Have you ever wondered how to get revenge on your ex boyfriend without having to disembark from the standards and dignity that you are trying to rebuild after your breakup? I know I have.

I think we’ve all thought about it and gone there at one point or another.

I don’t want to not be real with you guys and give you a lecture about how I believe that wanting revenge on an ex is wrong. If you want revenge on an ex, guess what? You’re normal. There’s no judgment here, just simplicity and straightforward answers.

There have been times in my life that I’ve executed cheap revenge as well as times that I actually felt like the “revenge” I was after finally happened.

Karma? Possibly.

But this got me thinking: “Can revenge and dignity ever really coexist?” “Can you somehow stay on your white horse and seek revenge on an ex?”

Is getting revenge on your ex boyfriend even possible??

What if I told you there was a way you could get revenge on your ex boyfriend but also, keep your dignity intact, stay classy, and build back your self-love in the process?

 How to get revenge on your ex boyfriend in 10 steps…

1. Understand that yes, everything you’re fantasizing about doing is going to have an effect – it’s just going to have the wrong effect. This is not a movie, you’re not really in the FBI, and there are no special effects or multiple takes here. No one has superpowers (you can have superpowers in life if you choose to tap into the very REAL power of non-reactivity). You may feel like your ex has superpowers, but that’s just your low self-esteem allowing him to rob you of your worth and identity because you can’t establish it for yourself. By acting from your broken heart, anger,and ego, you’re going to end up looking the exact way you’re trying so hard to avoid: desperate. You’ve got to be a lot smarter about this.
2. When you act from a place of a desperate need for revenge on an ex, this not only makes you look crazy, but it allows your ex to justify his hurtful behavior that got you here in the first place because, well… look at you. Come on. You’re better than this.
3. We often think that taking drastic revenge on an ex or anyone who hurt us, will make the pain go away. Take it from me and learn from my lifetime of revenge-seeking mistakes: Getting revenge on an ex in the form of desperate attempts to embarrass, harm, or cause pain is going to ultimately, have the greatest and most negative impact on your life, not theirs. It will just make you suffer more.
4. If your ex cheated on you, lied to you, didn’t value you, respect you, etc., there’s no need to seek grandiose revenge. Let karma take care of it. He/she is doing the same thing to whoever they are with. The way they feel about themselves is their punishment. Hurt people really do hurt people.
5. If you’re seriously considering psycho revenge on an ex, you need to check yourself before you literally wreck yourself. Stop and think.
6. Forgiveness is the best revenge. Forgiveness is nothing more than adjusting your boundaries in light of accepting who someone has revealed themselves to be.
7. Understand that just like forgiveness, true revenge (the kind of quality revenge that you’re after) is indifference – not acting on your emotional triggers.
8. Even if your ex isn’t contacting you and he’s flaunting his happy life on social media, make the decision to emotionally cut him off. You know how just when you’re starting to feel happy again, you’ll hear from an ex and you think to yourself, “does this guy have some radar that alerts him when I’m moving on or something?” That’s because people can sense energy; we are energetic beings. Stop trying to perform resurrections from the relationship graveyard and start putting your love, obsession, and energy into yourself.
9. True revenge always comes when you do the one thing that your ex is incapable of doing: you let your actions do the talking and disappear. If you can’t physically disappear because of school/work/kids, emotionally disappear.
10. Understand that the girl these guys always compare everyone else to is the one that stayed in a state of non-reactivity, tapped into her pride, and walked away.

You have absolutely nothing to lose and all the satisfaction in the world to gain. It’s never too late to make the decision to be done in the name of the only kind of revenge that is ever good: sweet (as in kind, boundaried, I’m-going-to-worry-about-ME), revenge.

Just like a perfectly crafted soufflé, there’s absolutely nothing like revenge done right – with tact, grace, indifference (even if it’s faking-it-till-you-make-it-with-teeth-gritted-at-first), and having your own back.

Written by: Natasha Adamo