Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
So, you want to learn how to get your ex back.
You’ve gone through relationships where you knew the other person wasn’t good for you but every so often, you’ll leave someone and realize you’ve made a terrible mistake. Or, your ex left you, but you’re certain you still have a chance to have a great life together.
While there are no guarantees that your ex will come back into your life with open arms, there are some things you can do to entice them back into a relationship (given that they are not a toxic person and are actually capable of a mutual, non-toxic relationship).
Breakups of any kind are devastating. I write a lot about breakups with toxic individuals, but what if you were with someone who was truly great?
Not knowing what to do or how to get a great person back has made me feel suicidal in the past (emotionally and physically). I didn’t want to live anymore without this person. If you’re feeling this way right now, I want you to consider this…
Imagine you were writing the story of your life on your computer right now and all of a sudden, the computer got a virus and broke down.
- Would you immediately pour gasoline all over it, light a match, blow it up (physical suicide), and risk burning your entire house down? (destroying those who love, believe in, count on, and need you).
- Would you run away from it in fear and abandon your computer and story? (emotional and spiritual suicide).
- Would you pretend that nothing was wrong and keep typing even though the screen won’t light up and the keyboard doesn’t work? (symptoms of emotional and spiritual suicide: denial, delusion, and avoidance).
- Would you psyche yourself into believing that this was just a little glitch? And after a while, when the computer still wasn’t working, would you use every opportunity to berate it and tell it how worthless and defective it is? (another symptom of emotional suicide: self-sabotage).
No. You would not do any of these things.
You would understand that something in the computer is broken enough to prevent it from operating. And even though it doesn’t work right now, the virus can be killed and the brokenness can be repaired. Destroying your computer or refusing to address the brokenness does not erase the problem.
It takes away any chance for you to finish the story that only you can write.
Don’t give up on yourself.
Here’s what you need to do to get your ex back…
- Give them time and space.
You may be thinking, “Um. I’m looking for a way to get my ex-partner back, not push them further away.”
But if you want to win your ex back, you have to give them time and space. Calling them non-stop, begging for them back, crying on the phone, and all of the things we do when we’re hurt are a big turn-off.
It’s even more of a turn-off if your ex dumped you. They clearly want space from your relationship. Texting and calling constantly isn’t a good idea.
Giving your ex time and space allows you to have some time to think about the relationship. It also gives your ex time to miss you. They’re not going to miss someone who refuses to get out of their life.
Additionally, the time and space can give them the feeling of actually missing you, and remembering what was good about your relationship.
And while you’re probably reading this post because you’re sure your ex is The One, they may not be. It’s a bit of a shock to hear, but giving them time and space can give you the space you need to think about the relationship – what worked and what didn’t.
Then, if you still miss them, you know you had something worth fighting for. - Apply the No Contact Rule (and extend it to social media).
This one can be painful, especially if you and your ex were in a long-term relationship. It’s hard to stop talking to someone who’s been there for you for months or even years but is now no longer a part of your life. You may have been relying on them for emotional support for a long time, and going cold turkey is difficult.
While this rule is also about giving them space, it goes one step further. You can give your ex space and still talk to them once in a while, but with a no contact period, you can make sure you’re not being reminded of them at all.
This rule is two-fold: and it benefits you as well as your ex.
With this rule, you can start focusing on life without your ex and building yourself back up. Losing a good person is devastating, and being reminded of them every single day whenever they post on social media can make you feel crazy.
It also gives your ex a chance to miss you.
If you want to rekindle things with your ex (which you obviously do or you wouldn’t still be reading), you should go no contact, but save their information.
The same goes for social media. Keep them as friends on social media, but mute their profiles. - Spend time with friends and family.
There was a time before you and your ex knew each other. Unless you’ve been dating the same person since middle school, you likely had a network of friends and family that you hung out with often.
Now is the time to rebuild these relationships and refocus on them. This way, you can start getting your identity back as the person you were before you met your ex.
