Moving on from an ex feels impossible because you’re mourning the death of not only your hopes, dreams, the person you knew, and everything your ex and the relationship represented, but you’re mourning these deaths as your ex lives and breathes – in a life that seems so much better now that you’re not in it.

There are few things in life more painful than a loved one physically dying. But due to the finality of physical death (for example, you may believe that the spirit lives on, but it’s indisputable that the physical body is not subject to resurrection), we are able to finally, accept what is.

Certainty opens the gates of acceptance (which is necessary to truly move on) post-breakup.

Uncertainty keeps you locked in a limbo of reality-doubting madness.

Breakups are a death that, just like physical death, we don’t want to accept. And because there are so many things out there that can mess with our levels of certainty (seeing them “thriving” on social media, active on dating apps, etc.), our relationship with acceptance is unable to solidify.

One minute we are certain that we won their absence and they lost us; the next minute we are convinced that we’ll never find anyone as incredible as them.

This makes moving on from your ex seem impossible, self-blame probable, and desperation the only certain thing.

Even if deep down, you’re certain that your ex isn’t capable of an adult, reciprocal relationship, you see all of these things on social media that negate everything you thought you knew! They’re living their best life and doing everything that they only carrot-dangled the possibility of with you.

What can you do at this point other than blame yourself?

Why are you always a better “preparer” than you are a partner (to a now “irreplaceable” ex)?

Will you ever feel good enough?

I’ve written about letting go and moving on extensively. But I wanted to create a quick and simple, straightforward, no B.S. guide that you can refer back to if you’re struggling to move on from an ex.

What “Moving On” Actually Means (And What It Doesn’t)

Before we dive into the how, let’s get clear on what moving on is and isn’t.

Moving on DOESN’T mean:

• You forget they ever existed
• You stop caring completely
• You become bitter or closed off
• You immediately start dating someone else
• You’re “over it” in 30 days

Moving on DOES mean:

• You accept the relationship is over
• You stop giving them power over your peace
• You redirect your energy toward yourself
• You can think of them without spiraling
• You’re no longer waiting for them to come back

The goal isn’t to erase them from your memory. The goal is to reclaim your life, your dignity, and your future.

Healthy Breakup vs. Toxic Breakup: Know What You’re Dealing With

Not all breakups are created equal. Understanding what kind of breakup you’re experiencing will determine your healing timeline and strategy.

If you’re dealing with a toxic breakup, your emotions aren’t just about losing someone you love—they’re about recovering from trauma bonding, manipulation, and psychological abuse. That requires a different level of healing, which I cover extensively in my book, Win Your Breakup: How To Be The One That Got Away.

How to Move On From an Ex in 5 Steps

Every day, I talk to people all around the world who are struggling with how to move on from an ex. Here are the five most powerful and impactful steps you can take:

Step 1: Feel Your Feelings (And Allow Your Emotions to Identify What You’re Dealing With)

The first step in knowing how to move on from an ex is to acknowledge and accept your feelings. Do not try to fight, suppress, numb, or avoid your emotions. One of my favorite quotes: “Strangely, life gets harder when you try to make it easy. Exercising might be hard, but never moving makes life harder. Uncomfortable conversations are hard, but avoiding every conflict is harder. Mastering your craft is hard, but having no skills is harder. Easy has a cost.” – James Clear.

It’s normal to feel devastated, angry, spiteful, confused, competitive, or even relieved after a breakup. Learn about the different stages of a breakup. Give yourself permission to grieve and really feel your emotions, but always stay on your White Horse. Do not let your emotional triggers, loneliness, and desperation dictate your actions. (If you’ve already fallen off your White Horse, get back on).

Use Your Emotions as a Compass

As you’re feeling your way through your emotions, allow those emotions to prove to you whether or not your ex is toxic.

If your ex is not toxic, YES, the breakup will still hurt. But you will have clarity because there was clear communication. You won’t feel like you need closure from them in order to emotionally breathe. You will both be respectful of each other’s boundaries and focused on yourselves, as opposed to reaction-mongering. With exes who are not toxic, you won’t be questioning why you weren’t “good enough” for basics like respect, honesty, care, communication, love, and mutuality.

I define a toxic person as: “anyone who gets validation by exploiting your hunger for theirs.”

Toxic people are inconsistent. They love promising a future to get current needs met and red flags excused. They will pedestal you to heights you’ve never been before and then, de-pedestal you to the point that you question your value as a human being and sometimes, your need for being on this planet.

The cost of being in a relationship with a toxic person is always, everything you can never afford to lose: your self-esteem, your standards, and your mental health (sometimes your finances as well). They may also isolate you from certain friends and family members of yours who they know can see right through them.

