If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:

• “Am I going crazy? I KNOW this happened, but they’re so convincing…”
• “Maybe I am too sensitive/dramatic/jealous like they say”
• “I don’t trust my own memory anymore”
• “I constantly apologize even when I don’t think I did anything wrong”
• “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells trying not to upset them”
• “They say one thing, then deny saying it—am I losing my mind?”
• “Everyone else sees them as perfect, so maybe I’m the problem”
• “I used to be confident, now I second-guess everything”

You’re being gaslit.

Here’s what nobody tells you: Gaslighting isn’t about you being “too sensitive.” It’s about them systematically destroying your ability to trust yourself so they can control you.

Gaslighting is psychological abuse designed to make you doubt your reality, question your sanity, and depend on the gaslighter to tell you what’s real.

And if you’re reading this, you already know something is wrong.

Let me show you exactly what you’re dealing with—and how to trust yourself again.

What Is Gaslighting? (The Real Definition)

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you question your own memory, perception, judgment, and sanity.

The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane by dimming the gas lights in their home and denying it’s happening.

Modern gaslighting looks like:

• Denying things they said or did
• Telling you your memories are wrong
• Convincing you that you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting”
• Trivializing your feelings and experiences
• Rewriting history to make themselves look good
• Making you feel crazy for having normal reactions
• Isolating you from reality and other perspectives

What gaslighting does: It erodes your trust in yourself. It makes you dependent on the gaslighter to tell you what’s real. It gives them complete control over your reality.

What gaslighting is NOT:

• Having different perspectives on an event
• Disagreeing about what happened
• Forgetting something genuinely
• Being wrong about a detail
• A one-time lie

Gaslighting is a PATTERN of manipulation designed to destabilize your sense of reality.

And if you’re experiencing it, you need to get out.

Gaslighting vs. Normal Disagreement: Know the Difference

Not every disagreement is gaslighting. Here’s how to tell:

If you’re in the right column, you’re being gaslit.

And you need to stop questioning yourself and start questioning them.

📥 Free Training: The 3-Step ‘No B.S.’ Framework to Break Free from Toxic Relationships and Heal

The 25 Signs You’re Being Gaslit

1. You Constantly Question Your Own Memory

What it looks like: You KNOW something happened. You remember it clearly. But they deny it so convincingly that you start doubting yourself.

What they say:

• “That never happened.”
• “You’re remembering it wrong.”
• “I never said that.”
• “You’re making things up.”

What happens: You start keeping receipts—screenshots, recordings, notes—because you don’t trust your own memory anymore.

What it means: When you need evidence of reality to trust yourself, you’re being gaslit.

2. They Deny Things You KNOW Are True

What happens: You: “You said we’d talk about moving in together this month.” Them: “I never said that. You’re putting words in my mouth.”

But you remember: They said it. Multiple times. Maybe even texted it.

What they do: Deny it so confidently that YOU start questioning whether you heard wrong, misunderstood, or imagined it.

The result: You stop trusting your perception of reality.

3. They Tell You You’re “Too Sensitive”

Every time you express hurt, anger, or concern: “You’re being too sensitive.” “You’re overreacting.” “You’re too emotional.” “You take everything so personally.” “You need to toughen up.”

What this does: Makes you feel like your feelings are the problem instead of their behavior.

What it means: They’re invalidating your emotions so they don’t have to be accountable for causing them.

The trap: You start suppressing your feelings to avoid being labeled “too sensitive.”

4. They Twist Your Words

What you said: “I felt hurt when you canceled our plans again without warning.”

What they heard (according to them): “You’re saying I’m a terrible person who never cares about you.”

What they do: Twist your words into something extreme, then get defensive about the extreme version they created.

The result: You end up defending yourself against things you never said instead of addressing the actual issue.

5. You Apologize Constantly (Even When You Did Nothing Wrong)

The pattern: You bring up a concern → They get defensive → Somehow YOU end up apologizing → The issue is never resolved.

What they train you to do: Stop bringing up problems because it always ends with you apologizing and feeling worse.

What this is: Conditioning. They’re training you to accept their behavior without complaint.

The reality: In healthy relationships, both people apologize when appropriate. In gaslighting relationships, only you apologize.

