Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
How to get your ex-boyfriend back. I know, I never thought that I would write about this either, but it’s something I have both struggled with and wanted in the past. If you’ve been following my work, you know I’m not a big fan of using your precious brainpower, energy, and time (that you will never get back) in an effort to try to get someone back into your life who consistently treated you poorly. I’m not into being a carrot-dangling tactician.
I get it though. You miss him and the way he made you feel. You miss the way that you felt and the person you were when you were with him and the relationship was good. You made excuses for everything he did that was wrong, disrespectful, and hurtful because you feel like it was you that provoked it and “made him” like a disrespectful lunatic. You don’t care though; you just want him back, no matter what. I get it.
I’m sharing this with you because a lot of you have asked me how to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Also – I’m telling you this because it does work.
BUT – I’m sharing it with the knowingness (I KNOW because you guys are all so strong and so bada*s) that, by the time he does come throwing his crumbs your way again, you will be empowered, healed, self-assured, and strong enough to recognize the crumbs for what they are
And at that point, will be indifferent and moved on.
So, how to get your ex boyfriend back? Let’s get to it…
Your first problem is that by allowing your emotions to dictate your actions (being reactionary), you are essentially begging for him back. You have to take a step back. Take a breath and vow to put an end to the crazy; an END to you feeling like a weak victim.
Acting on emotional impulse makes you look like you’ve lost control of yourself. Begging for anyone back is the worst approach possible. Men, no matter what they may claim, are very territorial. And it’s normal to want what you can’t have.
He may have told you that he’s done with you. He may really think that this is true but I can assure you, if you cut him off, curiosity will creep in. He will start wondering why you’ve gone from receptive and desperate to indifferent and moved on.
All of the crying, social media stalking, begging, analyzing, and bargaining will get you nowhere. It turns men off, way off to know that you have such little confidence and such a minuscule life that you’re obsessed with their every move and obsessed with losing them. Men want to feel wanted, not psychotically needed. Beating yourself up is not going to help you either.
I’m being kind in my honesty (never brutal) because there is no time for sugar-coating. Do you want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back now? Follow what I’m saying and your ex won’t know what to do or think.
And if he never comes back? What do you REALLY have to lose? An idiot to stalk? At least, you’ll stop feeling like an obsessive fool that’s allowing him to dictate your worth.
How to get your ex boyfriend back…
- Do not call him. Don’t text him, don’t “like” his photos, or view his stories. Don’t call him from a blocked number and hang up. Don’t drive by his house. DON’T DO ANYTHING. He doesn’t deserve to know that you have a heartbeat.
- I know it’s hard, but do not act jealous. Non-reactivity is a superpower.
- Do not let him or any of his friends see you cry.
Simply appear that you do not give a flying f*ck.
- Go out. I don’t care if it takes all of the strength that you have to get out of those sweats of yours, put the phone away and take a shower. Get yourself out into the fresh air and BREATHE.
If he hears from others that you are out, enjoying yourself and NOT pinning and obsessing over him anymore, he will bust his balls trying to figure out what it is that you’re suddenly up to; what’s “distracting” you from obsessing over him.
And that’s just human nature. It’s exactly how to get your ex boyfriend back. Right now, he knows that he has control over your emotions. In his mind, you are too hung up on him and too broken over the breakup to have a life of your own. He views this as a desperate and weak.
Stop all of the “I need you,” “I’ll love you till the day I die,” “We’re soulmates. How could you leave me?” To him, that’s just unnecessary “drama” and it turns him off because this guy lacks empathy. I’m telling you that you absolutely must make him believe that you are completely over him. Care-free and happy-go-lucky.
Pick ONE friend that you trust or better yet, stop yapping to your friends. Comment on here. You never know which “friend” will go tell the wrong friend of his that you’re struggling. No dramatic, long, drawn-out depression and good-byes. Let him wonder what in the hell you are avoiding him for.
Either allow your emotions to turn you into a psycho that he was glad he got away from, or be the unapologetically graceful, happy, confident girl that you have to appear to be.
He can make you feel like a fool or you can have peace of mind.
And I don’t care who he starts hanging out with. Do not for any reason whatsoever appear to be jealous, hateful, or spiteful. Any girl he turns to does not matter. Do not deliberately run into him, but if you happen to see him, be cool and cut the conversation as soon as possible.
Avoid him and have a life of your own; it will get to him soon enough.
The reason most girls don’t do this is that they are scared of being “mean” or “immature.” But when did having healthy boundaries ever become synonymous with being mean or immature? What’s “mean” about speaking through dignified actions that you don’t have the time for anyone who was unappreciative of yours?
You’re not being immature at all. And any ex that labels you as such for cutting him off? That just means you got to him.
In the next few weeks, you need to have a new man interested in you. Find one or fabricate one, but by all means, you have a new flame according to anyone that he may know. You don’t need to announce it in smoke signals, but if you are asked, smile and discreetly say that yes, you are talking to someone. It may sound nuts, but it does help you gain peace of mind. If you’re not ready to date and still missing him every second of every day, that’s fine. I understand. But HE doesn’t have to know that.
Do not pass by anywhere he frequents. Stop making excuses to get in touch with him or ask him some silly questions that you need to know “right now.” Do not contact him in any way. Avoid it at all costs.
Anything that he can do, you can do better. Remember that.
If he’s out trying to meet someone new, by all means, let him do what he wants. Ignore him like he is nothing to you. This will not only translate to him that you are confident and that, unlike him, you actually have standards, but it will plant the seeds of curiosity.
Show him that you’re not that desperate. SHOW him that you treat yourself well and have no room for anyone who treats you any less than you treat yourself. SHOW him that you are done taking him more seriously than he takes himself.
And remember this…
When it comes to knowing how to get your ex-boyfriend back…
If it’s a toxic ex, remember that it’s not you he wants – it’s regained access and control he is after because you’ve disempowered his power source (his ego). You show him what you’re made of and introduce him to the girl that he never got a chance to meet.
If you want to get your ex back, I get it, but he will eventually SHOW you (especially if you take my advice and you’re not responsive to his crumbs and chain yanks), that the breakup was a bullet dodged. And even if he cheated on you and you feel rejected, guess what? You just rejected HIM.
– Natasha Adamo
Are you done with toxic relationships and ready to attract (and be attracted to) healthy relationships? Do you want to connect with others on a deeper level than the comments below? Click here to become an Emotional Mastery Member and learn more. If you’re looking for more personalized, one-on-one help, you can work directly with Natasha Adamo here.
This had my sorority sisters and I high living each other and LOLing! So true! We love you Natasha!!!
I’ve read so many articles by different coaches in this by far was the best one yet! Amazing!!!
So happy it helped! Thanks, Kristen! 🙂
Hi, I can’t believe I am reading something like this. Coming from a fresh breakup just 4 days ago, yes, I’ve been constantly sending sorry and other pathetic me msgs. It’s crazy because he is ignoring me. It’s not about a third party, I just threw a little girlfriend tantrum, and he took it seriously. The next morning he isn’t replying anymore, and just reading my msgs, I know he reads it but don’t care really. I couldn’t stop my tears no matter what I do. Even with my family out for dinner, I should be enjoying that moment. But we were eating there, suddenly I have to stop eating because tears just flowed out and got emotional. Takes away my appetite and I hate those sleepless nights. I want him back. I want him so bad. He is not the best bf ever, but I love everything about that crazy man. But reading this blog, I have been doing it all wrong. Might as well try this. It’s hard. I’d die thinking someone else might come into his life, but I have no choice but trust the process. Thank you
You are not alone Jilla <3 Trust the process and trust your gut. You got this.