Strengthening these bonds can both help heal you from your relationship and can help boost your self-confidence. Most people’s self-esteem gets drained after a break-up, and that’s normal. This can help you build back up.
Reconnecting with family and friends can also help you fill the void that you have from no longer having your ex in your life.
This way, when you and your ex do eventually reconnect, you’ll feel more confident, and less thirsty. More like the person they fell in love with originally. - Get a new hobby (or get back to an old one).
This is a great time to focus on a hobby, whether it be an old one or a new one you’ve always wanted to take up.
Doing this is also a great way to improve your confidence and help you heal from the break-up.
When I was going through a really bad breakup and felt like I had no control, I remember deciding to take ownership of what I had complete control over:
-How much I moved my body
-What I ate
-Whether or not I reacted to my triggers
I worked out hard every day. I spent whatever free time I had planning more thoughtful meals. Whenever I did have free time, I found that I didn’t obsess as badly as I usually did because I was expending my energy in other areas too. (in other words, when I had free time, I was too exhausted to care as much).
No matter what, make sure you take some time to focus on yourself. - Start talking to other people and start dating again.
This sounds counter-intuitive, but it can help you get your ex back.
Once you’ve gained a bit of perspective, start seeing other people. This may feel super weird at first, especially when getting your ex back is what you’re focused on, but it can help.
By dating again, you give your ex a clear message that you’re moving on. And that you’re moving on without them.
If your relationship is irreparable, this may not phase them. But if not, this will make them feel jealous. They’ll start to wonder how you moved on so quickly, and what these new dates are like.
When you start dating again, definitely keep it casual, be classy, and be respectful. Stay on your white horse. Don’t do anything that you’re not comfortable doing. Date to connect, gain more perspective, and affirm that your sole source of happiness does not come from another person. - Take a realistic inventory of your relationship issues.
Take the time to figure out if your relationship issues are truly fixable and if your core values match.
How to Get Your Ex Back…
Don’t play games – value yourself enough to be above the mediocrity.
When we value ourselves, others will too.
When you choose to be honest with yourself, to love yourself and accept nothing less than what you want, you will radiate it.
When you choose happiness and take care of yourself, when you stop worrying about what other people think and start living your best life, it’s infectious. It’s attractive, it’s powerful, and people notice – even exes.
x Natasha
Are you done with toxic relationships and ready to attract (and be attracted to) healthy relationships? Do you want to connect with others on a deeper level than the comments below? Click here to become an Emotional Mastery Member and learn more. If you’re looking for more personalized, one-on-one help, you can work directly with Natasha Adamo here.
Hi Natasha
This resonated so much with me. You of all people know why.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Loads of love
Meg
Our conversation inspired it ???? So glad it helped! Xo
This is such good advice! When my ex cheated on me and ghosted me, I ended up applying all of those things without realizing I was doing it. Eventually he came back after his relationship with the other girl didn’t work out and saw that he messed up big time after seeing how much I had grown and changed. He ghosted me again and doing everything above in the first place was enough to remind me that I didn’t need him in my life. A part of me hopes he can change (I know I did) but I know now that I can be happy by myself and don’t need to depend on others, especially anyone toxic like him, to stay happy. Your advice and stories are so inspiring. I’ll keep reading and can’t wait for whenever your book comes out!
Hi Anu!
Thank you so much for sharing 🙂 I’m glad that the post was affirming!
It was nice to read how doing these things helped YOU – no matter what the outcome will be.
You are an inspiration. I hope that this finds you and your loved ones safe and healthy. Thank you for your love and support.
Can’t wait for you to read the book 🙂 ! xox
My ex dumped me around one month ago by saying that he had been extremely cold towards me and he tried but can’t change the way he is. I didn’t begged or called him after our breakup. He eventually came back after 14 days and texted me “I miss you” because he was suffering from insomnia. He asked me “Haven’t you missed me?” to which replied “No”. I said him “no” because I do not wanted to show him my feelings after he dumped me. Then he again texted me “All the best” after two days for my exams to which I replied “Thank you”. After that day he never texted me again. It has been around 15 days now. Will he come back again?
