You will never run from anything in your life faster than you’ll run from trying to figure out how to let go of someone you love and miss every day. It goes against your DNA and the very fiber of your being. How can you just let go of your home, your engine, your wheels, your legs… your emotional air supply – HOW?
Although it’s not easy, we can deal with finding out that we need to get surgery to repair something that is physically broken. But if we’re told that we need to get a limb amputated immediately… that’s obviously a whole different story.
We aren’t wired to emotionally digest having to amputate that which is not only essential to fully functioning on the everyday basis that we’re used to, but that which is a part of our body – be it emotional or physical.
So what do you do when life suddenly gives you a diagnosis of emotional amputation?
Where’s the manual for how to carry on?
HOW do you live with a missing emotional limb? A limb that was essential to getting you back to a home that you’re now locked out of.
Just like that, you inhabit a colorless existence – alone, homeless, scared, cold, and placed on a never-ending treadmill at a speed that your heart hasn’t built up the strength or endurance yet to sprint.
Weeds don’t need anything to grow. They’ll grow through the concrete without a drop of water. Flowers need consistent attention and nourishment.
The day I stopped trying to believe that my weeds would one day, magically turn into orchids, was the day that I had the courage to uproot the weeds. EVEN IF that meant facing my fear of having an empty garden for the time being.
So, with that intention… I’m going to share a little more of my story with you.
Here’s how to let go of someone you love & miss every day…
Ever since I was a child, I longed to have normalcy which now, looking back, I can define as a sanctuary; a place to call home.
I didn’t have any siblings and my parents divorced when I was five years old. The thing about my parent’s divorce is that no matter how amicable it was… in my mind, it marked the loss of any hope for the stability of an intact and “normal” sanctuary/home.
I felt like I had no emotional legs to pave my own path with because, in my mind, Mom and Dad being apart meant that I was defective.
My parents both moved on with their lives, married, and no matter how amazing they were and how many truly incredible grandparents, godparents, and family I had around that supported and loved me, I was emotionally paralyzed. I was homeless and never felt like I had a reliable and consistent sanctuary where my feelings were understood and my heart was at peace.
I was always with a different family member or parent and never wanted my time with them, which was fleeting, to be marred with anything other than my disease to please, “everything’s alright!” persona (which would oftentimes entail lying – to myself and others).
Because I was always around family that was much older than me and I didn’t have siblings at the time, I became a very old soul at a very young age. I observed and felt on a much different level and because of this, I was told by friends, family, teachers, school counselors, and coaches that I was “too sensitive;” that I needed to “toughen up.” After hearing this so many times, I began to believe that something was seriously wrong with me. I felt ashamed and guilty for wanting to express my feelings.
And so, little by little, my light dimmed.
At the age of eight, I shut down.
I felt invisible; unworthy of love because I didn’t have an identity, a home, emotional “legs” to walk away from toxicity, and any kind of sanctuary to call my own.
I was okay with being invisible because I trusted the opinions of those who made me feel this way. So, I became a quiet observer that longed for a home, emotional legs, and a sanctuary that I was convinced, would come rescue and complete me if I was “good enough.”
Before I knew it, the concrete of that belief system had dried and I was dating – on the SIDELINES of my own life.
I met someone who touched my soul, allowed me to realize that I had two emotional legs of my own all along, and was a sanctuary of safety, peace, and ovulatory bliss…
until one day he was gone and just like that… we were strangers.
The breakup hit me so hard, I spent the next eighteen months back in that completely cold and colorless existence. I was once again, without legs. The emotional paralysis hit me even harder than when I was a child because when I was a kid, I didn’t yet know the kind of nirvana that I had now been exposed to.
It’s one thing to not know what something is like and acquiesce to an existence based on the status quo, but when you get a taste of the kind of heaven that makes you wonder how you ever carried on before… letting go and going back to that “ignorance is bliss” is impossible.
Every breakup following that one was earth-shattering.
And because I was too scared to feel what I knew I was going through, I’d just bounce into the next toxic relationship or friendship. I never really got over my exes completely. Everything was just triggers, slot replacers, and fillers.
Years later, I realized what I was doing and was able to finally put an end to that era.
Although I loved and missed them terribly, I was able to gracefully let go of toxic exes, friends, and even family members.
And the grace in which I let go ended up allowing me to be the one who was the hardest to forget.