If your ex is toxic, please read or listen to my book, Win Your Breakup: How To Be The One That Got Away, for further help and support. If your ex is not toxic, there is an incredible guest post on this blog about losing the love of your life. Either way, read on…

Step 2: The Most Crucial Step? Cut Contact. Period.

If you want to know how to move on from an ex, this step is crucial. Cut off all access that they have to you, period.Delete their number, unfollow (or block) them on social media, and do not hang out with their friends. Unfollow their friends too. This is not only to eliminate the possibility of them contacting you (which will mess with your levels of certainty and delay healing) but also, to prevent YOU from contacting and checking up on them.

Breakups are not games, and I don’t give tactical advice. But they can feel like one with social media igniting your competitive nature and making you want to prove that you’ve moved on faster. A breakup is the only “game” that you win through withdrawal. You win by giving up on catering to your ego because you’re in a committed relationship with reality. Amateur hour games are exhausting and the immediate satisfaction never outweighs the long-term embarrassment and regret.

No Contact is a time for YOU to heal, gain perspective, and prioritize your peace.

If you work together or have kids together, you need to cut emotional contact. Focus ONLY on the work, your kids, whatever it is that’s connecting you, and that is IT.

Take it minute by minute, until you can take it hour by hour.

And eventually, day by day.

The No Contact Timeline: What to Expect

Understanding what’s coming makes it easier to stay strong.

Week 1: The Withdrawal Phase

• What you’ll feel: Panic, physical pain, obsessive thoughts, urge to reach out constantly
• What’s actually happening: Dopamine withdrawal (your brain is detoxing like you quit caffeine cold turkey)
• What to do: Delete their number, block on all platforms, tell 2-3 friends to hold you accountable
• Hardest moment: Day 3 – the urge to text them will peak here

Weeks 2-4: The Anger Phase

• What you’ll feel: Rage at them, rage at yourself, “what if” thoughts on repeat, bargaining with reality
• What’s actually happening: Your brain is processing the betrayal and loss
• What to do: Journal daily (even if it’s just rage-writing), start exercising, channel anger into action
• Hardest moment: Seeing they’re active on social media (this is why you BLOCKED them)

Weeks 5-8: The Clarity Phase

• What you’ll feel: Less intense pain, occasional good days, perspective starting to emerge
• What’s actually happening: Neural pathways are rewiring, you’re remembering who you are
• What to do: Pick up a new hobby, reconnect with friends you’ve neglected, update your appearance
• Hardest moment: The first day you don’t think about them feels wrong (it’s not—it’s progress)

Weeks 9-12: The Peace Phase

• What you’ll feel: Genuine calm, self-confidence returning, excitement about your future
• What’s actually happening: You’re becoming YOU again, the version that doesn’t need their validation
• What to do: Set new goals, casually date if you feel ready, help others going through breakups
• Hardest moment: When they inevitably reach out (and they usually do)

What if they reach out during no contact?

• Before 30 days: Don’t respond. You’re not healed. They’re seeking validation, not reconciliation.
• Before 60 days: Still don’t respond. If it was real, they’d respect your space.
• After 90 days: You probably won’t even care to respond anymore. (This is the goal.)

📥 Free Training: The 3-Step ‘No B.S.’ Framework to Break Free from Toxic Relationships and Heal

Get daily journal prompts, healing milestones, mantras for when you want to break no contact, and week-by-week guidance. This journal has helped 50,000+ people stay strong during the hardest phase of healing.

Step 3: Stop Trying to “Let Go”

When trying to figure out how to move on from an ex, you need to stop trying to “let go.”

If you feel like you need to “let go” and are struggling with it, start with acceptance. It’s too big of a leap to just “let go” immediately – especially when your heart is involved. They don’t have the power they used to have over you because you’ve built personal power. You let go when you need to because you accept what you have to.

The Acceptance Equation

Acceptance ≠ Agreement

Accepting that it’s over doesn’t mean you agree it should be over. Accepting they’re not right for you doesn’t mean you agree they’re a bad person. Accepting you need to move on doesn’t mean you’re ready to date someone new.

Acceptance is simply acknowledging what is, not endorsing why it is.

When you stop fighting reality, reality stops fighting you back.

Even if it hurts, the truth will always set you free.

Step 4: Focus on the Things You Can Control

Take complete control over the few things in this life that you have control over, and you’ll stop putting all your happiness, worth, and healing in the hands of your ex (and external circumstances that you cannot control).

What do you have complete control over?

1. How much you move your body
2. What you put in your body
3. How you choose to react when emotionally triggered

That’s it. That’s the list.