Thank you for being you and thank you for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you. Xo
I agree. Loved this! Your writing is so hilarious and so spot on
Totally agree on all of this. But now I wonder though…what do you do when he does coming reaching back to you?
text back and draw it out only to slam that door shut on him? or……give him absolutely nothing? Would love some ideas on what to do 😉 make that mutha pay!
I’l have a new post on that up today 🙂 XOXO
ughhh yessssss. i just got introduced to your blog and I’m hooked. Thank you thank you thank you. <3 xo
Okay, it’s up. Sorry I kept adding to it. Hope that helps you 🙂
Where can I find this post about what to do when he comes back?
Search in the search bar on the right! xx
Exactly what I needed two days after my boyfriend breaking up with me.
So happy it helped. You are not alone Emily ❤️
Well I knew I loved you and with good reason … But this goes above and beyond. I needed this to wake up to … Mornings are the worst, thank god for your blogs to help me through this shit ….
I have to admit I have been doing all this ever since the last time u email me, not only you but my closest friends told me the same thing and I still didn’t listen until yesterday I had a conversation with two people I trust the most and remember what he said and did and decided that that was it. Sadly I still see him at work but I will listen and follow everyone’s advice. Finally!! ????????
Hahah this is classic PMS: excellent advice with a good side order of sarcasm. Love it!
🙂 xxxx
What do you do when the month is over? What’s the process of getting back together
Hi Natasha! You’re awesome! My boyfriend broke up with me, and I’m feeling terrible… my question is, my bf was not a narcissist.. I made mistakes and I started to pushing him because he lived with his mother, he is 39… and I’m 31 and I didn’t felt his priority, we had plans to get married, I’m applying no contact since he broke up with me, I didn’t begged him and I was calm, that was almost a month ago and he hasn’t reach me…. do you think that this works for a man who is not a narcissist? He is not a bad guy.
Sorry for my English…
What if you called him out on his cheating and told the other woman (just out of her teens and a real piece of work who lives on another continent) ?
I know, I know-I shouldn’t want him back. I haven’t contacted him in a month (since our big fight). Every time before when we would fight he would come back weeks later.
Don’t date musicians, girls.
Hi Parker,
If you want someone back that has done that to you, you need to work on your boundaries and self esteem. I’ve totally been there and I know how you feel. I know it’s hard; you’re not alone. What’s done is done but now it’s time to have your own back, speak with your actions and take care of YOU. You deserve so much more and I know you know it 🙂 xoxoxo
I had been with my guy for about 4 years and got close to his family. During no contact, am I allowed to reach out to his parents on holidays and birthdays? I still care about them but I don’t know if that’s crossing a no contact boundary..
I would definitely not reach out to anyone associated with him, even family. If they care about you, they will understand and respect you for it <3 There's nothing wrong with taking this time to take care for yourself, heal and deal. Read this if your haven't already: https://postmalesyndrome.com/10-ways-to-overcome-guilt-for-setting-boundaries/
Thx Ally! xx
I was with my ex for a while and had gotten close to his family. Does no contact include excluding wishing his family members well for their birthdays and holidays?
Omg ! Thank you so much for your articles, this is what I always needed and I still need. Thank you !
🙂 xo
You are so amazing and spot on and absolutely gorgeous! Excellent article!! Want to brief you with my situation. Dated a guy 5 yrs ago went on 6 dates and we connected well but I never had sex with him. He made all the effort but he’s a business guy and I was a student And he ended things since I was demNding for his time. We got back a year after and same situation. Now I’m a working surgeon grown woman. After 5 years he sends me a text on this year Valentine’s. I just got out of a relationship then. We decided to meet and it was my bday that week. He bought me a Chanel bag and took me more shopping. Had dinner at my favourite French place. Stayed in a suite. We had sex for the first time ever. Was nice and intimate. Since then he texts me everyday 3 times a day and made plans to meet me again in 2 weeks. I live 4 hrs away so he came to see me last weekend. I arranged a lovely suite on the beach and we went out for lunch played golf. He texted me saying he appreciated the effort I made and had a good time. After that he’s been distant. Not as much flirting. Btw he has a 2 yr old son he’s busy with. Single dad and has a nanny over the week. Weekends he’s full time dad. Anyways i texted him yesterday we flirted a bit. Made little small talk and he was busy traveling. Asked him he’s been bit mellow and is everything ok with work? He said all good thanks. He did say he hAs a lot of work to be done before his trip next week…No more good morning msgs or night msgs. He’s making a trip to Dubai next week with his son so surely won’t hear from him for a week. But the day before he was leaving I sent a text saying hey just wanted to know as we are adults and be honest with each other. If I’m going to invest on time and according to your busy schedule and being a single dad and if I’m going to wait for you to come back from the trip, do you want to be exclusive and date or date casually as sex buddies? So he answered saying Hey, firstly i’m sorry if my yummy mummy comments upset you – they were never intended that way.
I’ve also been thinking this week & I think it’s impossible for me right now to have any sort of relationship that’s fair to you.
I have My son, a business, a house to run . . . .
I think you deserve more than me just ‘fitting you in’.
I’m so pleased to have met the new V because you’re truly different to the old one – & someone who I now respect a lot.
As for a relationship, I think it’s best to leave things be whilst we are still on good terms.
Wish you the best of luck & success in what you do next
??
He ended things.. This is a guy who comes back to me and has my number for 5 years. And we were so intimate and shared our past. He said didn’t want to play games this time. He came 4 hrs back and forth to spend time with me. Pursues me. Why? What does he want? Why travel in total 8 hrs to come have sex with me? He like a egotistical narcissistic unemotional prick. Please advice.. Btw I never responded to his message. I left things.
Natasha, I love your blog! I’m so glad I’ve stumbled upon it. I really enjoy your no sugarcoat straight to the point style of writing. Your articles on boundaries have helped me so much! I’ll be sure to share with my girlfriends when they are going through a rough patch.
Just one question for you. I have the routine you’ve explained above down to a science. But the thing I struggle with is what do I do when he reaches out…because they always do. Do I ignore his messages temporarily? Until he apologizes? Forever? Do I respond politely but indifferently? Just when I want to?
Thanks Adrienne 🙂 I’m so glad that it has helped and thank you for sharing with your girlfriends!! It depends on the type of guy that you’re ex is. If he’s emotionally unavailable, I would not respond at all until you see a change through his ACTIONS because remember, talk is cheap. XOXO
Love this! I read your blog like it’s a bible for overcoming the bad break ups. I’m so addicted and I like that it’s enabling me to transfer my addiction from my ex. Just today, an old co worker of mine, we use to flirt a lot back in my previous job had called me not too long ago. I’m wondering if I should respond to his calls and texts. I have been avoiding him for the longest because well, I already know it will only be based on sex. Not sure if I want to indulge in that as I am still very vulnerable since the unofficial break up with my ex. However, I do want to show my ex if I could that I’m no longer crazy and doesn’t need them. So I might want to give this old flame a try. Maybe just casually date. Idfk. Lol. All I know is that I want my ex to see me happy!!!!! So far no contact for about to be a month. But my ex will not know if I’m happy or not being that I’m not on social media like that and plus they unfollowed me and we don’t have mutual friends. So how would my ex know if I’m happy without an “us”? The only glue is my access to their Netflix account which I have been using and now I’m realizing I shouldn’t even use that! My ex will probably view my activity and sees that I have not let go and still need them..even for stupid Netflix. So no more Netflix. I might want to delete the profile that my ex set up for me, but deleting it might give a reaction. Idk what to do.
