It doesn’t matter how much potential you see. If your gut is telling you “I like him more than he likes me,” you have to address it or it will eat away at you. I used to always feel this way in romantic relationships, with friends, and even with some family members.
Instead of trying to figure out the degrees to which anyone is interested in and committed to you, listen to their patterns (which are made up of their actions), instead of their words (which your insecurities are wired to latch onto).
If you don’t ACT on how others treat you and make you feel, you will always end up reacting from a place of desperation.
And it will drain you of your power. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, ten times out of ten, you will humiliate and disrespect yourself unless you take action.
When a guy is interested and into you… you will know. There will be no more “I like him more than he likes me” investigating.
If you feel like you are more interested in him than he is in you, it’s probably because you are. And that’s okay. What isn’t okay is being with someone who won’t communicate, is totally fine with wasting your time, and is comfortable reaping all the benefits of being in a relationship with you, without any effort and a conscious, limited interest on his end.
For me, it got to the point where if I felt very interested in a guy, that literally meant that he wasn’t interested in me. When I began to get real about other people’s behavior and made the decision to let them own their own (just as I had begun to own my own), I got to the point where I am now: I’m only interested in people who are interested in me. This isn’t about wanting to be around “yes!” people. It’s about not wanting to have to work so hard to be noticed, loved, respected, and communicated with.
And the people who aren’t so interested in me? That’s okay too. It no longer activates this internal alarm that I have to immediately start my validation seeking cabaret show and “get them to like me.”
The only thing that will allow you to stay in a relationship where you have to always fight and work to be given a scrap of time, attention, respect, and honesty is fear. It is the fear of not being enough. This goes back to the trauma associated with rejection, abandonment, and having a need to be chosen in your childhood.
A decent guy that is not interested in you, won’t use you up and throw you out. He will have enough respect for you (and himself) to see that there is a difference between what you want and what he wants.
And he will be able to communicate that clearly to you.
When you start getting interested in yourself and loving and respecting who you are, you’ll take someone’s disinterest in you much less personally. You’ll realize that it’s never personal. It’s about them.
Commit to being about you and just SEE how your life changes for the better. You deserve it.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.
Go girl 🙂 XOXO
it feels so hard to accomplish …. thank god for you…
I feel the same way. She is really a Godsend. Needs a book deal, a show and a bigger platform ASAP!!
I’m a class-A, masochist and wanna-be-fixer of unavailable men. The more he didn’t want me, the more I wanted him out of a desire to prove to him and to me that I could win him over and prove to the both of us that I was great.I did it for the last 2.5 years. I honestly am stunned at your ability to see what I have been going through and put it in a way that clicks. Thank you more than I can express.
MJ- Thank YOU for allowing me to see that I’m not alone in my past insanity and thank you for your sweet message, you made my day XOXO
Same here MJ! I’ve done the same thing and nothing clicked or made sense or even hit home until I read this blog. Glad I’m not alone in that. It’s so embarassing. My entire sorority is obsessed with Natasha and the way she can connect and just be so relatable. Natasha- you need to get a book deal! And please! More fashion and beauty posts!!
I just recently learned the importance of loving yourself but am easily sucked back in to being a fixer and with those guys. This is a guide of what I need to do!!! Amazing once again
Absolutely love this! I relate to this post, “Oh So Well!” Thank you for writing this And sharing something that others, like myself can relate too and understand!
Thank YOU. That makes me so happy 🙂 xoxo
Well, I’ve spoken to my friends, a therapist, and read books on how to detach from the guy, but this article cinched it all together for me! 🙂 Natasha thank you for breaking down the thoughts and processes we have for what they really are. This brought me a sense of unity to know that I’m not the only intelligent and successful women falling victim to this trap again and again. There are so many underlining problems with staying emotionally invested in relationships that drag us through the mud. You have to ask yourself. What am I searching for? Would I even be happy if I finally got this guy? We scold men for playing games, but it’s unintentionally the same thing.. just a slightly different outcome. More long term and an I just want us to have adorable little babies together kind of win.
Sometimes we don’t always have the answers, we can only move forward. But new beginnings are beautiful and where would we be without our scars? Time to break the cycle. THANK YOU once again for your beautiful words of wisdom and shared experiences. You are a fearless woman.
Chantel, you made my day. You get it <3 Thank you so much sister and remember... it takes one to know one 🙂 You are fearless, beautiful, aware, strong and so very wise. xx
OH MY GOD! thank you so much for this article. My friends have tried to tell me similar things but I’ve either been in denial or made excuses for my bfs behaviour and I guess in turn mine as well. Your article is the best wake up call I could have gotten and has really empowered me and now given me more of a “fuck you, i deserve better than this, i’m the goddamn sun” kind of attitude with my current relationship and future ones. Thanks girly, I’m saving this and printing it so I can always be reminded of what I deserve! xo
I’m so happy it helped! Thanks for the love Brooklyn XOXO
If you are in this situation, is there a way to clearly and without being needy ask if he is interested? To see where you stand? Or is there even a point in doing it?
Actions and patterns definitely speak very loud but of course, there is a way. I will try to write more about this soon; wish I had the time to do so here in the comments (thank you so much for your kindness and understanding, Elizabeth).
Simply, you can just ask how he is feeling about everything. As far as a point in doing it, I would need to know more details. If their actions are mixed signals, toxic, and confusing – there is no point.
All my love to you. Xox