Hi Anne!
It’s impossible for me to directly advise here in the comments (thank you so much for your kindness and your understanding). I would need to know more details. Based on what you shared, I think that you will most likely hear from him again but again, I would need to know more details. My coaching will open back up soon if you’re interested in more personalized help <3
Hello Natasha.
This was a very important post and I think it comes at a good time. We are all feeling vulnerable and a little out of control.
You always give so much wisdom and direction and this time is no different. I love what you said about staying on our white horse. It’s very important to keep self respect no matter what we decide. Time and space can also make a huge difference. Like you said, maybe we realize that person was not what we thought they were.
Thank you again for giving of yourself.
I hope you are well and safe.
Love you and all you do.
????
Linda,
I look forward to your input as much as I do writing posts 🙂
And yes, I agree. Self-respect needs to be maintained no matter what the outcome.
Hope that this finds both you and your Mom safe/healthy. Love you too sister. Thank you for being you. xox
I had a great younger girl who really loved me. But I started taking her for granted, so she went back to her home town outta state. About 2 weeks after she left we were back in constant contact. She was focused on rebuilding her relationship with her family & getting her own place etc, so I was very patient & supportive during the 4 months she was gone. Then she wanted me to come visit & I was really excited to finally see her & vice versa. After my visit she would come to see me in November & so on. But when I was ready to make plans to get a flight etc, she told me to come at the end of the month instead of when I was originally supposed to go. She also said she’d call me back later that night to talk about why she changed times. But she didn’t call. It really hurt & made me mad because I thought she was ignoring me, when really she just fell asleep. But I overreacted & left all these foul texts. Nothing threatening just immature angry jealous gibberish that a teenager might say. Now she blocked me on all her sm accts her cell & I’ve been regretting my behavior with the worst broken heart I’ve had ever since. Anyway, she’s like a different person who’s really cold towards me now & it’s killing me. She also said it doesn’t matter what I say or do she won’t forgive or even be my friend. Now I can’t eat sleep or even function & I deserve it for my impulsive stupidity.
You are not alone J. I would need to know many more details to advise but the best thing you can do now is just respect her boundaries and not reach out for the time being. I know it’s hard and I know how good of a person and kind of a heart you have. All my love to you, my friend.
Great post! Like that “computer analogy” unfortunately that apply to my case with ex gf because her “god fear” (fear-base) bullshits and her secrecy destroyed everything. She can not EVEN realize what I’m trying to convey until it’s too late. She moved on to another and another who knows maybe manizer?????? For that reason especially after me I refuse take her back. She destroyed my belief and spirit. Deeply broken heart. Her words/actions do not match. There’s no “our” it’s all “me me me” to her! To her “life is theater”. (Dramas) My sister asked me “do you want go back to her?” I told her I would but she went to another guy after me. No thanks I must heed my counselor recommendations. Like I post few weeks ago regard to break no contact. It hurts me to see her with another guy and to me it’s big “WTF!?!” She except me to smile on picture. Why she not ask her guy to smile? That came into my realization I was treated quadruple standards and different treatment. Do I want that? Heck no! Moreover there’s no friendship. For serenity purpose I surrender and accept fact that it’s an everlasting dead! Consider computer burned to ashes. Irreparable damage. Let her go. I’m no body. No worth to her. An option zzz. She never care but herself. Everything fake. It’s “game” to her. I’m out. So far I been feeling more good since the post I shared regard break no contact rule and starting since Ghosted out post earlier this year. Perspective became clearer that I don’t want her. Even if I’m eating my own words for saying that. Natasha keep the great writing. Hope to read new post how to overcome those memories I had with her when I visit my sister in