Omg I’ve been doing everything the wrong way. I moved out of m bf’s after we got in big argument cause I got home from work late. When I was actually at my therapist office asking for advice how to communicate better with my ex. Long story short, he got mad cause I deleted text messages that day. Ever since moving out he has “trust issue” so it’s been up and down. This is the longest we’ve gone without communicating or hanging out. I feel like he feels he has me so secure. I also have the messages he got so mad that i deleted i tried to show them to him but he won’t see them, I think he knows he over reacted and doesn’t want to see he was wrong. Sometimes i feel like just sending him the messages.. should i?
I am going through a hard time with a very you g boyfriend. 9 years younger. And i have been crying and texting him and the last i did was called him. He said he was busy playing game and hung up on me when i ask if he still wants us.
I so wanna do this nc thing but when i do say 2 days, he will text me little questions like “do you remember where i put my …” And i have never never ignored him at all. Yes he has signs of a narcissist. And he comes from a broken family. We worked at the same place and thats hard for me. You know people would talk and all. I have been laughed at for being the provider. From money to time to chauffeuring him. And that hurts because i did all that in the name of love. But he didn’t appreciate me. In fact he treats me like kids treating a mom. No calls the whole day, busy with everyone. Only finds me when he needs something. He cheats on me too.
Will he realized that when i cut him off? I know i sound very stupid now but i don’t wish to lose him.
Natasha, first of all i just want to thank
you for being an absolute life saver recently for me. Your posts are helping me get through every single day. I was just wondering if you had any opinion or any insight into what potentially could have caused my current situation.
My ex had consistently chased me for 6 years throughout the whole of school and after, we were always really close friends and i was always too afraid to progress further incase that friendship got ruined. Even in his one other long term relationship he admitted to still always wanting to be with me and even throughout the good times with his ex he still imagined doing those things with me instead. Then after going through a hard time with a previous ex myself and having him support me we began to get close again and eventually ended up starting a relationship. And while at first i was slightly unsure about it, it quickly became clear it was the best decision i’d ever made, he was so madly in love with me and for the first time i felt so confident that someone felt like the luckiest person alive to be with me. He absolutely adored me and treated me like a queen. 2 and a half years later, and only just coming back off a wonderful week long holiday together with his family.. out of the blue, it’s over. Seeming in a bit of a bad mood one day i asked him if he was okay or if i’d done something and got the ‘we need to talk’ text. My stomach immediately dropped and i felt sick, but didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume the worst. He came over that evening and told me he thought things had changed and that for weeks he’d had this feeling of that ‘sometimes’ he just wants to be my friend. Sometimes?! Even though that morning he’d commented on how it was our anniversary and 2 days previously we had even been on a date night where he’d complained because i had red lipstick on meaning he couldn’t kiss me and asked me to sit next to him in the bar instead of opposite him so he could put his arm around me, not really ‘i just want to be your friend behaviour’ right?
I’m just so confused because there was absolutely no sign that anything had changed. If anything i thought we seemed happier than ever. He text me a few times after the relationship ended 3 weeks ago but since our last conversation there has been zero contact for about 13 days now. And i don’t know how to deal with what’s happened so suddenly or to even try make sense of it. How can we have such a huge history and such a loving relationship then him just seem so cold and be able to cut me off so easy? No body that knows him or us as a couple can believe it. Any advice or thoughts would be hugely appreciated and how should i go about trying to reconcile with him. Thank you xxx
How long does it take for him to contact you. Me and my Ex of four ex broke up three weeks ago bc of constant fighting even though we both admitted we still loved each other and one week after the fight he starts hanging out and dating this troll. i contacted once to be a psycho path and then after I apologized and I told him I was happy for him and I hope he gets to be happy.
If I follow no contact and everything you just said after that, how long till I see him begging for mercy?
Four years ***
Reading your blog makes me feel so much stronger to survive each day and to heal after being in a emotionally hot-and-cold relationship with a person (who was clearly a narcissist!) and has hurt me so much. Love this, your words have truly healed a traumatic year xx
Thanks JD! You’re not alone. You are part of a tribe here and are loved, supported and believed in 🙂 xx
So question. I atill like my ex the one who cheated on me for 2 weeks. Why would i still have feelings for him ? Why do i still care that he is now dating that girl ?
I will try to write about this soon. You are not alone Dee xox
Hi Natasha, I love your article, I really hope I can stick to it!
My ex bf broke up with me for a 3rd time. We have been together for 3 years. He is saying that we are definitely over this time and his feelings won’t change, however he has said this before and we have gotten back together, only this time it feels more real. We have been broken up for 5 days. He has taken me off social media because he think it’s best we don’t see each others posts if we are out with friends etc.
The first day I was begging all day and then stopped, and he keeps saying he is sorry it’s over but he will help me get through it.
Since then he has texted me daily, asking if I’m feeling better, telling me about work, also when he is coming for the rest of his things, all conversations started by him but he’s adamant that we’ve tried to many times.
Do you think there is any chance of him coming back another time or are we finished for good?
Hi Dani!
I’m so happy that the posts have helped 🙂 I wish I could, but it is humanely impossible for me to advise in the comments section (thank you so much for your kindness and your understanding. My coaching will open back up soon if you need more personalized help). I would need to know many more details. This does not sound healthy and you’re getting mixed signals, which are making the pain even more pronounced. You need to ask yourself if, after all of this, YOU are willing to go back. All my love to you, soul sister. xx
Recently found your blog after going through some weird “fwb to dating to him getting himself a gf” kinda situation for over a year now. Even tho I loved him I now realize I love myself more and I won’t put myself in this situation again. Thank you for putting things in a different perspective for me. It’s helped me out greatly and I’ve been more focused on myself now. Thank you!
You go girl. Proud of you! Thanks sister xoxo
Broke up with my ex after 6 years, he was manipulative, a liar and a cheat. As soon as we split up he started dating another girl. I asked him about it and he denied it. Anyway, it’s been 7 weeks now and he has been in constant contact with me. Last week it all come out that he was dating that girl all along. He admitted it all to me and told me he wanted me back, I foolishly told him that we could sort things out. He then decided he didn’t want me back and has now run back to that girl. It’s been a week since this happened and I haven’t heard off him since. I know I should not want a person like that back in my life. But I just want him to regret what he’s done and come begging for me back. Will he be sorry? And Is this girl just a rebound or does he really like her? I can’t stop obsessing over him. Every minute of the day he’s on my mind and I constantly stalk him and her on social media.
Hi Katie:
Your story is very similar to mine. He was dating another girl but i didnt know it. He came back to me several times but didnt want to work things out so i blocked him from social media. that was three months ago. He has been dating that girl for several months even when when he was trying to convince me that he still loved me and missed me but because of my shortcomings he couldnt be with me. Now they are a couple and he hasnt tried to reach out. i changed my number though.
