Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex? 5 Reasons Why & What it Means

Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex?

Do You Dream About Your Ex Every Night?

What does it mean when you dream about your ex? Have you ever wondered “why do I keep dreaming about my ex?”

Dreaming about an ex is the ultimate mind f*ck because really, dreams can mean anything. They’re open to interpretation and there’s never a definitive answer as to what they mean.

If breaking up didn’t cause enough heartbreak and sleepless nights, there’s nothing worse than obsessing over/stalking your ex all day and then when you can actually sleep, not even being able to catch a break in your sleep because… there he/she appears.

I remember months after a particularly bad breakup, I had finally started dating again and feeling (almost) back to myself. There was still a level of loneliness and sadness, but it was manageable and for the first time, I could feel myself overcoming it.

Things made me laugh again, my appetite came back, I didn’t feel nauseous and cold 24/7, and I was slowly but surely, moving on. I had “made sense” of it all and neatly filed the relationship away. Yeah, I’d think about him every now and then or I’d look at his social media but it wasn’t a big deal.

Then one Sunday morning, everything unraveled. I woke up from dreaming about him. It was such a vivid dream. I was shaking and soaked in a cold sweat. WHY was I dreaming about my ex? What did it mean?

There have been times that I don’t even remember having a dream, let alone dreaming about an ex, and then… a girlfriend who was sleeping over will tell me that I was talking in my sleep (??!) and calling out my ex’s name (?!).

I can’t be alone in this.

What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex?

How do you make sense of it all? 

Looking back, I should have had my own show called, “Natasha Adamo: Dream Interpreter.” I could have been the Cesar Milan of dreams. I have wasted so much time that I will never get back, allowing my dreams to keep me stuck, remain invested, and ultimately, set me back. I romanticized the f*ck out of dreaming about my ex.

All it took was one dream, and I was enthusiastically interpreting it with a Shakespearean accent and a mental feather pen.

What I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter the context you dreamt about your ex in. You could have had a sexual dream about him, a dream that he cheated on you, embarrassed you, hurt you, or did whatever it was you always wanted him to do, It could have been a funny dream, a scary dream… whatever the case may be, they all mean and ultimately indicate the same thing: trauma.

Dreaming about an ex is nothing more than your heart, your insecurities, your desires, your hopes, and your truth trying it’s best to play catch up with what is, with what has passed, and with what has transpired since.

I remember the very first time I went to acupuncture, the acupuncturist suggested a “trauma release” treatment. That was the first time in my life that I ever projectile cried. I cried like a cartoon character. I thought of and remembered things that I hadn’t in YEARS. I couldn’t drive home after that treatment. I fell asleep in my car for a few hours and then again when I got home. The next day, I called my doctor to make sure nothing was wrong.

The doctor explained to me that when we experience trauma, the emotions associated with that trauma get trapped in our organs and tissues. If left un-dealt with, this can lead to certain cancers and dis-ease within the body (for more information on this, DR. Gabor Mate’s book, When The Body Says NO: Understanding The Stress-Disease Connection, is incredible). The acupuncture broke up and released all the emotions that were trapped in my body. This is why I was having the reaction that I was.

So if emotional trauma can remain trapped within our organs and tissues, is it really THAT off base to assume that it can remain trapped within our psyche? I don’t think so.

To keep dreaming about an ex is nothing more than your head and heart trying to process the emotional trauma of loss, shock, disappointment, and betrayal (both self-inflicted and ex-inflicted).

I am not minimizing the trauma or realness OF the actual dream. I’m stressing the importance of not romanticizing it and running with it as a “sign” that you need to impulsively investigate and act upon.

What Dreaming About An Ex Is NOT

The biggest mistake I made was allowing the fact that I was dreaming about an ex to DISALLOW ME from evolving and moving on with my life.

Just because you’re dreaming about an ex, it should NOT elevate your ex’s value or give you a green light to “further investigate. ” It should not plague you with regret or make you think that just because you’re dreaming about him, that it must “mean something.”

It doesn’t.

He’s still toxic and you are still seeking validation.

Trust me when I say that if he was that great, you’d get a LOT more of an indication of his greatness than just in your dreams.

Dreaming about your ex means is that you were deeply affected, traumatized and that your head and heart are processing it as best they can.

Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex?

  1. You didn’t get proper closure in the relationship. We will never get the “perfect” closure. I don’t think it exists. If you feel like you didn’t get proper closure, USE his unavailability and the fact that he’s incapable of a mutual relationship, to propel you into finishing your own emotional sentences and creating your OWN closure.
  2. There are still feelings there. And that’s okay. You can honor those feelings without having to jump off your white horse and trick yourself into believing that the relationship is worth resuscitating. You don’t need to embarrass yourself and contact him JUST BECAUSE you’ve been dreaming.
  3. You’re unhappy in your current life/relationship/job.
  4. You’ve been on an FBI-investigatory stalking binge. 
  5. You’ve been subconsciously triggered by alcohol, drugs, another person, yourself, a song, a movie, exhaustion, social media, your best friend getting engaged, HIM getting engaged… and the list goes ON. Okay, you’re triggered. Still not a valid reason to drink the “he-was-the-love-of-my-life-and-my-Happily-Ever-After-is-nevermore,” Kool-Aid.

Your ex is your ex for a REASON. A reason that is totally valid and INDEPENDENT of whatever you dream. Our dreams only have as much power and meaning as we CHOOSE to give them.

Make the choice to disempower the ex dreams by subscribing to reality, putting one foot in front of the other, staying on your white horse, and knowing that you are part of a tribe here.

Written by: Natasha

If you’re looking for further and more specific help; if you’re tired of waiting to be chosen and ready to choose yourself, personalized coaching with Natasha Adamo is the answer. Book your one-on-one session today.

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Author of Win Your Breakup, Natasha Adamo

About Natasha Adamo

Natasha Adamo is a globally recognized self-help author, relationship guru, and motivational speaker. With over 2.5 million devoted blog readers and clients in thirty-one countries, she is a beacon of inspiration to many. Her debut bestseller, "Win Your Breakup", offers a unique perspective on personal growth after breakups. Natasha's mission is to empower individuals to develop healthier relationships and actualize their inherent potential.

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