Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
How to get your ex-boyfriend back. I know, I never thought that I would write about this either, but it’s something I have both struggled with and wanted in the past. If you’ve been following my work, you know I’m not a big fan of using your precious brainpower, energy, and time (that you will never get back) in an effort to try to get someone back into your life who consistently treated you poorly. I’m not into being a carrot-dangling tactician.
I get it though. You miss him and the way he made you feel. You miss the way that you felt and the person you were when you were with him and the relationship was good. You made excuses for everything he did that was wrong, disrespectful, and hurtful because you feel like it was you that provoked it and “made him” like a disrespectful lunatic. You don’t care though; you just want him back, no matter what. I get it.
I’m sharing this with you because a lot of you have asked me how to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Also – I’m telling you this because it does work.
BUT – I’m sharing it with the knowingness (I KNOW because you guys are all so strong and so bada*s) that, by the time he does come throwing his crumbs your way again, you will be empowered, healed, self-assured, and strong enough to recognize the crumbs for what they are
And at that point, will be indifferent and moved on.
So, how to get your ex boyfriend back? Let’s get to it…
Your first problem is that by allowing your emotions to dictate your actions (being reactionary), you are essentially begging for him back. You have to take a step back. Take a breath and vow to put an end to the crazy; an END to you feeling like a weak victim.
Acting on emotional impulse makes you look like you’ve lost control of yourself. Begging for anyone back is the worst approach possible. Men, no matter what they may claim, are very territorial. And it’s normal to want what you can’t have.
He may have told you that he’s done with you. He may really think that this is true but I can assure you, if you cut him off, curiosity will creep in. He will start wondering why you’ve gone from receptive and desperate to indifferent and moved on.
All of the crying, social media stalking, begging, analyzing, and bargaining will get you nowhere. It turns men off, way off to know that you have such little confidence and such a minuscule life that you’re obsessed with their every move and obsessed with losing them. Men want to feel wanted, not psychotically needed. Beating yourself up is not going to help you either.
I’m being kind in my honesty (never brutal) because there is no time for sugar-coating. Do you want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back now? Follow what I’m saying and your ex won’t know what to do or think.
And if he never comes back? What do you REALLY have to lose? An idiot to stalk? At least, you’ll stop feeling like an obsessive fool that’s allowing him to dictate your worth.
How to get your ex boyfriend back…
- Do not call him. Don’t text him, don’t “like” his photos, or view his stories. Don’t call him from a blocked number and hang up. Don’t drive by his house. DON’T DO ANYTHING. He doesn’t deserve to know that you have a heartbeat.
- I know it’s hard, but do not act jealous. Non-reactivity is a superpower.
- Do not let him or any of his friends see you cry.
Simply appear that you do not give a flying f*ck.
- Go out. I don’t care if it takes all of the strength that you have to get out of those sweats of yours, put the phone away and take a shower. Get yourself out into the fresh air and BREATHE.
If he hears from others that you are out, enjoying yourself and NOT pinning and obsessing over him anymore, he will bust his balls trying to figure out what it is that you’re suddenly up to; what’s “distracting” you from obsessing over him.
And that’s just human nature. It’s exactly how to get your ex boyfriend back. Right now, he knows that he has control over your emotions. In his mind, you are too hung up on him and too broken over the breakup to have a life of your own. He views this as a desperate and weak.
Stop all of the “I need you,” “I’ll love you till the day I die,” “We’re soulmates. How could you leave me?” To him, that’s just unnecessary “drama” and it turns him off because this guy lacks empathy. I’m telling you that you absolutely must make him believe that you are completely over him. Care-free and happy-go-lucky.
Pick ONE friend that you trust or better yet, stop yapping to your friends. Comment on here. You never know which “friend” will go tell the wrong friend of his that you’re struggling. No dramatic, long, drawn-out depression and good-byes. Let him wonder what in the hell you are avoiding him for.
Either allow your emotions to turn you into a psycho that he was glad he got away from, or be the unapologetically graceful, happy, confident girl that you have to appear to be.
He can make you feel like a fool or you can have peace of mind.
And I don’t care who he starts hanging out with. Do not for any reason whatsoever appear to be jealous, hateful, or spiteful. Any girl he turns to does not matter. Do not deliberately run into him, but if you happen to see him, be cool and cut the conversation as soon as possible.
Avoid him and have a life of your own; it will get to him soon enough.
The reason most girls don’t do this is that they are scared of being “mean” or “immature.” But when did having healthy boundaries ever become synonymous with being mean or immature? What’s “mean” about speaking through dignified actions that you don’t have the time for anyone who was unappreciative of yours?
You’re not being immature at all. And any ex that labels you as such for cutting him off? That just means you got to him.
In the next few weeks, you need to have a new man interested in you. Find one or fabricate one, but by all means, you have a new flame according to anyone that he may know. You don’t need to announce it in smoke signals, but if you are asked, smile and discreetly say that yes, you are talking to someone. It may sound nuts, but it does help you gain peace of mind. If you’re not ready to date and still missing him every second of every day, that’s fine. I understand. But HE doesn’t have to know that.
Do not pass by anywhere he frequents. Stop making excuses to get in touch with him or ask him some silly questions that you need to know “right now.” Do not contact him in any way. Avoid it at all costs.
Anything that he can do, you can do better. Remember that.
If he’s out trying to meet someone new, by all means, let him do what he wants. Ignore him like he is nothing to you. This will not only translate to him that you are confident and that, unlike him, you actually have standards, but it will plant the seeds of curiosity.
Show him that you’re not that desperate. SHOW him that you treat yourself well and have no room for anyone who treats you any less than you treat yourself. SHOW him that you are done taking him more seriously than he takes himself.
And remember this…
When it comes to knowing how to get your ex-boyfriend back…
If it’s a toxic ex, remember that it’s not you he wants – it’s regained access and control he is after because you’ve disempowered his power source (his ego). You show him what you’re made of and introduce him to the girl that he never got a chance to meet.
If you want to get your ex back, I get it, but he will eventually SHOW you (especially if you take my advice and you’re not responsive to his crumbs and chain yanks), that the breakup was a bullet dodged. And even if he cheated on you and you feel rejected, guess what? You just rejected HIM.
– Natasha Adamo
Are you done with toxic relationships and ready to attract (and be attracted to) healthy relationships? Do you want to connect with others on a deeper level than the comments below? Click here to become an Emotional Mastery Member and learn more. If you’re looking for more personalized, one-on-one help, you can work directly with Natasha Adamo here.