You can’t control:

• Whether they come back
• Who they’re dating now
• What they post on social media
• If they’re thinking about you
• Whether they regret losing you

You CAN control:

• Working out 5 times this week
• Eating food that makes you feel good
• Not texting them when you’re drunk and lonely

Whenever I’ve been obsessed with controlling the uncontrollable, that’s when I’ve been the most out of control in my own head, heart, and life.

The ability for me to tunnel-vision focus has come from certainty. I am one hundred percent CERTAIN that you have complete control over the three bullet points above.

The time is now to prove it to yourself.

Build progress that you become protective of instead of a mental database that watches over every aspect of your ex’s social media life. This is where self-respect and healing start (that no one can ever take away from you) and relational mediocrity ends. Remember, we are ultimately attracted to relationships that mirror the one we have with ourselves.

Don’t ever forget that you have complete control over THAT sacred relationship. You will be in it for the rest of your life.

The 3-Control Challenge

For the next 7 days, prove to yourself that you have complete control:

Body Movement: Work out or walk for 30+ minutes every single day Body Fuel: No junk food, no excessive alcohol, stay hydrated Reaction Control: When triggered, pause 10 seconds before responding

Track it. Protect it. Watch how your self-respect rebuilds.

Step 5: Relieve Emotional Constipation

There was an old yogic proverb I once heard that went something like, “When you can’t move the mind, move the body and the mind will follow.”

When you can’t emotionally flush, you need to physically flush. The emotions will eventually follow.

Before you judge what I’m about to say, please keep in mind that it’s harmless; much healthier than picking up the phone, a drink, or a drug. And it’s extremely gratifying. It’s also funny and laughter really is the best medicine. It doesn’t hurt anyone and it’s private. You can do it anywhere.

Unless you are in a hurry, every time you go to the bathroom, I want you to write your ex’s name on a piece of toilet paper with a marker. Then, throw it in the toilet, do your business over it, and FLUSH.

This doesn’t just work for exes. It’s also great for coworkers, family members, and fake friends.

Yes, I’m serious.

And yes, it works.

What NOT to Do When Moving On (The Self-Sabotage List)

Just as important as knowing what to do is knowing what NOT to do. Here are the mistakes that will set you back weeks or even months:

DON’T:

• Stalk their social media (even through fake accounts or friends)
• Drunk text or call them
• Try to stay friends immediately after the breakup
• Rebound with someone just to fill the void
• Keep reminders of them around “just in case”
• Seek closure from them (you already have it—they left)
• Try to make them jealous (you’re better than that)
• Blame yourself for the relationship failing
• Compare yourself to who they’re dating now
• Wait for them to come back before you move on

DO:

• Block them everywhere (yes, everywhere)
• Journal when you want to reach out
• Give yourself time to grieve before dating
• Remove photos, gifts, and anything that triggers you
• Create your own closure (write the letter but don’t send it)
• Focus on becoming the person YOU want to be
• Set boundaries with mutual friends
• Take responsibility for your part, then let it go
• Remember: their “upgrade” is someone else’s problem
• Build a life so good you forget to check if they came back

Moving On Timeline: What to Realistically Expect

Everyone wants to know: “How long will this take?”

The honest answer depends on several factors:

Factors That Affect Healing Time:

• Length of relationship (longer = more time)
• Whether it was toxic (toxic = trauma healing required)
• Your attachment style (anxious attachment takes longer)
• If you maintain no contact (contact = restarting the clock)
• Your support system and self-care habits

General Timeline:

Short relationship (under 6 months):

• Healthy breakup: 1-3 months
• Toxic breakup: 3-6 months

Medium relationship (6 months – 2 years):

• Healthy breakup: 3-6 months
• Toxic breakup: 6-12 months

Long relationship (2+ years):

• Healthy breakup: 6-12 months
• Toxic breakup: 12-18+ months

Remember: These are healing timelines, not “never think about them again” timelines. You’ll think about them less and less as time goes on. The goal isn’t to erase them; it’s to neutralize their power over you.

Frequently Asked Questions About Moving On From an Ex

How long does it take to move on from an ex?

Most people take 3-6 months to move on from a breakup with strict no contact and active healing. Toxic relationships may take 6-18 months due to trauma bonding and the need for deeper psychological recovery. The timeline depends on relationship length, whether it was toxic, your attachment style, and whether you maintain no contact.

What’s the fastest way to get over an ex?

The fastest way to move on is implementing strict no contact, removing all reminders, focusing on physical health (exercise daily), and redirecting energy toward personal goals. While there’s no instant fix, taking consistent daily action in these four areas accelerates healing significantly. Most people see major improvement within 30-60 days.

