“Should I block my ex on social media?” This is a question that I get asked… a lot.

“To follow or not to follow” and ” to block or not to block,” has become post-breakup, modern-day Shakespeare. It’s one of the first things you think of after a breakup because it’s one of the only things that you have exclusive control of.

It’s hard because it hurts too much to even think of him, let alone have to see his “I’m-so-happy-I move-on-so-easy-and-you’re-so-forgettable,” existence on your social media feed. You know that you need to unfollow him, but what good would that do? You’d still check his profile, even if it’s private. You keep track of his numbers and look out for his profile photo to be updated. You start to wonder, “should I block my ex on social media?” It feels surreal that you now are debating having to block someone who you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with.

There are pros and cons either way. So, what do you do? Once you block, you know that there’s no going back and it’s scary. Finality is scary.

If you are asking yourself, “should I block my ex on social media?”

Here’s everything you need to know…

Okay, let’s break this down. Besides the opportunity for your ex to see what he has lost/what he’s missing out on, here are some of the other reasons we just can’t hit that block button

• You’re hoping to find something, anything that shows that he’s just as miserable as you are. And maybe… just maybe… he misses you too.
• Emotional PC (political correctness). You’re trying to be a “mature” and “good person.” You think that if you unfollow or block your ex, that will just prove to him and all of your mutual friends that you’re weak, not over him, and that it hurts too much to stick it out. You care more about what other people think than you care about protecting your peace and mental health.
• You didn’t have THAT bad of a breakup and don’t want to seem like you’re overreacting.

I get it, I’ve been there. And there was no way I could alleviate the pain and anxiety over it all; I obsessed over everything.

Even if you’ve had the most mature and friendly breakup known to man, both sides still need time after the breakup to let the dust settle. Unless you are superhuman or you’ve already moved on, there is no way that seeing your ex’s posts, likes, and comments is going to do any good for your mental health. But then again, you tell yourself that it’s worth it because you really want him to see how hot and “happy” you are too.

Your breakup has now, officially been reduced to who can out-fake, out-happy, out-mature, and out-do the other.

It’s taken me a lot of time and a painful amount of humiliation to finally get to a point where my words match my actions (that’s called having character). Now, if I do go through a breakup of any kind, that means it’s OVER.

When the relationship ends, all access to me is shut down.

Every time I was in FBI-stalking-mode, it wasn’t social media or my ex that was hurting me. It was me choosing to retraumatize myself. I was the one who kept reopening my own wounds on the daily; gladly filling them with salt, and then, crying over the inevitable sting!

In my opinion, the best thing you can do after a breakup is unfollow your ex on all social media platforms or at least, hide his updates from your feed. “Should I block my ex on social media?” – I’ll get to that soon.

“Should I delete photos of my ex and I on my social media?”

Personally, I would suggest deleting all photos of your ex on your social media. You can archive the photos and look at them in the future when you’ve reached a place of indifference and peace – not every damn time you log onto anything.

Don’t worry about how you’re coming across to your ex or anyone else. Worry about YOU and your own emotional health right now.

When to block your ex on social media:

• If your ex got his/her validation by exploiting your hunger for theirs. An emotionally unavailable ex who treated you with a consistent lack of respect, honesty, love, and loyalty should not be able to find you under any search result. Period. You wouldn’t continue to follow a friend, a classmate, or a coworker that treated you like crap, would you? Remember, you’re the C.E.O of Y.O.U. Act like it and know when certain people need to be fired from the company and when others need to be blocked from accessing the building ever again.
• When your ex is using social media to get info on you/hurt you/create drama/create jealousy and/or when you are doing the same. There is nothing worse than feeling like you can’t be yourself. When you feel like you have to censor what you post and you think of your ex before posting, liking, or commenting on anything, your profiles are no longer yours. You have already been through enough. I KNOW how hard it is, I KNOW how addicting it is and I am telling you, I have wasted YEARS of my life staking the social media lives of exes (and girls I don’t even know) instead of blocking and unapologetically, living my own life. It was never worth it.

Should I unfollow our mutual friends/his friends?

• If your ex is using them to communicate with you in any way, yes.
• If you know they’ll “pass along information” to your ex or his family/other friends, YES.
• If they’re fake friends to you, yes.
• If it affects your mental health in any way, yes.
• If you know they’ll go tell/show your ex what you post, YES. (I KNOW this can be fun, but build your self-esteem by not engaging in these stupid games with pathetic people and stop validation seeking. Who cares if your ex-boyfriend and his friends gossip and share your photos? Don’t engage. Yes, it’s hard but you’ll have so much more self-respect – and they’ll still have nothing reminiscent of what actually matters in life). Believe me, if you work on building a life of your own, they’ll know who the f*ck you are and what the hell your ex lost. 

You have to decide if you want to do the hard work now and reclaim your power, your self-esteem, and your self-respect. Or, do you want to be the murderer of the person you are destined to be? Who you are destined to be is so much more than a set of eyes, ears, and fingers to type, that are dedicated to monitoring the social media life of someone who had no problem insulting your intelligence and betraying you.

I can’t tell you how amazing it is to post whatever the hell you want to without having to think or worry about your ex at all. It’s also pretty amazing to shut the door on them and all of their hurtful dysfunction. They may have broken up with you, but you can still have the last laugh.

WHO CARES what other people think? Anyone who is going to think you’re weak or that you just want to start drama or are making a big deal of nothing, etc., by blocking your ex, is no one that you need to be close with.

Since when did NOT wanting a daily stab in the heart and prioritizing your mental health mean that you’re weak?

You’re not in the amateur hour of that relationship anymore. You do what’s best for YOU and let your dignified actions do the talking.

If your ex really misses you, wants to see you, know what you’re up to, and gain any kind of access to you, translate through your actions (by blocking) that he’ll have to do a lot more than turn on his cell phone and log into an app.

And if he’s toxic, believe me when I say, you blocking him won’t make it “easier” to forget you.

We always remember the people that didn’t show up to the circus – not the ones who are there.

Written by: Natasha Adamo