If the thought has ever crossed your mind, “I think my boyfriend is gay”… this post is for you.
This is a subject that I have wanted to write about for a very long time. Why? Because I once dated a guy who was everything I had ever wanted, until… I found something that forever changed the foundation that our relationship was built on.
I was once that girl, who didn’t know what to do or where to turn. A girl that found herself in the middle of the night Googling, “Is he gay? Is my boyfriend gay? I think my boyfriend is gay” while *he* was sound asleep next to me – as seemingly NOT gay as ever. I had never had a connection with anyone like this before. It couldn’t be. But then again, why did I find what I found on his phone?
Not only did I not find anything from my Google searches, but I actually found a ton of junk out there that personally, I think is very disrespectful to the gay community. “If he hangs out with guys,” “If he spends longer doing his hair than you do,” “If he dances fancy (I don’t know what that even means),” “If he cares too much about his hygiene,” etc.
Since when did caring too much about your hygiene become a bad thing, let alone a gay thing?
And to be honest, these “signs,” were not only insulting to the gay community but the guy in question, the had-me-ovulating-at-“hello”-George-Clooney-look-alike-Wolf-of-Wall-Street-for-real-Dos-Equis-commercial-most-interesting-playboy-women-magnet man that I was dating exhibited none of those “signs.”
I wanted to write this post for any woman out there who is or has ever found herself in this position.
I wanted to shed some light on this topic in the most kindly honest and respectful way I know how: by sharing my story so that maybe… just maybe one of you out there feels less alone.
So how did I get there on that night? – with my possibly gay (?) but totally straight (??) boyfriend sleeping next to me while I was hopelessly searching…
“I think my boyfriend is gay. Is my boyfriend gay”
A long time ago in what now seems like a galaxy far, far away, I was dating a handsome emotionally unavailable man that no matter what, I never felt like I had “all” of.
Whether it be his attention, affection, or commitment, I never felt like I fully had it *all” with *him.*
“Is he gay? Is my boyfriend gay?” Ummm… no. He was the ultimate guy’s guy. I’m still to this day convinced that he was the inspiration for the Dos Equis man. This guy had it all.
He was very well-known and had the world in the palm of his hand. He was the guy that every guy wanted to be and be friends with. He spoke multiple languages, smoked the best cigars, had traveled everywhere, took care of his Mother financially (and called her every day just because), volunteered in third world countries, and still looked at the world with the kind of wonder that you only see in a child’s eyes at Christmas. With the most infectious laugh and personality, he was a walking attention magnet. He had a way of making people feel like they could do anything (except be as cool as him or get any kind of emotional access to him). He kept everyone at an emotional arm’s length. I guess that’s where the attraction was rooted.
We had been going through a rough time. The weekend before, he had flown a few of his friends out from back home for what was described as a “golfing trip.” In reality, they didn’t golf. He took them all to strip clubs, dropping thousands on lap dances for everyone. He had been friends with these guys for years. They were all married with kids, except him. He was the perpetual bachelor and I was the lucky one that the “picky,” perfect guy had been holding out for. I remember feeling so insecure when I found out about the lap dances. It devastated me. Something just didn’t feel right about that weekend. Maybe because even though he eventually answered my texts on Sunday night, I felt such a distance… I felt like there was some sort of unknown threat.
So, there I was. At 3:19 am going through his phone while he was sleeping next to me. (I’m not proud of invading his privacy; there is no excuse for that, but I did it).
To my surprise, I didn’t find one disrespectful text, weird number, photo, or anything. I found so many things on his phone that made me forget his distance. He had all of his text logs up and talked so highly of me to everyone. My presence was all over his phone in the best way.
Then, just as I was about to put the phone down in the exact position he left it in, I opened his internet and a ton of bricks came crashing down. My whole body started shaking. I found multiple tabs of gay porn. “Is he gay?” I thought. “There’s no way. This must be some mistake.
