Ignoring an emotionally unavailable man can feel harder than having to ignore someone who is emotionally available.

You’re more unhappy than you are happy and feel like you can’t move on after this breakup. You don’t know what to do because deep down, your gut knows that he isn’t right for you. It’s awful because you’ve seen him be so amazing. At times, you’ve seen him be everything that you want.

You find yourself pondering the question, “how to stop being strung along by a guy?” Perhaps there’s something wrong with you that you need to address, or so you think. You may have heard from him since the breakup, encountered a multitude of excuses, and the ever-hollow promise, “this will never happen again.”

But deep down, you know that it’s time to move on, time to learn how to stop being strung along by a guy and find your own path.

Is ignoring an emotionally unavailable man the only way to move on?

First, you need to understand that obsessing over and missing anyone who doesn’t recognize your worth is like crying because you took a crap and now you have to say goodbye to it and flush.

That’s how ridiculous it is.

The Truth You Need to Hear

“He knows that he’ll never get better than me. He’s just going through a lot right now.”

Really?

Do you know when a man realizes that he actually can’t do better? The moment you realize how much better YOU can do.

It’s when you translate through your actions that you are a person of action. It doesn’t matter how many talks you have with him or how many proverbial PowerPoint presentations you put on. Your actions are what people ultimately go by.

He knows that he can get away with doing what he’s doing because you are always there – no matter how poorly you get treated.

The only way that you can move on, process your feelings, and get your sanity back is by being real about who he is, who he’s been, and who he will never be. This is a guy that no matter who he is with, will not be capable of emotional availability.

Ignoring an emotionally unavailable man is the only way to go as long as you are going into no contact for your own emotional well-being and not as a vengeful tactician.

There is no revenge that is more debilitating to an emotionally unavailable ex than your indifferent success.

Why You Want to Ignore Him (The Real Reason)

You’re not just asking “should I ignore him?”

You’re asking:

• “Will ignoring him make him chase me?”
• “Will he realize what he lost if I disappear?”
• “Will he suddenly become emotionally available if I’m unavailable?”
• “Can I make him want me by pulling away?”

Here’s the brutal truth:

Ignoring him as a tactic to make him change won’t work.

But ignoring him for YOUR healing? That’s the only way forward.

What Happens When You Ignore an Emotionally Unavailable Man

There are 3 possible outcomes when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man:

Outcome #1: He Chases (Temporarily)

What happens: You go silent. He panics. He reaches out. He lovebombs. He promises change. He seems like he “gets it” now.

Why he does this: Not because he’s changed. Because he lost control. You ignoring him = loss of supply = ego injury.

What you think: “It worked! He realized what he lost! He’s changing!”

What’s actually happening: He’s hoovering. The moment you come back, he’ll return to the same patterns. This is a trap.

The timeline:

• Week 1-2: He chases hard (texts, calls, shows up, promises)
• Week 3-4: You cave and come back
• Week 4-8: He’s “changed” (lovebomb phase)
• Month 2+: Same unavailable behavior returns
• Month 3+: You’re right back where you started, but more damaged

Don’t fall for this.

Outcome #2: He Disappears (Relief)

What happens: You go silent. He goes silent. He moves on. No chase, no fight, no contact.

Why he does this: He was already one foot out the door. You ignoring him just made his exit easier. He doesn’t have the emotional capacity to fight for anything.

What you think: “He didn’t care about me at all. I meant nothing to him.”

What’s actually happening: His emotional unavailability has nothing to do with your worth. He’d do this to anyone. This is actually the best outcome even though it hurts most initially.

Why it’s best: Clean break. No hoovering. No confusion. You can heal without interference.

Outcome #3: He Punishes You

What happens: You go silent. He gets angry. He sends cruel messages. He breadcrumbs. He posts things to make you jealous. He moves on loudly (new relationship, social media flexing).

Why he does this: You bruised his ego by taking away his control. He needs to reassert dominance and punish you for daring to leave.

What you think: “I made a mistake. He’s happy now. He changed for her.”

What’s actually happening: Narcissistic rage and performance. He’s putting on a show. The new person is getting the same cycle you got—just in the early stage.

