Do You Dream About Your Ex Every Night?
What does it mean when you dream about your ex? Have you ever wondered “why do I keep dreaming about my ex?”
Dreaming about an ex is the ultimate mind f*ck because really, dreams can mean anything. They’re open to interpretation and there’s never a definitive answer as to what they mean.
If breaking up didn’t cause enough heartbreak and sleepless nights, there’s nothing worse than obsessing over/stalking your ex all day and then when you can actually sleep, not even being able to catch a break in your sleep because… there he/she appears.
I remember months after a particularly bad breakup, I had finally started dating again and feeling (almost) back to myself. There was still a level of loneliness and sadness, but it was manageable and for the first time, I could feel myself overcoming it.
Things made me laugh again, my appetite came back, I didn’t feel nauseous and cold 24/7, and I was slowly but surely, moving on. I had “made sense” of it all and neatly filed the relationship away. Yeah, I’d think about him every now and then or I’d look at his social media but it wasn’t a big deal.
Then one Sunday morning, everything unraveled. I woke up from dreaming about him. It was such a vivid dream. I was shaking and soaked in a cold sweat. WHY was I dreaming about my ex? What did it mean?
There have been times that I don’t even remember having a dream, let alone dreaming about an ex, and then… a girlfriend who was sleeping over will tell me that I was talking in my sleep (??!) and calling out my ex’s name (?!).
I can’t be alone in this.
What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex?
How do you make sense of it all?
Looking back, I should have had my own show called, “Natasha Adamo: Dream Interpreter.” I could have been the Cesar Milan of dreams. I have wasted so much time that I will never get back, allowing my dreams to keep me stuck, remain invested, and ultimately, set me back. I romanticized the f*ck out of dreaming about my ex.
All it took was one dream, and I was enthusiastically interpreting it with a Shakespearean accent and a mental feather pen.
What I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter the context you dreamt about your ex in. You could have had a sexual dream about him, a dream that he cheated on you, embarrassed you, hurt you, or did whatever it was you always wanted him to do, It could have been a funny dream, a scary dream… whatever the case may be, they all mean and ultimately indicate the same thing: trauma.
Dreaming about an ex is nothing more than your heart, your insecurities, your desires, your hopes, and your truth trying it’s best to play catch up with what is, with what has passed, and with what has transpired since.
I remember the very first time I went to acupuncture, the acupuncturist suggested a “trauma release” treatment. That was the first time in my life that I ever projectile cried. I cried like a cartoon character. I thought of and remembered things that I hadn’t in YEARS. I couldn’t drive home after that treatment. I fell asleep in my car for a few hours and then again when I got home. The next day, I called my doctor to make sure nothing was wrong.
The doctor explained to me that when we experience trauma, the emotions associated with that trauma get trapped in our organs and tissues. If left un-dealt with, this can lead to certain cancers and dis-ease within the body (for more information on this, DR. Gabor Mate’s book, When The Body Says NO: Understanding The Stress-Disease Connection, is incredible). The acupuncture broke up and released all the emotions that were trapped in my body. This is why I was having the reaction that I was.
So if emotional trauma can remain trapped within our organs and tissues, is it really THAT off base to assume that it can remain trapped within our psyche? I don’t think so.
To keep dreaming about an ex is nothing more than your head and heart trying to process the emotional trauma of loss, shock, disappointment, and betrayal (both self-inflicted and ex-inflicted).
I am not minimizing the trauma or realness OF the actual dream. I’m stressing the importance of not romanticizing it and running with it as a “sign” that you need to impulsively investigate and act upon.
What Dreaming About An Ex Is NOT
The biggest mistake I made was allowing the fact that I was dreaming about an ex to DISALLOW ME from evolving and moving on with my life.
Just because you’re dreaming about an ex, it should NOT elevate your ex’s value or give you a green light to “further investigate. ” It should not plague you with regret or make you think that just because you’re dreaming about him, that it must “mean something.”
It doesn’t.
He’s still toxic and you are still seeking validation.
Trust me when I say that if he was that great, you’d get a LOT more of an indication of his greatness than just in your dreams.
Dreaming about your ex means is that you were deeply affected, traumatized and that your head and heart are processing it as best they can.
Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex?
- You didn’t get proper closure in the relationship. We will never get the “perfect” closure. I don’t think it exists. If you feel like you didn’t get proper closure, USE his unavailability and the fact that he’s incapable of a mutual relationship, to propel you into finishing your own emotional sentences and creating your OWN closure.