Here’s how to let go of someone you love and miss every day…
Five realizations that changed my life:
How to let go of someone you love and miss every day – REALIZATION #1: Identify where you are building.
I realized that because I never had a home, emotional legs or a sanctuary of my own, it was more painful to survey the damage and desolation of my own empty land than it was to build a sanctuary within my partner (and gain the emotional legs that I believed were missing). I built the most magnificent sanctuaries in my partners and I based my value on the level to which they would allow me into the home that I BUILT. I based my value on how far I could walk because of the legs that a product of MY CONSTRUCTION had given me. I shined MY light on others and then, marveled at ttheir illumination.
How to let go of someone you love and miss every day – REALIZATION #2: THIS is why the breakups were so debilitating.
The breakups were so debilitating because it was a breakup with my own masterpiece – the sanctuary that I had created within another person. I was left without an identity, a compass, a home, and no legs to walk. This made me pedestal toxic people to an unhealthy level and drained me of my power. And because I was then, catapulted back to that feeling of emotional homelessness that I had as a child, I regressed back to the same fear, insecurity and emotional PARALYSIS of my eight-year-old self. There was no room for growth or evolution.
How to let go of someone you love and miss every day – REALIZATION #3: Knowledge is power.
When I realized that I was essentially constructing in other people the very thing that I was lacking, I was able to see how desperately I needed to build a sanctuary and a home within. I started to build my own home by digging deep into my pain. I felt every ounce of it. I wrote, I cried, and the deeper I went, the stronger the sanctuary that I was simultaneously building became.
Make sure that you allow yourself to feel your pain so that it can leave because IT WILL.
How to let go of someone you love and miss every day – REALIZATION #4: It will still hurt.
Yes, loss and breakups will still hurt. But if you stop trying to construct in other people the emotional home that Mom and/or Dad (with the best of intentions), deprived you of, your life will T R A N S F O R M.
Yes, you will still feel the pain of your breakup. However, you will be able to disable that emotional regression back to the paralysis of an age in which conditions were put around love that should have been given to you unconditionally. You’ll bounce back from situations that you could have never imaged before. By creating a home for that child, you allow him/her to grow up and no longer look for outside sources of identity, meaning construction, and completion. This doesn’t make the pain of letting go of someone you love go away completely, but it gets rid of the hopelessness. It puts space around the pain because you now know that you’re ALREADY home.
How to let go of someone you love and miss every day – REALIZATION #5: It may all fall down again at some point. And that’s okay.
I’ve spent the last few years building the most magnificent home and sanctuary within. I was taking care of all my emotional needs and although at times I got triggered and felt insecurity, and pain, I was really solid… until eight months ago… and again recently.
It was the perfect storm of so many things that happened all at once. My home came crashing down and again, I was homeless. As I gravitated toward my old habit of building a sanctuary in someone else, I realized the most amazing thing – all these years that I had been building a sanctuary, a HOME within, I had attracted and maintained relationships that not only reminded me of the framework of my home that was STILL there (and the capability of the emotional legs I used to get myself up off the floor), but they also celebrated and ENCOURAGED the rebuilding within (instead of exploiting my vulnerability to make themselves feel better).
Trying to figure out how to let go of someone you love and miss every day is hard. But when you focus on building a home within, you’ll always have the security of your OWN place to return to. And even if that place is temporarily empty and without furniture, at least it’s YOURS.
When there’s a home within and you go through a breakup, you’re no longer left on the street alone and cold; LOCKED OUT of a home that YOU BUILT.
You were BORN with the tools to build the most incredible sanctuary with the most able-bodied legs. And you’ve already proven to be the best general contractor on the block (as long as it’s a toxic person’s land you’re building on).
Reclaim your tools, empower your innate skills, and build within. You will then know how to let go of someone you love and miss every day.
If I can do it, so.can.you.
+ the beginning of this post was inspired by the amazing Najwa Zebian.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with getting over someone, please look into working with me here.
Thanks Natasha . Love ya sister ?
Love you too sister! xo
Another great article! I come back everyday to re-read or look for a new article. You are helping me through my breakup.