What you do: Stay no contact. Don’t react. Don’t watch his social media. His punishment only works if you’re watching.

Ignoring vs. No Contact: Know the Difference

If you’re “ignoring” to make him chase, you’re not healing. You’re playing games.

If you’re doing no contact to heal yourself, you’re on the right path.

Why “Making Him Chase” Is a Trap

The fantasy: If I pull away, he’ll realize what he’s losing and suddenly become emotionally available.

The reality: Even if he chases, he’s not chasing because he’s healed. He’s chasing because:

• He lost control
• His ego is bruised
• He needs validation
• You became a challenge again
• He’s bored or lonely

What happens when you take him back:

• Lovebomb phase (2-4 weeks)
• “Changed” behavior (1-2 months)
• Slow return to unavailability (month 2-3)
• Back to same patterns (month 3+)

You’ve wasted more time and hurt yourself more deeply.

Why you’re tempted: You’re trauma bonded. The intermittent reinforcement (he’s available, then unavailable, then available again) is addictive.

The truth: Chasing isn’t change. It’s control. Don’t confuse the two.

Why You’re Having Trouble Letting Go

Emotionally unavailable men are all about themselves. You’re having trouble letting go because you want to be “The One.”

You know you can’t fully “have” all of him, and there lies the “chemistry” and “passion.” Emotionally unavailable guys are so alluring because even when you “have” them, it never feels like you fully do; you’re always chasing the dream.

This isn’t passion. It’s anxiety.

What you’re actually addicted to:

• The chase (not the person)
• The fantasy of who he could be (not who he is)
• The validation when he occasionally shows up (intermittent reinforcement)
• Proving you’re “enough” (you already are—to the right person)

You’re not in love with him. You’re in love with potential.

The Real Reason You Need to Ignore Him (No Contact)

Do not beat yourself up for all the chances you gave that were never earned. You kept giving him chances and making excuses because you were in a relationship that reflected the nonexistent one you had with yourself.

You are on your way to repairing that now.

We attract people that mirror how we feel about ourselves. If you felt better about and were honest with yourself, there’s no way that you’d put up with this – no matter how much time you’ve invested.

Your ex knows the difference between what is right and what is wrong. And not only does he NOT care to change, but he makes you feel like there is something wrong with you that “causes” his disconnectivity and immaturity.

Ignoring him isn’t about making him chase.

It’s about giving yourself space to:

• Detox from the trauma bond
• Remember who you are without him
• Rebuild your self-worth
• See the relationship clearly (not through fantasy)
• Heal the wounds that made you accept this
• Break the addiction to his unavailability

The Only Way to Make “Ignoring” Work

Ignoring an emotionally unavailable man is the only way to go.

But not as a tactic. As a boundary.

Here’s How to Do It Right:

1. Commit to No Contact (Not Ignoring)

Difference:

• Ignoring = tactical, temporary, waiting for his reaction
• No Contact = healing, permanent, focused on your recovery

Choose no contact.

2. Block Everywhere

Don’t just “not respond.” Actually block:

• Phone number
• All social media platforms
• Email
• Mutual friends who report back to him

Why: If you can see him or he can reach you, you’re not truly detached. You’re just waiting.

3. Stop Checking on Him

No:

• Looking at his social media through friends’ accounts
• Driving by his place
• Asking mutual friends about him
• Checking if he’s dating someone new

Why: Every time you check, you reset your healing. It’s like picking a scab—it never heals if you keep touching it.

4. Process the Reality (Not the Fantasy)

Reality:

• He was inconsistent, unavailable, and hurtful
• He chose his comfort over your needs repeatedly
• He won’t change (read: Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change?)
• You deserve consistent, available, reciprocal love

Fantasy:

• “But when he was good, he was amazing”
• “He has so much potential”
• “Maybe he’ll realize what he lost”
• “If I just wait…”

Stop romanticizing the 10% good moments. Focus on the 90% that was painful.

5. Work on Yourself

While you’re not contacting him:

• Therapy (why did you accept unavailability?)
• Read: Am I Emotionally Unavailable?
• Heal your anxious attachment patterns
• Build boundaries
• Reconnect with friends/hobbies/life
• Journal your feelings

The goal: Become so focused on your healing that he becomes irrelevant.