What if he changed his number but you’ve totally stayed away and haven’t emailed him since June but are good friends with his sister who really likes you and is currently barely speaking to him due to mistakes he made with her ..(which by the way he hates that I’m friends with her and wanted me to cut her off )- Something I refuse to cut her off bc she’s genuinely my friend and I care about her and she’s been good to me in the mix of this nightmare )
I’ve managed to stay off his radar for my own sanity but sometimes wonder if we will ever speak again /
Natasha!!!
Your posts give me life. (yes, I have been binge reading your posts)
Don’t stop what you’re doing. You are a blessing!
xoxo
Thanks sister! 🙂 I promise to keep going XOXO
Thank you Natasha, really appreciate all of your posts.
Any advice on what to do when they do get in contact? I haven’t spoken to my ex in months, but he recently got in touch to say that he wants to be a part of my life again (whatever the heck that means). I want him back, but I’m fairly certain he is only looking for friendship.
Would love a post about this subject xoxo
Will write a post about this soon! Thank you so much 🙂 xo
hi natasha! i’m glad i found this blog! i just broke up with my ex last night, he decided to leave me bc i often threatened him if he messed up n hurt me. he said a lot of bad things about me last night and i threatened him back and we agreed to made a silly and stupid agreement, that he will do EVERYTHING that i ask from him till the end of this year then i promised i’m the one who will dumb him and he agreed with that (because i threatened him of course). and if he mess up he will add 1 more month for me to stay with him. i feel confused now, i want to get back with him bc to be honest i was the one who always overreacted but at the same time i don’t think he wants me anymore, he really hates me. what should i do?? i decided not to contact him for the next few weeks but seriously i have no idea what should i do next.. ps: we are in a long distance relationship and before we broke up, he still listened to me when i told him to get home early from his friend’s place. he hates me but at the same time he always do what i say to him even if i didn’t threaten him. also his friends told him to leave me. please help me i need some advices from you! thanks a lot natasha!! xoxo
Hi!
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know how you feel. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I can no longer give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested.
Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.
You’re not alone XOXO
Here is the link to the coaching: https://postmalesyndrome.com/coaching/
I begged and pleaded with my ex to not let me go the day he broke up with me. Even told him I couldn’t live without him. W-T-F!!!!!! But when I finally got in my car to leave (for the second time), I was in shock (disgust, humiliated, sick…) that I could have done that. To give you perspective on why I was in shock: during the breakup he said, and I quote, “It was your actions that led us to this.” “YOU ARE HERE TO HELP ME! AND I HAVE TWO KIDS!” (Adult kids mind you. This was responding to the fact that I stopped being their f-ING maid). “You don’t even take very good care of your dogs.” All of these things were said with the, all too familiar, condescending, disgusted, nasty look on his face, twisting words and making everything my fault. Oh, there were a lot more comments like that during our breakup (and consistent throughout our relationship) but those have stayed with me the most.
I still obsess (2 months) about the relationship. I miss being a part of a family, I miss having dinner with him, the sex was mindblowing, sleeping next to him, the lazy weekends and the busy doing things together weekends, waiting for him to come home from work, I miss “our” home, his daughters, his family, Sunday afternoon cookouts at his moms…. I still have the most horrible days when I believe it was all my fault and I was just not good enough and will never be good enough for anyone. I let him do that to me. And yes, I sometimes want that back, him back… Yet, somehow I know that, eventually I will be ok, better than ever. Wish it would get here faster!
I work on myself everyday (some days I fail). Trying to extract my self-esteem, self-respect and dignity from what seems like the other side of the universe. I go to therapy every week. I stay in most nights, I’M starting to get out more. But most importantly, I DO NOT AND WILL NOT contact him in anyway shape or form. He doesn’t deserve contact from me.
I don’t know why we let people rob us of ourselves (or why someone would want to) and it totally escapes my mind why we would even miss people like that for even 1 second. But I am determined to find out why I do and fix it.
That was my rant…lol. I needed to get that off my chest tonight. And to all of you faced with heartbreak; stay strong, know that you are loved and you are AWESOME just as you are!
Thank you SO much for sharing LMC! You’re doing the right thing by having your own back and taking care of yourself. You are loved, believed in, supported and never alone XOXO
Commenting here instead of texting/calling my ex. All I wanted was to talk to him like “normal” but I know better. It’s been one of those days where reaching for the phone seems like a quick fix!
Good job Willow! Proud of you sister xoxo
My now ex boyfriend of 4 years left me 2 weeks ago. The breakup came completely out of the blue. We had just come back from a 4 day break away and it was amazing. He seemed so loving and happy while we were away as he normally was. We had so many laughs and good times. I’m struggling to keep positive that he will be back. The day he ended it over the phone I did all the usual mistakes begged and pleaded and even said he wouldn’t get any better than me. He just said he had made up his mind he wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t want a relationship. Since that day I havent txt called or any kind of contact so far I havent heard anything from him. Heard rumours hes seeing someone else but I don’t know how much truth is in that. The girl he was accused of seeing has messaged me swearing nothing was going on. I didn’t reply to her because I didn’t want to say anything I would come to regret. Basically I have just completely cut myself out of his life and everyone’s life that could tell him anything about me. I’m hoping he comes back and I do believe he will at some point but it’s the not knowing that’s the hard thing
Hi Harley Quinn!
I wish that I had the time to write everything that’s in my heart. There is nothing I could write back to you that would even come close to expressing my gratitude. THANK YOU for having the courage and taking the time to share. By doing so, you are helping countless others (who are too shy to comment or can’t find the words) feel less alone in their pain, situation, circumstances, and emotions.
You are doing the right thing now. Just keep the focus on yourself and watch what happens. You are not alone. xox
Hi Natasha , amazing blog!
Here’s my story, I would love to hear your insight and advice. I was with my bf , he’s 23, I’m 19, for a few months and I fell in love for the first time. After all the guys I’ve dated I’ve never ever felt this way with someone and the feelings were mutual, he told me loved me, wanted to marry me and have a family with me one day, he too said he has never felt this way before with anyone . It was genuine and loving and I saw a future with this guy which I’ve never seen with anyone and he the same. We spent a lot of time together, got to know each other, but he was insecure at times, worried about other guys which he didn’t have to do. At moments he pulled away, which I know guys do sometime, but the problem for me was they he would blow me off for his friends when we had plans, he just wouldn’t think and was in the moment. I told him on several occasions, it wasn’t cool, we’re together and you just can’t ditch me, he’d apologize, say he was wrong, etc. tbh, I felt like he was testing me, to see how much I’d put up with, but after speaking with him several times, he did it again. So after a week of him trying to see me, ( I put him off) I broke up with him, on the phone, I know I shouldn’t have done it that way, it was impulsive and stupid, but I was fed up. I felt like he was taking me for granted and I wasn’t going to put up with it. I have it together, I’m going to school full time, working full time, im smart, fun, good looking & athletic, I’m not trying to be arrogant and sound full of myself, it’s not my intent, but I’m secure and confident and I know my worth. In hind sight, I should’ve talked to him in person, I was wrong to do it that way. I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard, I do care about him and miss him but we had no contact for 4 weeks, until I saw him at work one day, I was surprised to see him as we wouldn’t normally run into each other. He came right up to me and hugged me, he was so warm affectionate, I couldn’t believe it, he wouldn’t leave my side, hugged me from behind, any excuse to touch me or talk to me. We did talk for a bit, he apologized again to me for treating me the way he did, and was def remorseful. I apologized too for breaking up with him the way I did, and said I was wrong to do that to you. And that I didn’t break up because I didn’t love him or have feelings for him but because I felt he didn’t respect my time or value me. He also asked me if I was dating and was bold enough to asked if I hooked up with anyone,(which I have not) he was annoyed thinking about it. I told him I did not, and that I cared about him. I prob made a mistake saying that, even if it was true, it gave him peace of mind I def don’t have. I am asked out and dating but didn’t tell him, another mistake . He said he wanted to get together and talk more, but couldn’t after work because he had a meeting.that evening. So we went our separate ways. I texted him a few days later saying it was good to see him and let’s get together soon, we texted back and forth a bit, but never went anywhere . So that’s a little over 2 weeks ago, and I have not texted him, not looked at social media, nothing, fell off the earth. I felt he was avoiding me or not sure, I just don’t know. I felt he still cares about me based on when I saw him, but he’s not tried to see me. I heard he’s dating someone too. As much as it hurts and I still care about him, I care about myself more and won’t put up with not being treated right. In the mean time, I’m living my life, focusing on myself, school, work, friends & family. I’m also continuing to date. I would love your help and opinion on what to do, I would love to work things out but we are at a stand still. Thank you 🙂
Hi Courtney!