Hi EA! I’m honored to help <3 You're not alone. Thank you for being a part of this tribe 🙂 All my love to you. xx
I opened my email and saw that you had a new post up. It’s as if you read my mind. I had the heartbreaking news this weekend that my sociopath ex indeed lied (of course) after devaluing and discarding me because I was “unable to trust and let go of the past and he couldn’t be who I needed” to find out he had of course already had a new Narco supply lined up, which was devastating though not surprising news to me. (we’ve been broken up 8 weeks and he’s probably had her behind my back for several months)
If anything it made me realize he can never be trusted, who I need, who I want and really he won’t ever maintain anything healthy or sustainable because his emotions are not real, they are a means to be validated and get his wants and needs met, no one is of any real importance to him because he’s a sociopath, which is awful because he’s a cop too! However, these facts don’t help the immense pain I feel after he could just turn his (fake)emotions off like a light switch and move on immediately even while with me he must have been working towards my abandonment. This was a three year relationship that I allowed myself to be manipulated, controlled, cheated on and used up and I Feel like utter shit. I have meditated, I have cried, I have wrote, I’ve spoke to my friends endlessly. I am so crushed, I feel I’ve wasted three years of my life and I don’t know how to go forward, my thoughts are consumed by this new news of him and a woman, of his happiness and utter lack of emotion or care for me, the woman he told “we are soul mates. I’ve never loved anyone this way. I cannot imagine my life without you” of course, this is how a sociopath gets you to fall in love with them, they make you need a fix of validation, they make you lovesick and obsessed so that you are emotionally dependent on them. Your blog helps immensely because I too have severe abandonment issues from childhood and a pretty sad, lonely childhood too. Lots of self worth and self esteem issues. I will work hard to build my own sanctuary in me. Your wisdom works wonders. I just wish the pain and the thoughts weren’t so overwhelming, I want to feel better after 8 weeks not gutted like a fish 🙁
Hi Cassondra! I’m glad that the post came at the right time and that it helped 🙂 You are not alone in this. You’ve got a whole tribe with you – loving, supporting, backing and believing in you every step of the way. It WILL get better and you WILL get through this. XO
Hi there Natasha,
Your articles are in-depth, insightful and compassionate. I sincerely thank you for taking the time to enlighten so many of us. Your analogy regarding constructing a sanctuary from within needs to be taught in all parenting classes so our children understand the concept of emotional intelligence and strength. The importance of truly understanding ourselves as we evolve helps navigate relationships of any kind.
A couple years ago I experienced an
‘Aha’ moment through deep introspection and meditation. It was honestly transforming for me. My entire perspective and perceptions about self love, relationships are forever changed. I feel a peace and happiness I never imagined possible, and I’m in my 60’s. Lol… that doesn’t mean I don’t fall down sometimes but it’s all about viewing it as a learning opportunity.
You’re a gem!!
Likewise, Sister! It takes one to know one <3
From the very bottom of my heart, thank YOU for taking the time out of your day to write such a kind message (that I feel the love and connection behind every word of). You are such an inspiration and I am so happy and honored to have helped in any way.
All my love to you. Thank you for being a part of this community. Thank you for YOU. Xx
Hi! I really truly relate to you as this happened to me by a cop as well – I would love to talk to you and help you – it has been a year for me now and I am so much stronger than I was 🙂 Sarah
I am doing very well…..this post has been helpful as always. I hope you are doing well too.
Thanks and love
So happy it helped! Thanks Meg 🙂 All my love to you too sister. XOXO
I’ve never read this site before, but thank you Natasha. This morning, I experienced something like a breakup with someone I was really close to for two and a half years. After sulking for a few hours, I needed this, and I know I’ll be revisiting it.
Thank YOU for taking the time to comment and for being a part of this tribe <3
You are supported, understood, backed, believed in, and never, ever alone. All my love to you.
Thank you for you. xo
I relate to this so much I really needed this thank you Natasha as always???
I thought of you when I was writing it <3 You have been with me since the beginning and I think of you so often. Love you soul sis! I'm happy that the post served you 🙂 x
Natasha this post is everything! The metaphors you use in all of your writing truly helps me to understand the feelings and issues that I and my girlfriends have been dealing with for so long. Thank you for putting into words so many experiences and emotions that I have never been able to fully express. Love love love.
Starlie!! Hi! I’m so happy that the post helped 🙂 Thank YOU for allowing me to feel like I was never (and am never) alone. You’re incredible. Sending you love always. xx
I am new here. I feel foolish telling this, but I spent almost 34 yrs with my (narcissist) husband. He cheated on me many times. I told myself my love was unconditional. He finally left me (not sure he was ever really with me) in July 2019 for a woman he’s been dating for a year. A year! Well, it sucks that he wasn’t man enough to man up & I had to find his 2nd secret phone, replete with photos & texts. Your writings are helping, but I feel totally broken. How does a 63 yr old woman reinvent herself & move on? It seems I’ll spend my remaining days learning to live without him.