6. They Use Your Feelings Against You

What happens: You: “I feel hurt by what you said.” Them: “You’re always playing the victim. You make everything about you. You’re so dramatic.”

What they do: Make you feel guilty for having feelings. Make your emotions the problem instead of their actions.

What this is: Emotional manipulation designed to make you stop expressing needs or concerns.

The cost: You stop sharing your feelings. You shut down. You become a shell.

7. They Trivialize Your Concerns

What they say:

• “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
• “Why are you so obsessed with this?”
• “You need to let things go.”
• “You’re being ridiculous.”

What they’re doing: Minimizing legitimate concerns so they don’t have to address them.

What it means: Your feelings, needs, and boundaries don’t matter to them.

8. They Rewrite History

What they do: Change the narrative of past events to make themselves look good and you look bad/crazy.

Example: What actually happened: They flirted with someone in front of you. Their version: “I was just being friendly. You’re jealous and controlling.”

The goal: Make you question what actually happened and accept their version as truth.

9. Everyone Else Thinks They’re Perfect

What happens: They’re charming, nice, helpful to everyone else. You try to tell people what’s really happening, and they don’t believe you.

What they say: “Everyone loves me. Your friends/family think I’m great. Maybe YOU’RE the problem.”

What this does: Isolates you. Makes you feel crazy. Makes you doubt yourself because “everyone else” sees a different person.

The reality: Gaslighters are master manipulators in public. The abuse happens behind closed doors.

10. They Project Their Behavior Onto You

What projection looks like:

• They cheat, then accuse you of cheating
• They lie, then call you a liar
• They manipulate, then say you’re manipulative
• They’re controlling, then call you controlling

Why they do it: Deflect from their behavior by making you defend yourself against false accusations.

What it feels like: Confusing as hell. Because you’re genuinely not doing what they’re accusing you of.

11. You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells

The constant anxiety: You monitor every word, every action, every facial expression because you never know what will set them off.

What you’re doing: Managing their emotions instead of living your life.

What this is: You’re being conditioned to prioritize their feelings over your own reality.

The cost: You lose yourself trying to keep them calm.

12. They Deny Your Reality Then Act Concerned About Your “Mental State”

What they say: “I’m worried about you. You’re not yourself lately. Maybe you should see a therapist because you’re imagining things.”

What they’re doing: Gaslighting you by suggesting you’re mentally unstable for noticing their abuse.

The cruelty: Weaponizing your mental health concerns against you.

What you do: Actually question if you’re going crazy. (You’re not—they’re making you feel that way.)

13. They Use Occasional Affection to Make You Doubt the Bad Treatment

The pattern: Abuse → Gaslight → Lovebomb → Repeat

What happens: When you’re about to leave or confront them, they become sweet, loving, apologetic. “I love you so much. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Things are great between us.”

What this does: Makes you question whether the abuse even happened. “Maybe I WAS overreacting. They’re being so nice now…”

What this is: Trauma bonding. The intermittent reinforcement keeps you hooked.

14. They Tell You No One Else Would Put Up With You

What they say:

• “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
• “No one else would tolerate your [insert normal behavior].”
• “I’m the only one who really understands you.”
• “Anyone else would have left by now.”

What they’re doing: Making you feel unlovable so you’ll be grateful they’re with you—and won’t leave.

The goal: Lower your self-esteem so much that you believe you need them.

15. You Can’t Have a Simple Conversation Without It Becoming About Something Else

What happens: You: “Can we talk about you being late again?” Them: “Wow, here we go. You’re always attacking me. I can never do anything right. Why are you so negative all the time?”

What they did: Deflected from the issue to make themselves the victim and you the aggressor.

The result: The original issue (them being late) never gets addressed. You’re now defending your character.

16. They Isolate You From Other Perspectives

What they do:

• Criticize your friends/family (“They don’t understand you like I do”)
• Get upset when you talk to others about the relationship
• Make you choose between them and your support system
• Tell you people are “turning you against them”

Why: Other people might validate your reality. Can’t have that.

The goal: Make you completely dependent on THEM to define reality.