I wish that I could advise, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments.
Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.
You’re not alone XOXO
Love this blog. I’ve been broken up with my ex for 2 years and he really is who I’ve loved this whole time and not sure why we ever broke up. After all this time, I heard from him on Christmas Eve and we got together. It was a start but of course we aren’t together but I’m glad we’re talking. Things can only go up from here, right especially since we to no communication at all?
Hey Natasha!
My boyfriend broke up with me last week and pretty much out of no where. I’m pretty devastated and having a hard time accepting it. I kinda went bat sh!t crazy texting him 2 days after we broke up. The day after, he would respond and such. The 2nd day he didn’t respond at all and I kinda went crazy, but I don’t think i went over the edge or the limit. 3rd day I didn’t not bother to text him nor attempting in the future. Do you think the 2 days I attempt to contact him will make me like a crazy ex gf? Yesterday, I saw he unfollow me on snapchat, but still have me on FB and IG. Hope you can reply back!
Hi Sandy!
I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I also do not know all of the details. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments.
Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.
You’re not alone XOXO
First thank you so much for this website!!! I found it the other day and it has already helped so much with helping me feel empowered again and work on my own self-care. I love the way you describe everything, even though I am still having a hard time, your posts bring me back to reality and help me to focus on myself and know I deserve better. So the short story is I was friends with my ex for over a year at the same undergrad and we went on a service trip together. We started dating during the summer and it was long distance for about 6 months. All of my friends and I agreed that he was such a respectful, kind, and all around great guy. I thought things were going well, he would tell me how much he cared about me and how he was lucky and glad he met me. I was supposed to go to his friends NYE wedding with him. Two days before the wedding he called and said the military is more important to him, he can’t do long distance, and he hasn’t liked me for the past month and a half even when he came to my family’s house. I was heartbroken and it felt unreal because of all the plans he’d been making and things he’d been saying to me. I didn’t think he was the kind of guy who could lie to me. My friends are saying he could just be confused and nervous about having to start different schooling with the military. It feels like he didn’t even try to fix things and give it a chance. I hate how much he hurt me but I do still love and care about him. It hurts because it has only been 2 weeks and on Monday he sent me a song title (because he used to send me a song of the week) but nothing else. Then the other night he sent me a message on Snapchat but I’m trying really hard not to open it since he would see that I did. I am doing no contact and reading your article has helped convince me that I need to do it for myself and focus on myself not to get him back. I deserve a guy that truly loves me and will chase after me even if times get tough. Thank you for helping me realize this!
YES! Thanks so much for sharing Cat. I’m honored to have played a part in this realization and in your healing. You are not alone. All my love to you sister. XOXO
I am still so heartbroken after 4 months since our break up. We spoken last week, mostly always me initiating contact. I’ve decided to stop now.
I would like to know if no contact works on older (late 40’s) divorced men who are lacking in emotion?
No contact does not discriminate against age or gender. xoxo
Great article with damn good advice. What I am confused about and the article doesn’t really state is the following:
What happens if you are not contacting the ex and you are “trying” to move on and then he texts you.
Do you ignore or do you respond? If you ignore how long are you suppose to?
Thanks Elizabeth! 🙂 It depends on the relationship that you had and other details that were not delineated. I will try to write a post on this subject soon! Thank you! xoxo
So, my ex boyfriend had a friend who killed himself just about 3 weeks ago. It hit my boyfriend really hard and he started to change. He got quieter and quieter and soon wasn’t even the person I had been dating for a year. I finally asked him if he even wanted to be with me, and he replied “Its not that I don’t want to be with you, I just feel empty”. He ended the relationship saying he needs to figure out how to fix himself and fill the hole he has inside him, but he wants to do that alone. I really do not know what to do at this point. He messaged me twice. Once was asking how I was doing, and the other was him telling me I was welcome to see the cats if i ever wanted to (we owned cats together) so I guess I want to know if this advise you have given in this article is going to work. Because I honestly think he is really confused and doesn’t know what he feels. I would appreciate any advise!
Hi Breanna!
I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I do offer coaching if you’re looking for specific help.
Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.
You’re not alone XOXO
My god, you have described men to a ‘t’! Any man that’s rotunda having had a lot of ego & the truth is they are pussycsts underneath! Thankyou for this – it’s saved my heart as it’s reminded me of everything I already know but sealed it, no empathy and heart break after being left with our tiny baby after being very in love or atleast I thought we were! Apparently he wants to ‘be free’ and not be ‘ tied down’! Says he doesn’t love me, never did but tried! I’m a fairly ok attractive woman (just so you don’t think he pulled out bcs I have one leg or something) so much so that he begged me to get a tattoo of his initials as he loved me so much! but I pulled out. How does that work then????am mans madly in love with you, sees you vulnerable and kegs it! Nice ?
Legs it (sorry). I need To be best fiends with you to advise me in life ? Good luck ladies it’s hard out there as we’re doing it alone and continuing the human race while we’re at it. My only advice is keep your cards close to your chest and always be the one who he’s living for not like me as I seem to pick the big egos & their ego rules their life! Once your vulnerable your finished!
Much love and good luck I’ll neee it but I’m stronger and better off without a man who’s got no character, decency or responsibility
(Not hurt at all) :)) take care xxx
All my love to you Jayne. You’ve got a soul sister in me 🙂 Thanks for the love, sisterhood and support. xxxxx
We broke up a month ago and we aren’t in contact for almost 3 weeks.. I unfollowed him on Instagram a few days ago..
Do you think I can start posting photos of myself? I still want him back.. I first broke up with him regret it and now he is over it. We had lots of fights during the end..
I still think a lot about how he would react or what he’d think if I post a photo.. what do you think?
Hi Melanie!
I wish that I could advise and answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested.
All my love to you soul sister.
You’re not alone XOXO
(the coaching form needs to be filled out first and then I will get back to you with the details).