The next morning, after he left to go to work, I called my best guy friend because I knew he wouldn’t tell anyone and would be honest with me. “I think my boyfriend is gay. Is he gay? Is this normal?” I asked. “Natasha, I’d rather stare straight into the sun than look at gay porn.”
But that wasn’t enough for me. There was no way that this guy, my guy, my everything… was gay. There were no tell-tale signs, we had amazing passion and there was just no way.
So, I went to my gay guy friend. “Is he gay?” I asked. “Well, I can say for certain that he’s not straight.” I still didn’t believe it. I knew this guy loved and was attracted to women way too much. I mean, he was the lap dance guy. The ultimate wingman/ladies man.
I kept the secret to myself and I never told him what I found. Despite his emotional bankruptcy, I got to the point where I realized that whatever his orientation may be, this was a man who was in a lot of pain and felt a great deal of shame. I never wanted to embarrass or humiliate him. I did, however, after a lot of tears and dot-connecting, come up with my own interpretation of our time under the stars. I’m not saying that this is applicable to every guy who has his girlfriend wondering, “is he gay?” but it helped give me closure and make sense out of what I found on his phone.
Is he gay? Here’s a list of what I’ve learned…
- I am not, I will never be, nor do I ever want to be at liberty to determine what ANYONE’S orientation is. All I can do is have my own back, know what orientation I am, and protect myself. I realized that I had no right to answer “is he gay?” or to definitively label him as one or the other.
- I think that the reason he loved introducing me to his guy friends and “showing me off” (which totally satisfied my validation-seeking self), was because of the attention that I commanded from other men. It was his way of inadvertently turning other men on. Same thing with going to strip clubs and buying lap dances for all the guys. It’s an environment where other men are turned on and he still got to be the playboy, orchestrating it all.
- He pushed for marriage and a family with me but when it came down to it, messed up the relationship right before it got to that point. He liked the idea of all of that because it would negate his internal going-ons, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
- I think that he was sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women. That’s as far as I chose to make sense of it.
- He was too religious, too manly, too known, too everything to ever even explore what he was doing such a masterful job of concealing.
- He had alluded to childhood trauma. When people do this, they are generally, only alluding to a small fraction of the trauma that was experienced.
- I realized that attempting to make him my psychological case study, was a bad idea. His business was NONE of mine. He was human and so was I. This was so much deeper than “us.”
- It was too complicated of a puzzle for me to keep attempting to figure out. It was hard enough trying to get him to be emotionally available but exclusively straight? I realized that it wasn’t my battle to fight.
People can’t help but communicate who they are.
If you ever find yourself, even for a moment, genuinely wondering “is he gay?” it’s time to make a dignified exit with grace. Don’t humiliate anyone, no matter how humiliated you feel. We are all fighting our own battles.
The one thing that you will never be able to compete with is someone’s preferences.
If you’re wondering “is he gay?” just that wondering alone will disallow you from ever being in an exclusive relationship with this man. It will always be a perpetual threesome: you, him, and his unmentionable preference, whatever that may be.
You deserve a mutual relationship in which the fundamental preferences MATCH – emotionally and sexually.
PS. A friend read this post and told me that I was “homophobic” for having an issue with my boyfriend potentially, not being straight. This friend is entitled to their own opinion but I never want that word and my name in the same sentence. I have the UTMOST respect for ALL orientations and genders. My friend failed to realize that there is a difference between preference and prejudice. And we are ALL entitled to wanting to be with a partner who shares the same preferences that we do, if that’s what we want. I have many friends who are gay and struggling with their partner being bisexual. It’s okay, we are all human and as long as we are kind and not prejudice or hateful (which I have no toleration for), I’m all for sharing my experiences if it means just one person feeling less alone in this world.
x Natasha
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.
Wow. That really hit home, sound exactly like my emotionally unavailable possibly gay ex. He made a point to show me off to his coworkers and family, and I found out he had been watching gay porn (and I have other evidence to support the gay theory). I googled and googled and found so much confusing information. This is really helpful. I believe the shame he feels over his repressed homosexuality may be why he is narcissistic.