17. Your Gut Constantly Tells You Something’s Wrong

The knowing: You know you’re being manipulated. You feel it. But they’re so convincing that you override your intuition.

What they’ve done: Trained you not to trust yourself.

The truth: Your gut is ALWAYS right. If something feels like gaslighting, it is.

18. They’re Incredibly Convincing

Why gaslighting works: Because they believe their own lies. They’re so confident in their version of reality that you start believing it too.

The delivery: Calm, reasonable, bewildered by your “accusations.”

While you: Are upset, emotional, struggling to articulate what you know is true.

Who looks unreasonable? You do. And that’s the point.

19. You’ve Changed (And Not for the Better)

Who you were before: Confident, trusting, happy, social, decisive

Who you are now: Anxious, paranoid, second-guessing, isolated, confused

What happened: Gaslighting systematically destroyed your sense of self.

The comparison: If you look back at old photos/journal entries/texts and don’t recognize yourself, you’re being gaslit.

20. They Use Your Past Against You

What they do: Bring up past mistakes, old arguments, things you’ve apologized for to deflect from current issues.

Example: You: “You lied about where you were last night.” Them: “Oh, like you didn’t lie about [thing from 2 years ago]? You have no room to talk.”

What this does: Makes you feel like you can never address present issues because you’re forever paying for past ones.

21. They Say Things Then Claim It Was a “Joke”

What happens: They say something cruel/insulting → You react → “I was just joking! You can’t take a joke. You’re too serious.”

What they’re doing: Testing boundaries while maintaining plausible deniability. If you react, YOU’RE the problem for being “too sensitive.”

The pattern: The “jokes” always make you feel bad. But you’re supposed to laugh.

22. They Move the Goalposts

What it looks like: You do exactly what they asked → They say you did it wrong or now want something different.

Example: Them: “I need you to be more independent.” [You become more independent] Them: “Why are you so distant? You don’t care about me anymore.”

What this does: Makes you feel like you can never get it right. Because you can’t. The goalposts keep moving.

The point: Keep you off balance and always trying to please them.

23. You Make Excuses for Their Behavior

What you tell yourself:

• “They’re just stressed.”
• “They had a rough childhood.”
• “They don’t mean it.”
• “They’re going through a lot right now.”

What you tell others: “They’re actually really great, they just…” [insert excuse for abuse]

What this is: You’ve internalized their gaslighting so thoroughly that you gaslight yourself.

24. They Love-Bomb You When You Try to Leave

What happens: You: “I can’t do this anymore.” Them: “I love you so much! I’ll change! Please don’t leave! I don’t know what I’d do without you! You’re my everything!”

What they do: Become the person you fell in love with. Temporarily.

What happens next: You stay. They return to gaslighting within days/weeks.

The cycle: You’re trauma bonded to the intermittent reinforcement.

25. Reading This List Feels Like Someone Described Your Relationship

The validation: You’re reading this and thinking, “Oh my god, that’s exactly what happens.”

The relief: You’re not crazy. You’re being gaslit.

The next step: Believe yourself. Trust your reality. Get out.

The 7 Gaslighting Phrases (And How to Respond)

Phrase #1: “That never happened.”

When they use it: You bring up something they said/did and they flatly deny it.

What it means: They’re trying to make you doubt your memory.

How to respond: “I know what happened. I’m not discussing this further.”

Then: Don’t argue. Don’t try to convince them. State your reality and walk away.

Phrase #2: “You’re too sensitive.”

When they use it: Every time you express hurt, anger, or any emotion they don’t want to deal with.

What it means: Your feelings are inconvenient for them, so they’re invalidating them.

How to respond: “My feelings are valid. If you can’t respect that, we have a bigger problem.”

Then: Stop explaining why you’re hurt. Stop justifying your emotions. They’re valid regardless of their opinion.

Phrase #3: “You’re crazy/insane/psycho.”

When they use it: When you call out their behavior or have a normal emotional reaction.

What it means: They’re trying to make you question your sanity.

How to respond: “I’m not crazy. I’m reacting to your behavior. Stop deflecting.”

Then: End the conversation. You don’t need to prove your sanity to someone attacking it.

Phrase #4: “I never said that.”

When they use it: You repeat something they said and they deny it completely.

