Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Just pairing the words “social media and relationships” together gives me anxiety.
Although the topic may seem unnecessary, it’s not. It’s a real issue – an issue that I wanted to write about because when it comes to social media and relationships, there isn’t much out there.
The topic of social media and relationships is one of those guilt and shame-inducing unmentionables that we’re too scared to admit we have an issue with. We’re scared because there’s a part of us that feels like we have no right to impose on someone else’s right to do whatever they want with their OWN accounts.
A big reason why this topic never gets discussed: whenever it starts to become an issue, we immediately generate a bandaid-on-cancer excuse.
“He/she had these accounts (and a life!) before me. Who am I to have a problem with it?”
“I FINALLY have what I want. He/she is an amazing person in every aspect. I need to get over this pettiness before I lose them and fail at yet another relationship. I’m not getting any younger. This is just me trying to sabotage a good thing.”
“It’s better than him/her cheating on me! At least he/she feels comfortable enough to do this in front of my face and not behind my back.”
“All men do this! I have no right to be embarrassed or feel shameful about it. He’s just being a guy. It’s not like he’s sexting/DM-ing these Instagram models and a*s/boob accounts. It’s FINE. I clearly need to work on MY issues and insecurities.”
And the list goes on.
So, we give ourselves the excuse pacifier and seek to work on becoming “more understanding,” “less sensitive,” and “stronger.”
Yet, there is STILL this lingering, “if-I-was-good/hot/popular-enough-he-wouldn’t-have-to-follow/comment/like,'” mind f*cking MADNESS that you just can’t shake no matter how many excuses you try to extinguish your partner’s voyeuristic fire with.
Is there social media etiquette for dating and being in relationships?
What are the pink flags that precede the red ones?
When does “normal” social media activity become a deal-breaker?… When does it become wrong?… When does it become creepy?
I’m fortunate to have dated men that could care less about social media. All it took was dating ONE guy that was extremely active on social media, to unearth my most humiliating behavior, reverse narcissism, and deepest insecurities (that I didn’t even know I had in me).
The thing about social media and relationships is that if you’re being disrespected, it’s the most painful checkmate to find yourself in.
There’s nothing that is being DIRECTLY aimed at you, so if you ever call your partner out on it, YOU look like the unreasonable, insecure, and boundary-less a*shole.
When it comes to social media and relationships, here are 5 red flags to look out for…
I hear often from women who say that they’re in great shape, their self-esteem is intact and they feel like they’re with a great guy BUT… He follows an excessive amount of Instagram accounts that display everything that they physically aren’t.
For these women, their self-esteem is intact until they see who he’s following.
And whether he knows the people behind the accounts or not… it hurts.
Another annoying scenario is when he follows his ex/exes. He may even comment on their posts.
As far as deal-breakers go, that’s not for me to say. It’s ultimately up to you to decide what breaks your relational deal. What I am going to provide are some red flags to keep an eye out for when it comes to social media and relationships.
Your head, heart, and libido may be excusing and hanging onto a crumb diet for dear life, but YOUR GUT KNOWS when the crumbs are being taken for a loaf.
Here are the 5 red flags to look out for when it comes to social media and relationships
+ as with all of my writing, this can apply to any gender or orientation.
- In-Your-Face Awareness.
If your partner follows an excessive number of accounts that you deem as disrespectful; that you, your friends, family, and the world can see, what about the things that you can’t see? I’m not trying to scare you. What I am trying to express is that if your partner is highly sexualized in the public world of social media (and casually follows/likes/comments on numerous model/sexy/naked/porn/ex/inappropriate photos a day for everyone to see, WHILE he’s dating you), that’s a problem.
If your partner isn’t even going to pretend to respect you on a PUBLIC platform, what is he going to do in private? And if he doesn’t deem that as disrespectful, what then? This is so much LESS about insinuating that he will cheat and so much MORE about the kind of mentality that prevents a MUTUALLY loving, honest, loyal, and respectful relationship from EVER forming.
If there is a difference in your personal values and moral codes, a relationship will never work.
- Preoccupation with activity.
If he’s more preoccupied with likes, followers, and comments than he is an active participant in your relationship… red flag. Conversely, if you have all the females that he follows memorized and are stalking his every social media move WHILE being in a relationship with him, that’s not love. It’s a red flag that needs to be addressed.
