“Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did? Does he even think about me?”

I’ve wasted more hours asking those questions than I will ever be comfortable admitting.

If I had taken a fraction of that time and energy to learn a new language, I could have written this post in seven different languages by now.

But here’s what no one tells you:

You already know the answer.

You just don’t want to believe it.

Does He Miss Me? You Already Know the Answer

You’ve gone through a breakup with a man who broke your heart. Maybe he was emotionally unavailable. Maybe he was toxic. Maybe he was both.

You stopped communicating. You went into no contact.

And now?

Every time your phone buzzes, your heart races.

Maybe it’s him?

It never is.

You don’t want to hear from him—but then again, you do. You so do. It’s like a drug, and you’re going through the most excruciating withdrawals.

Every day that passes without hearing from him feels like proof of your worst fears.

If I was good enough, he would have reached out by now.

If I mattered, he would have done SOMETHING.

All you hear is crickets.

Meanwhile, you see him living his happy life on social media. Maybe with some new girl who looks like everything you’re not. Whose profile is private.

And you’re here, falling apart, asking the internet if he misses you.

I’ve been there.

I’ve been exactly there.

What You’re Really Asking (Let’s Get Honest)

When you ask “does he miss me?”—you’re not really asking about his feelings.

Here’s what you’re actually asking:

“Does my emotionally unavailable, selfish, toxic ex—who was unable to respect me, be honest with me, or meet me halfway—finally understand what he lost?”

You’re looking for confirmation that you’re not as forgettable as his actions have made you feel.

You want proof that you weren’t crazy for believing in him.

You want him to validate your worth.

But here’s the problem:

You’re asking a man who couldn’t see your value IN the relationship to somehow see it now that you’re OUT of it.

That doesn’t make sense.

And deep down, you know it.

You’re not obsessing over whether he misses you because you need his answer.

You’re obsessing because you’re terrified of your own.

The Truth: Yes, He Misses You (But Not How You Think)

I’m not going to lie to you.

Yes, he thinks about you. Especially if you cut him off.

Yes, he misses you.

But not in the way you’re hoping.

Here’s what happens with emotionally unavailable men:

When you cut them off, they “miss” you in the sense that they miss what you provided.

They miss the supply. The attention. The backup option.

They’ll REGRET that they don’t have you around anymore as a bench-warming option when their ego needs inflation.

But they will never miss YOU—the real you, with your dreams, your quirks, your heart.

They’ll miss the you who didn’t know her worth.

They’ll miss the you who pedestaled them.

They’ll miss having complete control over your emotional weather.

That’s not missing someone. That’s missing a service.

What He Actually Misses

• The attention you gave him
• The validation of being wanted
• Having someone available 24/7
• The control he had over your emotions
• Having a backup option
• Your willingness to accept crumbs
• How you made him feel about himself

What He Will Never Miss

• Who you actually are
• Your hopes, your dreams, your heart
• Building a future together
• Being your partner
• The real, deep, extraordinary YOU

There’s a difference between missing someone and missing what they gave you.

He misses the supply. Not the person.

And you deserve so much more than being someone’s supply.

Regret vs. Remorse: The Difference That Changes Everything

Here’s a distinction that will save you years of wasted time:

Selfish regret is not the same as genuine remorse.

Toxic people are only capable of regret—never remorse.

Remorse requires:

• Empathy (actually understanding how they hurt you)
• Maturity (taking real responsibility)
• Emotional connectivity (feeling genuine guilt)
• Self-reflection (examining their actions honestly)

Your ex cannot do any of those things.

Not because you weren’t worth it.

Because he doesn’t have the emotional infrastructure.

It’s like expecting someone who can’t see to describe colors. It’s not that the colors aren’t beautiful. He just can’t see them.

So yes—he might “regret” what he did.

In the sense that he regrets not having access to you anymore.

In the sense that his ego took a hit when you walked away.

But he will never feel remorse—true, selfless sorrow for how he hurt you.

Because that would require an emotional depth he doesn’t possess.

And honestly? You deserve someone who doesn’t need to lose you to feel something.

Why You’re Desperate for His Validation (And Why It’s Destroying You)

I know your ego is shot. I know you feel rejected. I know your self-esteem is at zero.