I’m infamous for giving all of myself to to a man and when they leave they take all of me with them, leaving an empty shell that has to be rebuilt from scratch. Am learning though to leave something for myself. And your advice only helps to build that. Thanks.
I’m honored and so happy to help <3 Thanks Julie! 🙂 xo
I am so glad I sought you out and took help. Talking to you was the best thing I did. Now when i read your posts I feel an immense closeness to you. A bond. In spite of the distance I know your there for me. And that makes me strong. What else can I ask for ?
If you ever visit my Country pls get in touch
Meg, I am forever grateful to any and everything that caused you pain because it ultimately led us to meet <3
We will forever have an unbreakable bond and sisterhood. I'm always here for and with you. Always.
I definitely will. Can't wait! Love you. xxxx
Another post that gives me the chills and made me tear up. You are truly inspiring, thank you for reminding us to keep pushing forward.
Omgosh I just realized that I remember wanting to get the grief yoga video and I cannot believe I’ve been dealing with this heartbreak for over a year now. I couldn’t have seen a ray of hope without you, thank you.
You’re going to make me cry. I know how hard it is. You are loved, understood and never alone.
Go to the “contact” section of the blog and send me your address. I’m sending you one of the dvds, on me. XOXO
Hi Bella! I’m so happy that the post served you <3 It takes one to know one - you are incredible. Love to you soul sis. XOX
Natasha… this post is heartbreaking and so good and true all at the same time.
I come from a very broken home and hopped from relationship to relationship, friendship to friendship, building a sanctuary in others, until one day my husband left me and I was forced to make sense of it all once and for all. Alone. That was two years ago and they have been the most grounding, peaceful years during which I have discovered myself.
Most importantly, I don’t NEED others anymore. I am totally self-sufficient, and so I am actually 100% nicer to others and myself, because my expectations and demands have evaporated.
You are a special, beautiful woman and I love reading your entries. I wish you well, stranger-friend.
Dana! My appreciation for you sharing your story is endless. I’m so glad that the post resonated with you 🙂 I am in awe of your strength, your light your resiliency, your beauty and your ability to evolve under insurmountable pressure and pain.
It takes one to know one my friend <3 you are a gem. Love you soul sis. Hope to give you the biggest hug in person one day. xoxo
Thank you Natasha.
Thank you SO much.
A loyal reader from Casablanca, Morocco.
Thank YOU <3 you are so incredibly loved, appreciated and never, EVER alone.
I hope to visit one day!! 🙂 Would love to meet and give you a big hug in person. XOXO
Thanks Natasha I love everything about your blog. It has really helped me and I always come back for more! ??
Thank YOU Courtney 🙂 Love you soul sister!
Thanks for the support, sisterhood and LOVE. xo
Hi Natasha. I came across your blog a few months ago in the middle of the night when I finally decided I wanted to stop dwelling over my break up and start feeling better. Im 40. Ive read countless articles, millions of threads and tons of self-help books. Ive even gone to a retreat to try and repair my marriage that ended almost 8 years ago. None of which has truly resonated with me until NOW. Im 3 months out of a relationship. I was crushed and confused and had no closure since my ex abruptly broke up with me over the phone and fell off the face of the Earth. I scoured through most of your entries in a total of 3 nights since discovering you. Each entry has taught me valuable life lessons. Each entry has made me stronger than yesterday. What I love most about PMS is that it is truly HEALING for me. – In EVERY WAY!!! Ive maintained staying on my white horse, Ive stayed classy and working on feeling indifferent. Im standing tall and although I have yet to hear from the ex and feel like I was thrown to the curb and never mattered, Im sure in time… Ill be eventually become the ONE that got away.
Thank you Natasha for just being. Thank you for being you. Thank you for having the words and having the ability to express whats inside of that vulnerable heart of yours and thank you for bringing us all together. You are a Godsend.
I am in tears! So honored to have played a part in your healing and realizations. You already are the one that got away because you’re finally doing the energetic “flushing.” I’m so proud of you. Thank you for sharing and for being YOU. It takes one to know one **C. You’re amazing. There isn’t anything that you can’t get through. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. Sending you so much love and the biggest hug. XOXO
Thank you. You are such an incredible , brilliant woman and your posts have been so refreshing and real. I am two months off of a breakup, and I have been awakenened ever since. Finding your blog just makes me realize more and more that I am on the right path and that no one can fill the empty space because I am filling it with ME!!! You are amazing.. would love to meet one day.. until then hugs and love from Miami????????.