Christine, Thank you so much for the feedback and for sharing your experience with this. I was so on the fence about writing on this topic, but the insane lack of anything out there gave me the push I needed to just do it. I’m so glad it helped! Thx u sister xoxoxo
Thank you. Just thank you for having the courage to write about this and do it in such a respectful and classy way. This healed my heart and gave me the closure I need. May God bless you Natasha. You are helping more people than you know.
BLOWN AWAY. Thanks from the bottom of my unbroken heart. You are everything I want to be and I hope you know what a healer you are.
With love from NYC,
Stephanie
To know that there are others out there who have experienced the same thing is so comforting!! It’s so unbearable to go thru these things alone. You seem to cover every topic that I have ever experienced and I’m so grateful for you and your following!!?
Thanks beautiful 🙂 I’m grateful for you too! XOXO
You are lucky you figured it out and got out before it was too late. I married one of these guys. We had multiple children. I have been married for almost a quarter century. I didn’t find porn back then (there were no iphones and no internet) so I had NO IDEA at the time I married him what the issue was. I didn’t even know at that time that closeted gay men married unsuspecting straight women. I was young, and in love, and had never lived with a man, and he was the alpha male, intelligent and athletic – but emotionally bankrupt and later emotionally abusive. I didn’t start to find the porn until we had a growing family and then I found lots of it – all 100% gay – guy on guy, hard core stuff. Not a woman to be seen. By this point, I had been in a emotionally abusive marriage for a very long time and my self esteem was shot to hell. I was his beard – but became so unknowingly and innocently. I worked myself so hard to please him but he could never be pleased. It’s taken me 3 years with a therapist to rebuild my self-esteem and later this week I plan to leave him. The therapist says not to tell the kids (it’s too complicated because he’s in denial) but I’m hurting because I have to be the one to bear the brunt of the blame for the separation and divorce. If anyone has any kind words of support I would be pleased to receive them at this difficult time. I have lost friends and family over his obvious abusiveness, but no one knows the truth of my situation or the extent of my pain (except the therapist).
Hi Jen,
Thank you sooo much for sharing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are not alone and you’re part of a tribe here. I can only imagine how hard this is for you considering that you’re carrying this knowingness all on your own while being on the receiving end of blame and guilt. You did the right thing by going to therapy and building yourself back up. Are you unable to tell any family at this time? Just keep coming back here to the blog and continue to have your own back. He is clearly in a lot of pain and deep, deep denial. Let him make his bed, stay on the whitehorse and secure your own proverbial oxygen first. Thank you again for sharing. XOXO
Hi Jen, my heart goes out to you, but you are not alone. My ex husband had a very complicated past and I always had my doubts about his sexuality, especially since his parents had their own skeletons in their closets that I found out about during our relationship. When he would drink his male friends would always tell me how touchy he would become and there were other things I noticed myself. My ex husband was also very verbally abusive and ultimately he ended up cheating on me with an ex girlfriend that to me always looked very masculine and I found it very odd. He was also oddly obsessed with anal sex and I never put two and two together. My daughter is 8 years old and she has always been obsessed with the thought of her father and I getting back together. I always tell her that her father and I are better separated because we would argue too much when we were together and we wanted to keep her away from that. I tell her we will always be friends and work hard to give her the best of us. My ex husband will always struggle with his sexuality but what matters most is how he is as parent and that is what you have to focus on. We have to put our emotions aside when it comes to how they hurt us and realize there are certain factors in our lives that are out of our control. My ex husband has tried to hurt me in any way you can think of, sabotage, you name it. I am a breast cancer survivor, had a bilateral mastectomy, due for surgery in a month to have a failed right ovary removed, but I feel amazing! I have my beautiful daughter and there will ALWAYS be light at the end of the tunnel when YOU KNOW YOUR TRUTH. You know you gave it your ALL, and that is all you could do. Your children will always admire you if you never speak badly about their father, NEVER DO IT. Even if he does, you take the high road. You want to set an example. I’m here for you if you ever want to chat..I’ve been through it all and I will be 40 in September, celebrating my strength. Our resilience as women is incomparable.