CA. I want 100% out of my system. In my opinion I have my reason to believe that she purposely planted it to make me crazy. That I want out of my system. Does it mean guest bedroom need a complete makeover/replace furnitures? It will be tough because those are few decades old and came from the South before she got married and moved to CA. The surrounding shoppings/restaurants. Geez. Be nice if Bill Gate is able to erase that memory (Virus) out of my heart! I refuse get into another relationship until she is complete out of my system because it won’t be fair to new one and vice versa. I do not want to cling on other to “make me happy” or strong or etc” that a receipt to disaster in the end! Few steps you mentioned is what I’m in progress. With COVID. Everything a push back. Really frustrating! ??????. Thank you. John
Dearest Natasha,
I’ve Googled this question so. many. times. in my past. And I am not surprised that you have crafted the most succinct and accurate list of answers I’ve read to date. I love the reminder to take a “realistic inventory”, reflecting on whether “cover values matched” in prior relationships. It is so easy after a breakup (or even an argument with a best friend!) to frame conflicts in such a way that you reflect on your own shortcomings, to let the nasty negative thought Gremlin sitting on your shoulder take over – the one that says “you are not enough, your nose is too big, your boobs are too small, you are reactive and impulsive and Bitchy, and no one will ever like you!” Instead, if you see conflict or a breakup as a result of conflicting values, you separate yourself, and respect yourself so. much. more. …Also loved the emphasis again on treating the Disease to Please and shifting one’s focus to self and rooting. I found that being my own best friend in times of emotional pain and interpersonal conflict has paid off. Thinking, “okay! I am going to date my own darn self!” and planning a nice dinner, going to TJs and buying myself the nicer flowers, taking a shower with a lit lavender candle — these ‘being my own Knight in Shining Armor’ actions — work wonders. Root deep into the ground when the winds are blowing, and Light your own temple fires, and you WILL attract those who love light instead of darkness! <3 Thanks for sending out another Sunday morning post, Natasha.
So much love to you and the PMS tribe.
-Kelly
Hi! I guess my wounds are still fresh. But what happens if you do delete them off of social media? Does that mean that’s it’s over over?
No, that doesn’t mean it over. Always do what’s best for *you*, your mental health, and protecting your peace.
You are not alone. xox
I blocked instead of muting out of impulse when I saw some comments that hurt me, I sent a text saying how my feelings run too deep and that I wish he’d the best and and she wished me the best as well.
I love you so so much..I love that you’re unapologetically blunt and original. Keep doing what u do sis. I’d steadfastly keep reading your blogs!♥️♥️♥️
I love you too Victoria! ♥️?
I love the fact you’re unapologetically honest, blunt and original. I’ve scoured many blogs but yours still remains the one I always come back to. Keep doing what u do sis. You’re a HUGE inspiration. I’d steadfastly continue reading your blogs. Much love from Africa!!♥️
Ahhh I hope to visit Africa one day. Thank you for your love, connection, sisterhood, and support. It (and you) means the world to me. Love you soul sis ♥️ I am so happy and honored to help.
Natasha what to do if you’re ex blocked you on everything and can’t reach out to me when still love him
Hi Lucy!
I will try to write about this soon. You are not alone.
Hi never heard back from this comment what to do still blocked
Hi Lucy!
It’s humanely impossible for me to advise in the comments (thank you so much for your kindness and understanding). I would need to know more information. Please visit my coaching page. You are not alone. Xox
My story is a little complicated. He got another girls number behind my back while he was out for friends one night and I kicked him out, but then tried to back peddle and he wouldn’t take me back. He moved out of our apartment and now it has been two months since the break up and I’ve fallen off my white horse twice. He only reached out once on a night he was drinking and now he’s following a ton of attractive girls on Instagram daily. I know I need to stop looking, but I can’t and it’s driving me insane. I feel like it’s too late to get on my white horse. He’s never going to miss me.