- There are still feelings there. And that’s okay. You can honor those feelings without having to jump off your white horse and trick yourself into believing that the relationship is worth resuscitating. You don’t need to embarrass yourself and contact him JUST BECAUSE you’ve been dreaming.
- You’re unhappy in your current life/relationship/job.
- You’ve been on an FBI-investigatory stalking binge.
- You’ve been subconsciously triggered by alcohol, drugs, another person, yourself, a song, a movie, exhaustion, social media, your best friend getting engaged, HIM getting engaged… and the list goes ON. Okay, you’re triggered. Still not a valid reason to drink the “he-was-the-love-of-my-life-and-my-Happily-Ever-After-is-nevermore,” Kool-Aid.
Your ex is your ex for a REASON. A reason that is totally valid and INDEPENDENT of whatever you dream. Our dreams only have as much power and meaning as we CHOOSE to give them.
Make the choice to disempower the ex dreams by subscribing to reality, putting one foot in front of the other, staying on your white horse, and knowing that you are part of a tribe here.
x Natasha
+ If you’re dreaming about an ex and need further and more personalized help, please look into working with me here.
??’d this Natasha! Another amazing post ??
Thank you for making sense of what I have been struggling with for months now. It makes me laugh to think I was going t go to a psychic to interpret my dreams. Lol. I have all the answers I need now. Thank you for being you Natasha ?
Thank you Natasha x ive made so much progress in the last six months, only to have a heart wrenching dream about him out of the blue some time last week. I didnt want to get out of bed … not sure how I wouldve handled it had I not had the 2000 screenshots of your blog on my phone to quickly go over before my day started lol. You are so special, thank you again ?
It takes one to know one Louana! You are very special too 🙂 Thank you so much for the love and support. I’m happy that the blog has helped and I know how you’re feeling. You will get through this; you’re not alone xxxxxx
Loved this. Needed to hear this. Thank you so much.
I seriously, no lie had a dream last night about my ex! It was the freaking worst. I think what triggered it is last night I went bowling with my family. The last time I’ve went bowling in that particular place or even stepped foot there was Halloween night last year when my ex and I went on a date. It was such a great night, and going bowling with my family brought so many memories of being with my ex on Halloween night. I had felt moments of sadness, but my family is so comical I didn’t stay in sadness all through the night. It really made me miss my ex because I was reminiscing over and over after I got home last night. At first, I had no dream when going to sleep, but I wake up occasionally to check my phone to see if my ex text me. It’s a really bad habit I have. Anyways my dream didn’t come until early early this morning when I woke up and then went back to sleep. It was such a horrid dream, I just remember my ex texting me and us going back and forth about the relationship. My ex was not responsive, and even got a friend involved to text me and throw it in my face that the relationship is over and to tell me no one cares about the difficult time I’ve gone through out the break up. I woke up so scared and sad. Dreaming of your ex is the worst and this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve dreamt since the break up.
Great post Natasha once again. You’re so right on, and I love how you can relate to me in so many ways. This post came in such perfect timing!
Thanks Melody! I’m so happy that it helped! 🙂 xx
Speaks to my molecules deep inside ?
🙂 yay!
I recently discovered your blog and I just want to say how amazing and truthful all of your words are. I haven’t been able to understand why I keep dreaming about an ex when I’ve been trying so hard to move on – this post is so spot on! Thank you for creating this wonderful space to empower women around the world and for giving a voice to those who are heartbroken.
Sheena, you’re going to make me cry. Thank YOU for taking the time to reach out and for your love and support. I’m so glad that the blog has served you and thank you for allowing me to see that I am never and was never alone in my experiences and pain. xoxo
Wow, I actually woke up this morning from a very vivid dream luckily to find this post waiting for me in my inbox. You are helping me tremendously, thank you!
Yay! So happy it helped! Thanks Bella 🙂 x
Natasha!!! Excellent post! You made me laugh as well as focus on the real stuff, me not my ex. I had this same issue happen after I broke up with him, just when I thought I was getting better I’d have dreams, I remember once waking up and literally saying “COME ON! Like give me a break dreams!” but you are so right, I just started to focus on myself, self love and remembering why things didn’t work out! Thanks for this gentle reminder!! You’re the best!