But let me ask you something:

Why are you seeking validation from a man who couldn’t even validate himself?

Think about it.

If he truly loved himself, valued himself, had actual self-esteem—he wouldn’t have treated you the way he did.

He wouldn’t need to lie. He wouldn’t need to manipulate. He wouldn’t need to control.

You’re asking a bankrupt man to write you a check.

The reason his validation feels so important right now is because you’ve made him the gatekeeper of your worth.

You’ve decided that if HE misses you, then you’re worth missing.

If HE regrets it, then you were worth keeping.

But that’s backwards.

Your worth was never determined by him.

His inability to see it says everything about him—and nothing about you.

When you learn to validate yourself, you’ll stop caring if he misses you.

Because you’ll finally understand:

His opinion is irrelevant.

Learn more about building your self-worth without him.

The Cat That Will Never Bark

Here’s an analogy that changed everything for me:

Imagine we went to an animal shelter and I asked to hold a kitten.

Then, when we sat down with the cat, I started making a huge scene because I expected the cat to bark—and it kept meowing.

Insane, right?

Your ex is a cat.

And cats meow.

No matter how much you love him, no matter how much potential you saw, no matter how incredible he was in the beginning—he is a cat.

Expecting him to bark is as ridiculous as expecting him to suddenly become emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and capable of the love you deserve.

He’s never going to bark.

Stop wasting your time waiting at the shelter.

If He Really Missed You, You Wouldn’t Be Reading This

Here’s the hard truth:

If your ex missed you in the way you deserve to be missed—you wouldn’t need to search for a “does he miss me” blog post.

You wouldn’t be analyzing his Instagram likes.

You wouldn’t be decoding a vague text message.

You wouldn’t be wondering if him viewing your story means something.

If a man truly misses you with remorse and emotional availability, he ACTS.

He calls (not texts).

He apologizes with specifics (not “I’m sorry”).

He takes accountability (not blame).

He shows up consistently (not sporadically).

He does the actual work to change (not just promises).

Real missing = real action.

What you’re experiencing is not a man who misses you.

It’s breadcrumbing—minimal effort designed to keep you on the hook without ever committing.

And you’re better than a breadcrumb.

Stop Asking “Does He Miss Me?” Start Asking This Instead

The question “does he miss me?” is a trap.

Because even if the answer is yes—it changes nothing.

He’ll still be the same emotionally unavailable man.

He’ll still be incapable of the relationship you want.

Knowing he misses you won’t heal you. It’ll just keep you stuck.

Here are the questions that will actually set you free:

• Why am I giving him power over my worth?
• Why am I obsessing over someone who treated me poorly?
• Why do I need HIS validation to feel valuable?
• Why am I not choosing myself?
• Why don’t I miss the woman I was before him?

Those are the questions that lead to healing.

Those are the questions that lead to becoming The One That Got Away.

What to Do When the Obsession Hits

I’m not going to tell you to “just stop thinking about him.”

That’s useless advice.

But here’s what actually works:

Step 1: Acknowledge the Real Need

You’re not actually wondering if he misses you. You’re seeking validation that you mattered.

Here’s the truth: You already matter. His perception doesn’t change that.

Step 2: Remember Who He Actually Is

Not the lovebomb version. Not the potential version.

The version who treated you poorly and is now giving you silence. THAT version.

Step 3: Block His Social Media (If You Haven’t)

Every time you check on him, you reset your healing.

You’re picking at a wound that’s trying to close.

Block him everywhere. Remove the option entirely.

Step 4: Redirect the Energy

Every time you think “does he miss me?”—ask instead:

• What do I miss about myself?
• What did I lose while trying to keep him?
• What do I want to rebuild in my life?

Channel that energy into yourself.

Step 5: Understand You’re Not Weak—You’re Trauma Bonded

The hot/cold dynamic created an addiction. You’re in withdrawal from a trauma bond. It will pass.

Step 6: Build Your Worth Without Him

Work on self-worth independently of his actions.

List what you brought to the relationship. Remember who you were before him. Invest in yourself.

Your worth isn’t tied to whether he misses you.