I am in a very similar situation as the other Jessica. I found my ex was allowing a “good friend going through a hard time” to send him texts that he should not have entertained while in a relationship with me. Although his responses did not feed into her flirtation, he never asked her stop which was extremely disrespectful to me. When I confronted him saying I needed space I was expecting him to fight for me, but he did not. This was early April and we have since had countless conversations about why he actually wanted to break up. He says he can only emotionally attach so much, and then it stops, and admitted he needs therapy but he’s “not ready.” I was supposed to move in next month (we were together a year and a few months) and I think that level of commitment also freaked him out especially because his parents are in the middle of a nasty divorce after close to 40 years together. I am completing my Social Work Masters program and working toward my clinical license and the break up has made me acknowledge countless warning signs I ignored regarding my ex’s fear of intimacy and emotional unavailability. He is truly a great person and treated me very well but my education provides helpful insight and his parent’s relationship/his own relationship with his father is where it all started. I convinced him to try to make things work, but as we know, you can’t convince someone to do something if they aren’t ready. When I began attempting to get him to address his underlying issues he pushed me away again.
Anyway, I am now day 1 of no contact… going to try really really hard this time, promise! We last spoke about how he needs time on his own to sort things out, see the bigger picture and hopefully speak to a professional. We had a happy relationship so I’m pretty sure despite his emotional issues he will miss me, but you never know. He has said I am the best girlfriend and he knows if it didn’t work out with me it won’t work out with anyone, and that I don’t deserve to be wasted on someone like him that “doesn’t feel.” I am usually a very strong and rational person but this breakup is really testing my sanity. Not sure where I was going with this comment but seemed like the right place to let some words flow out. Hope everyone else going through something similar finds peace and happiness soon. XO
Hi Natasha,
Great article! I was wondering how you would apply the no-contact rule when you and your ex are in the same friend group? I don’t want to not go out to seem like I’m avoiding him and give him that satisfaction/power, but I also want to maintain my ~air of mystery~ !!
Hi Jane! Will try to write about this soon ?
This would be very useful for me too x
Hi Natasha!
This article really hit the mark with me. My wife of 23 yrs (together 31 yrs total) and I amicably divorced in February 18th this year. Both felt there was too much disrespectful behavior, and communication became non-existent. Both of us worked long hours, and truth be told, failed to put each other as the top priority. We became housemates in the end. Neither of us were happy. We both said we still loved each other, but the connection was lost.
I soon after realized that the divorce, while giving us both space, was not the right decision. We were friendly the first 3 months after the divorce, and the she went silent. Turned out she finally matched on an online dating site with someone from when she was 18 years old, and they’ve been joined at the hip 24/7 since. She is a teacher and off for the summer, and he is currently furloughed, so they spend a ton of time together. When I found out, she said she still wanted her and I to be “friends”, something in the moment that did not sound appealing, but rather more of a consolation prize, a way for her to manage her guilt. Unfortunately, I did fall off the white horse, expressed said I wasn’t interested in being “friends”, and my jealousy and hurt regarding this to her. Having said that, I do love her and feel the desire to reconcile. My wife has no desire to at this time, says she is happy. I did write her an accountability email, but she said that it was not helpful, that we got to a point where new patterns of respect could not be formed. And that she would like to only have essential communication (we have 2 college aged daughters).
I truly would like to win her back!
There is some self-love aspects I am working on.
Is she in a rebound relationship? Should I employ no contact rule?
Send an apology letter?
Thank you for any advice!
Hi Glenn!
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and for being a part of this tribe. I would need to know more details and it’s impossible for me to advise in the comments; I wish I had the time to write everything out. I will open my coaching back up soon and would be happy to help then. I would need to know many more details before advising. You are not alone Glenn.
Hi Natasha!
When will coaching open back up again? I could really use some help. It’s been almost a year and I still want my ex back. The thing is I was actually the one who exhibited a lot of toxic behavior. It took me a while to realize it/change my mentality regarding relationships and, as a result, I’ve been dealing with so much guilt and regret for how I acted. I want him to know I’ve come to this realization and want another chance, for which I am committed to doing better, but I’m not sure how to go about it. Any advice would be much appreciated!
Hi Amanda!
I can help with this (I wish I had the time to advise and ask questions on here; thanks for your understanding and kindness). Coaching will be back up in about 10 days. xox
Great! Is there an email I can contact you through to talk about the details (like pricing, scheduling, etc.)?