6. Understand: His Behavior Isn’t About You

The key to slaying your pain, obsession, and addiction lies in ceasing to argue with reality and working on having a healthy relationship with yourself first.

His emotional unavailability existed before you, with you, and will continue after you.

You didn’t cause it. You can’t fix it. You can only remove yourself from it.

What to Do When He Tries to Come Back (He Will)

When he hoovers (not if, WHEN):

His Tactics:

• “I miss you”
• “I’ve changed” / “I’m in therapy”
• “No one understands me like you”
• “I made a mistake”
• Shows up unannounced
• Sends messages through friends
• Posts things he knows you’ll see
• Creates “emergencies” requiring your help

Your Response:

Nothing.

Do not:

• Respond
• Explain why you’re not responding
• Block new numbers (just ignore)
• Send closure messages
• Meet “one last time” to talk

Why: Any response = you’re still available. Even “leave me alone” = you engaged. Silence is the only language emotionally unavailable people understand.

How to Actually Move On (Not Just Ignore)

Walk away, comment on here, talk to a trusted friend, write your feelings out, and realize that ignoring an emotionally unavailable man is the only way to go when it comes to moving on.

Step 1: Grieve the Fantasy (Not the Person)

You’re not mourning who he actually was. You’re mourning who you hoped he’d become.

Grieve:

• The potential you saw
• The future you imagined
• The person he was during the lovebomb phase (fake)

Accept:

• That person doesn’t exist
• He was never going to become that
• You were in love with a projection

Step 2: Feel Your Feelings (Then Let Them Go)

It’s okay to:

• Be sad
• Be angry
• Miss him (even though he was terrible)
• Feel confused
• Grieve

It’s not okay to:

• Use these feelings as justification to contact him
• Stay stuck in them for months/years
• Let them prevent your healing

Feel them. Process them. Move through them.

Step 3: Remember Reality (Not Fantasy)

I am not asking you to start a smear campaign and buy a voodoo doll; stay on your white horse. What I am asking you to do is remember how he’s acted towards you, how he has consistently made you feel, and what that all means for the possibility of the relationship you know you deserve.

When you’re tempted to reach out, remember:

• The times he made you feel crazy
• The inconsistency and hot/cold behavior
• How small you felt
• The anxiety that consumed you
• How you lost yourself

That’s the reality. That’s what you’d be going back to.

Step 4: Build the Relationship You Should Have Had (With Yourself)

You were trying to get from him what you should have been giving yourself:

• Validation
• Consistency
• Love
• Attention
• Worth

Give these to yourself.

Every day:

• Affirm your worth
• Make decisions that honor you
• Keep promises to yourself
• Be the partner to yourself you wanted him to be

Step 5: Recognize Emotionally Available People

So you don’t choose unavailable again:

Emotionally available people:

• Are consistent (not hot/cold)
• Communicate clearly about feelings
• Show up when it matters
• Don’t run from intimacy
• Take accountability
• Make you feel calm, not anxious
• Want to know you deeply
• Are present, not distant

Date THIS next time.

The Only Revenge That Matters

There is no revenge that is more debilitating to an emotionally unavailable ex than your indifferent success.

Not:

• Making him jealous
• Dating someone new quickly
• Posting thirst traps
• Showing him what he’s missing

But:

• Actually moving on
• Genuinely not caring anymore
• Building a life so full he’s irrelevant
• Becoming someone who wouldn’t take him back if he begged

Your success. Your healing. Your indifference.

That’s the revenge. And it’s not even revenge—it’s your life.

Frequently Asked Questions

Will ignoring him make him come back?

Maybe temporarily (hoover attempt), but not because he’s changed. He’ll come back because his ego is bruised or he needs validation. If you take him back, you’ll get the same unavailable person. Ignoring him shouldn’t be a tactic to make him return—it should be a boundary for your healing.

How long should I ignore him?

Forever isn’t “ignoring”—it’s no contact for healing. Don’t set a timeline like “I’ll ignore him for 30 days then see if he comes back.” That’s tactical and keeps you stuck. Commit to no contact until you’re fully healed and wouldn’t take him back even if he begged. That usually takes 6-12 months minimum.