Why can’t I stop thinking about my ex?

You can’t stop thinking about your ex because your brain is experiencing dopamine and oxytocin withdrawal—the same neurochemical process as any other addiction. Additionally, if the relationship was toxic, you may be experiencing trauma bonding, which creates an unhealthy attachment that’s hard to break. With strict no contact, obsessive thoughts typically decrease by 50% within 2-4 weeks.

Should I tell my ex I’m moving on?

No. Announcing you’re moving on means you’re still seeking their validation and reaction. True healing happens in silence. If you genuinely moved on, you wouldn’t need them to know about it. Focus on yourself, not on getting a response from them.

Is it normal to still love my ex after months?

Yes, it’s completely normal to still have feelings months after a breakup, especially if you were together for years or experienced trauma bonding. Love doesn’t disappear overnight, but with no contact and consistent self-focus, the intensity will fade. You’ll always remember them, but the pain and longing will gradually be replaced by acceptance and peace.

What if my ex comes back after I’ve moved on?

If your ex comes back after you’ve truly moved on, you’ll be in the powerful position of choice rather than desperation. Ask yourself: Did they do the work to change? Are they offering genuine commitment or just testing if you’re still available? Have they demonstrated consistent, changed behavior over time? Most importantly: Do you even want them back, or have you built something better?

How do you know when you’ve moved on?

You’ve moved on when thinking about your ex doesn’t trigger emotional reactions, you’re genuinely happy without them, you’ve stopped checking their social media, you’re open to new connections, and you’re grateful for the lessons rather than bitter about the loss. Moving on doesn’t mean you never think about them—it means you can think about them without pain.

Can you be friends with your ex after moving on?

Friendship with an ex is only possible if: (1) the relationship wasn’t toxic, (2) you’ve both fully healed, (3) both parties genuinely moved on, (4) there are no lingering romantic feelings, and (5) you’re both in healthy relationships with other people. Even then, it’s rare and usually unnecessary. Ask yourself: Am I wanting to be friends because I genuinely value them as a person, or because I’m afraid of losing them completely?

Your Next Step: Choose Your Path

Moving on from an ex isn’t just about getting over someone. It’s about getting back to yourself—the version of you that existed before they showed up, plus the wisdom you’ve gained from the pain.

If you’re struggling and need personalized guidance:

One-on-one coaching with me will give you a customized roadmap for your specific situation. No generic advice. No judgment. Just clear, actionable steps to reclaim your life and your dignity.

➡️ Book Your Breakthrough Coaching Session

If you want to go deeper:

My book Win Your Breakup is the complete guide to not just moving on, but becoming the one that got away. It covers everything from handling toxic exes to rebuilding your self-worth to making sure you never settle again.

➡️ Get Win Your Breakup

If you want ongoing support:

Join the Natasha Adamo Community Coaching App for live Q&A sessions, courses, the audio version of my book, and a community of people who understand what you’re going through.

➡️ Join the Community

The Bottom Line

Moving on from an ex isn’t about erasing them from your memory or pretending they never mattered.

It’s about accepting that you meant more to someone than they were capable of appreciating.

It’s about realizing that you don’t need closure from them—you need distance from them.

It’s about understanding that the best revenge isn’t being better than them. It’s being so genuinely happy that you forget to keep score.

You will move on. You will heal. You will look back on this moment and barely recognize the person who was so broken over someone who couldn’t see your worth.

But only if you commit to the process, honor the no contact, and choose yourself every single day.

The doormat era of your life is over.

Your White Horse is waiting.

Written by: Natasha Adamo

If you’re looking for further and more specific help; if you’re tired of waiting to be chosen and ready to choose yourself, personalized coaching with Natasha Adamo is the answer. Book your one-on-one session today.

Related Articles You Need to Read:

• I Miss My Ex: What This Really Means (And What to Do)
• The No Contact Rule: Complete Guide for Healing
• Should I Text My Ex? 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t
• Stages of a Breakup: What to Expect & How to Heal
• Trauma Bonding: Why You Can’t Leave & How to Break Free
• Red Flags in a Relationship: The Ultimate Guide
• How to Get Closure When You Have None
• Setting Boundaries: Everything You Need to Know

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About Natasha Adamo

Natasha Adamo is a globally recognized self-help author, relationship expert, and motivational speaker. With over 2.5 million devoted blog readers and clients in thirty-one countries, she is a beacon of inspiration to many. Her debut bestseller, “Win Your Breakup”, offers a unique perspective on personal growth after breakups. Natasha’s mission is to empower individuals to develop healthier relationships and actualize their inherent potential.