As far as how it needs to be addressed, keep in mind that if someone is going to advertise their unavailability, empathetic bankruptness, and disconnectivity for the world to see, it’s safe to assume that taking the time to explain the hurtful effects of something they’re (totally fine with) doing on a public platform, won’t be effective.
Sometimes, you just need to speak with your actions and know when to fold.
- Attention seeker.
As humans, we are wired to yearn for connection, meaning, and belonging. But when it comes to social media and relationships, attention-seeking behavior is a definite red flag.
When you consistently seek attention on social media, you’re basically proving that for you, image and external validation take precedence over authenticity, substance, maturity, and connection. And what is life without any of those? It’s a red flag when your partner consistently looks for attention outside of your relationship in the name of cyber hearts.
- “Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there is no reason to continue.”
If you’ve lost respect for your partner (due to his social media activity), and you’ve lost respect for yourself (due to your social media stalking, excusing, and lack of backbone), true love is going to have an impossibly hard time finding a way.
If your partner does not provide an environment in which you feel safe to express your concerns (in a KIND and civil way), without feeling like you’re going to be abandoned, rejected, or made to feel/look crazy… you’re in red flag, toxic relationship territory.
- The worst kind of threesome.
Understand that if you’re dating someone who’s social media habits are disrespectful, you will ALWAYS be in an emotional threesome. As I’ve said before – true love is linear, not triangular. Inhabiting a relationship triangle is, in and of itself, a red flag.
If your relationship can be defined as you, him and social media – that’s not true love, that’s a very sh*tty, dysfunctional and heartbreaking threesome. Emotional threesomes always start as little pink flags that enable us to feel “passion” (because we suffer from low self-esteem and define passion as having to compete for basic things like love and respect). However, they quickly turn into deal-breaking red flags that will always be present unless you ACT by exiting the dynamic. There’s no need to explain why you want linear to someone who’s a professional triangle constructor and inhabited.
Are you done with toxic relationships and ready to attract (and be attracted to) healthy relationships? Do you want to connect with others on a deeper level than the comments below? Click here to become an Emotional Mastery Member and learn more. If you’re looking for more personalized, one-on-one help, you can work directly with Natasha Adamo here.
I needed this today like You Have No Idea. May Karma Bless You a Thousand Times.
So happy it helped <3 Thanks Jen. All my love to you soul sister. XO
So true. Social media and people take up all of the attention that is needed for someone special. I’ve been through this. Thankyou so much dear for the red flags to watch out for. Love. ??
Thanks Pankhuri! 🙂 Sending you love. xx
Going through it right now and ending the relationship. It took him having to make a respectful public change that he couldn’t and wouldn’t do and instead argued criticized and belittled me for having an issue with his 5000 female friends and him thinking I wouldn’t move on and not look back. I feel sorry for people like this. I should have known better.
My boyfriend followed an excessive amount of girls (near and far from where we lived) and barely any accounts that were men’s. He would like and follow erotic photos of these women (never comment), but more concerning to me he liked and followed the more conservative women as well. It always bothered me, but I didn’t bring it up because he never commented on photos just liked them. Everything else was great in our relationship besides this, so when I read this article it gave me the courage to confront him and tell him how it made me feel. When I did, I found he immediately deleted me off his Instagram and stopped following mine as well. He said he didn’t care about socials and if we where going to fight about it, we shouldn’t follow each other. He said other things such as “It doesn’t bother me who you follow. I never asked you because I trust you. Clearly, you don’t trust me.” Mind you, I wasn’t fighting with him, I simply brought up that it made me feel bad and that was it. He also said, “You know I like looking at women, and socials don’t matter…” Well, I didn’t know to the extent that he liked looking at these women and so I said if it didn’t matter then unfollow these people, but then when I said that I was “trying to change who he was” and he “didn’t know what else would set me off or if I would get mad at any new accounts he may follow moving forward.”
I told him the reasons I thought we should still follow each other and although he couldn’t understand why it bothered me or I didn’t feel there was resolution we followed each other again. I even presented a compromise of I didn’t care if he looked at women, but I didn’t want him to actively follow and he agreed. But then a few days later I see he had unfollowed me again without telling me. I confront him again and he says, “I didn’t post enough so he unfollowed. Also, that I’m obsessed with Instagram, and I only want to follow him to track who he’s following.”