Thanks Sandy! 🙂 I’m so glad that you had a laugh (I was actually making myself laugh at times while I was writing it lol), & I’m happy that it was helpful in allowing you to better focus on what matters: YOU. XOXO Thanks sister!
Good post, Natasha 🙂 thank you…everything you said makes sense. I’ve not had the fucktard dreamscape yet, but IF I do, I WILL BE ARMED AND READY! #onmywaysister 😀
F*cktard dreamscape LOL! Thanks sister!! xoxo
LOVE the decor….And article of course ?
Lovely article xx Your bedroom is gorgeous! Has anyone ever told you that you look exactly like Kate Beckinsale?
This all makes sense now. Good thing is all over ????
Yay! xo 🙂
I recently came across your words, and honestly nothing has helped more. Seriously, thank you, Natasha! I have been struggling with letting go these past few weeks, and have even made the mistake of contacting an ex again for closure. I thought I had made progress but then talking to him again was like picking at my scabs. Thank you for the gentle reminder that your feelings don’t have to trick you back into wishing/reminiscing about the way things used to be.
Hi Ria! That makes me so happy to hear 🙂 Thank you! You’re not alone xoxo
I’ve recently broke up with my ex. It was not something I wanted but i had been unhappy for several years. Anyways, we still live together but lead seperate lives. Long story short, I’ve been having the most wonderful, romantic, and loving dreams about him. It really worried me because i have feelings during them that I don’t have during my waking days. It was helpful to read your blog as I feel much better knowing it’s just another way I’m processing the breakup. Thank you for sharing!
So happy it helped! I’ve dealt with the same dreams; it’s normal <3
Thanks Vanessa 🙂 You're not alone. XOX
My soon to be ex husband molested my daughter and i recently had a mental breakdown because of the trauma and the dreams set me back, but then i run into this article and it puts things back into perspective. Thank you so much.
Tara,
I am so incredibly sorry. Knowing that this post helped you in light of what you’re going through as both a mother and an ex… There are no words.
You are loved, understood, empathized with, backed, believed in and never, ever alone. Sending you and your daughter big love. XOXO
Hi Natasha this blog has actually shed some light sometimes i do not understand every damn night i have a dream about him and i wake up every night at 2-4 am and its weird cause in my dreams my ex and i are broken up and he is still the same douchebag but it never fails every time towards the end of the dream is when he either kisses me or touches me and i wake up pissed TF off cause i want these dreams to stop and trust me i have moved on and i don’t think or care about him and as a matter a fact if i see him i would punch him in the face even though we ended things on good terms but he broke up with me in the ugliest way! but i need to understand why im having these dreams we are split up and he kisses me and i wake up at the same time or it vise versa i kiss him and i wake up pissed what do they truly mean
Thank you, Natasha for creating this wonderful community for us to share!! I loved this article that was recommended to me by Irena. Your quote “Trust me when I say that if he was that great, you’d get a LOT more of an indication of his greatness than just in your dreams” is an absolute classic mantra. I laugh to myself when ever I think of it. And I haven’t dreamed of him since.
We were married for 35 years and my ex left me for his therapist. It’s been 2 1/2 years and I dream of him most every night. I’m exhausted. I’m now 66 with no future except mourning my intact family. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this. I’m so sick of it.
Thank you so much, I had a dream about my ex that took my everything. He pushed me to be myself, and he lived 2 hours away but I stayed with him almost every night throughout the summer. He cheated on me and the went to jail for drugs and alcohol abuse. He is now in a foster home until he is 18. I had a dream last night that we got back together and that he was better not changed but better and not doing alcohol and drugs anymore. I miss him so much and I really want to get back together with him. But he cheated and I dont’ know what to do.
Take care of YOU first and foremost. Seek professional help if you need it and please know that you are not alone Kloe. All my love to you. xox
Thank you so much for your wisdom Natasha, everyday I wake up from dreaming of him all night, and I’m just annoyed honestly. But now I know something’s I can try to make it slow down hopefully… a part of me believes in alternative realities so I brong myself down, like “Wow I keep letting him back in in my other lives too” ashamed of myself. And I need to process and let go and not be ashamed. Thank you!
Hi Whitney!
Do NOT be ashamed of yourself. It takes courage and strength to share what you just did and be so vulnerable. I am so happy that the post helped; this is what I live for. You are not alone, soul sister. Xox