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this Rosa. Truly. You are such an inspiration. All of my love to you and your beautiful daughter. xx
I am hugging you so tight right now sister… I believe in you
I would love to talk to you about the one in the same situation there’s been several incidences that I’ve got to prove that he was gay and he does not like to be intimate with me. I am a very attractive woman I get hit on all the time he spends a lot of time with me but he still has his moments he lives next door where he needs to go home we don’t do anything intimate with me I’m knowing that he is autistic and I’m hoping that that’s the reason why I have accused him of being gay several times you’ve been exposed to throughout the neighborhood when the neighbor told me some kissing another dude on camera but the camera would never prove to me. I need intimacy so bad and I want it with him but he won’t give it to me and I love him and I know that he loves me too but I do believe he has a dude to for fill this out for me if you want to Internet relationship with a woman I love you stated in any form and not very many and a sexual one with a man. He gets hit on by gay dudes all the time I’ve seen it in front of my face I really funny with the restaurants he would sneak someone in the bathroom and go in there for 1520 minutes at a time to have sex when it came to me he didn’t want to hug me or kiss me or spend that much time with me since I’ve caught him he spends a lot of time with me he’s been very huggy lovey but he still does not want to have sex I know he’s under a lot of stress he’s brother just passed away and he feels like he’s tired of life so there’s a lot of depression and I’m sure that Him being gay is all part of it he wants to live a normal life and he is very big on religion and beliefs and God so I feel he’s really trying to build a relationship with me but he still has that need to have sex with this dude every once in a while we will have sex with me because he knows I have needs but it’s only onceA month same position every time I’m behind and he even loses his erection after two minutes On many occasions. I know that being with him not just have to except this and enjoy his company and his emotional support but I can’t help to feel like something is going on behind the scenes we fight about sex all the time I love him I just don’t know what to do anymore I’ve tried to leave her in the heat won’t take me serious says that everything is in my imagination I need someone to talk To that understands what I’m going through I just can’t take it anymore I love him I belong want to leave him I’m super attracted to him more than anyone else we’ve been relationship for us for years I really need to figure this out is such that important to me Yes it is for do I want to be with someone who’s not attracted to me I’m crying and dying inside I don’t ever want to let him go he has no kids he does not want to get married but I am pushing for and he says maybe one day in this relationship he has been emotional and physically abusive to me every time I found out or Accuse him of being gay I just don’t know what to do anymore it’s the choice Just stay because we both into it I love each other emotionally but I know it sex will never be in the equation for us
Thank you so much for writing this. It has been almost a year since my emotionally bankrupt gay ex who was also attracted to me broke up with me. You’re right, the articles out there about this are awful and completely invalidate that some women can still be heartbroken over this type of loss. I also appreciate how you did not undermine his real attraction and care for you and also did not label him. My ex was a carbon copy of yours right down to the sexual trauma. I thought he was the love of my life. What we had was real and wonderful but I deserve to be with a man who is comfortable with who he is and is a attracted to me because of my gender instead of in spite of my gender.
Ginna,
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and share your experience. Years ago when I went through this, I felt so alone in my feelings and experience; exactly how you articulated. You are not alone, you will get through this and you’ll be stronger as a result. Sending you love soul sister. XO
I’m so sorry. I just ended a relationship like this as well and can relate entirely to what you wrote.. also down to the trauma.. it was confusing the entire time but we had so much fun together and such chemistry. I loved him. I kept rationalizing things because I cared so much for him. Ultimately though, these are things you cannot compete with or overcome. We do deserve someone fundamentally compatible. Take care.
I absolutely love seeing this love and support! It’s what I live for and what I wish I had when I was going through this (and felt very alone). XOX
Natasha ?
