Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
There are few worse feelings than when your ex deletes you from social media.
Last week, one of my girlfriends noticed that her ex had unfollowed her on all of her social media accounts.
It was right out of one of those old western movies where the bad guys come and level the entire town in 15 seconds flat. This was a massive, rapid, drive-by unfollowing. She was in a complete freak-out-lockdown panic mode.
Last year, this particular ex (who she thought she was going to marry), had lied to her, cheated on her and completely broken her heart. She knew that the damage done was irreparable, so they broke up and she cut contact with him. After some time, she slowly but very surely, began to move on.
Fast forward to now – She’s dating, enjoying herself and not checking her ex’s social media every hour, or even every day for that matter. They both still follow each other, trying to falsely prove to themselves and to everyone in the social media world that they are “mature adults” and are still “friends” (even though they never talk). She’s still heartbroken on many levels and finds herself getting angry every now and then; analyzing the crap out of whatever he posts.
If you’ve ever found yourself in this situation, it sucks because due to social media, you can essentially appear to be happy and have moved on, but, how can you really move on when you’re still getting a (very exaggerated and filtered) view into the life of the one person you compare everyone else too?
First, if your ex disrespected you in your relationship, why are you assuming that you’ll attain respect after the breakup?
How can you tell everyone that you won’t put up with disrespect, yet still have the room on your social media profiles (and in your heart), for anyone who consistently disrespected and took advantage of you?
But I get it. You don’t want to come across as the immature or the weak one and you don’t want him to feel like he won. You want to win, you want to be chosen and you may be a bit of a people pleaser too. You’re worried about how it will look to everyone on the outside and truthfully, it’s the last little connection that you have to him and if we’re going to get really real here, you want to see what he’s up to. I get it.
So, after a few days/weeks/months following the breakup, he unfollows you. If anything, you should have been the one to unfollow him first and you beat yourself up over it. You take it personally.
Him unfollowing you is a good thing though. I know it’s not a game, but let’s be real it means you won. You won because you finally get the chance to move on. You won because you’re not with someone that’s incapable of a mutual relationship. You won because if he wasn’t thinking of and affected by you on some level, he wouldn’t have to unfollow.
If you’re the one that didn’t unfollow first, this is a huge blow to your ego. As if once wasn’t enough, it feels like being rejected and dumped all over again.
When your ex deletes you from social media, it’s impossibly hard. What makes this so hard for you is that the “unfollow” not only activates the old feelings and wounds from the relationship you shared, it also activates those triggers that we all have: fear of abandonment, rejection, being discarded, being forgotten, not being good enough, etc.
There are two main reasons why your ex (who consistently treated you poorly), unfollowed you on social media:
- He just can’t.
He’s hurt either by you or by having to see your photos. Basically, it’s just too painful for him/it bothers him/he doesn’t want to see photos of you or know what you’re doing/he wants to get the image of you out of his head. The kitchen got too hot. He’s gotten to a point where he’d rather not subject himself to it and he’s trying to move on with his life. Because he is trying to move on with his life, that in NO way means that he is rejecting you or that you’re not good enough. Him unfollowing you isn’t about you at all. It’s a reflection of him and where he’s at. And that’s okay. What it does mean is that you have had a big enough impact on him that he can no longer bear to look at your profile because it hurts too much/gets under his skin/annoys him/angers him and is obviously hindering him from moving on. He wants to move on with his life (and this should be a big red flag signaling that you need to move on too).
- Yanking your chain.
Yes. Believe it. I don’t care how old he is or how mature he seems or what degrees he has or how much volunteering he does or how often he visits his grandmother. Sometimes an ex will unfollow you to: a) See how fast you notice and b) When you do notice, he wants to see the level to which you freak out. It’s all about how much reactivity he can command because reactivity = control. Some guys even do this RIGHT when they start talking to or dating a new girl. They want you to notice that they unfollowed you because the second that you address it, that gives them an open door to: a) MAKE IT KNOWN that they are dating someone new and you have been “replaced.” b) Act like they’ve morphed into someone that is now capable of respect and explain that you were unfollowed you because it wasn’t “respectful” to his new flame.
Now, of course, there could be so many other reasons. I’ve had people bring up the above example and say: “Come ON Natasha! Couldn’t it mean that he’s dating someone new or in a new relationship and he really doesn’t want to be disrespectful to his new girl?”
Yes. If he had proven through his actions that he wasn’t toxic and had treated you well in the relationship, yes. The problem is, he’s already proven to you that he’s incapable of respect.
He hasn’t just suddenly morphed into Don Juan, The Ambassador of Respect. Him acting like he’s being “respectful,” is an attempt to convince himself and others that he has changed, is capable of respect, and isn’t the guy that you (and I am sure others) know he is.
What you need to do when your ex deletes you from social media:
- KNOW that this is a good thing. It is. This is a chance to move on and put an end to the immature era of your dating life for good.
- BE NON-REACTIVE. Do not react. Be the classy, powerful, peaceful, non-reactive person that you’ve always admired other people for being and wished you could be (this is your chance). Reacting in ANY way would be like handing over the pen for your ex to write your story. Know that if you so much as HINT to him or ANY of his friends or your mutual friends that you are even aware that he unfollowed you, that’s ALL he needs and he will then know that it got to you and that it “worked.” The problem is, we are so baffled, so shocked and so hurt when we realize we’ve been unfollowed, that we immediately get taken over by our egos, throw logic out the window and unfollow back in retaliation because we take it as such a personal hit. NO NO NO. This is nothing personal. It’s a reflection of him and his state of being. Remember- You’re too busy to notice any unfollows! I don’t care if you only have three followers. You’re too busy! Do not unfollow him. For the time being, just wait (and I know it will take a lot of willpower at first). Even if you’re not there yet, you MUST give the impression that you are so busy, you don’t even keep track of or notice who unfollows you. Then, after a few weeks pass, you can unfollow him and throw yourself a party afterward for finally flushing the toilet. You are simply too busy to notice. It takes you weeks, months even to notice these things. Remember that.