Hi Elizabeth! It takes one to know one – you are incredible 🙂 Thank you so much! I’m truly honored to have played a part in your healing and realizations <3 Would love to meet you in person too! XOXO
I have never been so deeply grabbed by a blog before this one – everyday, I cry for the love of my life to come back to me. If only I had loved myself more, I wouldn’t be in this much pain. I just never knew how, I was never taught to. I am going to work on building this home you are talking about. I am going to start there.
All my love and inspiration,
Hi Danielle! I am so honored to have helped <3 you are loved, believed in and never alone. Thank you for your love, sisterhood and support! 🙂 XOXO
Love your posts ALWAYS xo
I have been broken up with my ex for about 2 months now and I decided to end contact once we broke up because I wanted to stay on my white horse and move forward with my life (even though I’m on this site constantly because I am just so not over him yet LOL). We did not end on bad terms at all, he was just emotionally unavailable and I was not interested in being with someone like that. HOWEVER, I feel like days, even weeks, go by and I am so happy and moved on with my life then I see a post or hear his name and BAM I feel like I have reverted back to day 1 of the heart break. Do you have any posts on this?! I would love to read. Thanks again xoxoxo
Hi Al! Thank you so much! 🙂 Read this if you haven’t already. XOXO
I love your blog so much! I walked away from my emotionally unavailable ex about 5 months ago and for the first few months I read your articles daily every time I wanted to reach out to him. I have now met someone who is great, and very open with his feelings, which is new and strange for me, and its actually scaring me because now I feel like im the one that has shut off (in fear of having my heart ripped out again) and im scared to commit to him even though I think he would be great for me. Not to mention i still think about my ex every day and yearn for him to reach out to me (crazy I know). I would just love to see an article about when you have actually found someone who is right for you, how do you know when you have only ever been with emotionally unavailable men? I feel like if its not hard and hurtful and lonely then something is missing for me and I crave the drama.
Hi Sam! Thank you!! 🙂 I’ll try to write an article about this soon.
Thanks for the recommendation and for your love & support! Check this post out if your haven’t already. xxxxx
well, I have been reading your articles and it has truly helped me, but I have to say this morning, after, once again, getting dumped from the fucktard, I am so angry at myself for allowing him back into my life. I will try and remain strong, but I am so heartbroken that he would do this to me again, it’s hard to even think of even getting through the day. Thanks for the great articles of w hich I will re read and re read until it soaks in.
You are loved, supported, believed in and never, EVER alone <3 Sending you love Kim. xo
Firstly, thank you so much Nat for giving so much of yourself to help people recover from the trauma and distress of heartbreak – you are an absolute saviour to so many and you change lives every single day. I have also found everyone’s comments and reflections enormously helpful. My ex of 2 years left nearly 3 months ago and I must say that this is the worst breakup I’ve ever been through – but then again, every breakup is horrendous. I have found the following exercise incredibly helpful in working towards my recovery and thought that I’d share it.
It’s a list I add to everyday as I have insights so it’s an ongoing therapeutic process. It’s called ‘I am no longer the woman who…’ and it reminds me that this breakup (actually, I should say WAKE UP) is not about me being defective. Instead it helps me to remember that I am a person of value who just, like everyone (including my ex!) has issues and struggles. I have very low esteem, but as painful as that has been to examine and face it, the lightbulb moment has been an agent of change…as Maya Angelou so beautifully put it, ‘when we know better, we do better.’ Under the header of ‘I am no longer the woman who…’ the list includes:
– Treated myself badly because I was so terrified of rejection that I never challenged abusive behaviour
– Allowed myself to feel totally at fault for the short-comings my ex highlighted to me so often
– Who walked on eggshells around people who are too immature to see their own pain and lack the balls to look into their own mirror
– Spent so much time beating myself up with the ‘if I’d only been better, kinder, prettier, then he wouldn’t have left me and I would have worth’
BUT, I am now the woman on the white horse who gives my precious time and love freely to others without blaming myself when they abuse that privilege. I am now the woman with my head held high, knowing that I am a gentle soul who never takes my shit out on other people – that’s all that matters.
