Understanding Recurring Dreams About an Ex
Recurring dreams about an ex can be a sign that your subconscious is trying to process and resolve unresolved feelings or issues related to the past relationship. These dreams can be a manifestation of your mind’s attempt to make sense of the past and its impact on your present. According to certified dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg, recurring dreams about an ex can be a sign of lingering love or attachment, emotional dissatisfaction in a current relationship, or unresolved feelings about the ex. (Keep keywords: current relationship, unresolved feelings, past relationship, certified dream analyst, dream analyst)
Do You Have Distressing Dreams About Your Ex Every Night?
What does it mean when you dream about your ex? Have you ever wondered “why do I keep dreaming about my ex?”
Dreaming about an ex is the ultimate mind f*ck because really, dreams can mean anything. They’re open to interpretation and there’s never a definitive answer as to what they mean.
If breaking up didn’t cause enough heartbreak and sleepless nights, there’s nothing worse than obsessing over/stalking your ex all day and then when you can actually sleep, not even being able to catch a break in your sleep because… there he/she appears.
I remember months after a particularly bad breakup, I had finally started dating again and feeling (almost) back to myself. There was still a level of loneliness and sadness, but it was manageable and for the first time, I could feel myself overcoming it.
Things made me laugh again, my appetite came back, I didn’t feel nauseous and cold 24/7, and I was slowly but surely, moving on. I had “made sense” of it all and neatly filed the relationship away. Yeah, I’d think about him every now and then or I’d look at his social media but it wasn’t a big deal.
Then one Sunday morning, everything unraveled. I woke up from dreaming about him. It was such a vivid dream. I was shaking and soaked in a cold sweat. WHY was I having these distressing dreams about my ex? What did it mean?
There have been times that I don’t even remember having a dream, let alone dreaming about an ex, and then… a girlfriend who was sleeping over will tell me that I was talking in my sleep (??!) and calling out my ex’s name (?!).
I can’t be alone in this. It’s totally normal to have such dreams, and many people experience them after a breakup.
What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex and Unresolved Feelings?
How do you make sense of it all?
Looking back, I should have had my own show called, “Natasha Adamo: Dream Interpreter.” I could have been the Cesar Milan of dreams. I have wasted so much time that I will never get back, allowing my dreams to keep me stuck, remain invested, and ultimately, set me back. I romanticized the f*ck out of dreaming about my ex.
All it took was one dream, and I was enthusiastically interpreting it with a Shakespearean accent and a mental feather pen.
What I’ve learned is that the meaning of these dreams depends on various factors, like the recency of the relationship and your current emotional state. You could have had a sexual dream about him, a dream that he cheated on you, embarrassed you, hurt you, or did whatever it was you always wanted him to do. It could have been a funny dream, a scary dream… whatever the case may be, they all mean and ultimately indicate the same thing: trauma.
Dreaming about an ex partner is nothing more than your heart, your insecurities, your desires, your hopes, and your truth trying its best to play catch up with what is, with what has passed, and with what has transpired since.
I remember the very first time I went to acupuncture, the acupuncturist suggested a “trauma release” treatment. That was the first time in my life that I ever projectile cried. I cried like a cartoon character. I thought of and remembered things that I hadn’t in YEARS. I couldn’t drive home after that treatment. I fell asleep in my car for a few hours and then again when I got home. The next day, I called my doctor to make sure nothing was wrong.
The doctor explained to me that when we experience trauma, the emotions associated with that trauma get trapped in our organs and tissues. If left un-dealt with, this can lead to certain cancers and dis-ease within the body (for more information on this, DR. Gabor Mate’s book, When The Body Says NO: Understanding The Stress-Disease Connection, is incredible). The acupuncture broke up and released all the emotions that were trapped in my body. This is why I was having the reaction that I was.
So if emotional trauma can remain trapped within our organs and tissues, is it really THAT off base to assume that it can remain trapped within our psyche? I don’t think so.
To keep dreaming about an ex is nothing more than your head and heart trying to process the emotional trauma of loss, shock, disappointment, and betrayal (both self-inflicted and ex-inflicted).