What it means: They’re hoping you’ll doubt your memory.

How to respond: “Yes, you did. I remember clearly. I’m not debating this.”

Then: Stop engaging. You know what you heard. Don’t let them convince you otherwise.

Phrase #5: “You’re overreacting.”

When they use it: When your reaction is proportional to their behavior, but they want to minimize it.

What it means: Your reaction is making them uncomfortable/accountable. They want you to shrink.

How to respond: “I’m reacting appropriately to [specific behavior]. Stop minimizing it.”

Then: Hold firm. Don’t downplay your reaction. Don’t apologize for having feelings.

Phrase #6: “Everyone thinks you’re the problem.”

When they use it: To isolate you and make you doubt yourself by invoking imaginary others.

What it means: They’re trying to make you feel alone and crazy by suggesting everyone agrees with them.

How to respond: “I don’t care what ‘everyone’ supposedly thinks. I know what I experienced.”

Then: Talk to actual trusted people in your life. They’ll validate your reality.

Phrase #7: “You’re being paranoid.”

When they use it: When you notice patterns in their behavior (lying, cheating, manipulation).

What it means: They want you to stop noticing what they’re doing.

How to respond: “I’m not paranoid. I’m observant. And I trust my observations.”

Then: Stop second-guessing what you’ve noticed. Patterns are data. Trust the data.

Why People Gaslight (And Why It Doesn’t Matter)

The Reasons:

Reason #1: Control Gaslighting gives them complete control over your reality. If you can’t trust yourself, you have to rely on them.

Reason #2: Avoiding Accountability It’s easier to make you doubt yourself than take responsibility for their actions.

Reason #3: Maintaining Their Self-Image Admitting they’re wrong threatens their ego. Easier to make you wrong instead.

Reason #4: They Were Gaslit Themselves Many gaslighters learned it from their own toxic parents or past relationships.

Reason #5: Narcissistic Tendencies Narcissists gaslight because they genuinely believe their version of reality is the only correct one.

Reason #6: Fear of Abandonment Some gaslighters are avoidantly attached and gaslight to keep you off balance and prevent intimacy.

Reason #7: They’re Hiding Something Cheating, lying, financial issues—gaslighting keeps you confused and prevents discovery.

Here’s why none of this matters:

Their reasons don’t change what you’re experiencing:

• Psychological abuse
• Erosion of self-trust
• Mental health damage
• Lost sense of reality

Stop trying to understand WHY they gaslight.

Start accepting THAT they gaslight and protecting yourself.

What Gaslighting Does to You (The Real Damage)

Mentally:

• Constant self-doubt
• Obsessive rumination about whether you’re right
• Inability to make decisions without external validation
• Confusion about what’s real
• Memory problems (second-guessing what you remember)

Emotionally:

• Chronic anxiety
• Depression
• Feeling “crazy”
• Loss of identity
• Emotional numbness (shutting down to survive)
• Inability to trust anyone, including yourself

Physically:

• Insomnia
• Digestive issues
• Headaches
• Chronic tension
• Panic attacks
• Weakened immune system from chronic stress

Socially:

• Isolation (because they’ve separated you from validation sources)
• Difficulty trusting new people
• Over-explaining yourself to everyone
• Seeking constant reassurance
• Becoming the person you hate (defensive, paranoid, anxious)

Long-term:

• C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
• Relationship issues in the future
• Difficulty trusting your own judgment
• Attracting more gaslighters (because your boundaries are destroyed)

Gaslighting isn’t just manipulation. It’s psychological warfare.

And you need to get out before the damage becomes permanent.

How to Protect Yourself From Gaslighting (The 8-Step Plan)

Step 1: Name It

Say it out loud: “I am being gaslit.”

Why this matters: Naming the abuse is the first step to stopping it. You can’t fix what you won’t acknowledge.

What to do: Journal about specific incidents. Label them: “This was gaslighting.”

Step 2: Trust Yourself

The hardest step: After months/years of being told your reality is wrong, trusting yourself feels impossible.

How to start: When you remember something, believe your memory. When you feel something, validate your feelings.

The mantra: “I know what I experienced. I trust my perception. My reality is valid.”

Repeat until you believe it.