Such great advice! For the first time since my bf has been ignoring me hardcore, I smiled at the thought that he’s really just a ninny ? The jerk left without a word and won’t pick up the phone when I call… No explanation just disappeared (I assume he’s my ex now?). I think I can handle ignoring him now. It’ll be hard, but this is encouraging. Thanks!
Hi Natasha,
WOW I don’t “KNOW” you…But I really like you! ?You are HILARIOUS and REAL and it’s clear that you’ve truly been “there” before by the things that you say. It’s like your taking these feelings and thoughts straight from MY mind and typing them out. I LOVE what you stand for (and what you don’t stand for). Well my question is in the last paragraph from what’s above, when you say something like : after getting your ex back he will eventually SHOW you (if we took your advice about showing we’re not putting up with the bs) that the break-up was a good thing.- Are you saying you feel they’ll still be the same way they were BEFORE the breakup (a f*cktard?) or they will possibly have changed for the better due to us setting those “what’s not acceptable” boundaries? And do you always feel that they would ONLY want you back due to a wanting to be in control thing not ever because they actually love you? Just wondering
Thanks,
MAJ
Hi Maj!! Thank you!! I like you too 🙂 I have too much to say to type it all out, but if it’s an emotionally unavailable and/or narcissistic person that you’re referring to, they will be the same way that they were before and control will be the priority. BIG love and hugs to you! xo
You are hilarious!! I am laughing so loudly whilst reading your articles….I’m scaring my dogs! I came across your website while I was googling and trying to understand why my now ex-fiance ‘assbag’ of 4 years breaks up with me (2nd time in 3 months), demands no contact then calls me, bawls during the conversation then tells me “he says he needs space” AGAIN…. he did this 3 months ago also…so now I’m thinking he’s emotionally inept and I’m left feel totally confused. But I am finding your articles are helping me alot….so thank you!!!!
Hi Bindi! LOL! I’m honored to help! Thanks for the love and support. Sending you a big hug soul sis 🙂 xxx
Posting here for sanity. I was moving on and got to a good place and just like herpes he came back. Gave me the line that he has had a really bad week, he wants to talk to me. I ate up that breadcrumb up like my life depended on it. Back to checking up on him on FB, back to checking my email 36376799x a day. Now haven’t heard from him again, but he has time to like sexual garbage on FB and be on FB all.the.time. Pretty sure he is chatting up others, but why do I flipping care? how many more red flags do I need? Moving on….again.
Sending you love. You’re not alone <3 xo
hi, last sunday my boyfriend broke up with me. i dont know if its totally broke up because he only said to me that “lets end this, i have so many problems right now and im so tired.” i asked him if he dont like me anymore. he said “yes, i dont. i just want to be alone now, pls.”. i cant accept the fact that we broke up and he never even explain to me the reason. all his saying is he had so many problems but he dont want to discuss with me thats why i cant understand him why he so stress about. so i gave what he want, i didnt talk to him ever since, its almost 2 days already. but i miss him. and i know he love me too. maybe something really happened that why i gave him what he want. if he really want to be alone. he also never msg me since then. do i just let him alone first. you think he will call me soon? i really want him back. im trying my best not to msg or call him. hopefully soon he will realize that he miss me too. i know its because of stress and anger thats why all of a sudden he said those things to me.
Hi AP!
Thank you so much for sharing. I completely understand what you’re going through.
I wish that I could elaborate further and answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give advice in the comments section.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog; it WILL get better.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.
All my love to you.
You’re not alone xo
Does this still work if he completely moved on?? Also he told me he will never get back wirhb me because once he dates someone and they broke up he “forever sees them as annoying even if you haven’t done anything to annoy him even if you are just casually talking he will sometimes get irritated in his head and think “ugh it’s this girl yet 2 months ago when I actually did stop talking to him for a few weeks he messaged me asking if I was ok cuz he hasn’t heard from me and jokingly assumed I had a bf and stoped talking to him he also said I didn’t have to stop talking to him I’m his “buddy” I always feel if what I do will actually work because he’s moved on eating other girls told me it wouldn’t bother him if I was with someone and I’ve messed up with the begging and acting like I know what he needs and I can give it to him we’ve had some pretty nasty fights cuz of it to the point where when I thought I was pregnant he said he was taking the baby from me because I’m crazy does this work on a guy who knows how to not feel feelings except anger btw he didn’t love me yet he only really liked me I loved him and tried to rush things
Hi Juli!
Thank you so much for sharing. I completely understand what you’re going through.
I wish that I could elaborate further and answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give advice in the comments section.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog; it WILL get better.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.
All my love to you.
You’re not alone xo
Okay, so it’s been a month since our breakup, which he initiated by saying that he wasn’t feeling ‘OK’ with himself so he could, therefore, not be with anyone else, that he was hurting me with his hot and cold attitude (true) and that I deserved so much better. It broke my heart, but after that conversation, I went to his place (I had offered like the weekend to think about it, but he was gonna go away to the beach with friends to ‘clear his head’ and it just was too much for me) that night to break it off. He didn’t let me come into his place, sent his grandma to tell me he wasn’t there, told her I saw him and that I’d wait but only a little while ’cause it was late. He came out, same argument but now backed up by my “I do deserve better”, “I do deserve someone who will fight for me” and his “Let’s be friends”, “I don’t want you to disappear from my life” and “I will always care for you”. I naively believed all this and we were supposed to meet that weekend so he could give me some of my stuff, I got a message late telling me he was sick in bed and couldn’t, so I asked what should we do about it (mistake, I know :/) and then another week went by and didn’t hear from him, so I sent him a subtle text asking for my stuff back that I didn’t wanna fight and there was no point to him ignoring me but… he just kept on ignoring me. BTW, I did stop texting except for yesterday and the day before to pick up my stuff. So, he didn’t reply (he lives far so I didn’t wanna show up and him not there :/) but I went with a gf who sorely hates him and wanted this over and done with for me to move on. Texted him I was a block away, he was so surprised (Um, he could’ve checked his phone when he was online?) and was like “So, you’re getting your stuff and then just leaving?” and I said “Of course, what else do you expect?” and he replied “I don’t know, just asking”. So, he came out and I handed him his stuff, said I didn’t have to bother and asked what I brought. Stupidly, I started to tell him each item but then stopped and just handed him the bag, he handed me my stuff and he was about to talk to me when my friend said “We gotta go, got plans, remember?” and I snapped out of it and just waved and said “Well, take care, bye” and he just looked at me all shocked and ‘sentimental’ (something was going on there, no idea what kind of feelings, confusion?) and I turned around before he closed the door.
Yes, I felt free in a way but totally sad ’cause I did wanna hang or talk or something, but he’s been a jerk for ignoring so long. I need to respect myself, but I want him back too. I haven’t blocked him from WhatsApp or Facebook, don’t plan to really, and I haven’t talked to him, but I really miss him. Should I just stand my ground and not reach out to him? I feel like this is the right thing to do and perhaps try to move on, but I love him. Thank you so much for your help and time, it means the world to me, well, to all of us.
P.S. A friend of mine found him back on Tinder and Badoo a week after we broke up, no idea if he was back there literally after we broke up. I know he’s probably chatting to some girls, maybe meeting up, but I don’t feel that that necessarily means he’s over me. I dunno, denial much? Help :/
Hi Connie!
I wish that I could advise, but I don’t have enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give advice in the comments section.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.
All my love to you.
You’re not alone xo
Hi Natsasha,
I know this is stupid but I really want him back.