- OPPORTUNITY. Take this for the great opportunity that it is: a chance to reclaim your power, validate yourself and for once, and tear down that destructive rear-view mirror. Never tie your worth to an “unfollow,” “follow,” “block” or “like.”
– Natasha Adamo
Are you done with toxic relationships and ready to attract (and be attracted to) healthy relationships? Do you want to connect with others on a deeper level than the comments below? Click here to become an Emotional Mastery Member and learn more. If you’re looking for more personalized, one-on-one help, you can work directly with Natasha Adamo here.
Again, so spot on!!! Love this
so refreshing ugh THANK YOU NATASHA
My ex and I have been broken up for a month now. We dated for around 6 months but moved very fast. He came to visit me over summer and gave me a promise ring too so we were serious fast. We are also super religious so I thought this was it. Then he loses romantic feelings for me and struggles to gain them back for us. He decided he can’t do we break up. He said he wanted me in his life still cause he may see me in his future just right now he needs to be by himself to figure himself out. But then a week into th relationship does the complete opposite and I filled me and takes everything down. I do ask why and he just responds coldly and said he thought about it and doesn’t want me in his life basically. I feel like I did something wrong but I know I didn’t. He unfollowed me almost on everything ( I did the other stuff) and even my parents too. I guess I’m kind of confused since now he is telling people stupid lame excuses to why he broke up with me too and it hurts
Thanks for reading 🙂 I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I don’t know the details but my best advice would be to take a look at his actions and use that to move forward. This isn’t about you. Anyone that could just exit like that so abruptly and for no apparent reason is incapable of the mutually loving relationship that you deserve. Again, I don’t know details. just going off what you wrote. Keep coming back here, reading the posts and keep the focus on you. You’re not alone xoxo
I’ve just started reading your blog and I absolutely love it. I’ve just read this, and I have the opposite issue. My ex hasn’t unfollowed me?! he was the one who ended it, although we had a brilliant relationship at the beginning. Towards the end he became so self absorbed, and started doing things to benefit himself. He even said himself he was like two people, and admitted that he wasn’t a nice person. Although this is very hard for me, I want to understand why he hasn’t unfollowed me?
I’m sorry that I missed your comment and am just getting to it. Thank you so much for the love! He probably hasn’t unfollowed you because he wants to keep tabs on your life and also because he may want to come across to others as “the mature one.” You just continue to do what’s best for you, take care of you and have your own back xxxx
I love this! Your blog is so inspiring and is helping me to learn to be strong and confident again. I dated my ex for almost 3 years. We graduated college and he went his own way. We “broke up” back in May because he “didn’t know what he wanted”..but since then have been in 24/7 contact and have spent a few weekends together. He just left for Europe to work for 3 months, so I cut ties with him because he refused to see me before he left. I deleted him on all forms of social media, but he still follows me on everything and watches all my snap stories. I’m not sure if I should take that as a sign that he still cares or doesn’t..? Your advice is amazing and you’re always so spot on so hopefully you have some insight for me xoxo
Thank you so much :)) I think that that’s a good sign that he still wants to know: 1) what’s going on in your life 2) wants to come across as “mature” 3) still cares and misses you
The thing is, if he does indeed miss you, he should do a lot more than continue to follow you and watch your snap stories.
You did the right thing by speaking with your actions and deleting him, having your own back and doing what’s best for YOU.
I hope that I was able to help a little and thanks so much for reading xoxoxoxo
This is the second time I’m reading this and this time I just decided to tell you my story.
I got engaged 8 months ago, my fiancée asked me to marry him after 6 months of being together. (I know it was too fast) our relationship was very serious from the beginning but he showed he had jealousy and controlling issues, he could be the sweetest and cheesiest guy but other times he could be like very cold with me, he fell into a depression after we got engaged and after 4 months decided that he wasn’t happy with me because I didn’t show him I could be his wife, I made a really big effort because he told me previously the things that he needed from me but still it wasn’t enough for him and we just broke up, we also had communication issues but I still get along with all his friends and family, they text me from time to time especially his mum, he wants to keep in touch with me and they have been so sweet but everyone but him wants to stay in touch and text me and after 4 months of our broken engagement he decided to unfollow me, I mean I find it very ridiculous since we are mature people that was going to get married and I get along with his family, but he was nasty he also unfollowed my family and friends…
I feel so confused and hurt by him, he clearly wants to erase me from his life when I wasn’t even the one to initiate the break up.
You seem to have the best advice and I was just about to contact him after months of no contact but I’d rather get your opinion about it.