Anyway, I ended the relationship based off his extreme reaction, which according to him “was something that didn’t even matter.” Clearly, it did though, and even though I feel sad now, I’m thankful that I addressed the concern because I would hate to have seen how he would have reacted towards me over a matter we disagreed on that was important.
Thank you for the article and letting me share my story on here. I know I went into a lot of detail here, but it’s been rather difficult since everything else seemed ok in the relationship, but I know I made the right decision. Your articles always help me remain strong in sticking to my boundaries, thank you so much.
WOW! THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking the time to share and by doing so, helping others (who are too shy or reluctant to comment) feel less alone in their situation and pain. I am so happy and honored to have helped/help in any way.
Thank you for being a part of this tribe.
BRAVO. You did the right thing! What an inspiration you are and I agree, his reaction was extreme and unecessary because it was a triggered reaction, not an empathetic RESPONSE.
All my love to you, sister. xox
Oh wow… You could just switch out the title of this article with the name of my ex and it would be bang on ? but it was SO hard to articulate at the time.
Natasha – THANK YOU for reminding us all that our feelings are wise (and valid). And that we’re better off out of the narcissistic, social media harem. Hope you and the fam are well. Much love & hugs.
Thank YOU B !! 🙂 I’m glad that it served you. You’re right, it is so hard to articulate, especially when you’re immersed in it. Thank you for your love, sisterhood, support and well wishes.
Love to you soul sister. xx
Great post! Thank you!
Glad you liked! 🙂 XO
Natasha what do you have to say about this scenario: I was dating this guy for 3 months and everything was going well, we were exclusive and in all intents and purposes he was my boyfriend. But when we finally added each other on FB after 3 months, I noticed that he had put me on “restricted access” to his profile, I couldn’t see most of his pictures, honestly there was literally no difference between what I could see as a member of the public and when he finally “friended” me. But me being me, I said nothing and never addressed the issue even though it hurt so much because he had unrestricted access to my profile, I have nothing to hide. What I didn’t know then was that he was emotionally unavailable and had no intention of letting me further into his life. I think in hindsight it was a Red Flag situation.
Hi Becky! Yes – definite red flag. Sorry I can’t elaborate more, I cannot give advise in the comments. Thanks for reading and for understanding! XO
My ex boyfriend lost interest in me and stopped acting like a partner when I said it bothered me he was following and actively liking lots of naked girls on Instagram and Facebook. He said they were his “friends” and it was controlling to ask him to stop liking their naked posts. I felt like I was going crazy and started to question my sanity.
This article gives the best advice, often it’s best to just fold and remove ourselves from their disrespect rather than torturing ourselves over it. Clearly he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. Thank you this post was just what I needed!!
Hi Anne! Thank you! I’m so happy it helped 🙂 You are not alone. XOXO
Wow, I just went through this! Had a LTR in the past where my bf was always actively adding young women to his social media and when I would call him out he would say I was crazy and threaten to block me. He also would never share photos of us or update his relationship status, saying he was a private person. Low and behold he was cheating with multiple people and eventually left me for someone else after 6 years together.
Many years later we got back together but his habits remained unchanged. Now in our 40s, he still is adding tons of young women to his accounts and also has the girl he left me for previously and all her friends on his social media. But he was refusing to add me as a friend because he said I was a crazy stalker. We came to hard blows about it after 1.5 years and it ended the relationship. He got mad, said he wanted to take a break and that I was childish to get upset over social media. When I explained to him why this was an issue due to how he treated me in the past he told me to have a good life and has now ceased all communication with me.
Lesson learned after the second time around.
Lesson learned, indeed! Thank you so much for taking the time to share, Jai. You are. not alone <3
Jai, I’m so sorry to hear that. I can relate somewhat…been married to my husband for 13 years and I’ve come to realize that his need for “privacy” is more like secrecy.
He refuses to take me to any social functions, he refuses to take couple photos with me, he lied about wanting children (before we were married, he told me he wanted kids) and most people at his job seem to think he is single.
When I have actually met some folks, they look at me in a weird way, like “who is this?!”
It hurts because we’ve been married a long time. I know how you feel.
I’m not an embarrassment or anything to be ashamed of. I’m smart, I’m pretty, I’m kind, I’m a good wife…this is just wrong that he does this.
When somebody hides you on social media, it’s a problem. Not saying they have to put all their business on the Internet, but it raises suspicion when they get angry about taking a picture with you (yes, my husband reacted this way!) or they restrict you from their social media and refuse to even acknowledge a relationship with you.
