You may not think about or care to admit it, but your gut knows when you are being strung along. Yet, it’s still helpful to know how to stop being strung along by a guy.
Is there a way to get out of your head and act on your gut feelings? Is there a way to stop being strung along by a guy?
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Waiting around for someone to validate you from a call or text back is a slow and eventual murder of your self-esteem. And without self-love, you will always look to others to give you direction, an identity, and a sense of value. Always. Unavailable guys are all too willing to accommodate because just like desperation, they can smell a backbone-less, insecure woman from a mile away. One who will put up with their unavailability, not pressure them into anything “serious,” and someone they can string along.
If this sounds familiar guess what? You’re living in the land of delusional limbo and robbing yourself at the same time.
It’s kind of like going to Las Vegas with friends and instead of going out to enjoy the food, shops, the spa, the shows, and the clubs… you spend all your time at the casino playing this one sh*tty slot machine. Your friends tell you to give it a rest but you’re in so deep, you’ve convinced yourself that the second you leave and “give up,” someone much less deserving is going to sit down and win your jackpot.
So what happens?
You never win the big jackpot. You end up broke and your friends have all given up on you. The vacation is over. You’ve wasted your time and feel worse than you ever did before you sat down to play as a jackpot hopeful.
There was no convincing you otherwise while you were playing. You were in a trance; very focused and rightfully so. You put everything you had – all of your money, emotions, and happiness into a game in which the house always wins.
Waiting around for someone to be ready or to change for you is not love. It’s a massive waste of your time.
When you wait around for and continually excuse someone that disrespects you, they’re never going to view your dedication to them as…
“Wow! I’m so lucky. Look at how much of an unavailable jerk I’ve been and look at this gem in front of me. I see it all now. She has put up with so much crap from me. I’m so lucky and ready to put a ring on it. I will never behave this way again even though I’ve been consistently doing so my entire life.”
He’s going to think…
I can use her for an easy hookup when I want. She puts up with my behavior, helps me out, and I can do whatever I want in the meantime. She can’t have that much self-respect if she keeps putting up with what I’m doing. There is nothing to chase because she’s always there. I’m bored. Who else is around?”
This is what you need to remember. I have bounced this off of many men (and personally, learned the hard way)…
Allowing yourself to be strung along does not translate to you or anyone around you that you are being selfless, dedicated, and patient. It doesn’t come across as admirable; that you are “a keeper” or a catch.
It translates that you are in denial, need validation like you need oxygen, and have zero self-love.
What if Liam Neeson did that in the movie Taken? What If he allowed himself to get strung along by the kidnappers who had his daughter and stayed in this fearful limbo where he avoided everything? Those movies did so well because Neeson’s character is dynamic; he takes action.
Be the dynamic character in your own life – not some flailing, indecisive, scared, and overly-chatty doormat.
You deserve more than being strung along and waiting around for someone to change, make up their mind, have space, have time to think, get clean, get help, leave their girlfriend, grow up, etc. Even if he asks you on bended knee with roses and a 10 string orchestra to wait for him, set your boundaries and remember that you need to value your own time and have your own back first.
“But I don’t know if I’m really getting strung along, Natasha. It’s complicated.”
YES. YOU. DO.
Your gut knows because you feel more confused than secure and are more depressed than you are happy.
I realized that one-hundred percent of the time I was being strung along and waiting, was because I was afraid of failure and terrified of being rejected (again). As long as I could be the mayor of limbo land, I didn’t have to deal. I always had something to talk about with my girlfriends. There was always some issue of his to obsess over and some problem of his that I needed to be better for and “fix.”
When the right guy comes along (yes, they exist), you will both choose each other. I dated a lot from the age of 17 and you know what? The first relationship that I ever had where the was a mutual choosing of one another wasn’t until I was much older and many years had passed. That doesn’t have to be you.
Anyone who strings you along does not value, respect, or love you enough because they don’t value, respect, and love themselves enough. They are all too comfortable with keeping the Happily Ever After door open just enough for you to have hope and stick around while they continue to use you.
Stop waiting for life to “happen” when someone changes.
Start making changes within by acting on the recognition of the strings that you are no longer willing to latch onto.
This is how to stop being strung along by a guy.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.