We will ALL recover – keep the faith and trust that the universe has beautiful things in store for you.
I can’t thank YOU enough for taking the time to share. Thanks for your love, support and for being a part of this tribe. You are valued, loved, appreciated and supported beyond measure. All my love to you <3 XO
Here is an attempt at analyzing heartbreak, making use of your tools.
For any romantic affair worth its salt, there has to be a right mix of chemistry, physics, and biology. That said, chemistry has an upper hand here. Biology is bound to happen if chemistry and physics are in work. That is, two people will make it physically possible to meet, interact, and mostly, MATE if there is a strong enough chemistry between them and biology will simply ooze the requisite hormones to make it truly blissful. Chemistry creates the fireworks and resultant smokescreen because of which we hardly ever see the red flags. This is the reason we find it extremely painful to let go of our ‘partner’ even if we physically remove ourselves from them. As long as we let the chemistry remain, biology WILL have its way if we run into him/her despite the years or experiences in between. This is why it’s important to neutralize the acids, extinguish the fire, and store the chemicals in tight containers, sorted and labeled. Though this process will seem like an invariably uphill task for the first few times, repeated heart burns will make you learn your lessons.
THIS. Love it! Thanks for sharing Anne 🙂 xoxo
I am struggling very much this week since the break up with my ex fiancé almost 4 months ago. It is coming up on our 1 year anniversary of when he proposed right after thanksgiving last year. We were together for 3 years and we had a lot of ups and downs. I won’t get into details, but this breakup hit me harder than anything ever has. I felt blindsided by the betrayal and trust was broken. It has taken every ounce of strength and faith since this all happened to keep putting one foot in front of the other and putting the pieces back together. I lost so much of myself in this relationship and it broke me inside. I was constantly compromising and kept excusing the red flags and believing everything would be okay if I just stayed with him and helped him with his issues and loved him well!! What made it worse is the fact that no only was he emotionally unavailable, but he also suffers from mental illness. This made the relationship even more of s struggle sometimes because of the mood swings. When things were good, it was the best thing ever. I thought we were best friends and lovers… I put my faith and trust in someone that didn’t even believe in himself or truly love himself for that matter. My self esteem and self confidence dwindled down to almost nothing thinking everything was my fault for him not being able to see the damage he was doing and the pain he was causing, somehow it must be me. In the end he showed me who he really was and that is what I am still having a hard time accepting. I didn’t trust my gut early on and would take him back whenever he came around to his loving self thinking that he would “change” back to the person I thought he was, my prince! And as you have mentioned in another blog, when someone keeps making the same mistakes it no longer is a mistake, it’s a decision. He had bad coping skills and would freak out if things got to stressful.. fight or flight response. It was hard sometimes to separate the illness from his true self, but I got to see all sides of him over the course of these 3 years. And despite all that has happened and all the damage that was done .. I still love and miss him. The him I thought he was, not who he is today.
It didn’t take long for him to find comfort with someone else not too long after our break up and this just killed me inside. I have stopped going on social media and have had no contact since early in the break up and I have stayed on my white horse. I have been looking deep within myself to try and heal and deal with all of my own issues of insecurity and abandonment. It been a slow and painful process, but I am getting more in touch with me and the things I need to work on.
Last night when I was on my way home from the gym I stopped at the gas station and when I went inside to pay I started talking to the clerk that was working there because she was selling homemade tamales that she had made herself for some extra money. So I don’t know how, but sometime during our conversation she started to tell me about her husband and how he had just left her for another woman days ago! She was selling the tamales to help her and her son get extra money so she can get a place of her own. She had no family here and only 1 friend that she could talk to, but she felt so alone and was deeply hurt and started to cry as she was telling me what happened. I immediately could feel her pain and I started to cry with her. I knew what she was feeling and I searched my heart to find the right words to say and all I could say was, ” I feel you” … I know the pain your in and i’m so sorry. I told her that I would pray for her and her son and that she would find her way again and keep the faith and know that this was NOT her fault. I put my hand on her hand and just squeezed it tight and looked her in the eye and told her she was not alone. I don’t know if this was fate that brought me in there and for whatever reason this beautiful soul reached out to me, and I have no idea if I helped her in any way by just recognizing the pain she was in, but when I left there I was sobbing in my car on the way home. No one is immune to pain and heartbreak… that is the one thing almost every human being will unfortunately encounter in their lifetime. In that short time I was with her I truly felt connected on a deep level and this was a person that was a stranger to me, but somehow we shared the same pain and grief in our lives. I had such a hard time sleeping last night and I prayed for her and her son. Since all of this happened with my ex I am finding myself more aware of the people around me whether it’s family or friends and I feel more connected to those relationships now, then I ever have. My heart still hurts so much over the loss, but I thank god for the people in my life that have stuck by me and have always been there. I still have a ways to go with building that foundation within myself, but I am doing it, one brick at a time.