Thank you ! Xxxx
Question.. Me again…………Everyone I talk to says to “unfriend and unfollow” my ex on Facebook. Up until this point I had been cyber stalking her and after reading your posts decided to take an emotional break from Facebook and have not even been on for a week!! Now anyone that knows me will say that is unheard of and honestly up until this point thought impossible myself. For a few weeks after the break up I was posting photos of me with people, at events, at dinner etc. trying to out fake her because she was posting the same and even dedicating songs to her new love interest (I mean victim – she is a narcissist at its truest form). Now she has not unfriended me nor have I her (well maybe she has I just have not checked), but do you think not being on it all shows that I am weak? I mean she could see (if she was not so absorbed in herself) that I have not even signed on for a week. Will she think that I am not coping? I do not want her to have the power – to think that she has gotten to me. Not that I care I guess. I just honestly want a break in general as I really do not want to be a spectator of her life anymore because what she posts does hurt me still (sayings/quotes/love songs/implying she is with other women etc. etc.). I have stayed on the white horse and posted nothing about her or our “relationship”. I know she was posting things to hurt me even though she dumped me!! So I do not even want her to think that what she has posted this week has been seen by me… Your thoughts Miss Natasha (my guru swami of all things relationships) xxH
When my ex (who treated me horribly) left , I deleted his number and messages with no problem, but when it came to Facebook I just couldn’t press that Unfriend button. I wasn’t ready yet. So I just unfollowed him, because I definitely didn’t want to see any of his shit. 6 months have passed since we last spoke and I rarely check his fb just because in the first 3-4 months, it still hurt so much looking at his pictures or posts. The couple times I did check, I found out he got engaged to a girl after 3 months of dating and “he’s happier than ever” and “it just feels right” with him changing his profile pic to him, her and her son. That hurt but since some time had past , it wasn’t as hard. I just kept telling myself that just because they are getting married doesn’t mean it will be a happy marriage. I know how he is and HE could be happy but she could be miserable with him, just like I was. But it will be ten times worse for her since it involves marriage. I feel so bad for her. After that, I haven’t checked his fb. Then this week, I was looking at my own Facebook and timeline and decided that I’m ready to let him go. I’m dating a great, sweet guy now who has treated me better in the 3 months we’ve been dating then my ex ever did. So I decide to go to my friends list and unfriend him. While looking I found out he already unfriended me. I hadn’t even noticed! I only noticed because I was going to unfriend him! I was too busy dating, working, working out, and planning my vacation to notice. Lol At first I was a bit shocked to see that. I sincerely thought that he did not think of me at all anymore. But Natasha is right, if I didn’t affect him on some sort of level or if he wasn’t thinking of me, he wouldn’t care if was I was his FB friend or not. Especially since he was the one who ended things, acted so aloof, and had no empathy for my tears. But now I couldn’t care less. I was going to unfriend him anyway, he just beat me to it, which is ok. I’m not like him, I needed more time. But he has always moved at warped speed. With me and apparently even more in his current “happy” relationsh*t lol if you’re reading this, it’s ok. It’s better to let him go. I know how it feels like it’s never going to get better, but it will! Once you cut ALL ties with a piece of shit, even just as a fb friend, you are free from his poison to be finally truly happy 🙂
Jackie, I love you! yes, yes, YES! You go girl.
I Could not agree more. Thx you for the love and for taking the time to share XOXO
My ex has been playing this game for three times now. He would delete me off snapchat because for some reason it really did bother me in the past and I would go off on him and I’m pretty sure like the crazy sicko he is, he enjoyed every moment of it. we haven’t spoken in months and that’s not like me to not reach out because i would be very upset about a few things still. Last time we had a huge fight and he told me the reason he deleted me was because “I post too many stories and they’re pointless” then he ended up adding me again because I wasn’t ok with that. I blocked him from Insta and he flipped out about that but he thinks he has the right to delete me of snap. Now I don’t really care THAT much that he just decided to delete me after me not speaking to him but I would love to know why he’s doing this again? For what reason? To piss me off and have me go off ? . I’m not so sure what to do exactly. Thank you!!
Hi Anon! It sounds like he’s just yanking your chain and trying to get a reaction out of you. Don’t give in and do the one thing that he can’t do: make a decision, commit to it and see it through. You deserve so much more 🙂 xoxo
My ex and i broke up a couple of weeks ago. We had a super good conversation which turned into a mutual breakup. When saying our goodbyes he teared up quite a bit and left in a hurry so i wouldn’t see. Since then he has taken down the pictures of us together and unfollowed me on snapchat and instagram. He still follows all my family though on all those social media apps. A few days ago i decided to creep on his page and noticed that he started following at least 30+ girls on instagram (girls he previously talked to before me, ones that were mentioned throughout the course of our relationship). I saw this and got sick to my stomach. I haven’t talked to him at all and haven’t given him any type of reactions to any of this. I cant help but feel like our relationship never mattered and he has already moved on. How can you so quickly start adding and liking all of these other girls stuff when everything is so fresh with us. I am still hurting and coping and should have never looked but this just made it so much worse. I know you dont know the entire story but is that a coping mechanism or did he legitimately not care about me?
I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough info and not enough hands to type or time in the day. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested. Thank you so much for reading and for understanding. You’re not alone xxxxxx
THIS WAS SO HELPFUL & EMPOWERING & JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR ~ THANK YOU!!
Thanks Kaya! I’m glad it helped!! 🙂 XO
My ex ended things with me 3 months ago over really petty issues. He said we were better off being friends which I agreed that we could just to keep things amicable (during the relationship he talked about moving in together and future engagement plans). A week after the break up he slept with someone and so I decided to go on a date and he found out and got upset and we got into an argument and I was blocked on every social media. A couple of days after that he unblocked me. Fast forward 3 months, we have had no contact whatsoever (no texts, calls, social media) and I decide to check his Instagram just to see how he was doing to only find out I was blocked and he had got back with his ex. Why would he go through the trouble of blocking me when we never were friends on social media since the break up? If he has moved on and happy with his new relationship why would he feel the need to block me when nothing has occurred since May?