It definitely indicates that something isn’t right. I agree with Natasha too, that it’s like being in an “emotional threesome”.
You, your partner, and this other third party whom you may or may not know. That’s what has me feeling so unsettled after 13 years of marriage now. I feel like there is somebody else and he is more concerned with her feelings (whoever she is) than with protecting MY feelings and OUR marriage. This is why he won’t allow us to even have pictures together.
It’s like he doesn’t want my existence to be public knowledge to his coworkers or somebody he has another relationship with.
Omg exactly what my current partner keeps on insisting….all his former flings and hookups are on his social media and they are all his “online friends” ironically he blames me for being unable to “leave his past in the past” although he is bringing his past into our present and is thereby likely preventing us from having a future.
Hi Natasha…I still read everything you write and always want to reply cause I love everything you write, but I am usually too tired being the end of my day, and all, by the time I check in with you. I have been following you basically from the beginning, I feel your articles are getting stronger and stronger, or maybe I am getting stronger and stronger, or maybe we are growing together!! I always admire your bravery and raw honesty, and as long as your writing I will be reading!! I will never forget how you came through for me when I reached out for you, it meant a lot to me and still does. x0
Melissa!! Hi! You are my day 1 – I’ll never forget you. I think we are growing together 🙂 The feeling is mutual. You are loved, appreciated, missed, believed in and adored. Thanks for being a part of this tribe and for your love and sisterhood. I’m excited for you to check out the videos, podcast, online courses and my book when it comes out. Love you sister! XOXO
My ex had another big red social media flag. Even though he had deleted his previous exes, traces of them still littered his Facebook. A ‘like’ here, a reply to a nonexistent (any more!) comment there. But he never made mention of me on Facebook, anywhere. When I asked him about it, his reply seemed reasonable enough… he didn’t want drama to happen because of it. Thinking back, that should have set off so many warning bells! If we were in a real relationship, why would there have been drama in the first place?
Funny enough, after I finally broke up with him (I gave him an ultimatum about a destructive habit that was ruining both our lives… he made his choice, so I made mine!), and he hopped into a new relationship, photos of them together popped straight up on his Facebook the very day after they started dating. They got married after three days of knowing each other at all. It’s been almost two months and I’m unhappily happy to say that everything you said in your “think your ex has changed and is in a better relationship” post is EXACTLY RIGHT! The new guy is finding out everything I found out first hand. And all I can feel any more is pity — for the new guy!
I was a complete and utter wreck the first month post-male. I finally found my way here thanks to a Google search for, I believe it was “how to get over him when I just can’t” or something along those lines. Anyway! This blog honestly provided me a waypost on getting back on the road to recovery, and I cannot begin to even formulate adequate thanks for that. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and insight! Every day has its own struggles still (working on month four post breakup, and month two of no contact!) but I’m starting to believe I can make it. The biggest lesson I learned was that good memories can STILL BE GOOD even if they turned into something horrible… you’re not weaker for enjoying them for what they are! But, they also don’t have to be a reason to get off your white horse and go begging for him back…! They can just be good memories, nothing more and nothing less.
Wow sorry I did not mean to type you a miniblog here. Bottom line… thank you, thank you for showing your scars so that we can learn for them. Thank you for being a beacon for those of us who are completely, utterly, and hopelessly lost.
Hi Mouse! I’m honored to have helped propel your healing and realizations. Thank YOU for being a part of this tribe 🙂 You are adored, loved, appreciated, understood, believed in and never, ever alone. XOXO
Love this! You are always spot on! ??
Love you sister! xo
I’m curious about a social media experience, and wonder if you have any thoughts on it : my ex would not engage with me at all on FB. He completely ignored everything I did or said – never once acknowledged me online. I didn’t especially want to live my life on FB, so I largely ignored this behaviour.
However, he and his new girlfriend are all over each other on FB, with declarations of love, how much they miss each other, etc, ad nauseum. I also happen to know that it was this way with the gf before me, too (FBI mode. You know how it is).
Given how it all worked out (me with broken heart), I just wonder if any meaning can be attached to any of it.
Your blog has been a lifesaver, by the way – definitely saved my bacon. 🙂
I’m so happy that the blog has helped!! & YES, I know FBI mode all too well haha 🙂
I wish that I could answer, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog. All my love to you soul sister.