When the form is back up, yes of course. I need that filled out for legal reasons and am off of my coaching email for now (only coaching current clients; not taking new ones) until I meet this deadline for my book and my Mom recovers from emergency surgery. Sorry, I’m doing the best I can ??? Like I said, it will be back up soon. Xo
I feel like #5 should not even be in this article. Dating other people with the intentions of getting your ex back Is really hurtful and cruel to everyone involved, including yourself.
I couldn’t agree more Millie. Thank you so much for taking the time to not only read the post but to share your thoughts! You are an incredibly kind and compassionate person, I can tell. I am not into carrot-dangling and game-playing. I don’t try to teach people how to be relational tacticians, I have dedicated my life to helping people feel less alone in this world and helpig them out of pain and suffering that I know all too well. I had recieve many requests to write about this topic and under the #5, which you are encouraging me to delete, I write: “When you start dating again, definitely keep it casual, be classy, and be respectful. Stay on your white horse. Don’t do anything that you’re not comfortable doing. Date to connect, gain more perspective, and affirm that your sole source of happiness does not come from another person.” My heart was definitely in the right place writing this and I think you know that. I would never insinuate or perpetuate cruelty. My goal was to express that yes, getting back out there will get your ex curious but it will be for the wrong reasons. And hopefully, in that process, you will realize that there is nothing to go back to. I am fallible, human, and things do get lost in translation. I appreciate your kindness and your taking the time to comment. I Will definitely edit this as I see fit – the last thing I ever want to do is hurt anyone and I think that’s very clear. Hope that this finds you and your loved ones healthy. Have a wonderful day.
Hi Natsha,
My boyfriend broke up with me for two weeks ago. Even we were on holiday in last month and we had a great vacation together. He even told his family that I’m “the one”. We have been together for one year. He was amazing.
Our relationship ended when I was asking for commitment and get married before moving together. He told me that it’s too early too settle down, because he is only 27 years (btw I’m 32). I’m so confused ? and now I blocked him on social media and trying no contact rule.
Best regards
Mariam
Hi Miriam!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this; I have definitely been there. Wish I had the time to directly advise here in the comments (thanks so much for your understanding and kindness) but I would suggest staying in no contact right now. You are not alone, sister. xx
I’m currently going through this right now. She said she needed space, but this week did most of the calling to me. I’ve tried not to contact her and give her space, but it’s truly hard when you love her. I did not do everything perfectly in the relationship and definitely regret how things are between us now, but I feel like it may still be hope. What do you advise I do? I’m doing the no contact for 30 days
Hi – I am new to your blog but so far I love it!!!
What about posting on social media? I do not mean emotional posts but pictures occasionally or anything funny?
Thank you,
Hi Marie!
I’m so happy to hear that!
That’s a great question; I will try to write about this soon. Occasional posting is fine but nothing directed at your ex whosoever. xox
Hi Natasha,
What about if we work together, we met at work, started dating.
We were engaged, and ended it after 6 years. I do want him back, but not today, I believe we need space and time, but how, if we work for the same company?
Regards
I will try to write about this soon Nikkels! You are not alone. xox
As a heterosexual male can your course help me too???
If you need to maintain no contact with a toxic ex, yes
Hello,
thank you for the post! My boyfriend left me due to my childhood trauma and anxiety.
He loved me well but still couldn’t let go of my past and shared a lot of negativity with him.
That put him down until he didn’t want to hear me well. He also has anxiety.
We knew each other very well and later said I was wonderful but we weren’t compatible.
When we actually have so much in common. It was because of anxiety and that we both struggled to live healthily.
I did let go and was about to share with him, but he left me. Also, I talk too much.
He felt like an emotional outlet and had to constantly comfort me.
He wants to stay friends. Unfortunately, tried to explain all these after the break up. Haven’t talked together since 3 days.
Really hard trying to give him space and distance, I also had poor boundaries and trying to go on with my life and not imagine scenarios of him being gone and even worse things. Do you think if I do that, he could reconsider our compatibility?