Hi Anon! I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know how exactly you feel. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I can no longer give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested. Thank you so much for your love, for reading and for your understanding. You’re not alone xxxxxx
I blocked my ex in Facebook and unfollow him on instagram. I never deleted him as a follower since I also want him to see that Im living my life and it never occur to me that I need to block him. I keep posting pictures of me dating my friends and travels till I posted me conquering wakeboarding and meeting new friends there. Then when I checked him as follower, he isnt there whilst I was just checking few hrs after i posted the pictures he is still there. It feels liberating but I got a notion that he unfollowed me because he is pissed how happy I am after he broke me.. Btw, only month and a half passed. Is it like that Natasha? Im still movin on and I just want to let him know Im okay even without him
didnt know my ex bf unfollowed me in Instagram. We never talked since May. Because he was so manipulative and he is a narcissist for sure. So I stayed away from him. He kept messaging me acting like he did not do anything but I never replied to him. I just continued to live my life normally even if it hurts me much since we’ve been on and off for 5yrs. (First bf and only bf I had)
He even keeps viewing my snaps in Instagram there is an option there where you can see who views your snaps. So I was thinking he was still stalking me. But to my surprise today I checked my Instagram he wasn’t in my followers anymore and I am not following him anymore(He must have blocked me then unblocked me)because when I viewed his instagram his profile was private and I wasn’t following him anymore. He did the blocking thing so my account would automatically unfollow his account. Dunno why he is acting like a dufus. I’m irritated. Dunno if he got pissed because I was living my life like he never existed anymore.or maybe because he thinks I blocked him in fb because i did deactivate my fb or yes the one you wrote the part that says that maybe he is trying to get a reaction from me because he is super manipulative. I’m pissed at him. -_-
I didn’t unfollow him or unfriended him even in FB because I didn’t want him to think I’m immature and bitter. Girls are the ones who would usually do these things right. So my apologies if I’m bringing bad vibes here in the comments ;/
This article hit me at the right time when my ex just deleted me off facebook as soon as announced his new relationship/marriage (one which I congratulated him on). It’s great to feel liberated from that feeling that I did something wrong as opposed to it was something going on with him.. moved on long back!!
Yay! So happy it helped 🙂 XOXO
This sounds like what I’m going through right now. I got upset at this guy I was seeing off and on. He was always coming up with excuses on why he couldn’t go things. He was telling people stuff about me and anytime I called him on it he would say I didn’t say that that’s not true. We seen each other at an event and we decide to make plans to go out the next day. I messaged him that morning asking are we still on for tonight? Of course there’s a reason why we have to switch the date. Then a few hours later he breaks the date for the next day. 3 broken promises in 24 hours who does that? He tells me we would meet up when he got back the next week. The 13th came and went. I sent him a nice text asking when are we rescheduling? He never replied same as on messenger no reply just read it. I finally got tired of this pattern for the last 3 years. I sent him a message with a screenshot of his promise, he got upset and blocked me from messaging him on fb messenger. I sent him an email explaining that I was tired of his behavior and not treating me right and I said hopefully we can be friends again one day. He sends me back a snarky message saying please don’t respond and I wish you the best and yes we can be friends but I won’t respond to your guilty messages. I would think he must be guilty if he says these are guilty message. I haven’t spoken to him in almost two months. He had me on facebook even after this fight up until a week ago. I looked and I was deleted and he even grayed out the bar for me to add him back. I don’t know if it had something to do with my post that night or what and it wasn’t directed at him at all. Was what I said in the email really that bad that he couldn’t get over it? I guess it’s not okay to stick up for yourself apparently..
Hey Natasha, i stumbled across PMS a couple of weeks ago, and have become completely hooked!
Today was the day the ex un-followed me on Facebook, it was like a second breakup like you said, and it annoyed me because i was actually going to delete him today! I cant help but think with a day to go until valentines day (bleurgh) hes done it because hes with someone new.
This is a feeling i have had for a while due to other reasons.
Taking a step back even in a few short hours, i am realizing its a blessing he has deleted me because why should i spend my precious time trying to look for something that will ultimately hurt me?
Just wanted to say thankyou so much, every time i need clarification on a subject you always have the answer!
Its going to be a long road but already i feel happier, so thank you xxx
EXACTLY. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got the right mindset and are doing the right thing by not continuing to feed your fears. Thank YOU for your sisterhood, love, support, and for allowing me to feel less alone in my feelings and experiences.
You are loved, understood, backed, believed in and never, ever alone.
Love to you soul sister. X
Thank you so much for this post. My ex unfollowed me on instagram a few days ago and i didn’t know wether i should unfollow back or not. I opted against it for now, trying to show him that i didnt notice he unfollowed me. But isn’t this, on the other hand a little pathetic? I mean.. he is not following me but i continue to follow him… doesnt it look like i cant let go? He wasnt even a real boyfriend, just a fuckbody i got attached to. When should i unfollow him? Is it when he posts something? He isnt so active usually. I also noticed that before he unfollowed me, each time that i posted a photo of myself (looking good etc.), he posted something too. But after our last texts 3 weeks ago, he didnt post anything and unfollowed me a few days ago. What should i do next?
BTW – he was mean and disrespectful to me in our last texts so i wrote to him a text saying that i trued to end things on a good level but it doesnt seem to work out so thank you for all the good things and that i thing he is an amazing person and that i genuinly widh him all the best. He replied: “thank you. Honestly”. I was proud of myself for not melting down and handling it in a mature way… this is where communication stopped and 3 weeks later he unfollowed on IG. We’re still friends on FB though.
Thank you so much for this blog.
Thank YOU! I’m so happy that the post helped!! ?
I wish that I could answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog. I do offer coaching if you’re interested.
All my love to you soul sister.
You’re not alone XOXO
Thanks Natasha, coaching would have been great but i leave on the other side of the world…
can you just refer to what you wrote about how not to unfollow back even if you have 3 followers and if it doesnt appear pathetic to keep on following him when he unfollowed me?
I currently coach people in 19 different countries all over the world xoxo
Thanks for understanding ??
I’m still trying to recover from a recent breakup 3 weeks ago was with my bf for 11months and it moved very quickly and I moved in with him after 2 months of dating. We ended up splitting due to his not respecting me on several occasions and arguments surrounding this. We were meant to be moving into our own place together and despite not being treated properly I was deeply in love with this guy and thought he was too….but turns out he couldn’t prioritise me over the lads at the end of the day. I gave him an ultimatum to grow up and treat me better /communicate better – final straw was not coming home til 10am the next morning from a house party I didn’t know he was attending and his phone was off.
