open with his emotions, which can be a difficult and uncomfortable process for someone who is used to being emotionally unavailable.

Prioritizing his partner’s emotional needs is another essential step. He must be willing to create a more balanced and healthy relationship by considering his partner’s feelings and needs. It’s important to note that change is not always possible, and it’s crucial to prioritize your own emotional well-being and needs in the relationship. If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, consider whether the relationship is healthy and fulfilling for you, as emotionally unavailable partners can pose significant challenges.

Written by: Natasha Adamo