He was just afraid that both of us brought each other down because of our anxiety. Anxiety is under control now.
Hi Natasha
I’ve just come across your site. I’m definitely in a situation where I want my ex back. We broke up a week ago, after 2.5 years, of which in the last 12 months we lived together, thrown together by covid 24/7. I sold my house last week as we were to be cohabiting officially and buy somewhere together. Then he ended up. There was no toxicity in the relationship at all, and I honestly thought so happy. He made the decision the day he told me, that he “can’t do this anymore” – I’m reading into that, that wasn’t he doesn’t want to. He says we want different things but of course I disagree as the day before he said we were on the same page. I think it moved too fast too soon when we have all suffered in the effects of covid in our lives. I do think he has developed depression though mild through feelings of unworthiness in his job and life overall (I just thought I made it better). He doesn’t seem to know at all what he wants. I told him to give me 3 weeks space (I once read you need 21 days no contact, and I am on day 8 today). Over analysing everything and definitely taking stock of the whole relationship of where great and not so great. I can see my pattern of pushing away due to insecurity, so if he ever said need some space (as we had been non stop) I would say, well you can have it all if we split up. I have been so destructive in that way. I also pushed way too much in when will we move, get married etc. I wish I could take that back but I can’t. I can only hope he has this time, like me, to reflect and that the good was so great it is worth the chance to talk and see if we can begin a new forward. I’m trying not to pin all hopes on this. But I truly believe he is the one, he told me on the day he did love me and had seen me as the girl to marry he just wasn’t ready (he is 30, and I am 33). I’m so broken but have to do this no contact, but hope it helps in both our healing that we find out way together. I totally accept your point that you shouldn’t need to lose someone to know what they were but in this case as he thought moving too fast, maybe that is what he needs. I don’t know if you can help or other readers but I want us so much and prepared to slow down if I know we could have a life time. I also know I am a catch (in the right way) and that in itself is attractive and not chasing him. I just wonder how much he may be missing me and wanting to know if this is as hard for him as it is me.
Sorry for the long post, looking forward to reading more from you, Lauren xx
Thank you so much for sharing and for being a part of this tribe Lauren xxx
You are loves, supported, backed, believed in, and never, ever alone.
Hi Natasha,
im stuck in a horrible position after a break up and i need your help with the situation i am in. its been a struggle dealing with the break up and yet i feel like we have and build something special between us and definitely just want her back in my life i truly love her with all my heart and care for her. i felt like i pushed her away a bit and things got out of my hands literally and now i don’t know what to do. i need guidance and help
thank you,
Steven
Hi Steven,
It is humanly impossible for me to personally advise in the comments to your specific situation. I appreciate your kindness and understanding. My coaching is fully booked right now but will open back up soon.
If you need immediate help, please contact a mental health professional (I am not one nor do I claim to be; my education is experiential – not from formal education) in your area.
You are not alone, my friend.
Hi Natasha,
I’m stuck in a horrible position after a break up and need your help with the situation i am in. it’s been a struggle dealing with the break up and yet i feel like we have and build something special between us and something to fight for ive expressed how much she meant to me after the break up and definitely just want her back in my life i truly love her with all my heart and care for her. i felt like i pushed her away because I was dealing with so many other things that happened after the break up and just wanted her by my side as I was always for her and things got out of my hands literally and now I’m blocked from social media and texting/calling i don’t know what to do. i need guidance and real help with my situation I was at a point where I bought a ring for her that she doesn’t even know about and had this big plan to propose to her on vacation I just truly hope that you’ll help me rekindle our love for one another. Ive been mentally drained ,self esteem to the lowest and I just feel like m at the lowest point of my life right now
thank you,
Steven
Hi Natasha,
My boyfriend left me after 7.5 years to be with someone else who lives across the country. We never had major problems in our relationship and I don’t understand what went wrong. Do you think he is suffering from the grass is greener syndrome? Do you think he will come back?
Hi KM!