I know it sounds ridiculous and I should let this go but I still miss the fun times and him…I unfollowed him on everything social media related and he only unfollowed me on instagram last week…do I reach out to him or just let this one go….
I wish that I could answer your question, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested.
All my love to you soul sister.
You’re not alone XOXO
I am a guy who dates guys. I dated a guy and it ended. 90 % of the time were good memories and the other 10% were not. In the end we both knew it wouldn’t would and he had instilled this doctrine in my mind that we’d always be friends, we’d always be able to hang out no matter the circumstances. I can tell you ladies that after 3 months of seeing this person ‘ like ‘ and comment on pics on instagram, it did not feel good at all, because we were not speaking the normal way that I felt pain. What I did, was unfriended him. Firstly, his ‘ way ‘ of friendship was not wrong, it was what he saw it as. I see friendship as something different, and that was not wrong either. When things don’t match even if they are not wrong it’s a good way to make a decision. I knew that after we left each other we would never be able to be friends BECAUSE, we were not friends before we dated. When a relationship of any kind is no longer Fun and brings you nothing but, melancholy or anxiousness, it’s time to recognize those feelings inside yourself as being valid to Let Go.
Hi Neil! Thank you so much for sharing. I could not agree more.
I’ve been through a similar situation that inspired this post https://postmalesyndrome.com/social-media-and-relationships-5-red-flags/
Thanks for your love and support. You’re a gem. xx
Me and my ex (this was our second attempt at a relationship after a 3 month break up around August last year), broke up a few days ago because he said he wasn’t ready and mature enough for a serious relationship right now.
I noticed literally as soon as we had broken up he had unfriended me on snapchat. No other social media, he still has me on Facebook and instagram at the moment, just snapchat.
I can’t understand why he only deleted me on snapchat so soon for one and he didn’t delete me on snapchat last time we broke up (which was due to his depression)? I can’t help feeling that this is his way of saying things are over forever which upsets me because if he was ready in a few years and we both still cared for eachother I’d gladly try again : /
Hi Vic! Sounds like he’s trying to get a reaction, but I don’t know the whole story and cannot give advice (not that you’re asking for it at all), in the comments. Keep coming back here to the blog and just know that you’re loved, supported, understood and never, ever alone. xx
omg. Im so thankful that i have stumbled into your blog natasha. I just decided to start reading everything about your blog cause i think it will help me to move on. im still on the process of moving on and healing natasha. My ex-fiance who broke up with me 2 months after our engagemen( reason was that his work was killing him and can’t spend enough time for me which i think is really unacceptable if he really loved me right?). After he cut off all our means of communication, no communication for 16 days, he messaged me again. Went back to turn on his social media accounts and added me back, even tried to call mo skype but i hung up cause i still can’t do it after what he did (though i accepted him on facebook. Wrong move). After 2 days of from adding me back, he unfriended me from all his social media again. All these are a little baffling to me, and it hurts me twice as much cause i felt he dumped me again for the second time. I am so down and crying and started to resort to finding articles online about reasons why guys do that (im not familiar about the male mind because he was my first boyfriend) and was i ever so thankful that i read your blog. It seems clear to me now. I was reading and crying at the same time natasha. I felt sad and glad at the same time. I realized that is my signal to start moving on too as he surely decided to move forward too. I think i don’t want to linger on to him, hoping that he will come back. He should win me back cause he’s the one who hurt me right? But thanks natasha. You’re awesome.
Hi! I’m so happy to have helped 🙂 You are loved, supported, believed in and never, ever alone. Keep coming back here to the blog and thanks for being a part of this tribe! XOXO
Your advices are amazing. I’m going through something similar as well. Basically my ex and I were together for nearly together for 10 months. It was amazing and we both had great time. But due to his studies and exam period he couldn’t talk to me properly and I always got angry about how little he tried as time went on. Also, he lives 2 hours and half away from me. So we were seeing each other for only few days every 2 weeks. He ended our relationship when I got angry with him for not having proper conversation with me when I was on a holiday and when I have exam next week. I sent him a msg where I basically got a closure for me as well. I didn’t get angry or anything I just wish him all the best for future. Yesterday he unfollowed me from instagram and now in snapchat. And after we got into a arguement (few days before a proper breakup)he was with this girl from his uni class where they went for a walk or something and she posted his picture in fb. Then later I saw in his friend’s insta that him, his friend, the girl his friend is trying to get with and also the girl he went for a walk with were all going for a road trip. I am like so shocked. I know for a fact that I’m not holding any bad feelings for him. Also, I can see that he’s starting to follow all the girls in insta. I feel as if he already moved on when we were together. But the thing 3 weeks before we broke up we were so happy in Paris. And I asked him if that was all a front and he said no, he truly was happy. But over the 2 weeks his feeling suddenly changed ? I know for a fact that I got a great closure from my side so I can happily move on but I can’t still help but feel affected by it. I don’t know what to do.
Thanks for your advice in advance. Sending love ??
I wish that I could advise and answer, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage!
All my love to you.
You’re not alone xx
OMG! You made me laugh so hard now – despite the enormous turmoil I’ve been in because my ex BLOCKED me on all social media sites. Not even unfollowed! But you are so right about this emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobe jerk who treated me like crap while we were together. I feel loads better now. Thank you so much for this honest article.