What if he’s dating someone new while I’m ignoring him?

This is outcome #3 (punishment through public moving on). He’s performing, not happy. The new person is getting the same cycle. Don’t break no contact because you’re triggered by this. Block his social media completely so you can’t see it. His dating life is no longer your concern.

Will he think I don’t care if I ignore him?

Good. Let him think that. Your goal isn’t to make him think you care—it’s to genuinely stop caring. If you’re worried about what he thinks, you’re still playing games. Focus on your healing, not his perception.

Should I respond if he says it’s an emergency?

No. Real emergencies don’t require your specific involvement. If it’s actually an emergency, he has family/friends/911. This is a manipulation tactic to break your no contact. Don’t respond even to “emergencies.”

What’s the difference between ignoring and being petty?

Ignoring = not responding but still emotionally invested in his reaction. Being petty = actively trying to make him jealous/hurt. Neither helps you heal. No contact = genuinely focused on yourself, not his response. Choose the last one.

How do I stop checking if he’s viewed my stories?

Delete him/block him so he can’t view them. If you’re keeping him unblocked so you can see if he’s watching, you’re not doing no contact—you’re playing games. Block completely or you won’t heal.

What if I work with him or share kids?

Grey rock method (minimal, boring responses about work/kids only). No personal conversation. No emotional engagement. Treat him like a distant colleague or business contact. Parallel parenting if you share kids. Read: How to Deal With an Emotionally Unavailable Man for detailed tactics.

The Bottom Line: Ignore for You, Not Him

Ignoring an emotionally unavailable man works—but not the way you think.

It doesn’t:

• Make him emotionally available
• Make him realize your worth
• Change him into someone he’s not
• Guarantee he’ll come back

It does:

• Give you space to heal
• Break the trauma bond
• Help you see reality clearly
• Protect you from more damage
• Allow you to rebuild yourself

Ignore him for YOUR healing.

Not to make him chase.

Not to get revenge.

Not to make him realize what he lost.

But because you finally realize what YOU lost while trying to make him see your worth.

You lost yourself.

Time to get her back.

You have this one life that will pass by quicker than you could ever imagine. Don’t spend it chasing, destructively empathizing, and trying to understand someone to the point that you start feeling bad about yourself.

Obsessing over and missing anyone who doesn’t recognize your worth is like crying because you took a crap and now you have to say goodbye to it and flush.

Flush.

And move on.

Your Next Step: Stop Ignoring, Start Healing

If you’re considering ignoring him:

Read: The No Contact Rule: Complete Guide for the proper way to implement no contact for healing.

If you want to understand what you’re dealing with:

• Read: Emotionally Unavailable Men: Complete Guide
• Read: Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change?
• Read: Am I Emotionally Unavailable?

If you need help moving on:

My book Win Your Breakup: How To Be The One That Got Away will help you stop waiting and start healing.

If you need personalized support:

One-on-one coaching provides guidance for implementing no contact and healing from emotionally unavailable relationships.

Stop ignoring as a tactic.

Start no contact as healing.

Stop waiting for him to come back.

Start building a life so good you wouldn’t want him back.

Your White Horse doesn’t make you beg for scraps.

Your White Horse shows up consistently.

Go find that.

Written by: Natasha Adamo

If you need further and more specific help; if you’re ready to stop playing games and start healing, personalized coaching with Natasha Adamo is the answer. Book your one-on-one session today.

Related Articles You Must Read:

• Emotionally Unavailable Men: Stop Being His Free Therapist
• The No Contact Rule: Complete Guide
• Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change?
• Am I Emotionally Unavailable?
• Trauma Bonding: Why You Can’t Leave
• How to Build Self-Worth
• Breadcrumbing: When They Keep You Hooked
• Anxious Attachment: Why You Choose Unavailable People

About Natasha Adamo

Natasha Adamo is a globally recognized self-help author, relationship expert, and motivational speaker. With over 2.5 million devoted blog readers and clients in thirty-one countries, she is a beacon of inspiration to many. Her debut bestseller, “Win Your Breakup”, offers a unique perspective on personal growth after breakups. Natasha’s mission is to empower individuals to develop healthier relationships and actualize their inherent potential.