Step 3: Document Everything

Why: Because gaslighters make you doubt your memory. Documentation is proof.

What to document:

• Screenshot conversations
• Keep a journal with dates/times/exact quotes
• Save emails, texts, voicemails
• Record conversations (if legal in your state)

When to use it: Not to convince THEM (you can’t). To remind YOURSELF when they try to rewrite history.

Step 4: Stop Explaining Yourself

What you’ve been doing: Over-explaining, defending, justifying your feelings/thoughts/memories because they’ve trained you to doubt yourself.

What to do now: State your reality once. Don’t defend it. Don’t debate it.

Example: Them: “That never happened.” You: “It did. I’m not discussing this further.”

Then: End the conversation. You don’t need their validation of your reality.

Step 5: Reconnect With Your Support System

What gaslighters do: Isolate you from people who might validate your reality.

What to do: Reach out to friends, family, therapist. Tell them what’s happening.

Why: They’ll confirm you’re not crazy. They’ll validate your reality. They’ll remind you who you were before this person.

Critical: Talk to people who know you well and will tell you the truth.

Step 6: Set Boundaries (Then Enforce Them)

The boundaries: “I won’t tolerate being told my feelings are wrong.” “I won’t accept having my memory questioned.” “I won’t engage in conversations where I’m called crazy/dramatic/sensitive.”

How to enforce: When they violate the boundary, leave the conversation/room/relationship.

What they’ll do: Test the boundary. Push back. Tell you you’re being “controlling.”

What you do: Hold firm. Or leave.

Step 7: Stop Trying to Get Them to Understand

The truth: They understand. They just don’t care. Or they’re so invested in their version of reality that they can’t see yours.

What you’re doing: Wasting energy trying to make them see what they refuse to see.

What to do instead: Accept that they will never validate your reality. Stop seeking their understanding.

Focus on: Validating yourself.

Step 8: Leave

When: As soon as you recognize the pattern and they refuse to acknowledge it.

How: No contact. Complete separation. Block everywhere.

Why: Because gaslighters don’t change. They gaslight because it works for them. Why would they stop?

What they’ll do: Gaslight you about the gaslighting. “I never did that. You’re making things up. You’re the abusive one.”

What you do: Leave anyway. Your sanity is worth more than their validation.

What Happens After You Leave a Gaslighter

Weeks 1-4: The Fog Lifts

You’ll feel:

• Confused (was it really that bad?)
• Relieved (I can finally breathe)
• Angry (how did I let this happen?)
• Scared (am I making a mistake?)

What’s happening: Your brain is recalibrating. You’re remembering what reality feels like without someone constantly distorting it.

What to do: Journal. Talk to your support system. Read your documentation to remind yourself why you left.

Months 2-3: Clarity Arrives

You’ll realize:

• How bad it actually was
• How much you lost yourself
• How obvious the manipulation was
• How many red flags you ignored

This is healthy anger.

What to do: Don’t suppress it. Channel it into healing. Get therapy. Learn about gaslighting. Understand the patterns so you never accept them again.

Months 4-6: You Remember Who You Are

What returns:

• Your confidence
• Your decision-making ability
• Your trust in your own perceptions
• Your personality (the real one, not the eggshell-walking version)

What you’ll notice: You stop over-explaining. You stop seeking validation. You trust yourself again.

Months 6-12: You Rebuild

What you’ll work on:

• Trusting new people (without being paranoid)
• Setting boundaries (and enforcing them)
• Recognizing red flags early
• Leaving at the first sign of manipulation

What you’ll learn: Gaslighting taught you what you won’t tolerate. Use that knowledge to protect yourself.

How to Recognize Someone Who Won’t Gaslight You

They:

• Validate your feelings even when they disagree
• Take accountability when they hurt you
• Remember things the same way you do (or admit when they don’t)
• Never make you feel crazy for having normal reactions
• Respect your boundaries
• Don’t deflect or blame-shift
• Can disagree without invalidating you
• Make you feel more confident, not less
• Support your reality instead of questioning it

The test: You feel calm. Clear. Secure. Like yourself.

With a gaslighter: You feel anxious. Confused. Crazy. Like you’re losing yourself.