I am not minimizing the trauma or realness OF the actual dream. I’m stressing the importance of not romanticizing it and running with it as a “sign” that you need to impulsively investigate and act upon. Sometimes, these dreams can be a form of wish fulfillment dream, reflecting a subconscious desire for reconciliation or a general longing for a relationship.
The Connection to Your Waking Life
Dreams about an ex can be closely tied to your waking life, reflecting your current emotions, thoughts, and experiences. Research suggests that dreams can replicate reality, and your real-world feelings toward your ex do not necessarily have to be romantic ones. Frustration, anger, sadness, or jealousy can also be experienced in dreams about an ex. By examining the themes and emotions present in your dreams, you can gain a deeper understanding of your waking life and the areas that may need attention. (Keep keywords: waking life)
What Dreaming About An Ex and Past Relationship Is NOT
The biggest mistake I made was allowing the fact that I was dreaming about an ex to DISALLOW ME from evolving and moving on with my life.
Just because you’re dreaming about an ex, it should NOT elevate your ex’s value or give you a green light to “further investigate.” It should not plague you with regret or make you think that just because you’re dreaming about him, that it must “mean something.”
It doesn’t.
He’s still toxic and you are still seeking validation.
Trust me when I say that if he was that great, you’d get a LOT more of an indication of his greatness than just in your dreams.
Dreaming about your ex means is that you were deeply affected, traumatized and that your head and heart are processing it as best they can. Understanding this can help you stop dreaming about your ex and focus on healing and moving forward.
Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex in Waking Life?
- You didn’t get proper closure in the relationship. We will never get the “perfect” closure. I don’t think it exists. If you feel like you didn’t get proper closure, USE his unavailability and the fact that he’s incapable of a mutual relationship, to propel you into finishing your own emotional sentences and creating your OWN closure. If these dreams are causing significant distress, it might be beneficial to seek help from a mental health professional.
- There are still feelings there. And that’s okay. You can honor those feelings without having to jump off your white horse and trick yourself into believing that the relationship is worth resuscitating. You don’t need to embarrass yourself and contact him JUST BECAUSE you’ve been dreaming.
- You’re unhappy in your current life/relationship/job. Unresolved feelings about an ex can also impact your readiness and perception in a new relationship.
- You’ve been on an FBI-investigatory stalking binge.
- You’ve been subconsciously triggered by alcohol, drugs, another person, yourself, a song, a movie, exhaustion, social media, your best friend getting engaged, HIM getting engaged… and the list goes ON. Okay, you’re triggered. Still not a valid reason to drink the “he-was-the-love-of-my-life-and-my-Happily-Ever-After-is-nevermore,” Kool-Aid.
Your ex is your ex for a REASON. A reason that is totally valid and INDEPENDENT of whatever you dream. Our dreams only have as much power and meaning as we CHOOSE to give them, and they often reflect real-life feelings and experiences.
Make the choice to disempower the ex dreams by subscribing to reality, putting one foot in front of the other, staying on your white horse, and knowing that you are part of a tribe here.
Impact on Your Current Relationship
Dreams about an ex can also have an impact on your current relationship. If you’re in a relationship, having recurring dreams about an ex can be a sign that you’re not fully present or invested in your current partnership. It may indicate that you’re holding onto past feelings or experiences, which can affect your ability to form a deep connection with your current partner. On the other hand, if you’re single, dreams about an ex can be a sign that you’re ready to move on and explore new relationships. (Keep keywords: current relationship)
Moving Forward
If you’re struggling with recurring dreams about an ex, it’s essential to address the underlying issues and work towards moving forward. This can involve seeking self-awareness, practicing self-care, and engaging in activities that promote personal growth. By confronting and resolving unresolved feelings, you can break free from the past and focus on building a fulfilling present. Remember, dreams about an ex are not a sign of weakness, but rather an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. (Keep keywords: unresolved feelings, self awareness)
Conclusion
Dreams about an ex can be a complex and multifaceted phenomenon, influenced by a range of factors, including past trauma, unresolved feelings, and current relationship dynamics. By understanding the underlying causes of these dreams and addressing the related issues, you can move forward and cultivate a more fulfilling waking life. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, recognizing the connection between your dreams and waking life can be a powerful tool for personal growth and self-awareness. (Keep keywords: waking life, current relationship, unresolved feelings, past trauma, self awareness)
Written by: Natasha