Thank you Natasha for showing my the way and inspiring me to believe in myself and realize my worth.
Have a blessed day and a very happy thanksgiving my dear soul sister.
Vicki, you are the most beautiful soul. You are incredible. Thank you for shining your light here and for being a part of this tribe. I’m in tears and honored to have helped ? Thank you for taking the time to comment. You are understood, empathized with, loved, supported, backed, believed in and never, ever alone in any of this. XO
I’m going to do this. I have just given up on my first boyfriend and my first love. You will call me stupid or crazy but we really loved each other, even though we broke up twice and now, the last time. I always wanted to be there for him, but he couldn’t seem to figure out how to be with me when stress or recently, our fights popped up. I made my share of mistakes this time but so has he, such as leaving me now. So I’m letting go, and it is the hardest thing ever.
You said it, how can I ever know what heaven was like and go back to being blissfully unaware? We had such happy moments and I know it’ll bog me down, but I can’t help it. I just want to remember the happy, because I feel so sad. Any words would be appreciated because this just hurts.
About a year ago, I landed on one of your articles via praying at the altar of the google gods for some answers to all my inane questions. (I’m sure if someone had seen my google search history, they would’ve thought I was INSANE) I remember reading one of your earlier articles and finding you so refreshingly real, honest, and hilarious. At the time, I didn’t know what to comment since I wasn’t going through a breakup. But I remembered this blog. When I ventured back several weeks later and read this post, I KNEW the universe had handed me a gift. I was (and still am) in tears reading this one – it holds a special piece of my heart. This post – you sharing your story and vulnerability with us – is what gave me that gentle, loving nudge to finally look within. The next several months consisted of me voraciously reading through and digesting everything you’d ever written on this blog! I didn’t realize just how starved I was for soul food. Rereading this post now, I can say I still have much work to do but I also genuinely feel like I’ve come a long way from where I was. As I’m sure you know, change from within is slow, gradual, and not always linear, but I’m so glad I have your words and this tribe for guidance and company. PMS is our sanctuary while we build our own.
Thank you for everything ??
All my love and gratitude,
And now I am in tears. I am forever grateful for everything that lead you here. Without it, I wouldn’t have met my sister. Love you Amy. xoxo
Oh my goodness- I am at a loss for words… If I could do an emotional/ inner/ spiritual snapshot of my soul right now and the CALM it feels! I was searching and searching for an answer as to WHY I could not let go of someone who has so clearly moved on and only gives me breadcrumbs, and now I know why. I kept trying to build a sanctuary to him who is miles away from me both physically and emotionally. It’s funny- I have read this article tons of times before and definitely agreed on a MIND level, but now, deep down, I KNOW it to be true. With that certainty, I think I can finally accept that I need to let go of him and not feel like I am forcing myself to do so. Thank you a million times for your words!
Hi Lizzie! I am so happy and honored to help. Thank you for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe 🙂 All my love to you. xo
Like an ocean wave that sneaks up while at play and throws you onto the rocks, bloody and battered, left me in tears one day. Thank you for writing . “HOW TO LET GO OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE & MISS EVERYDAY” ?
It seems no one can know what I am going through, weeks and weeks after she said goodbye.
…but you do
I do ?? And you are never, ever alone.
? thank you Natasha ?
This is a beautiful post.
I will be passing this along to some people who I know will benefit from your words/reflections.
The best gift/compliment I could ever receive is you connecting with and benefitting from my work so much that you want to share it with others. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, B! xox
Found this today – day 3 of breakup of a 4year relationship. I can’t comprehend it yet but will read it daily until it becomes clear.
I pushed him away due to family & personal circumstances & without realising, the next thing I knew he’d moved in with a new woman ‘friend’ 20yrs my junior. I’m ruined at the moment. Crying constantly, not eating or sleeping.
You are not alone, Louise. You are loved, supported, backed, believed in, and understood.
Thank you for being a part of this tribe. Thank you for YOU.