You’re not alone XOXO
I’ll try to write a post on this soon !! x
Hi Rachel…I know your post is from 2017 so maybe you won’t see my response.
But here are my thoughts.
I don’t think it’s your fault. It sounds like your ex had some issues that had nothing to do with you.
The “new” girlfriend might have been someone he was cheating on you with, so that’s why he is putting on a show with her on social media.
My ex-boyfriend did something similar to me many years ago. It’s not personal (although it feels that way).
It is their problem, nothing more.
I think what we can learn from this is to maintain our confidence and self-worth, and expect more from our partners.
I told my husband that it bothers me how his life seems “compartmentalized”…like he has some type of double life, and most people on his social media have no idea that he is married.
Most of his followers are female coworkers I’ve never met or heard of, and they have a certain look that he seems to like (hint: I am somewhat the opposite of that).
I think some people have a need for attention and validation that can hurt relationships if they aren’t careful.
My husband seems to like it when others compliment him, but not so much when I do it.
Rather weird…maybe it was the same with your ex too? They will validate others (and accept validation from others) but not you.
So I think sometimes they put on a show for certain followers, where they either pretend to be single (so they can flirt or cheat) OR they decide who is a “worthy” partner for them to show off.
I’ve been with some guys who turned out to be shallow and they would hide me from people because they or their friends thought I wasn’t good enough. Please understand that no one deserves that, and hopefully you found somebody better than your ex.
That would be great, thanks! My curiosity runneth over. 🙂
Words can’t express how accurate this is, and how much it has helped me to understand that I am not the problem, and never was in this aspect of my relationship. Now, onto figuring out why I’m so ready to ignore those red flags and question myself instead. Thank you SO much!
Happy it helped! Thank YOU Jen – for being a part of this tribe and for being the light that you are 🙂 XOXO
Really looking forward to working on this
Curious about this coming from the opposite perspective. I’m currently talking to someone who is constantly asking me about people who are in photos with me, like my photos, etc. He must do a lot of social media (mainly Instagram) stalking of me, to the point where he randomly brings up people he’s never met and asks about my history with them. I know he has a lot of distrust as it’s only been a few months in and he’s been cheated on before, but it drives me nuts. I try to pacify the conversation and assure him that these people are not a threat. I don’t follow any questionable accounts or regularly communicate with other males on social media. It’s like he looks for things to be worried about. Definitely sounds like a personal problem he needs to work on but I’m not sure if there’s anything more I can do and it’s very challenging to not get angry! Still enjoyed this article for the other perspective.
Thanks for pointing that typo out – I just fixed it.
And thank you for defining the difference between the 2 words in case I didn’t know. It was a typo.
My boyfriend acknowledges me on Facebook and is attentive in real life and is present with me. Still his social media, Instagram and Facebook have many provocative type people that he’s following/friends list. I’m not a prude and I try not to be uptight, but it hurts me. I cannot help how it makes me feel, but at the same time I don’t want to be controlling or tell someone what to do.
I feel caught between a rock and a hard place and I don’t like the insecure feelings this is evoking in me. I feel guilty for my feelings and not sure if it’s my own insecurity or if I’m valid in my feelings?
I wish that I had the time to advise/answer in the comments, in the kind of depth that I want to (thank you so much for your understanding and kindness).
You are completely valid in your feelings <3 xoxo
Just found this article. My BF is a an administrator of one FB group where we met. We strated dating and he made many promises about stopping his behaviour in the group and on FB overall. In the group, he holds a contests for sexy girls of the month, he has all of them in friends. Evethough he keeps his real face private and jsut some chosen people know what he looks like. When we started dating he made a promise: I will not keep you a secret…. He never kept it although he kept making the same promise evere month and many more promises. It almost makes me cry and I feel he is ashamend of the fact that he is dating me. Or maybe he does not want to loose his FB status as an unreachable guy. At first, I helped him with the FB group, I made funny pictures and videos for him – no appreciation at all. Now I ghosted from the group and all his FB pages because it makes me sick seeing him commenting a posting while I am waiting for him to reply to my message. Is that so hard to confess he is with someone….and moreover…dedicate his time to the relationship instead of Facebook? Do not know what to do.