We are 6 weeks into the breakup now but only started no contact from last sunday. almost just 7 days in.
He did send me 2 happy birthday messages on the 2nd day to which I ignored both and he hasnt reached out again to me since then. I’m really afraid he’s never going to contact me again. How long should I wait until he calls me?
Hi Lynn!
I wish that I could elaborate further and answer your question, but I have too much to say to type it all out (I can’t minimize my answer to a sentence or 2), not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give any advice in the comments section.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.
All my love to you.
You’re not alone xo
Hi Natasha,
I love the no contact rule blog post!! And it really showed me some insights, thanks so much for that. Two weeks ago I broke up. I have to deal with the fact that he’s biking through my street to work every morning and evening. One time he was biking by and we saw each other and he waved, well i just crashed.. the other day we bumped into each other. This doesn’t really help me in my process to be honoust. Can I text him and ask if he could take another way to work maybe or what should I do about this?
Thanks!
Louise
Hi Louise! Thank you:) I’m happy it helped!
If anything, I would not contact him and figure out an alternative route for yourself if possible.
I wish that I could answer more but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.
All my love to you sister.
You’re not alone xo
Oh, no 🙁 I had a really absurd fight with the best BF I’ve ever had (which is not hard to do, I have dated some serious jerks) and I managed to get him back for a whole week and a half before we got snippy and he suddenly was breaking it off with me. The relationship was long-distance and he wants to be friends, but I just spent a week and a half more making an a** of myself. Is there any redemption? I don’t even know how to do this at a distance (I was going to move there, for the record) and after I was so weak. Argh D:
My ex bf and I live together. He said he will never change his mind. He says he is moving out. I have no proof. He hasn’t told his family we are broken up, for over a month now. He got on tinder immediately and is now off tinder. He is posting videos from a vacation of our from almost a year ago. I am living my life and going out trying to be social. How can I get him back?
Hi Stella!
I wish that I could answer but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give direct advice in the comments section.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help you further ? The link to it is on the homepage.
All my love to you sister.
You are not alone xo
Hey Natasha, thanks for your advice! It’s our second breakup, but that time he blocked me on messenger even if i didn”t send him any message, what does it mean? It hurts, it’s like breaking my heart again and again and beign rejected as a person.
hi there, does this work if you’ve been broken up with your ex for 2 months but had continued contact. He’s been stringing me along with possibly meeting in person to talk but it’s not happened. I’m in one week no contact now after he never responded to my last email about getting together. It’s maddening.
Hi,
My ex broke up with me saying that he just lost himself in the relationship. For the first eight months that we knew each other, I was not ready to dated to a very bad relationship before him, so he continued to pursue me and try to prove that he was different. He was the perfect boyfriend for the almost three years that we were together, and he was also the one who really wanted a commitment and future. We had our entire lives together planned out from the wedding to traveling to kids. We ended up spending all of our time together and not doing anything else with anybody else. Needless to say we smothered each other to the point where we were arguing over stupid things. We had classes together for another month after our breakup which was very hard for me. Initially he was very nice to me and would be willing to talk with me about the breakup any time I was upset. He told me that he just didn’t want to be in a relationship for maybe years to come because he really needed to focus on finding himself. By the end of our relationship, I think we had both lost ourselves, and I do feel like the breakup was necessary in order for us both to get our own identities back. He was very depressed at the end of our relationship, and it was during that last month that things started to fall apart. He started seeing a therapist as well. However, after a few weeks he jumped into something with somebody else (His status still said single) and changed his Facebook profile picture to a picture of the two of them together. He started being very mean to me over text and made it clear that he was very happy. People are saying that he wants a reaction out of me. So, I stopped contacting him. It’s been maybe two weeks, but I blocked him on social media because it was too hard for me to see those things and I didn’t want to make myself crazy. His whole family are still friends with me on Facebook. Everybody seems to think he will be back eventually, but that I need to focus on myself in the meantime. I was wondering if you think blocking him would ruin our chances of getting back together. I’m also afraid that he will be afraid to give things another chance because he’ll be afraid we will fall into old habits. I want him to see that I’m making positive changes and learning from this, but I don’t know how. I’m afraid that by avoiding his problems things are only getting worse for him. I need advice please!!!
He also has not been contacting me during that time.
I guess I’m also wondering if he still thinks about me
Hi Jordan!
I wish that I could answer but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give direct advice in the comments section.
Thank you for your support, for reading, and for your understanding. Other readers are here to support you and I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested. Link to it is on the home page.
All my love to you.
You are not alone xx
Hi Natasha
I bumped into your website n I am hooked. It’s helping a great deal. Thank u so much
Hi Hemlan! That makes me so happy to hear 🙂 Glad it’s helping! Thank you for being a part of this tribe. xo
Hi Natasha,
Does this merciless no contact approach work even if you made the post-breakup mistakes of calling, texting, showing up unannounced, convincing, etc? Or are you forever the crazy person at that juncture?
Xoxo, Cara
Hi Cara!
I wish that I had more hands to type and hours in the day to directly advise here in the comments section (thank you for your kindness and understanding). Read this post, I hope it helps with your question 🙂
https://postmalesyndrome.com/what-to-do-when-you-fall-off-the-white-horse/
Hi Natasha,
I wish i had found your blog sooner. but better late then never =) English is not my mother tongue so sorry if a bit grammatical error here n there, but i really want rant out the burden i feel.
so here my story, i’ve been dating my ex bf for 5 years, and we plan to get married next year (both families know about this already)., but out of blue he suddenly confessed that he have been contacting with his ex gf which i never heard about her before because he claimed that he is ashamed about the girl status which is a divorcee.
He said he started contacted her when he and I started to talked about marriage which is last year. He said he is not ready to get married, so that is his excuse to suddenly betray me? He is 27 yrs old and I am 30 yrs old. All this while I never force him to get married with me. we have been together for 5 years for god sake I never force him to propose me. So he said he don’t know how to decide because he love both!!. Hello!! i have been with him for 5 years through bad and happy times, and he only with her I think 1 year or less than 1 year before me. He said he felt guilty he just leave the girl because of her status. then what about me? so I have been waiting for 2 months for him to decide. He once said to me he is not ready to get married but in his heart I am the one he want to be married to. Bullsh*t. I tried no contact but then i reach him out after two weeks. I’ve been pleading, crying, begging you name it. now i think about it i feel ashamed. This is coming from a guy that once said that he is a loyal person. F*cktard!. I even asked him what is actually our current status but he said he didn’t want to talk about that yet. so I respect him i give him space. But then during my last begging session with him when he deleted his social media that full with our happy moments, we got into a fight and misunderstanding and he accidentally said that he feel suffocated with me. Because he misunderstand what i meant during that begging session. I suddenly feel fed up and mad and all my sadness that time turn into this anger. I then said we are officially over ( i never said this before, i really determined when i said this). he then realized that he misunderstand and accidentally said he feel suffocated with me. so he try to apologize but just like that no effort just word. saying he apologize and cannot do anything if i want to end the relationshi*. maybe he thought i will be running back to him in a couple weeks. NO NO NO NOT THIS TIME. its been 5 days since i put a stop on this. This time is real! I will never reach to him first. I will never wish him on his birthday. My absence and silent is my gift to him. i feel like during those last 2 months he put me on the hook. he don’t want to let me go but he didn’t decide also which one he want.