I have reached out to you throughout the past year and read many of your posts. I even purchased the No Contact Contract. You have helped me find my way out of a very dark place with a narcissist man who was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive. In the first year that we met, I discovered that he was in an intimate relationship with a transgender woman. Please know that I do not discriminate and I accept others for who they choose to be as a person as long as it’s not harming me. In this case though it was because of how my ex went about the situation. Needless to say, it caused me an immense amount of trauma that nearly ended my life because in that moment amongst everything that had happened , I felt completely worthless and discarded. I am in therapy to this day, I read your posts daily and nowadays I choose to put ME and my mental health. I am finally in such a good and healthy place and I could not have done it without you.
I can’t wait for your book! I love you!!
Tiffany,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this. I hope you know how many people you are helping to feel less alone and giving a voice to. I am so happy and honored to have helped in any way.
So very proud of you sister. You are such an inspiration <3 I can't wait for you to read it 🙂 Love you too sister. xox
I should have included this in my last comment because it was the entire point I was trying to make ????? My ex was a total “guys guy.” I never suspected he might be gay because he was a total gym guy, was handsome and acted just like typical guys do. He has only been with one person of the opposite sex and explained he was attracted to her because she was beautiful even though she was born a man. I still to this day do not fully understand his mindset and I am okay with that. I do not discriminate, I just chose to value myself and my peace of mind more rather than stay involved in a situation that wasn’t serving me. All in all, you can’t fully know someone who doesn’t even know themselves. I learned a powerful lesson in that.
There is so much that I have to say about this.
I will expand on this further in a future post. Thank you for starting this conversation and shining a light on something that is so confusing, and isolating.
Thank you for being you. xox
Same sex, not opposite sex. I cannot think tonight I apologize!
I think you’re missing something in this article, communication. If you’re worried about something like this you should talk about it with your partner. Although odd, there could be explanations apart from he’s gay. And this is coming from a straight guy. You’re suggesting running away if you simply suspect it, but don’t talk about what would be considered a reasonable suspicion.
Hi! Thanks for your kindness/taking the time to comment. I would never suggest “running away” or use that terminology.
I wrote this with all the love in my heart; as kindly and respectfully as I possibly could.
I truly appreciate your input and agree.
Wow. This was a great read. After two long term relationships, my first was of 13 years, he was mentally abusive and we had a daughter together. My second was with someone whom I believe was a narcissist. After that one ended, I was single for 3 years. In walks my current boyfriend. We dated for 2 years before we (my daughter and myself) moved in with him. He seem like a basic middle class working working guy. After relationships with a touring musician and someone that made low budget films, I breathed a sigh of relief when this basic, low key but stable guy came into our life. Everything seemed _okay_ except for the lack of sexual intimacy. Sex dwindled down to three of four times a year, and he had so many excuses, being ‘old’ (he is now 52), diabetes, low libido, etc. I never thought him a ‘cheater’, but after 5 years of me of asking how to make things ‘better’ I eventually looked on his computer. I found Trans porn in addition to him soliciting ads through Craigslist and Kik for guys, crossdressers, transwomen… almost 6 years worth. He is so explicit in these ads and I literally have asked him ‘what can’ I do’ several times and he has ‘nothing’ for me. He indicates he is ‘bi’ but I don’t think this is true. For the last 8 months I have tried to empathize with him but there has been no progress and I am at my breaking point. I need to walk away and heal me.
I have tried to communicate but he is still using Kik daily to talk to other men or transwomen but still claims he is not ‘cheating’
Deanna,
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time and having the courage to share. You have no idea how many you have helped who are too scared to comment/can’t find the words. All my love to you and your beautiful daughter.
You are not alone. xox
This piece really struck me, as a bi woman who has struggled through both straight and queer dating. I think I am in agreement when I say that if you’re tormenting yourself over your partner’s potential sexuality and identity, there may be broader issues at hand. I can’t speak for everyone, but even if someone is struggling with their identity, they have the power to discuss that with you.
Anyway, I’m very happy to have found this blog today! Yesterday I ended a casual dating relationship because… he wasn’t sure if he’d have time for a partner after there’s a covid vaccine (“work will pick up and I’ll want to spend all my free time with friends”), and he wants to wait to date me until he knows how his life will be then. However, he wanted to still be friends and hang out. I have deleted his contact info, and told him that he can find me in 2021, after he’s sorted himself.