I’m so happy to help ? Thanks Catzbin! xxxx
I have a question though. I gave a lot to try and maintain the LDR I had with my ex. Although he’d been very attentive and caring in the beginning, he started withdrawing emotionally when he started a legal battle to get custody of his teenage son about a month ago (he’s 41, never been married, and has huge commitment issues). Whenever I asked for time to talk, he’d ask what’s wrong, then would call me attention seeking, then tell me that he’s putting all his energy into trying to get his son and that I am being disrespectful. Yep. He was a real gem. But my god he was great in bed!! 🙂
I finally gave up on him when I noted compliments he posted to an ex online and the effort he made to get the attention of a woman on Pinterest (yes he is on Pinterest!). But he couldn’t spare me 5 minutes of his time that particular day. I freaked out, called him on his bullshit and the relationship ended with him telling me I was the “first woman he’d opened up to in 10 years, and this is what he gets” crap. I wanted to salvage the way we had broken-up the next day by trying to end it more amicably. But then noted he had blocked me on ALL social media sites. When I asked him about it (yeah I know – I shouldn’t have told him I noted, but I read your article too late!) he said I would have done so anyway, so he just beat me to it. I wouldn’t have (we are supposed to be more mature, right?), and I told him that. But what was done was done. We did however had a good conversation thereafter, sharing some of the great memories we have made and ended it like adults. It still hurt like hell though – we’d been together on-and-of for about 18 months.
It is a week later and I am still blocked everywhere. But I know he follows all his exes on social media, and they him. Why would he still block me? I don’t understand.
I wish that I could advise, but I have too much to say to type it out and don’t have enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give advice in the comments section. He’s reaction hunting and trying to control your emotional weather. Don’t allow it.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.
All my love to you.
You’re not alone xx
I am so happy I found your article. This is exactly what I’m going through at the moment. Your writing is beautiful and sarcastic at the same time. I love it! You really put things into perspective and I feel so much better after reading this. Thank you! <3
So happy to help! 🙂 Thanks Ashley!! xo
So my ex unfriended me on day 19 of NC, today it is day 31. I didn’t react, however, i did finally (after a few weeks) click on our messenger conversation (he sent two meaningless messages through there during nc) the day after he unfriended. So that probably signified to him how quickly I noticed that he unfriended me. I’m really kicking myself for that, wish I hadn’t done it even though it’s a very minor act. I’m just glad I managed to stay in NC.
Anyway, this guy tried getting my attention through fb with a post, u know those spiteful posts that u KNOW r supposed to be targeted towards u, AND messaged me through messenger just one week before he unfriended me. Also during NC he tried adding me on Snapchat but I refused to add him. Additionally, my ex was still attracted (kissing/hugging/intimacy) to me when he broke up with me. He even said he wanted to keep in touch and that our breakup is sorta just “for now” and how when our distance ends he could possibly give me a better relationship. Though all this made me feel good, I’m still treating this as a permanent breakup cuz of his mixed signals.
So, to me this unfriending seems like he’s pulling my strings n did this to try to get a reaction out of me because he was annoyed by me ignoring him. I’m ignoring him becuz the last time i let him “string me along” it still ended in disappointment. He hasn’t blocked me, so I guess that’s a good sign. Based on ur experience, what do u think is going through his head?
I wish that I could answer but I have too much to say to type it all out, not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details.
Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.
I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.
All my love to you sister.
You’re not alone xo
Wow I can relate to all this.
Too bad I unfollowed him immediately when I saw he unfollowed me on Instagram :/
Should have read this first..
Thank you for the advice and powerful words. I feel better about this situation. I have a question for you- my ex unfollowed me on Instagram a little less than a year ago and it was hurtful because I like to think we are still friends. We are still friends on Facebook and Snapchat. I let it go and have only thought about it every now and then since he unfollowed me.. do you think I should stay linked to him on Instagram or unfollow him as he did me? I don’t really care about staying connected on Facebook or Snapchat because we don’t talk but are on good terms. I still have love for him (but also could see him deleting me further on either of these platforms)… I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Again thank you for the words and you’re outlook on this situation!!
Of course! I’m so happy that the post helped! 🙂
I wish that I could answer but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give direct advice in the comments section.
Thank you for your love, for reading, and for your understanding. Other readers are here to support you and I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested. Link to it is on the home page.
All my love to you sister.
You are not alone xx
I just found your blog and this article and I am so so thankful and feel so understood. The relationship my ex and I had was very complicated, there’s many things in his life that he still can’t proper manage.. still I love(d) him more than any other guy before, I always tried to understand and be there and I know that he never meant to hurt me.. he just couldn’t help himself and kept pushing me away..
The break-up was a few months ago already, I’ve had the hardest time and I still miss him but I tried to move on best as I could. I will finish my master’s degree in a few weeks and have applied for the job of my dreams. A good month ago I started posting stories on facebook: he watched almost every single one of them – and then yesterday I’ve seen that he’s unfriended me. Which made me feel all the bad things that you described so well. The reasons you gave for “he just can’t” seem to fit so well and I really do feel better now. Thank you <3
I just wish I had found your article sooner, then I wouldn’t have texted him.. but what I said to him in those messages wasn’t an angry rent but kind of saying goodbye once more. I hope he will get his life together. I for my part am feeling like I’m on a good way and your words just helped me understand the last struggle that this relationship has thrown in my way.
So many feels with this article! Today is the day I noticed the guy I was seeing a few weeks ago unfollow me. We dated for about 3 months but things moved VERY fast, I guess that should have been a red flag (also everything was about him, all of his exes it was their fault never his, and he truly never tried to really get to know me…clearly I didn’t want to take off my rose colored glasses…) He dictated the relationship and seemed to always want me around and things seemed really good (despite said glasses on)… I practically moved in with him and we were domestic AF… One day we got into a silly argument and he said he wanted solo time for the night, but then I didn’t hear from him for almost 2 days, when I finally confronted him he was cold and short and tried to make me feel guilty for having a human reaction to someone not speaking to them for 2 days..long story short- he said he cared but wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t want to lead me on (despite the fact that nothing about the 3 mo we were together was casual and we were pretty much inseparable). I asked him why and that i feel like he’s running away and I want an explanation but he remained cold and said there was nothing to explain and he made a decision…so that was that…I picked up my things from his house, deleted our messages and unfollowed him on social media. I noticed he was still following me but I took a little social media break and wasn’t posting, then today I posted a story on IG and my ego got the best of me and I checked to see if he still followed me and now he doesn’t…I know I shouldn’t feel upset or sad, but I guess I don’t get it, he’s the one who ended it out of seemingly no where…I keep coming back here to read posts and it is getting better but I’ve just never really felt this way or let breakups affect me as much as this one has…buh!