English is not my first language either and yours is just fine my friend 🙂 I am so PROUD of and happy for you. Thank you for sharing, for being such a beautiful inspiration, and for being a part of this tribe. You are never alone. You are INCREDIBLE. xx
This totally worked. Six weeks of cutting him completely out and I suddenly get a text out of the blue, him wanting to see me. Any tips for how to handle that meeting if you would still consider taking him back? I have made up my mind that he gets one shot. He broke it off, saying things were moving too fast and that the “spark” wasn’t there after talking about proposing the weekend before. I’m over it but would give the idiot another shot since everyone’s saying it’s just cold feet. This blog SAVED me. I was able to stay on my white horse and keep my dignity in what was the worst and most unexpected breakup ever. I’m feeling confident that I can handle seeing him and just be myself (new and improved, graceful, no BS version). Thank you so much for writing all of these things!
Does it still have a fighting chance at working if you already freaked out? My first week after the break was not my finest, but I’ve been fairly graceful since (about 6 weeks since the break). Thanks
Yes, just stick to No Contact xoxo
There’s definately a lot to learn about this subject.
I like all of the points you made.
Literally, my heart is breaking. I can’t get past this guy and today is the first day he hasn’t reached out since we broke up. Childhood sweetheart and 18 years of off and on. He still can’t commit and i still can’t walk away. My friends have had it listening to me cry, so here I am commenting…. while he chats up every female with a pulse. And I still want him back ?
You are not alone ?? Keep coming back here to the blog. You will get through this. If I can, so can you. Xo
Hi there every one, here every one is sharing such familiarity, therefore it’s pleasant to read
this website, and I used to go too see this blog every day.
Hi Natasha,
I have been finding your articles very helpful and empowering!
My ex and I broke up over a month ago.
I realized I did mess up at one point. I met up with a mutual friend who likes me and he was telling me all the dirt on my ex. It caught me off guard and I was getting teary about it. I realize how I should of been cool as a cucumber. I started distancing myself from that person. Any way I can come back from this?
Thank you,
Bo
Hi Bo!
I’m so glad that the posts are helpful! 🙂
I would need to know more details (which is why it’s hard for me to give advice in the comments – thank you for your understanding on this!). Based on what you wrote, I don’t think it was that bad, but I know what you mean. Now, just use the feelings that you are feeling to never again show your cards in that way. Wish I had the time to write more.
You are not alone. All my love to you. xox
Help my ex breadcrumbs me during 3rd week of no contact, I am going strong reaching 4th week but somehow I am a bit distracted by it..
Hello, Natasha. I read everything you said and suggested, very carefully. It is so hard and will be hard also because you’re definitely not the first to say what you said, there’s a few friends, family members and psychics, that told me similar or almost exactly what you said. My guy tried to break up with me, on one of the worst days, Valentine’s Day. He didn’t say Happy Valentine’s day to me, and I expressed how I felt, tried to ask, tell him to say it, kept calling, texting constantly again, because I was upset with him. He has blocked me, in almost every way, I can contact him, it’s not the first time, he done it, in the past year. But this time is definitely the worse so far, and the longest, he has me blocked, havnt really been talking to me and I havnt seen him in over 2 months.??☹️He mean a lot to me, the end of this year we will be going into 2 years of knowing and being in each other lives. We been through a lot of good fun times together, done a lot of really nice, sweet thoughtful things for each other, been there for each other through the good and bad. We both told each other, we both didn’t ever have no one that treated us as good, or better than what we do and have with each other. Recently he text me, then distant himself, started blocking me more and more and I still think it’s a joke. He never said goodbye, he didn’t call or come to me and break up with me, he claimed, he wants to get himself together more, and he wants to be for himself and try to heal more, give his heart a break. He told me this on Valentine’s day. But then it’s like, you still be on facebook liking certain brauds pictures, then recently he went to a club/party, and had the nerve to the me, he is out having a good time, he’ll talk to me, when he can. That’s basically trying living the single life, trying to do you, exchange numbers and mess with these no good brauds behind my back. Its like you really tried to play me out and then made an excuse to want to continue to get your life together, just to tell me that, so I wouldn’t be much upset. Bullshit!! He had plenty of times, opportunities to talk to me. Most of the time, when I tried to call, he’ll either have an attitude, ask me, why I’m calling or hang up on me, if he hear my voice. That makes me even more mad. I really believe it’s just a break and a good amount of space he probably need or want. I don’t accept or consider this no break up at all, he didn’t even break up with me, the respectful right way. I miss him, I still have faith in my heart and mind, we can’t continue to work out soon. Do you really believe he broke up with me and is done with me, for good? I hope not. I dont want no one else, but him. My last boyfriend, was murdered so brutally and mysteriously, and I still haven’t found out what happened to him. I tried so hard to move on especially when my recent boyfriend, came in my life. Do you really think and believe he is really done with me and won’t ever come back? I would really appreciate, a response please. Thank you
Hi Lisa!
Thank you so much for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe. I am unable to directly advise oin the comments but my coaching will open back up soon if you need one on one help. I do not think that this person is ready to be in a mutual relationship but again, I would need to know more details.
You are not alone. xo
Commenting here instead of texting him. I’ve had a lot of really bad relationships in the past and while this one only lasted a few months, it was the best one that I ever had. He ended things with me because he’s leaving for three months for an internship (we’re both in college, mind you) and will be 5+ hours away. I reacted a bit badly when he told me, because I was bummed about not seeing him for so long. But with technology today, I knew that we could still communicate with each other while he was gone. But he didn’t even want to try. I pulled the usual broken hearted sh*t and basically begged him to at least try, for a couple of weeks. He told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he wouldn’t be ending things if he wasn’t going to be gone for so long, but that I could still call him or text him whenever I needed to (he knows that I struggle with anxiety and depression from past relationships and has always been kind and supportive when talking to me about it). He said that he felt like I was giving more in the relationship than he was, while I think it was the opposite. And then he gave me a bracelet in my favorite color that he had ordered from his home country. The bracelet was what threw me for a loop because why would you give me an expensive bracelet while you’re in the process of ending things???
We go to the same college and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I transferred there to be closer to him. I haven’t tried the no contact thing because I’ve been worried that it will push him away even more. It’s only been two weeks since we broke up but I’m still hurting over it. It just all happened so fast. Just a few days before it happened we were totally okay, we went on a date to this very nice garden area in our city and were cracking our usual jokes with each other. Then like four days later he ended things. Everyone keeps telling me that he ended things so that he can go hookup with other girls while he’s away, but I know him and I know he’s not that type of guy. He’s the most caring guy I have ever met and I know he’s going to be so busy and stressed this summer with his internship and his summer classes. And part of me feels like he got scared, because my friend made a joke about us getting married and how she wanted to be invited to our wedding which is when things started to go awry.
Sorry for the lengthy comment, I’m just trying to make sense of it all. I guess I’m just wondering if the no contact thing will work for this situation or if I should just give it up? Any help would be appreciated xo
Hi Maggs!
It is humanly impossible for me to personally advise in the comments to your specific situation. I appreciate your kindness and understanding. My coaching is fully booked right now but will open back up soon. I would just need to know many more details.
My best advice for now: do what is best for YOU and your mental health; prioritize your peace, and do not let your emotions and trigggers dictate your actions.
You got this. All my love to you, soul sister. xoxo