GOOD <3 FOR <3 YOU!!! You did the right thing.
Thank you *so much* for taking the time to share, Paprika22.
I really appreciate and value your perspective.
"...but even if someone is struggling with their identity, they have the power to discuss that with you." YOU HAVE NO IDEA how many people your words will help to set them free of guilt and ambiguity. Thank you, my friend.
I'm just as happy (and grateful) that you found this blog! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you.
You are not alone.
Hope that this finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. xox
This friend who told you that you are homophobic is delusional. I bet you money she or he wouldn’t be happy if his her partner turns out to be straight and used him or her all this time. She or he would be heart broken. So women who go through this heavy pain are also labeled as homophobic on top of everything. Let me tell you I went throug and the pain I felt was traumatizing because I was in love with this guy and it felt no different from being cheated on, actually I used to think that being cheated on would have been less painful. So for people to try to censor your expirence and make you feel like are in the wrong and You had to be ok with him being gay because if not you’re homophobic then those people are simply evil and have no empathy at all.
Cindy,
I really appreciate your input. Thank you for being a part of this tribe and thank you for being you.
All my love to you, sister. xox
The friend was a straight male.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It will help so many people. All I care about is helping others feel less alone. I never want to hurt or offend anyone. xox
This is just what I needed to read today. I am currently dealing with this after finding a conversation with a trans woman On my boyfriends Phone. I feel terrible betraying his trust this way. I love him like I’ve never loved anyone. I don’t know if I should bring it up with him or not but after 9 months together a lot of little things are starting to make sense that he is in fact a very confused man. He gets very defensive when I bring up my concerns about our sexual relationship. He prefers anal and me wearing a strap on than making love to me in a “normal” loving way. He’s always so quick out Of bed in the morning to avoid my advances. He has no outside friends and deleted all his social media accounts shortly after we met. He is very shy around other men. He is an absolutely beautiful man with long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, a very sensitive and deeply emotional soul. It’s breaking my heart. I don’t care if he’s bi, but the fact he’s so secretive and guarded about it is what kills me. If he just owned it (his sexual preference) there would be no issues. I just feel he is hiding and repressing his sexual desire and that the strap on is really not going to cut it in the end. In the message I read it states that he is “aching for a trans girl or CD baby” . Aching is a painful word to use that implies a deep withheld yearning. I just can get past the language he chose to use. He has never told me he is “aching” for me. Anyway.
Thank you so much for this article Natasha. I do feel less alone knowing how others are in the same boat. I am extreme alone in life right now though because our whirlwind love has left me alienated from friends and family. I feel so deeply embarrassed and used.
Melanie,
Thank YOU so much for taking the time to share. You have no idea how many people your story will help.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I live to give everything that I wish I had. And when I found myself in this situation, I would have given anything to connect with you; to know I wasn’t as alone as I felt.
You are not alone Melanie, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You have such a beautiful, kind, compassionate, respectful, and empathetic heart. I know how much this hurts. Unfortunately, we cannot be there for people at the expense of ourselves. I know how painful this is. And while it is impossible for me to directly advise in the comments section (thank you for your kindness and understanding that I cannot go into the kind of depth that I wish I could), what I will say is that you can never go wrong doing 3 things:
1. prioritizing your peace
2. having your own back
3. acting on the preservation of your mental health
I know how much you love and care for him. And my heart breaks for you both.
I love you and we are all here, for and with you Melanie. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. And thank you for the gift that is YOU.