Happy that the post helped 🙂
You are never alone E. Sending you big love. xoxo
This totally just made me feel so much better about where my life is right now, thank you for your advice & positive outlook 🙂
🙂 I am so happy and honored to help! Thanks Cecilia! XOXO
Since the day I discovered this blog , it’s been saving me!!!! I can’t explain how accurate everything you write is. Especially this paragraph “yanking your chain” , that’s exactly what just happened to me. He deleted only our pictures on instagram and I got so hurt that I sent him a hurt and angry message. He of course replied that it was because he is dating someone and out of respect for her , had to remove the pictures. What I don’t understand is how can he feel good by making me feel bad even if he already knows I couldn’t get worse ?
I’m so happy that the blog has helped 🙂 Love you Vasiliki. I wish I had the time to answer in the kind of depth that I would need to. Keep staying on your white horse and coming back here to the blog. I will try to write more about this soon. XOXO
Hi from the UK, this website has been my salvation after being shockingly dumped 2 weeks ago without any real warning and no contact since.
What are your thoughts about me de-friending him on Facebook? All im doing is looking at a what a good time hes having and it hurts like hell. I dont want to appear to be the immature one but i think i will feel more in control if i defriend him first although he probably doesnt give a sh&t . Will he think badly of me/ why do i even care??!! Not sure what best to do.
Any advice would be amazing, thank you!
I am so happy that the posts have helped 🙂 I wish that I had the time to properly advise on here (thank you for your love and understanding). Based on the little information that you provided, I would say unfollow. Having your own back is not an immature move at ALL and never will be. Wish that I had the time to write more. BIG love to you from Los Angeles. xxx
I never comment on blogs, ever, but had to leave a thank you for this. I have just found out that a long term friend, and emotionally unavailable on-off lover, has unfollowed me on a professional networking site. Over and above anything else, we were business contacts and supporters and I have given him countless hours of help and advice over the years – he’s even taken some of my business ideas and passed them off as his own, and I just let it slide… I thought that open business support was the one thing I could rely on from him too, and it seems I was wrong. I know it’s because he’s jealous of me – I’ve been very fortunate, and recognised extensively for my work, whilst he struggles to make the mark he wants – but it made no difference to me because I loved him. Now I only hear from him when he needs his ego massaging, and because he thinks I’ll just say yes to whatever he wants when he snaps his fingers. I can’t deny I’m hurt, or that I’ve effectively put my dating life on hold whilst ‘seeing’ him but this seemingly small action has been the catalyst I needed to finally cut the strings for good. I know I’ll hear from him again, he always comes back eventually, but this time I won’t be there to reply. I’ll be too busy living my life, finding my own happiness – and maybe someone else into the bargain. Reading your blog just helped the last piece to click into place, and I’m so very grateful. Thank you!
I am so happy it helped! 🙂 Thank you for sharing. Something very similar happened to me last week.
Remain on your white horse and know that you are not alone – ever.
Thank you for sharing and THANK YOU for your love, support, for being a part of this tribe, and for being the light that you are.
You got this sis. If I can get through it, SO.CAN.YOU.
All my love to you. xx
I broke up with my boyfrien after spending 4 months together.. becayse he was so emotionally UNAVAILABLE . It was insane. I warned him many times and obviously had to walk the walk and ended things with him. Its been two weeks now since the breakup. I unfollowed him from snapchat deleted hus number and messages three days after the breakup and stayed off contact since then. Not willing to talk to him ever again.
But the thing is that i was wondering if the fact that i unfollowed him was a more of a reaction than an action. I was and still am a little confused.
Thank you for everything Natasha ?
I’m happy it helped!! 🙂 Thank YOU Sarah – for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe. You are never alone. xoxo
He broke my heart in pieces. He broke up with me through a text and he said that he loves me but he wants to have fun. A few days later he wrote me again asking me why I did not responded to his breakup text. I ignored it again. At this moment, it s been a week since he broke up and he unfollowed me everywhere. I miss him so hard… Is he going to come back?
I deleted my ex on social media yesterday. And from my phone. I could not handle coexisting with her right now the way she said she wanted me to ( she dumped me, but wanted to be friends.) because I ruminate on the thought of what I did, why I wasn’t good enough, did our time dating actually mean anything to her, was I used as a rebound from her ex? In the end, it doesn’t matter; I really made an effort, but I can’t afford to be breaking down into tears in my bedroom anymore. Yup, big man here crying about it. But my family was getting concerned with my well being and I had to create my own space for now. I don’t disagree with your article, and I’m sure it doesn’t matter much to my ex anyways. Maybe I am the immature jerk here. But I want to work on myself during this time so that in a few months, maybe we can reconnect on healthier terms.
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to comment/share. You are doing the right thing for YOU and I agree with what you are doing. This article is referring to someone who dated a person like your ex, not you. You are not alone. Keep coming back here to the blog – There are other posts that will help 🙂 All my love to you. I have been there and if I can get through it all, so.can.YOU.
Thank you for you insight – I admire your knowledge!! ?
I have the opposite, following the initial week after the break up, I decided to unfollow him on Instagram and Facebook as I thought it was best for me in order to move on.
He stayed following me, always checked my Instagram stories. Recently, he deleted a picture of us on his Instagram, but kept another one there. And today I found out he unfollowed me within the last few days.
What does this mean?
And oh, I also work with him ?
Have a lovely new year and hope you can reply to this ?
I will definitely try to write a post on this soon!