His Silence Is Not a Punishment—It’s a Gift

I know his silence feels like rejection.

I know it feels like proof that you didn’t matter.

But here’s what his silence actually means:

• You don’t have to resist breadcrumbs
• You’re not being strung along
• You can heal without interference
• He’s showing you exactly who he is
• You get to move on without confusion

The worst thing that could happen isn’t him not reaching out.

The worst thing that could happen is him reaching out just enough to keep you hooked—but never enough to actually change anything.

His silence is protecting you from more pain.

Be grateful for it.

And use it to build a life so incredible that when he finally does circle back (and he will, eventually, because egos always do)—you won’t care.

Indifference is the ultimate liberation.

And it’s waiting for you on the other side of no contact.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does he miss me during no contact?

Most likely, yes—but not in the way you’re hoping. He misses what you provided: attention, validation, ego supply. He doesn’t miss YOU. He misses having someone who made him feel significant without requiring him to actually show up. That’s not love. That’s entitlement.

What if he never reaches out?

Good. That means he’s not hoovering you back into a toxic cycle. His silence is the kindest thing he could do—even if it doesn’t feel that way. Use this clean break to heal without interference.

What if he does reach out eventually?

Don’t respond. He’s not reaching out because he’s changed. He’s reaching out because he needs supply or his ego is bruised. Read Ignoring an Emotionally Unavailable Man for what to do.

How long will I feel this way?

Depends on how committed you are to no contact. If you keep checking his social media or responding to breadcrumbs, you reset your healing every single time. Full no contact: expect 3-6 months before you feel significantly better. 6-12 months before genuine indifference.

Does he miss me more if I ignore him?

Maybe temporarily (ego bruise), but it won’t make him emotionally available. If you’re ignoring him hoping he’ll chase and change, you’re still letting him control your life. Ignore him for YOUR healing—not his reaction.

What if he’s already with someone new?

She’s getting the same version of him you got. The lovebomb phase. It will end the same way. Stop watching. It’s torture and it’s not real. Read Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change? for the full breakdown.

Why does he watch my stories but not text?

It means he wants you to know he’s watching (ego/control) without having to actually do anything (effort). It’s breadcrumbing. It’s manipulation. Don’t read into it. Block him. More on this here.

Will he regret losing me eventually?

He might have selfish regret (missing the supply), but not remorse (genuine sorrow for hurting you). And even if he does—it won’t matter. Because by then, you’ll have moved on. Stop waiting for karma. BE your own karma by living well.

How do I know if it’s trauma bonding or real love?

If you’re in pain, obsessing, and can’t let go despite knowing he was terrible for you—that’s trauma bonding. Real love doesn’t require you to lose yourself. Real love doesn’t make you question your worth every single day.

Why can’t I stop thinking about him?

You’re not weak. You’re experiencing withdrawal. The inconsistency—hot/cold, push/pull—creates a chemical addiction in your brain. It takes time and no contact to detox. But you will get through it.

Your Next Step: Stop Waiting to Be Missed

If you want the full strategy to stop obsessing and actually move on:

My book Win Your Breakup: How To Be The One That Got Away will give you the clarity and strategy to walk away and never look back.

If you need 1:1 coaching:

If you’re stuck in the “does he miss me” spiral and need help breaking free—if you’re ready to stop seeking his validation and start reclaiming your life—personalized coaching with Natasha Adamo is the answer. Book your one-on-one session today.

My Coaching App:

Join the Natasha Adamo Coaching App for courses on recognizing toxic patterns, healing trauma bonds, and building unshakeable self-worth.

COACHING. COMMUNITY. COURSES. Available to you anytime and anywhere.

Related Articles You Must Read:

• Emotionally Unavailable Men: Complete Guide
• The No Contact Rule: How It Works and Why You Need It
• Trauma Bonding: Why You Can’t Let Go
• How to Move On From Your Ex
• Breadcrumbing: When They Give Just Enough to Keep You Hooked
• Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change?
• How to Build Self-Worth
• Ignoring an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Stop asking if he misses you.

Start asking why you abandoned yourself.

Then go get her back.

Written by: Natasha Adamo