I’ve been dating a man for 6-7 months, being COVID-careful for the first couple of months, and have grown to love him, and he me. Our intellectual and emotional connection and sense of mutual support has been profound (so much more so than my former 18-year marriage). Once we took off our masks, the kisses under the early spring moonlight were beautiful. But as we started spending some nights together, the sex was limited, perfunctory, and quickly over, and then later, he said he felt like he had to perform and didn’t want that pressure. I thought I just needed to get to know him better and hoped he’d like to explore loving intimacy with me, with mutual loving touch as the only goal, not a performance in any way. Instead, I felt like I had to be as quiet as a mouse to not disturb his sleep, which he said he seemed to need more of than me. When we were going to sleep together, he got in bed and started off to groggy sleepland immediately. He got up and dressed when I was in the bathroom, without saying good morning. In the evenings he started to drink too much wine which made him sleepy. He became more self-centered, even to the point of me feeling like he is narcissistic. I asked to talk, and we finally went for a long walk-and-talk along a beautiful natural creek. He met me with a loving hug and we held hands warmly. The he told me, he is questioning his sexuality, and has been for a long time. I’m 60, and he’s 63… I’m amazed he doesn’t know this already. But he grew up in a faith-oriented southern family where any hint of being gay was referred to as “funny” and was considered deeply sinful. I guess it takes a long time to get past the cultural conditioning and trauma; it is so sad that childhood brainwashing denies us our true nature and joy. We want to remain close and supportive, and I think we can. But I’ve been crying ever since, having thought I had finally found a gentle, kind, soulmate. Gay guys can make really good friends! I am working on letting go. I’ve known for a long time that I am bi, and maybe this is the time for me to seek a woman partner for truly loving connection and intimacy. I really have no idea how to go about it. For now, music and long walks are my solace.
Jessica,
What a compassionate, loving, empathetic, and beautiful soul you are. Thank you so much for having the courage and taking the time to share. By doing so, you are helping countless others (who are too shy to comment) feel seen, heard, and less alone.
You’re doing the right thing – keep having your own back, loving yourself, and coming from a place of compassion – as you always do. My heart goes out to you both.
You are not alone. Thank you for being a part of this tribe and thank you for being you. Xo
What a loving, compassionate, empathetic and incredible soul you are, Jessica. Thank you for having the courage and taking the time to share. By doing so, you are helping countless others (who may be too shy to comment) feel seen, heard, and less alone.
You are doing the right thing. Keep having your own back, feeling your way through your feelings, and being true to who you are. My heart breaks for both of you; it’s devastating on all ends.
You are not alone. Thank you for being you ad for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you; I’m glad that this article was helpful. Xo
Thank you for giving me clarity in this hardship. I too found history of gay porn on his phone, for a moment I thought I was reading more into it, because as I was going through his phone he was cheating on with endless women. So I justified the gay porn, however it was constantly in the back of my mind. Until I had enough of being emotionally starved, and it clicked, this is why he wasn’t ever concerned about my whereabouts or even complimented, and if he did it didn’t seem genuine. I’m so heartbroken because I loved him.
Hi Elisa!
I’m so happy that this post helped. I live to give everything that I wish I had.
I know how dark, confusing, contradicting, and lonely of a space you are in. You are not alone.
I will try to write more about this soon, as I see a REAL need for this to be discussed.
Please protect your mental health and have your own back. Do what YOUR INSTINCT KNOWS is best for you. I know it’s not the easiest and I know how heartbroken you are.
Thank you for being you and for being a part of this tribe.
Also, Thank you for having the courage to share. By doing so, you are helping countless others (who are too shy to comment and/or can’t find the words) feel less alone. All my love to you, soul sister. Xx
This resides with my current situation. I was with my boyfriend for three years, he would barely touch me and when he did it seemed so awkward. Other than that, he was the ideal man. Everyone loved him, he was the golden child in his family. We only had sex three times in four years. One night something told me to go through his phone and I didn’t see anything bad, he always spoke of me to his friends so I thought I was going crazy until I went through his camera roll! And there is was, saved gay porn, pictures of gay men, and screen shots of sexual gay tweets. I felt sick to my stomach. When I confronted him he gave me so many excuses, I tried to overlook it for some time but I just felt uncomfortable after what I saw so I decided to move out.
Thank you so much for sharing, Destiny, and by doing so, helping countless others who are too shy to comment or can’t find the words. You are not alone. I’m so happy that the post helped. All my love to you. Xx