I wish that I could answer but do not have the time to write out everything that I would want to say and advise in a way that I feel would be sufficient. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot directly and responsibly advise on this comment platform (and I thank you for your kindness and understanding).
Keep coming back here to the blog. It will help. I also have a No Contact Course on http://www.natashaadamo.com. I do offer one-on-one coaching and would be happy to help further with this all. There is a link to it on the homepage. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. xox
This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you ??
I am so happy to help ???? You’re not alone.
Hi Natasha, thank you for your perspectives. My ex of three years broke up with me completely unexpectedly after I caught him messaging a girl (claimed nothing really happened). He turned stone cold overnight and erased me completely from his life – I moved out of our apartment and he un-followed me on social media soon after our breakup. He even went as far as to ask a friend of his to un-follow me and block me when the two of them were spending NYE in LA. My interpretation was that he “was trying to be helpful” by preventing me from seeing him on his friend’s instagram account. I find it hurtful and disrespectful — as if he is saying “poor you, you need help with moving on so I’ll do you a favor and ask my friend to un-follow you.” Am I overthinking it?
I wish that I had the time to advise and answer in the comments (thank you so much for your understanding and kindness). I am so sorry that you’ve had to go through all of this. I don’t think that he’s saying that at all. I think he’s trying to control your exposure to the total piece of sh*t he unfolded to be. There were so many ways that he could have gone about breaking up with you – communicating clearly and not turning stone cold. You are not alone. Wish that I had the time to write more. Hope this helps. xx
Hi Natasha, reading your post calms down my nerve, so thank you! Recently I found out shockingly that my ex from 6 years ago unfriended me after barely any contact for almost 3 years. Since we broke up after finding out that he cheated, I blocked him from seeing my status (I can still see his although he rarely posted). So it really puzzles me why he decided to unfriend me and why after so many years! Part of me, like you said, feels I win because he still cares to delete me. But the other part of me feels desperate. Even though I am clearly aware that there’s no way we can get back together, definitely not in the near future, I still allow myself to fantasize maybe one day he will change and I will be more ready for a reunion. But him unfriending me takes away the last fantasy I have, and that makes me more mad than sad! Last time we talked 3 years ago, he said that he will not tell me if one day he gets married. So maybe he’s married now…
Ok so my ex unfollowed me and I hadn’t read this so I immediately unfollowed him back then realized that may not have been a good idea :/ I blocked him and now idk what to do. If any of y’all have advice let me know!
Hi Natasha! Thank you for this positive post!
Sometime in July I started talking to this guy and he was really sweet! He told me all the right things, such as how he couldn’t wait for me to meet his mom and that she would love me and he even went as far as to invite me as a date to his brothers wedding! Soon after things started to change. He would do this thing where he would just stop all communication with me but was still very present on my social media. He did this about three times, each spanning over long periods of time. Every time I would confront him about it, he’d tell me that he was only busy and still really liked me. So, I believed him. But just recently he began to message me again and disappeared on me AGAIN! Then two days later he’s in a relationship and has removed me from both Instagram and Twitter. I was hurt of course but there was nothing I could do about it. But one thing I had noticed was that he had left me on Snapchat and still actively watched my story. It’s very confusing but then I noticed the other day he finally took me off of Snapchat. I’m just really confused and wondering what brought him to do it..
Hello, I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I basically wasn’t getting what I wanted. We didn’t do a whole lot together besides lay in bed and watch tv. I wanted to do more activities with him (dates, adventures) and I wanted better communication skills. The last few days were a little rocky, he didn’t tell me he had work and he would go a long time without texting me . I’m not the type of girl that will not allow him to go out, he can go anywhere he wants, I just wanted to be updated. Anyway, a day after I had a long talk with him about what I wanted us both to work on, including his communication, he goes out with friends and doesn’t tell me. So I got very angry and I broke up with him. I know he loved me, he was planning his future around me. But I ended it and he was very angry. He said he hopes one day I can understand how much I hurt him because I knew I was his everything. A few days later I ask him to talk, not to get back in the relationship, but to end off on good terms. We have known each other for 5 years and dated for almost 2, so I didn’t want to end off on bad terms. But he said he was not ready to talk. And then later that day he posts about hating love. I just found out he unfollowed me, about 2 weeks after the breakup. I have mixed feelings. I feel that he hates me now, I never wanted to end like that. I noticed he started following girls that he told me not to worry about, girls he works with. Any advice?
My ex blocked me on Instagram but only because I unfollowed him…But he still follow me on other social media’s such as Snapchat and views all my stuff still….What does this mean?
thanks for sharing I have to ask that we and my girl was in LDR and she was way very affectionate than suddenly after 3 months she got attention from a guy she was in school with and she suddenly lost interest in me and ignored me a lot then when she find out that the guy was bad and on first date she left him and came back to me but she kept hide all that from me and she told me after months about it and now she was more affectionate than before than she started go to work and than again there a guy showed interest in her and she just again lost interest in me she started ignoring me and deleted all our conversation from social media, when I pointed out with proof of her ignoring me and talking to that guy and asked her she deleted our conversation she just started crying and she was trying to choose between us than she chose me but again after a month she did the same she ignoring me again and this time she left me asked me to be a friend and she was hiding that there is anything about any guy but she kept saying I am not feeling myself but now she unfollowed me and I did the same and now she is in relationship with that guy, idk why that happened I always kept her happy and now we aren’t together and it hurt me like hell although i don’t trust her anymore but what should I do I am hurt and confused 🙁
Agree with everything except this: the one who unfollows first is the jaded/hurt party and the other person in the relationship is “winning” the breakup.
Thank you so much Angie! I wrote this very long ago and I agree – it needs to be revised a bit 🙂 I appreciate your kindness! Happy New Year! xo
What if you haven’t talked in over a year and they unfollow you on instagram, but keep you on snapchat and actively look at your stories? what does that mean?