It is impossible for me to give direct advice here in the comments (thank you so much for your kindness and your understanding). I would need to know many more details to even give a fair assessment. My coaching will open back up this week and am happy to help you further if you need more personalized help.
Thanks for your love and support. I have been there and am so sorry you’re going through this. You are not alone. xox
I need some help everyone, what can I do?
I was seeing a lady that I love so very much for about 3 years (but found it hard at times to show her this, I have some trust issues from the past).
I was deeply happy and content and did believe she loved me very much also.
Late last year I had some mental health issues that I did not manage well at the time (I struggled to do anything or even get out of bed some days and this made me angry and I snapped at her at times).
There was never anything physical and I would never hurt her in that way but it caused a rift between us and she moved out, we tried to stay friends but it was a bit difficult with how I was.
I finally got the help I needed from counselling and my head is in a far better place now and certainly beyond the mental illness / stress I had at the time.
I did the stupid thing that lots of people do and bombarded her with emails and texts asking for forgiveness and to give me a chance now ok and to see me again, which I know was the wrong thing to do and she blocked me on text and that.
I know deep down she is still very much in love with me and certainly doesn’t want to be on her own, she just doesn’t want to be hurt again.
I kept emailing her and she just said leave me alone and I never want to see or hear from you ever again and that resulted in two police visits now asking me to stop contacting her.
What do I do?
I’m very much in love with her and I know deep down she still loves me. I don’t want miss this one chance in a lifetime to be with someone I love so very much and I know we could have a fantastic life together.
But I’m told if the police come back again for a 3rd time, I will get charged this time.
What can I do?
1 week ago today me and my girlfriend had what I would call a small argument which I never dreamed would result in her blocking me on Signal Messenger but she did, I did swear at her but I wasn’t really serious I was just joking and I thought she would know that, but yes maybe not the smartest thing I have ever done, we met on Tinder and we have been talking since about November and eventually we decided to be in a relationship, in my opinion our relationship was pretty good, we had some arguments but in my opinion they were mostly not that bad and not that serious and didn’t end up in yelling or anything, but its possible they were more serious for her I am not sure, so anyways after she blocked me on Signal Messenger I sent her a text message just asking her why she blocked me and also telling her that she can message me now on Signal Messenger and unblock me now and that I didn’t tell her to block me (she was also thretening to block me but I didnt think she was serious so I wanted to clarify that I didnt want her to block me) I know the text message was sent which means it went through to her phone but I do not know if she received it or not because if she blocked me through text also then she wouldn’t have received it, but if she didnt block me then she likely seen it I am assuming as it would have went through. The argument was about that some other guy texted her and she told me he was bothering her, and i said talk to him and see if you like him (I was joking around, not sure if she knew that) and then she said I either stick to you and ignore others or I will talk to him and block you forever and she said you always force me to do things I’m not comfortable with huh? and she said then choose, I said dont threaten me, you want to talk to him go ahead, she said I dont want to 1000 times already, and in response to dont threaten me she said then dont force me btch, then i said shut up bitch do what I say Iwill cut your head off and eat your brains, then she blocked me, so just so you know I joke around like this the odd time but almost never and i certainly wasn’t thinking this would get me blocked of course as I thought she would know I was joking and even if she didnt think so I thought she would at least talk to me before blocking because to me that Is a normal mature way to deal with things instead of blocking, and also she blocked me before and then that time before I messaged her and got her to unblock me and I told her dont block me ever again just discuss things and dont block, which she agreed to before but obviously she didnt keep that promise, we haven’t met in real life yet i have seen her on video call and pictures, she is in Philippines I am in Canada, I have been in no contact but I am not sure if I should continue no contact or if that was even the right thing to do in the first place (I only sent her those 2 texts right after she blocked me then went in to no contact) I am wondering if I try talking to her more then she might unblock me quicker like last time (If she doesnt have me blocked on texting) maybe I should break no contact now since its been a week and apologize etc? I know Im maybe talking a lot but my mind is racing an its driving me nuts to try and figure out the right thing to do so thats why all the questions. please help!