After 2.5 years together, he finally agreed to become my FB and Instagram friend. It wasn’t ok for me that he was avoiding( hiding) this for so long, it was a red flag to me. . Then I found out he was following most of his exes and also some other girls. Besides the “like”-s , he was very active with sexual, flirty, wow-type comments, complimenting their looks while he’d never acknowledged any of my posts. It was so painful, believe me! I couldn’t find a peace : why? I knew I looked much better than those girls and he’d never complimented me. Why?!!!!
Until today I’ve never told him what I’d seen, I didn’t want him to know I stalk. Anyway we broke up and first think I did was to break our social media “friendships” but I couldn’t help keep checking some of the girls’s posts whether he liked and commented them. It was insane!!! Of course – he was!
Now, at this moment, I’m at “temporary deactivated”-status of my social media- I want to focus on myself, learn to respect and love myself, working on my self-worth and confidence and the most important- to set up boundaries . I’m feeling much better without both him and the social media! I needed that.
GOOD FOR YOU! You are protecting your mental health, peace, and doing what is best for you.
Thanks for taking the time to share 🙂 xox
Hi there, I want to subscribe for this blog to get newest updates, thus where can i do it please
Red Flags – nailed it. You have never lived until you get involved with a professional horse trainer with an expanded ego. 50,000 views on a Utube video and women with a lot of money (and high dollar horses they cant control) after him everywhere especially on social media. Unloaded him 3 days ago. Its not possible to love only parts of a person.
“It’s not possible to love only parts of a person.” – SO TRUE.
Thank you for sharing and for being a part of this tribe, Sheridan. So happy that the post helped. xox
No offense but this article kind of seems like a little bit of a hate speech on men. Maybe you should have wrote the post more as both partners are susceptible to the exact same behavior. Because women are just as able to commit some of these issues as man is. I just think it’s kind of a bit of a targeting article. Because in this scenario I’m the one that feels that way. I like the whole article besides that everything was about the man being the issue when it should state not just the man being the problem and not just the woman being a problem. Either or red flags can come from either side because in this particular scenario I’m the one that feels like I’m in a “triangle of love”. Because I hate social media I don’t trust it they create social media and create ways to help people sneak around behind people’s backs then you have your browser instead of putting Incognito bases on their tabs just so you can hide stuff from your your significant other. I mean I get that trust is number one in a relationship but like you said we all have self-esteem problems and social media kind of targets that. Especially Snapchat and Facebook they’re literally designed that way. And that makes me uneasy I have a lot of trust issues anyway you gone through some bad relationships that almost every one of these flags has happened to me. And my fiance spends more time on her social media think she does spending time with me. But anyway so that’s just my point of view. I just think people in general just spend too much time caring more about their Facebook and Twitter’s and whatever they’re using then spending time with an actual living person that can actually love them actually care for them and is physically right there beside them. Instead of a non-existent life form that is just data on somebody else’s computer.
I am sorry that this article was triggering for you and can empathize with where you are coming from.
I know you said “no offense,” but I do take offense, as my work is everything to me.
I do not see any “hate speech” on anyone of any gender here. That is an extremely serious accusation. This is my life’s work.
Please try to be kindly inquisitive instead of passively accusatory.
I have dedicated my life to helping others out of pain and suffering that I not only know all-too-well, but that I have both created AND been on the recieving end of. And make it ostensibly clear throughout my work, and on ALL of my social media platforms (which you are free to go and verify), that I have absolutely zero tolerance for male-bashing.
Men are NOT the issue.
Self-hatred is the issue. An inability to self-reflect is the issue. Narcissism is the issue. Selfishness is the issue. Un dealt-with trauma is the issue. Empathetic bankruptcy is the issue – NOT men.
I wrote this article years and years ago from the perspective of a straight woman (me). As I have grown and developed as a writer, my writing has improved. My clients and readers from around the world are of every gender, orientation, age, and stage in life. The beginning of this article says “he/she.” I should include other genders and pronouns as well but I will add a disclosure.
Everything I write about can be applied to ANY gender or orientation and that is made clear throughout my site.
Toxicity is not gender-specific. If I claimed that it was, believe me, there would be A LOT more comments from men here echoing your accusations.
Again, I am so sorry for everything you’re going through and I agree with you about social media being toxic.
But when you come into my digital “home,” that I built with all the love in my heart, and imply that I am writing “hate speech,” I am given no choice but to defend myself.