Trust the feeling.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can gaslighters change?

Rarely. Gaslighting is often tied to personality disorders (narcissism), deep-seated control issues, or learned manipulation tactics. Change requires intensive therapy, genuine desire to change, and accountability—things most gaslighters won’t pursue because they don’t believe they’re the problem.

What if I’ve gaslit someone?

Then stop. Get therapy. Figure out why you manipulate people’s reality. Learn healthy communication. Apologize to the person you gaslit. Give them space to heal. Work on yourself before entering another relationship.

How do I know if I’m being gaslit or if I’m actually wrong?

Trust your gut. If you’re constantly questioning your reality, you’re being gaslit. In normal relationships, you might be wrong about details, but you’re not made to feel crazy for your perspective. If you’re documenting conversations to prove your sanity, that’s gaslighting.

What’s the difference between gaslighting and lying?

Lying is saying something false. Gaslighting is systematically making someone doubt their reality. A lie: “I didn’t eat your food.” Gaslighting: “I didn’t eat your food. You probably forgot you ate it. You’re always forgetting things. Maybe you should see a doctor about your memory.”

Can gaslighting happen in friendships/work/family relationships?

Yes. Gaslighting can happen in any relationship where one person wants control. Toxic parents, manipulative friends, abusive bosses—all can use gaslighting tactics.

How do I heal from gaslighting?

Therapy (especially trauma-informed therapy). Reconnecting with yourself. Journaling. Validating your own experiences. Rebuilding trust in your perceptions. Surrounding yourself with people who affirm your reality. Time and patience with yourself.

What if I can’t leave right now?

Document everything. Connect with support systems outside the relationship. Grey rock (minimal emotional engagement). Plan your exit. Build resources. Contact a domestic violence hotline for help creating a safe exit plan.

What if they accuse ME of gaslighting?

Gaslighters often accuse their victims of gaslighting (projection). If you’re questioning whether you’re the gaslighter, you probably aren’t—gaslighters rarely have that level of self-awareness.

The Bottom Line: Trust Yourself

Gaslighting is not:

• A difference of opinion
• A misunderstanding
• Something you can fix by communicating better
• Your fault

Gaslighting is:

• Psychological abuse
• A systematic destruction of your reality
• A control tactic
• A reason to leave

You deserve:

• Someone who validates your reality
• Someone who takes accountability
• Someone who respects your perceptions
• Someone who makes you feel MORE confident, not less

Stop questioning yourself.

Start questioning them.

And if they’re gaslighting you?

Leave.

Your sanity is worth more than their validation.

Your reality is real—trust it.

Your Next Step: Reclaim Your Reality

If you’re being gaslit:

My book Win Your Breakup: How To Be The One That Got Away will help you reclaim your sense of self and never accept manipulation again.

If you need help leaving:

One-on-one coaching will provide clarity, validation of your reality, and an exit strategy for toxic relationships.

If you want support:

Join the Natasha Adamo Community for courses on recognizing manipulation, setting boundaries, and rebuilding trust in yourself.

Stop accepting their version of reality.

Start trusting your own.

You’re not crazy.

You’re being gaslit.

And now that you know, you can protect yourself.

Written by: Natasha Adamo

If you need further and more specific help; if you’re tired of questioning your sanity and ready to reclaim your reality, personalized coaching with Natasha Adamo is the answer. Book your one-on-one session today.

Related Articles You Must Read:

• Narcissist: How to Recognize and Protect Yourself
• Emotional Manipulation: 15 Tactics They Use to Control You
• Trauma Bonding: Why You Can’t Leave
• Red Flags in a Relationship: 27 Warning Signs
• The No Contact Rule: Complete Guide
• Toxic Parents: 25 Signs Your Parents Are Toxic
• How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt
• Avoidant Attachment: Why They Pull Away

About Natasha Adamo

Natasha Adamo is a globally recognized self-help author, relationship expert, and motivational speaker. With over 2.5 million devoted blog readers and clients in thirty-one countries, she is a beacon of inspiration to many. Her debut bestseller, “Win Your Breakup”, offers a unique perspective on personal growth after breakups. Natasha’s mission is to empower individuals to develop healthier relationships and actualize their inherent potential.