I think if you genuinely thought I was a man-hater and that my heart was full of hate, you wouldn’t suggest in another comment that I re-word the post.
I appreciate your kindness and undertsanding.
I have been seeing someone for about 6 months now. We love each other. She is very insecure and she began stalking my social media a few months ago .She questions every like I have ever made for another girls. These are all likes before I met her. Some of them are from years ago. Any advice for me?
I will try to write more about this soon! Thanks so much for your kindness and understanding. It’s humanely impossible to advise here in the comments. I would need to know many more details about your relationship.
Thank you for being you and for being a part of this tribe. I hope that the posts have been helpful!
I’m at the point where respectful non monogamy appeals. It isn’t reasonable to expect people to not be attracted to others. Just the promising to be true makes people bolt for the door. Thanks for your posts. 🙂
Thanks for your input, Di!
Natasha I have oh so many questions. 1. What does my spouse of 22yrs feel the need to display partially nude photos on her social media site, plus idon’t know how many unknown sites. She also has a Snapchat account.
It is humanely impossible for me to advise in the comments section (thank you so much for your kindness and your understanding). I don’t know why she does this; I would need to know more details and background information. You are not alone. Hope that this post was helpful.
What if he comments “beautiful” and “gorgeous” with hot and wow emojis all over their page? Am I over reacting by getting upset if we have been dating for five months but no discussion about a relationship?
I really enjoyed this article and sympathized as well. My bf followed “Instagram models” ( i think we all know the kind, ahem) I told him that I found that to be immature and unattractive behavior at the beginning of our courtship and he unfollowed them. Months later I discovered a few more that were of girls he knew from his town, that were pretty sleazy. We were already living together when I found out. He had given them likes and I lost it on him. I felt very disrespected and untrusting. He unfollowed them as well. Briefly after, he added another girl; it did not go noticed. After the last confrontation, he deleted Instagram. It’s difficult to rebuild trust after stuff like this- so ladies, be VERY clear with your partner about your boundaries around social media with your partner from the get-go. He did not understand why it was a big deal for me until I briefly posted revealing photos of myself on Instagram; he felt extremely uncomfortable with other people viewing my body this way and it helped him understand why it wouldn’t be comfortable for me if he was following nearly naked girls. I, to this day, can’t tell if it was playing dumb, or I wasn’t clear enough about my boundaries, but what I do know for sure is that despite how much I love him, he’s definitely lost some respect for him. Given the choice between dating a man who has a history of following and liking girls like that, and a guy who hasn’t/doesn’t…we all prefer the latter, fellas.
Thank you *so much* for sharing (and by doing so, inspiring and helping counltess others feel less alone). Thank you for you.
All my love to you, Sister. Xox
I have been in a relationship of 3 years – I was aware of his following of various women on instagram and Facebook. Every now and then I would bring it up about what was his activities with these women online He would be very defensive. I asked if he was talking to them and he said no. Which was a lie. I though well its only words nothing more but in the back of my mind I know this is not right – that it is disrespectful to me. It became so bad that I took matters into my own hands. I logged into his Instagram – so I could see these conversations with these women – mostly he just said – hi hi and so forth nothing much just boring stuff but he was communicating with them. I logged in because I wanted to prove to myself that I was not going mad but that he was lying to me. I have probably given this guy too many chances. He’s so wonderful in so many ways that I thought I could over look all of this. But it eats at me and makes me obsessive with his online behaviour. Any advice you could give would be wonderful.
He’s now on Tik Tok – so I made a false profile. He let me follow him. And surprise surprise he starts talking to me. Just boring stuff hihi and what are you doing. Once again I confronted him about – does he talk to these women – he lies and says no or if they do they start the conversation – another lie.
So I confront him again and he threatens to leave me, says he’s had enough but he hasn’t left.
I am not sure what to do – I think its going to keep rearing its ugly head. I thought I could change him but he is who he is. He thinks that I don’t trust him because I am asking the question about his behaviour but I say its because that’s what couples in a relationship do – talk and set boundaries. That its disrespectful to me if is commenting and talking to other women online.
I said I didn’t want our relationship to end because of social media – but it looks like we are victims of something I can’t stop.
Thank you so much for sharing <3 I hope that the post was helpful. It is humanely impossible for me to advise here in the comments (thank you so much for your kindness and understanding). I would need to know many more details. Please visit my coaching page. I am happy to help; you are not alone.